Marianamr: thank you so very much, your review really meant a lot to me. I try to write stories that are different, or else why write the same thing everyone else does I can just read theirs. So thank you for mentioning that it's different, cause I try to be original. The first person was very off putting to me as well, cause I've never done it - but I wanted to try something new, so I'm so glad to hear that you ended up liking it. Thank you again.

Guest: thank you very much, I'm glad you're liking it; and my take on him cause he's a hard character to do justice.

I stared at the door with wide eyes, my hair dry and my body still clothed, the shower running as it had been. As quietly as I could I slipped off the counter and out of my shoes. "I'm in the shower," I called as I silently pulled my uniform off my shoulders, sliding the shower door open slowly

"Open the door," he growled.

I jumped at the sound of his hand hitting the door, looking at my watch to see I had been in here over an hour. And I honestly hadn't known if he'd tried talking to me before, I hadn't paid him any attention if he had. I pushed the shower door open not caring if it made noise cause now I was stepping in, wetting my hair quickly and reaching for the button to unlock the door. I didn't know if he would believe I had been in the shower the entire time and had just chosen to ignore him, but that was what I was going with. I leaned back into the water and finished wetting my hair after I'd pushed the button, now completely wet, and it possibly being believable that I wasn't just hiding from him cause I'd lied.

I had barely heard the door to the bathroom sliding open before he had me against the wall, holding my arms as I tried to push him off me. "You said you started in two days," he said nearly yelling, pushing against me to hold me still.

I stopped struggling no longer able to move anything but my head, and even then his face was lowered to mine keeping me staring up at him. I said nothing, even if I wanted to fear had sewn my mouth shut - his eyes were livid, his mouth turned down in a scowl and his hands tightening around my arms until it hurt. He was infuriated, I had managed to trick him - I had done as much as I could to muffle the tracker on my wrist, a bracelet, a long sleeved shirt folded so it settled over the green circle, and then a jacket on top of that. He hadn't heard when I would start, I don't think he'd heard much of anything after I had gotten the chief's approval - and that had been my plan, given him enough to be satisfied. I had pulled my jacket on, righted the bracelet over it, and asked when I would start. So when I returned to my room and John had asked my start date I knew he hadn't heard, and so I had lied hoping for a plan.

But I had underestimated the tracker he had put on my wrist, and that he'd heard my muffled talking and had gone back and listened closer to decipher the words, discovering what I had hidden from him; I only learned that later.

"Very clever girl," he muttered, his eyes showing me he was anything but pleased by that. "What did you plan to do with those five days? You think I wouldn't have figured it out?" he demanded pushing even closer to me, even the air I breathed was his, so close he was.

In all honesty I hadn't thought that far ahead, I had only thought far enough to get five extra days away from him. I realized then it was stupid, he would have known I wasn't at the hospital during the first day after I'd left the room; I don't know what I would have done. But that had never been the point, I just wanted to get away from him, just a moment to figure things out and to see if there was a way I could escape from this alive.

"What would you have done?" he asked again, his voice lowering in fury, his hands wrapping tighter around my arms until I could feel the bones shift beneath my skin - it hurt. "Answer me!" he roared making me recoil in fright.

I don't think telling you might heart was pounding is enough for you to realize just how scared I was. I was completely naked, cornered by what I now knew was a murderer - he had admitted it a week ago though I hadn't paid heed - his entire body pressed against my shivering one, his arms holding me too tight not to break me, and his rage rolled off him in waves and I was drowning. I was terrified. Fear makes you irrational, takes your common sense and your conscious and it pushes them away so it can make it you do what it thinks is best; or in my case, it just makes you crazy.

"Why are you so interested in the Harewoods?" I asked, my voice surprisingly not shaking as horribly as my spine - though I won't kid you, my fear could be heard in it. "It's a public archive, you wouldn't need me to get in. There's more."

His mouth curled into a smile, there was nothing friendly in it. He looked the part of a predator, danger in his eyes, calamity in his smile; and here I was, his prey. "You want to know why," he said, somehow pressing even closer, his clothes soaked completely through though he seemed not to notice. "Is that all?"

It wasn't of course, I wanted him to let me go and to know that I would be safe again. I wanted to go home. But I knew saying any of that would get me nowhere with him. And so I nodded, and I said: "I want you to tell me, and then I want you to take this off," holding my wrist out.

His sick sardonic smile twisted wider as he stared hard at me. "And trust you not to run away?" he asked, his voice a soft purr in obvious amusement.

"You don't think your reason is enough for me not to?" I challenged, cause what could possibly be a good reason for holding someone captive against their will, to manipulate them and get them to trust you.

He gave a short laugh shaking his head, his hands loosening enough that blood could once more reach my fingers. "I'll consider it," was his answer, which wasn't much of an answer at all. "What would you like to know?"

I wondered then if he would lie to me, cause who knew how long he'd been lying; or if anything he'd said had been true. I guess what I really needed to know is how much had been the truth before this point, so that I could prepared for how much he'd tell me would be a lie. I couldn't very well ask him if he had actually felt anything, I could practicaly see the condescending smile and the irritation in his eye; but that was what I needed to know.

I tell you this in the hope that you understand what happened next, why I did what I did. I needed answers, I needed a way to ask without saying the words. And in all honesty, I think I just needed him. He had made me feel like I mattered, and no one else ever made me feel like that - like I actually meant something. So how could what he was doing possibly be so bad if I still liked him so much, it couldn't. There was a reason, a good and justifiable one that would explain everything. One that meant there wasn't just something wrong with me for still loving him. Or maybe I was just crazy. But I guess I'll just tell you, and let you decide.

He stared down at me, pinning me against the wall, waiting for me to speak. He had pushed himself so close that all I had to do was raise my chin, and it was only seconds after that he kissed me back. And that was my answer, not everything had been a lie - there had been some truth. I wish I could tell you there was nothing more, that that was all of the answer I was given and then he told me why and it changed everything. I guess I could tell you that, but it'd be a lie.

We fucked, right there in the shower. I think the moment he stepped into the bathroom and pinned me to the wall it had been leading to us screwing. The moment he released my arms I was pulling his shirt over his head, his hands grabbing my waist and lifting me onto his hips. He took me in the shower, on the floor, in the bed; we fucked just about all night, and there was nothing gentle about it. In the light of the morning I would see the scratches on his back, the fingerprints on my skin. That morning changed almost everything. I think it's when I truly lost myself.