Dr. Habib could see the pain etched in Will's face. He wondered if this session – or perhaps his approach - had been a mistake. He himself had been moved by MacKenzie's confession; for him, it hit all the right marks. But he could see Will was struggling.
MacKenzie looked as if she were about to burst into tears.
Dr. Habib looked at her with compassion.
'MacKenzie,' he said gently, 'Can you please give Will and I a moment alone?'
'Of course,' she said, unable to stop the tears from falling. 'I'll be in the waiting room. Come get me when you're ready?'
'I will.'
She forced herself to release Will's hand, giving it one last gentle squeeze. He didn't squeeze back.
What if this is the last time I get to touch him?
When she got to the door she turned around.
'Will, I…' she said, before stopping herself. What could she possibly say to make things right when she didn't know what he was thinking? Will didn't acknowledge her. He remained where he was, staring at his hands. Gulping, she nodded at Dr. Habib and went out, letting the door close behind her before dissolving into gasping, heaving sobs. Lonny looked at her in alarm, got up and closed the distance between them in one long step. He put his arms around her and walked her over to the couch.
'Are you alright?' he asked gently. She nodded, smiling weakly. 'It's just – Will – I think he hates me. And I don't know what to do,' she said as a sob escaped her and she buried her face in her hands.
Lonny looped a comforting arm around her shoulder.
'Look, I don't know what just happened,' he said gently, 'but what I do know is that man loves you. More than anything in this world. He'll come around,' he promised, though secretly he wasn't so sure. In the short time Lonny had known Will he'd observed him to be in turns generous and caring, rigid and unyielding. And he'd heard enough of Will's outbursts to know the man knew just how to turn the knife.
Dr. Habib and Will could hear MacKenzie sobbing outside the door. Will wanted to go to her, to tell her everything would be all right but he couldn't. He didn't know if that was true.
Dr. Habib reached out to put a hand on Will's shoulder.
'Will?'
Will didn't look up.
'She used me,' he said flatly.
'What?'
'She used me,' he said, blinking back tears. 'For four months she used me. She didn't love me.'
'Until she was four months into the relationship, and then she did. Will, you already knew that.'
'Knowing it isn't the same as believing it. I never realized she was only with me to get back at that asshole. What a fool I was. You know how I felt about her during those same four months? I was head over heels in love with her. I was trying not to push too hard, trying not to scare her away, but I wanted to marry her. I was a fool.'
'Will, listen to me. You were not a fool. You were two people at two different places within the same relationship. You were madly in love with MacKenzie from the beginning but because of her insecurities it took four months for her to reach the same place. And when she did, you were equals.'
'She never loved me...all those months. She was just using me.'
'Will. Did you hear anything I just said? She didn't love you in the beginning but then she did and she still does - just as much as you love her. It took her a bit longer to get there is all. Listen,' he said, shifting gears. 'Are you familiar with the terms 'framing' or 'reframing'?'
'You mean that touchy-feely horseshit about looking at things in different ways?'
'Yes. But it's not just horseshit. Simply put, frames are the stories we tell ourselves in order to interpret the world around us. They happen at both the subconscious and conscious levels. Frames work by providing meaning through simplification, by filtering perception. They're cognitive shortcuts we use to help make sense of complex information. But when we create these shortcuts we give meaning to some aspects of what we observe while discounting others – even though the aspects we discount may be just as valid as the ones we give weight to. You've been selectively focusing on the first four months of your relationship with MacKenzie and discounting all the time that has elapsed since then. But you can choose to do the opposite. Reframe your relationship with her. Pretend it didn't start until four months after you met because that's when you both arrived at the very same place - madly in love with each other.' He smiled at Will, pressing his shoulder.
Will was silent as he mulled over what Dr. Habib had just said. Could it really be as simple as that? How was that any different than what he'd said to MacKenzie the first day she came back to ACN? That nowadays people choose the facts they want?
He looked up at Dr. Habib, all the anxiety and fear he was feeling evident in his face.
'You're asking me to change the facts of what happened between us.'
'Will, that's not what I'm saying. The definition of a fact is something that is indisputably true. Calling something a fact doesn't make it one. In this case, there are two indisputable facts. She cheated on you. And then she fell in love with you. Those two things aren't up for debate. You can choose to focus on one or the other.'
Will was silent for a moment. It made sense – if he could believe MacKenzie.
'Do you think I can trust her?' he said tentatively. Jesus, he was really laying it all out there. He hoped he wouldn't regret it later.
Now it was Dr. Habib's turn to think. He literally held the emotional lives of two people in his hands. But from everything he knew about MacKenzie, both what he himself had observed and what Will had told him about her, he felt comfortable enough to pass judgment.
'Ethically it's not my place to say but off the record?' He looked at Will steadily. 'I do.'
Will exhaled sharply and inexplicably felt the pieces of his broken heart begin knitting themselves back together. He trusted Habib. And if he dug deeply enough, he trusted MacKenzie.
'Okay.'
'I'll ask MacKenzie to come back in,' Dr. Habib said as he stood up.
Will put out his hand to stop him. 'No, I've got this,' he said, getting up and walking to the door.
MacKenzie was curled up on the couch, hugging her knees, her face buried in her hands. She was still crying, though her sobs were tapering off. Lonnie had one arm draped protectively around her shoulder. When Will opened the door, Lonny glared at him, and an unspoken message passed between them: Look what you've done. Will nodded. MacKenzie didn't hear the door open so she almost jumped out of her skin when she felt Will's hand on her shoulder.
