School sucks... I had so much stuff on my mind, and English was not one of them. I decided to pull a piece of paper out and use it to jot down some questions.
My appointment was coming up, and before I decide if I want them as my OB, I guess I need to know a little more about them and ask some general questions.
I wrote some basic stuff down... Will I have my primary OB deliver? If not, then who? What are their experience with high-risk pregnancies? Since I'm still fighting cancer, I want to make sure that they can help if something goes wrong.
The bell ran before I could finish my list. I slipped it back into my binder and headed to my locker. It was time for lunch, but before I went to meet Alli and Jenna, I slipped into one of the gardens and called my OB about a question I had ever since I read those pregnancy books.
"St. Mary's Women's Health Center, this is Carly, how may I help you?" the woman over the phone said.
"Hi Carly, I called with a question for my OBGYN," I said.
"Okay, and who is your primary OBGYN?" she asked.
"Dr. Tombaugh," I said.
"And your name?" she asked.
"Clare Edwards," I replied.
"Alright, you can just tell me your question, and I can either ask Dr. Tombaugh, or I can tell you the answer," Carly said.
"But I called specifically for Dr. Tombaugh," I said. That didn't make sense, why would 'Carly' answer something I am asking Dr. Tombaugh?
"Clare, a lot of mom's call their OBGYN with questions, and if the doctor was to sit down and answer everyone, she wouldn't be able to attend to her patients in-office or at the hospital," she replied.
"So I have to ask you?" I asked. I didn't want to ask to 'Carly', I called for my doctor!
"Yes, but at your next appointment with your doctor, you will be able to ask her whatever you like," she said in a calm, reassuring voice.
Whatever. I still want to talk to Dr. Tombaugh.
"Fine, I just wanted to know if I can continue to work out since I'm pregnant," I said.
I surprised myself with my statement. I really haven't been able to say it so easily and clearly out loud that I was pregnant.
"Are you just starting a workout regimen?" she asked.
"Sort of, I worked out before, but not regularly," I replied honestly.
"It is highly recommended that you continue working out. It is best though, that you start at a slow pace and built up from there," she said.
"Okay, I can do that," I said.
"Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?" Carly asked.
"No, that's pretty much it," I replied.
"Alright, well, good luck to you, congratulations on your pregnancy, and Dr. Tombaugh can not wait to see you at your appointment," she said cheerfully.
"Thank you very much," I said.
"Your welcome, have a great day!" she said before hanging up.
Great... off to lunch now.
Time to pretend like nothing was different!
Later on during the say, I was happy that I called, even if it wasn't my doctor who answered, because I had brought some workout clothes to school, so it was a bit of a relief that I knew it was okay to use it.
I grabbed my bag and started heading to the school weight room.
"Clare, you going to the weight room?" Jenna asked. Her and Alli were right behind me. They both looked confused, since I had never gone to the weight room before.
"Yeah, thought I'd check it out, maybe get a jog in," I said.
"What's with the sudden interest in the weight room?" Alli said.
"What sudden interest? I need to stay healthy and active to help with fight off my cancer, and I'm sick of going to the gym on the other side of town all the time," I said.
"Alright, no need to get cranky," Alli said.
Ha. Funny Alli. Funny.
"You know there's a gym near your house we drive by all the time. It doesn't look to fancy, but it's better than driving all the way across town," Jenna said.
Or...
"There is also one here, which makes it super convenient to have my school and work out area in one place, so I don't even have to leave," I said.
They were really pushing my buttons.
"What's so special about this gym anyways?" Alli asked.
"Yeah, it's just filled with a bunch of Degrassi jocks..." Jenna started.
"What's so special is that its fifteen minutes away from my locker and classes, so I don't have to go everywhere, okay?!" I said.
There was an awkward silence as we kept walking.
"Okay Clare..." Jenna said.
"Didn't mean to upset you," Alli added.
"Sorry, whatever, I really need to get to the gym," I said.
I kicked it into high-gear and fast walked to the gym. If I stayed with them any longer, I would probably snap and tell them my secret.
It was already hard enough being around them everyday and not being able to tell them anything, but when they pushed me like this, I felt like I could break. It was a lot of pressure, and I knew I had better head to the gym to get my frustrations out before they found another way out.
I slipped into my cozy workout clothes, grabbed my water bottle, and headed in. I felt a little out of my league. Jenna was right when she said it was filled with Degrassi jocks.
"Clare Edwards, I haven't seen you around here before," I familiar voice called out.
I turned and saw two familiar faces, and it made me smile.
"Hey Dallas," I said, walking over to him and Drew.
"What are you doing here?" Dallas asked.
"Thought I'd check this place out, get a bit of a workout in," I said.
"Ha, well you better warm up somewhere else. The guys can be crude and disgusting in here. Especially with a girl with curves like you," Dallas said checking me out.
