'MacKenzie, Will told me how you got back together. He also told me some of the hurtful things he said to you that night. What I'd like to discuss today is why he said those things. I believe what he said was a conditioned response he learned in childhood - a defense mechanism against feeling powerless. And as effective as it may have been as a child, it's an unsophisticated technique that hasn't always served him well as an adult.'

MacKenzie looked at Will, who looked down at his hands as Dr. Habib continued.

'I don't know how much either of you know about the subconscious, but it's responsible for ensuring our survival. It's the storehouse for our attitudes, emotions, values and beliefs as well as our habits, fears, and past experiences. Your subconscious processes incoming data or stimuli by matching it to a kind of emotional database of past experiences. That's how it lets you know how to respond to the world around you. MacKenzie, in Will's emotional database you've been flagged as a threat.'

MacKenzie inhaled sharply and Will squeezed her hand.

'In order for you and Will to move forward in your relationship, I think some of the existing data in his - for lack of a better term - database - will need to be - shall we say, overwritten. The fact that you've recently bonded will go a long way towards accomplishing that but he is at risk of lashing out until he addresses the underlying issues. Towards that end I think he needs to fully understand why you had a sexual relationship with your ex-boyfriend at the same time you were in what Will perceived to be a serious, monogamous relationship with him. My hope is that when Will can understand what happened and why, his subconscious can remove you as a trigger for a disproportionate emotional response. Are you both comfortable with this approach? MacKenzie?'

'I think so,' she said, feeling more nauseous by the second.

'Will?'

MacKenzie thought Will looked as ill as she felt but he nodded. 'Yes,' he said quietly.

'OK, let's begin. Will, what would it take for you to believe that MacKenzie would never betray you again? Take your time.'

Will took a moment to contemplate his answer. Then he exhaled. 'I guess … I'd have to know how it happened in the first place, and be convinced that whatever circumstances led up to it weren't going to happen again.'

'Very well. Is there something in particular you'd like to ask her?'

Will looked at MacKenzie, unsure whether to ask the question uppermost in his mind. She squeezed his hand, giving him the confidence he needed.

'Mac, I need you to tell me how it happened. How you came to cheat on me.'

'Okay,' she said, taking a deep breath. 'Do you remember when you and I first met?'

'Yeah, you replaced that EP who went on a pilgrimage to India. I haven't seen him since.'

'Right. I was attracted to you, and we hit it off right away but I felt a little intimidated by you. And truthfully,' she said, squeezing his hand tightly, 'I was still hung up on Brian.'

She addressed Dr. Habib.

'Brian and I were together for five years. We broke up a few months before I met Will. Brian dumped me because he thought I wasn't passionate enough about the right things. He told me doing television news was selling out and that if I wanted to be a serious journalist I should stick with print. He thought I wasn't being smart enough about my career - actually, though he never said it outright, I think he thought I wasn't smart enough, period.'

'MacKenzie, you're one of the smartest people I know. He's an asshole.'

'I know that now, Will, but at the time I admired him so much. He was so confident – in a way that I never was. And when he broke up with me I was devastated – I really was. I felt so badly about myself – deep down I figured that if he didn't love me then maybe I just wasn't lovable. After all, who better to make that call than someone who really knew me, warts and all? I tried to pretend it didn't matter and throw myself into my work and that's when I met you.'

She smiled at the memory of the first time she saw Will. 'God, Will, you blew me away. You were so smart, so attractive, so funny. And intense. I remember telling Kathleen – Kathleen is my friend from back home,' she said to Dr. Habib. 'That your eyes sparkled with intelligence. The air just crackled around you. I never knew what you were going to say next. We went toe to toe on everything but I loved it. And you seemed to like me right away but after everything I went through with Brian, I couldn't understand it. How could someone like you be attracted to someone like me? I honestly didn't believe your feelings were genuine for the longest time. I just couldn't fathom it.'

Will hated hearing Mac put herself down like that but he wasn't here to judge – he was there to listen.

'How long did it take for you to believe Will?' asked Dr. Habib.

'What?'

'When did you finally start to trust Will's feelings for you?'

'A little over four months in.'

'Did you think he was lying to you about how he felt?'

'No…. I thought he just didn't know me.' Will bristled at that. 'I figured that once he did he'd go the way of Brian and the Dodo bird.' She addressed Will. 'You asked me out for dinner and I had a great time, but I was still so wrapped up in Brian that I didn't really let you in, you know? You asked me out a couple more times and I made sure Brian knew I was seeing you because I was hoping it would make him jealous. And it did.'

Will winced, then said harshly, 'When did it happen? How long had we been dating when you cheated on me the first time?' His eyes were bright and she thought he looked like he was about to cry.