'Mac,' he said gently, sitting down beside her and pulling her close. 'Shhhh, don't cry, it's okay.'
When Will enveloped her in his arms her sobs redoubled.
'Will?' she choked out. 'Are we?'
'Are we what?' he said, stroking her hair.
'Okay. Are we okay?'
He kissed her forehead. 'Yes, we're okay.'
'Thank God.'
Will smiled, wiping her tears. 'I'm sorry I scared you. Come back in with me?'
She nodded, getting up and addressing Lonny. 'Thank you.'
'No problem. I'll see you when you come out.'
Dr. Habib handed MacKenzie a box of tissues and gave her a moment to compose herself. Instead of sitting in the chair he had vacated, Will led MacKenzie to the couch, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. She buried her face in his chest, calming as she breathed in his heavenly scent. After a few shaky moments she pulled back to face Dr. Habib, ready to begin.
'MacKenzie, I know this has been an emotional session. Are you all right to continue?'
'Yes,' she said weakly, giving Will a smile and squeezing his hand. This time he squeezed it back.
'Will and I were just talking about the concept of reframing. Are you familiar with that term?'
'Yes. It means making a conscious decision to look at something in a different way.'
'Right. What I was saying to Will is that he needs to reframe your relationship. I suggested that he – for all intents and purposes – pretend your relationship began when you fell in love with him - not when you first met and started dating – because that's when you both became fully invested in it. Does that make sense?'
MacKenzie nodded. 'Can you do that, Will?'
'I think so. It's a matter of choosing to be happy, right?'
'Choosing to focus on the things that can make you happy, yes,' Dr. Habib answered.
'MacKenzie, when you were talking about your past, your relationship with your ex-boyfriend, and to some degree, your relationship with Will, a couple of things struck me. Now, you're not my client, but do you mind if we touch on some of those things? I think it might be beneficial in light of your relationship with Will.'
'Okay,' she said uneasily, unsure of where this was going.
'Do you want me to leave?' Will asked.
'Not yet. I think this is important for you to hear, too.'
'MacKenzie, I'm concerned because historically your sense of self-worth has been greatly influenced by the opinions – or what you perceived to be the opinions – of the men in your life. When your ex-boyfriend rejected you, you saw yourself as someone unworthy, who deserved to be rejected. When Will was angry with you, and wanted to punish you, you saw yourself as someone who deserved to be punished. Now that Will has admitted he's in love with you, how do you see yourself? And what happens when Will gets angry with you again? Will you be tempted to seek out validation elsewhere?'
MacKenzie swallowed and stared at Dr. Habib, obviously taken aback. She knew she'd let herself be swayed by Brian's opinion of her, and Will's, but was she still doing it?
'Are you asking me if there are any circumstances under which I would cheat on Will again?'
'Indirectly – I'm asking you to think about what will happen when Will gets angry with you again and decides to punish you. Will your sense of self-worth collapse?'
'When I get angry and try to punish her?! What the fuck are you talking about? That's all over with!' Will said heatedly.
'Will, old habits die hard. Eventually, if you practice some of the mindfulness techniques I'm going to teach you in our next session, the urge to punish her will fade away but in the short-term you might find yourself falling into old habits. And when you do, MacKenzie needs to be prepared to take care of herself. She can only do that if she acknowledges that her subconscious mind looks to external sources to gauge her self-worth.'
MacKenzie nodded. It was a lot to take in, but she knew it was true. For the first time that day, she was grateful she had agreed to come with Will to this session.
Dr. Habib continued. 'We all have conditioned responses – responses we learned as children or young adults. They're so ingrained they feel automatic but with work and awareness, they can be circumvented. Will's conditioned response is to lash out when threatened. Your conditioned response is to validate yourself through your relationships with men. These are things that will have to be unlearned if you and Will are to have a healthy relationship.'
'Is that all?' Will said sarcastically.
'It's not so difficult,' Dr. Habib assured them. 'Recognizing one's proclivities in the first place goes a long way towards making these kinds of changes. Before we end today, I was curious about one more thing. MacKenzie, why now? You've been back in Will's life a year. Why did you try to reconnect with him now?'
'For a couple of reasons,' she said, looking down at her lap. When she looked up again, she spoke to Will. 'Because I love you. And I'd convinced myself you loved me – you were just too pigheaded to show it. And I just – I just really didn't want to waste any more time because who knows how much of it we have left?'
Will tensed beside her. 'Mac, are you all right?'
'I'm fine, Billy - it's just – do you remember my friend Kathleen - the one I mentioned earlier?'
'The annoying one with the high-pitched laugh?'
'Yes.'
'The one who thought I was the guy from 'Full House'?'
Mac burst out laughing. 'That's the one.'
'Yeah, I remember - she has a husband…Robert.'
'Excellent memory, McAvoy. I'm impressed. Actually she had a husband named Robert. He died last week in a car accident.'
'Oh, God, Mac. I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do?'
'No, it's just – she told me they fought a lot, well - bickered a lot. The night before he died they got into an argument over something stupid and the next morning she ignored him when he tried to kiss her goodbye. Later she realized how foolish she was being so she went out and bought all the ingredients for a fancy dinner. She meant to tell him that night how much she loved him, and how sorry she was for their fight, but she never got the chance. And now she never will.'
Her voice broke and he gathered her into his chest as the tears streamed down her face. 'I didn't want that to happen to us, Will,' she cried. She pulled back to look into his eyes. 'I wanted to fix things. I just wanted us to have our happy ending - before it was too late.'
Will inhaled sharply. She was right. Why the fuck had they wasted so much time?