"Haha, very funny. If I can't warm up here, then where am I supposed to warm up?" I asked.
"Well, that depends. What are you here to do?" Drew finally speaked.
"Just a light run," I said.
"Then you can probably warm up while you run," Drew said.
"Yeah, but do some quad stretches before you start the machine. A lot of girls just jump on that thing and go straight to a 5K without even stretching their legs," Dallas said.
"Well, I see no 5K in my future, but I'll still stretch. Thanks for the tips," I said.
I smiled and walked away, but once I get a few feet away, my smile melted. What Dallas said about my curves... I knew that my body was going to go to hell. I would probably lose them, and no one would look at me like that anymore.
Is it weird to feel sad you won't be perved on again?
I did as Dallas and Drew said, and after about ten minutes, I felt a lot better about everything. Maybe I just needed to get the stress out. I drank some water really quickly and started to cool down.
As I continued running, I started to get really dizzy. Maybe I had gone too far? Maybe I just shouldn't have drunken my water while I was running. That was probably it.
I stopped the machine to rest, but... like an idiot, I leaned against it with my hand still on the power button, and as soon as I caught my breath, I heard a beep, and the ground started moving from underneath my feet again. I tried to keep running, but I got dizzy again. I lost my footing, and fell, head first, on the machine. The machine dragged me all the way to the end, and I felt something missing from the top of my head.
"Clare, you okay?!" Drew and Dallas called from the other side of the room. The rushed over. A few people had already gotten off their machines to help me. Dallas turned the machine off.
"Clare, you alright?" Drew asked.
"No," I said. I had a huge headache now, and it hurt like hell, and gee, I wonder why!
"Your bleeding, you need to go to the nurse," Drew said.
"I'll help you," he said getting up. He helped be stand up, and I was still dizzy. I felt like I was going to pass out.
I looked back at the machine and saw my wig totally tangled in the side of the machine.
"My wig!" I said to myself.
"Looks like your going to need a new one," Drew said.
"But I liked that one," I whimpered to myself.
"You don't have any hair?" I heard a snotty, high-pitched voice say.
Wow, I didn't know that a super star like Zoe Rivas would be able to even be in a *gasp!* public school weight room with us civilians!
I turned to her while rolling my eyes.
"No, I'm bald," I said.
"Why?" she asked, looking at me like I was some alien creäture.
"It's what happens when you go through chemo," I said.
"Yeah, besides Zoe, shouldn't you be painting your nails? Or is that too much of hard work for you, and do you need to call in the professionals? Because you can use my phone if you need too," Drew said.
Zoe rolled her eyes and went back to her machine.
Drew walked me to the nurse where she called my mom to come pick me up. She told me I would have to go to the hospital, and that I might need stitches, so as soon as my mom picked me up, she took me to the hospital, and I got my stitches.
I came back home utterly disappointed.
I pulled out my old blonde wig and put it on my head, and looked at myself in the mirror.
"I guess it's back to you," I said.
To take my mind off of it, I pulled out my camera and took a new picture of my belly. It may have been only a week since the last picture I took, but I didn't even care. Every week, I'm taking a picture.
Why not, right? No detail is too small.
I went into my bathroom to take a better look at my stitches. I started to feel a sudden urgency, and stomach acid forming in my mouth.
I guess I have good timing.
Hell, I got pregnant when people said I wouldn't.
I guess the hormones are kicking in...
I bent over the toilet, and I finally felt it... morning sickness. Of course, this was evening sickness, but it can still happen anytime.
I was upset at first, but once I relaxed, I smiled. It actually made me happy to finally go through something normal.
Speaking of normal... I felt the familiar fatigue kicking in. I was exhausted, and even though I hadn't even had dinner, I decided to go to bed way early, and I actually slept all night.
I woke up early the next morning early because of a sudden awakening caused my the nastiest smell I had ever smelt. I got up and sniffed around, trying to find the source. I finally found it... an old apple and frappe that was thrown in the trash and rotting. I just couldn't stomach it.
After my second bound of morning sickness, I pinched my nose and took the trash outside in the bin. I hurried back in and ate something before I got sick again.
As I was eating, I started thinking about whether I should go back to the weight room, but I figured I would stay off the equipment until I could figure out why I got dizzy, or at least until I felt like a normal person who was capable of running...
I hurried to get ready since I spent so long eating, but before leaving, I checked my email.
The pregnancy e-newsletter I signed up for had sent me a link to a club full of girls that were due at the same time as me. It talked a lot about who good it would be to have someone who was going through the same thing as a friend, so I decided to join. I assumed it was harmless, since it was just a online group of soon-to-be moms like myself.
"Clare, have you been feeling okay?" my mom asked me on the way to school.
"Yeah, why?" I asked.