She sighed. 'A few weeks. You and I hadn't discussed being exclusive. We'd slept together a few times but it was early days. Brian called and said he missed me, that he was sorry, and that he wanted to see me. It sounds so fucking stupid looking back on it but all I could think was, 'He wants me back. I don't have to feel like a reject anymore.' You were doing a story in San Francisco so I went over to talk to him. I was looking for an ego boost – some validation. I didn't intend to sleep with him, it just sort of happened.'

'Just sort of happened. Right.' The hurt in Will's eyes made her cringe.

'Will,' she said gently. 'I can't explain it – it doesn't sound rational, but all my self-worth was tied up in him liking me. It was as if I couldn't like myself unless he liked me. I just wanted to feel worthwhile.'

'And I didn't do that for you.'

'Will! I was so fucked up. Honestly, you – the real you - didn't even enter into it – I'm ashamed to say it but at that point you were just a way to make Brian jealous. You and I were dating but I was totally fixated on Brian and getting him to like me again.'

'So you slept with Brian the first time when we'd been dating for a few weeks. What were the logistics? Did you just crawl out of my bed and into his after I went to sleep?'

'No, it happened when I slept at my apartment. The second and third time were when you and I had that huge fight – we'd been dating for about four months and you told me you felt like you were the only one invested in our relationship.'

'I remember.'

She put her hand on his thigh. 'Will, you were right - at that point, I wasn't invested in our relationship the same way you were,' she said haltingly. Tears sprung to her eyes but she forced herself to continue. 'You and I were seeing each other sporadically but we weren't together every night and I was still hoping Brian would take me back. You liked me so much I thought you couldn't possibly have the first clue about who I was. You treated me as if I were supremely competent when the truth was I was out of my depth every fucking day.'

'You think I didn't know that? I knew you were insecure but you were so damned smart, such a good EP and I was trying to make you see yourself how I saw you. And it wasn't just me – ask anyone who watched you in the control room. You were a star, Mac – I just couldn't understand why you couldn't see it.'

MacKenzie smiled and squeezed his thigh, touched by his assessment of her. Then she went on, saying, 'You and I had that fight, I took the next day off and it was a long weekend so we didn't see each other for four days. Remember?'

Will nodded.

'I hadn't seen Brian in a few months but he happened to call and ask if he could come over. I let him and he stayed the night. Two nights later you and I still weren't talking so when he called again I let him stay the night again.'

'Then what happened?' Dr. Habib said.

MacKenzie looked at Will, who looked like he was about to be sick.

'Will and I made up and I didn't see Brian again until Will brought him in to write that article.'

'How many times did you have sex with Brian while you were dating Will, MacKenzie?' Dr. Habib asked.

'Three.'

Will exploded. 'You expect me to believe you only slept with him three times? You told me you were with him for four months!'

'Yes, three times in four months! Once in the first month, twice in the fourth.'

'You never told me that!'

'Will, you never gave me the chance! As soon as I told you about it you ordered me to get the fuck out of your life. You didn't return my calls, you didn't read my e-mails and the next time I saw you was three years later when Charlie brought me back to ACN.'

'MacKenzie,' said Dr. Habib. 'Why did you finally break it off with Brian?'

'Because I fell in love with Will,' she said, voice breaking. She turned to Will, who was breathing heavily and trying to master his emotions. 'I was with Brian when you and I were fighting because he was familiar – he was like a story I knew inside and out. I wasn't happy – it was like a bad habit - joyless and dreary. And when I was with him I couldn't stop thinking about you. That's when I decided to make the first move so after he left I called you. When you picked up the phone I was so happy to hear your voice. You invited me round for dinner, I apologized and we picked up where we left off. It was around then that I think I started to actually see you for the very first time. Not just as someone I could use against Brian but as the man you are. I remember exactly when it happened – it was the day after we made up. Remember the Hurricane Katrina broadcast? Everything was so last minute you didn't have a script, there was nothing on the teleprompter – you had to do the whole show off the top of your head. And you did it. Flawlessly. You were a revelation - I'd never seen anything like it. And what you did for those survivors – ' Turning to Dr. Habib, she said, 'Did you know Will gave $100,000 of his own money to the Red Cross?' She turned back to Will. 'I gave my heart to you that day and I never got it back.'

MacKenzie stopped to catch her breath and forced herself to look at Will. His eyes were closed but he was gripping her hand tightly.

Dr. Habib addressed Will. 'Will, how are you feeling about this?'

MacKenzie's heart hammered in her chest as she waited for Will's response. She had no idea what he was going to say and she was terrified he was going to tell her it was over.

Will couldn't look at MacKenzie. 'I'd like to take a break.'

MacKenzie felt like she'd been punched in the stomach.