"I must say Dr. Davis, it's quite a surprise to hear you make that request," the chief of the hospital said pleasantly, almost suspiciously. It was surprising, at least for me; you'd have to know me to understand but, children aren't my thing.

"I know," I told him uncomfortably, feighing uncertainty rather than fear that I needed him to say yes. "A blind leap I guess." I offered a shrug, a light laugh. What else could I give him, I didn't want to work in a children's hospital where I wouldn't just lose a patient I'd end the life of a child. I didn't want any of this. I wanted to go home. I wanted Jim. I couldn't have any of it.

The chief sighed. "A blind leap got me here, I suppose I can't say no," he told me, making me smile and try not to sigh out of relief - talk about suspicious, no one wants to deal with kids that bad.

"Thank you sir," I told him, flashing him a bright smile that couldn't have been more fake had I tried. And thank god he bought it. "I'm sorry to not work under you. It was really a pleasure." That was true, I don't guess you really care though. But he was nice, and fair, and let me do a number of really cool surgeries you just would have had to see to understand the amazingnes off them.

"I enjoyed having you," he said opening the door to his office. "If you discover it isn't the place for you, your position here will still stand."

I smiled at him, a slight upturn of my mouth - a smile that was actually real. I was touched he had liked me that much, that didn't happen often. "Thank you." I was not happy when I walked out of his door, knowing it would be the last I did so, wondering just how long I had before John had all he wanted from me; and what it would mean when he was done. The obvious answer was he would kill me. But it was when I thought of him maybe not killing me, cause everything that had happened the month before - the touches, the kisses, the little moments where he made me laugh - they couldn't have all been a lie. But that was the problem, the more I looked at him and saw the dark look in his eye, I couldn't help but think that he had lied. About everything. And I had never felt so empty, so alone. There was no Jim to comfort me, no Jim to stand at my side so I wouldn't be so scared cause he was right there holding my hand, no Jim to save me from all of this. I would die and never see him again. I would die, and he was mad at me; and he'd hate himself. And it was my fault, it was always my fault.

I don't want you to feel sorry for me, I don't expect you to when I tell you more of what happened; of what I did. I just want you know why I continued to challenge John, to refuse him. It was because I gave up I guess. I accepted that he'd kill me, at some point, after enough had happened. I think I enjoyed it, shocking him with my audacity, my will to not break like he wanted me to. I think he might have too.

"When do you start?" John asked the moment I walked into my room, sitting on my bed reading a newsletter.

I threw my bag on the floor, loud enough he lowered the paper to look at me with a brow raised. "Can you take this off me now?" I asked, a little rudely I admit, as I held my arm out.

"Why would I do that?" he asked standing, the paper forgotten on the bed as he walked toward me. "I hear everything you say, have readings of all of your vitals. I hold your life in my hand with only the push of a button. Why ever would I want to take it off?"

I stared up at him, seeing the amusement and the victory in his eyes at knowing I'd do everything he said. I could still felt the sharp prick in my wrist when he'd put the tracker on me - it was a little green circle, no bigger than a small coin, and yet pushing the button he had in his possession would send poison into my bloodstream killing me in seconds - seconds he had told me would be very painful. Or explode if I tried to take it off. You know, the usual.

I wanted to flinch away from him when he stopped behind me, his nose in my hair and his mouth by ear. "When do you start?" his voice rumbled again, making it all but impossible not to cringe from the way his words rubbed against my ear.

"Two days," I grit out. I convinced myself that I could do nothing, I had to what he said to stay alive - I was still holding onto my life in a way only a human could, trust me I knew a Vulcan; this was strictly human - above all else, I didn't want to die.

I could nearly feel him rolling his eyes as he sighed, his hands wrapping around my waist and holding me firm. "Don't be fickle, Elenore," he hummed displeased. "You enjoyed this, admit it."

I wouldn't, not then. Then, he revolted me. I hated him. I wanted him dead. Well, I'm not quite sure about that last one, but I'd like to think I had as least in that moment been like any other girl. I hated him. I squirmed in his grasp, tried to pull my arms out of his hands when he grabbed them. My strength was nothing compared to his, my hands were nothing when his had me locked in their grip.

I stilled, breathing heavily, my wrists caught in one of his hands, the other firm around my breast. Each inhale pushed my breast further against his hand; he had always known just how to hold me. Any other time I may have smiled, had turned to him for a kiss because this was obviously leading to sex. I didn't know what this, at this moment, was leading to. My heart pounded with fear, my air ran short no matter how I sucked it in, my eyes felt swollen from the tears of my own emotion.

"Do you remember this?" he whispered softly into my ear, his mouth brushing against my skin. "Have you already forgotten me?"

My answer was clear though I said nothing, I didn't move in his arms; I didn't try to get away, I didn't melt into him like I had before. I stood immobile staring ahead as I breathed, and that was all of an answer he needed.

"Take a shower," he muttered pushing me away, almost falling if I hadn't caught my balance.

With pleasure I lunged for the bathroom and waited for the door to slide shut so I could lock it. It wasn't until I turned the shower on, sitting on the counter with my wrist between my clenched thighs so he might not hear, that I allowed myself to lose it. For the record, I didn't cry. I almost did. I just sat there breathing deeply, feeling tears burning in my throat, as I wondered what I was supposed to do.

I have to admit something. I wasn't completely honest with you. You see, my heart didn't just pound with fear when held me, but also with anticipation. My breathing didn't just deepen because I was scared, I didn't want to cry because of the horror of him. There was a little handheld monitor that gave him my vitals during the day, recorded things like my heartrate, my blood pressure, the hormones in my blood. I knew before he looked at it what hormones had been in my blood, were still raging through my body - I did remember it. I had wanted it, had been aroused. I think that's why I was trying not to cry, because I was ashamed. My body remembered him, my mind remembered him, all of me knew the pleasure he could give. And as a doctor I know it was a natural reaction. But as a person.

I don't know how long I sat wallowing in self hatred, long enough he'd grown tired of it; or concerned, but who really knows. I looked up startled when he tried to open the door, which could not be opened unless I on this side of it unlocked it. "Open the door, Elenore," he ordered loud enough for me to barely hear and even then I could hear the lividity in his voice. I didn't answer him, knowing it would only fuel the fire. "Open the door, Elenore!" he roared.

In advance: there will be angry sex next chapter, I do not know how detailed I will be going with it. So there's a possibility this might be M next chapter. I hope everyone is still enjoying the story. But from the lack of reviews last chapter I can only assume that's a no. So, are you guys still enjoying the story? If not then I'll just scrap it completely. So please let me know.