"I heard you throwing up this morning. Are you sure your okay? This isn't because of the cancer is it? The hospital also said that throwing up after hitting your head can be a sign of a concussion," my mom started.
My mom always did this, she finds something wrong, and fixates on it.
"Mom, really. I'm okay," I said.
"Okay, but if you feel sick during school, go to the nurse," she said reluctantly.
I sighed. Did I mention that I just wanted to break?
"I will," I said.
I got to school a little late, so I hurried to History class. I found a seat behind Alli just before the bell rang.
"Just in time Ms. Edwards," the teacher said from his desk.
"Sorry, I came a little late," I said.
"Where were you?" Alli whispered.
"I was just running a little late," I said.
"We're supposed to turn our homework to the box at the front of the desk," Alli said.
"Oh yeah... I didn't do it," I whispered
Alli turned and looked at me with shock.
"You, Clare Edwards, did not do your homework?" she said with a smugness on her face.
"I fell asleep," I said.
"Wow, it's not because of the cancer is it?" Alli asked.
"No, I've just been feeling really lousy lately," I said.
"By the way, what happened to your head, and why aren't you wearing your brown wig?" Alli asked.
"I... kinda fell on the treadmill and hit my head and, lost my wig," I said.
Alli looked like she was having a hard time digesting the news.
"So, you've been sleepy, you've been cranky, you've been falling while running on exercise equipment. Are you sure this has nothing to do with the cancer?" Alli asked.
"Alli, I can't tell you how I know, but I can assure you, it's not because of the cancer," I said.
"Okay..." she said.
"Ms. Edwards, you haven't turned in your homework yet," the teacher said.
"Um, that's because, I didn't do it," I said.
"And why is that?" the teacher asked.
"Well, last night I got hurt and I had to go to the hospital, and when I came back I got sick, and I fell asleep," I said.
At least I was being honest about it.
"Ah, you had to go to he hospital," he said.
"And then you got sick, and then you got tired," he said.
"Maybe you can just cut it with the excuses and just say that you were too lazy to do it," he said.
I scoffed.
How could he call me lazy?! I was telling him the truth!
"I'm not lazy. Look, I have stitches, and I really did get sick and tired," I said.
"Then why are you at school?" he asked.
It was funny that he asked that after making that claim against me.
"You know, I don't really know," I said.
"You look fine," he replied.
"Learned how to cover it well since chemo," I said with a smile on my face. This teacher was pissing me off.
"Clare, I can't believe your story, because I don't believe your sick, and it doesn't take all night to get stitches," he said.
My eyes started to tear up. I felt like crap all last night and this morning, and my head still hurt from my fall, and he had the nerve to say I was lying.
"Are you crying Ms. Edwards?" he asked.
Alli turned around and looked at me like I was a psychopath.
"Nope," I said. I grabbed my stuff and headed out the door.
"Where are you going?" he yelled.
"To Mr. Simpsons office," I replied.
"Yeah, and why would you do that?" he asked.
I turned around to him.
"I'm not going to be called a liar by you when I was sick all last night and this morning. I'm going to tell Mr. Simpson that you have treated me unfairly, and maybe I'll get him to call my mom, who can confirm that I've been sick since last night," I said as I walked out the door.
I walked out of the school with Alli and Jenna on either side of me.
"Okay, I still can't believe you told the teacher off like that this morning," she said giggling.
"He just made me really mad," I said. I was starting to feel sick, and I wanted to get home before it got too much worst.
There was a little silence.
"Clare, is there something else going on, besides the cancer thing?" Jenna asked, looping her arm through mine.
"No, why do you ask?" I said. I was really tired of being asking me what was wrong.
"You've been nauseas, you've been tired, you've been cranky..." Jenna said.
"Yeah, so?" I asked.
"Well... Eli did come to visit last month," Jenna said.
I stopped in my tracks. I knew they could tell now, but I wanted them to think it was a total surprise for me to hear them say that.
"What are you implying?" I asked.
"Well, did you and Eli..." Jenna said.
"No, we didn't," I said.
I kept on walking.
"I need to go home, my mom wants to go to this church thing," I lied.
"Oh, we were going to ask if you wanted to go to the Dot," Alli asked.
Yeah, like I could afford spending my money on the Dot anymore.
"I can't, maybe some other time," I said. Mom's car pulled up, so I opened the passenger seat door and slid in before they could say anything else.
When I came home, I did my homework, most of it from yesterday since I was allowed to do all of it tonight, thanks to Mr. Simpson, and I went to sleep early again.
Hormones are a killer.
I know, super long chapter. I'm tired, and when I'm tired, I get cranky, so I put in a lot of unneeded drama. XD Why write this when I'm tired? Because I wasn't when I started, but I hate not finishing a chapter in one sitting, so I forced myself to finish it! Haha, I'm weird like that :)