Chapter Summary: Gray finally opens up to Erza and he is troubled of what the redhead would react.
Disclaimer: Nu-uh. Not mine.
Warnings: themes of violence. Fluffy-Angst.
Winter whitened the view outside, blizzards still roaming the town. People were inside their houses, huddling near the hearth and blankets over their heads.
Its 2AM and he's barely breathing.
Gray wakes up much to his horror, bemused at the nightmare that has come to visit him. Erza is beside him, asleep and he is quite relieved.
The raven walks to the fogged windows and stops there. Stays there. He is cold so he takes a cancer stick and lights it to fill his throat. He watches each flake of snow pass his vision, settling to the piling mass of white at the sill of the window. He stares as tiny fairies from the sky fall like angels.
The memory is faint. The images were faded and gray. But he remembers.
He remembers.
Something warm radiates from his cheek and out of reflex, Gray turned his head only to find a warm cup of choco-her favorite, poked at his face. A mass of disheveled scarlet came from his view.
Gray can only mutter a soft tone of her name.
And Gray continues to watch the distance, as Erza is taking in the aroma of warm liquid.
After a while, Gray finally speaks out. "My dad was a selfless idiot. Insisted to save a couple of bastards outta their hell and never came back..." Gray sighed.
"Mom was an angel who became a bitch and tried burning us alive..." Erza tries, really tries not to react but fails horribly because this is the first time he ever spoke about his past, much less to her. And Erza can't help but a surge of anger. Hate.
Who the hell in their right minds burns their children alive?!
"..Elena died. The twins...Lucas, the youngest. And the eldest was left of a punishment of living."
It was snow back then...
"Ur took me in. No, she didn't try make me who I am now. She hated it, as a matter of fact. She didn't want me doing the same things that fed me in her shelter..."
Erza remembered Ur's name many times before; Those countless times she'd hear Gray mutter her name in sleep.
"They discovered Ur's act of betrayal as she tried avoiding us from them. Killed and thrown into the ocean... I heard." he continued, watching trail of ashes fall to his feet.
Gray can't even picture it. Ur's death.. He shouldn't have ran away. He should've died with her, too if he'd known he'd still end up being the person Ur never wanted him to be.
But he somehow found refuge on any form of water because he thinks it is Ur's will.
He became cold and distrustful because he didn't want to get attached.
He couldn't even take women seriously (except a certain redhead who slapped the truth and made him take her seriously).
He talked sarcasm because he thinks it is his turn now to make a joke to the world and not the world to joke on him.
He has a sensitive spot for children but ends up hating himself because it reminds him of his failures as an older brother.
He doesn't bother hiding his scars because it is his way of retribution.
He hates the snow because it reminds him of his failures.
And all the days, like today, he hates it. The cold. The white snow that will forever remain crimson red in his eyes: he hates it.
Eyes clouded with so much fuzzy memories resurfacing at the back of his head, Gray's body shook and trembled with so much loathe, anger, and self-despise. But tears won't- can't come. He forgot how to cry.
He breathes smoke out, idly watching how it fades into the glass and out his vision.
The presence beside him made him nervous: Should he be glad that Erza is not talking, or regret everything he said because Erza is not talking?
The snow is falling. Still falling.
Gray takes another drag, only to be stopped by a certain hand that gently puts it away. Gray doesn't complain but the cold is biting once again.
"You're nervous." Erza stated.
"Cold." came Gray's reply which earned a flick to his forehead.
However her embrace was quite the opposite of the latter's actions. "You're nervous."
"You're not going to-" hate me?
"No." was Erza's firm reply, "Why would I?" she continued, this time more gently.
Eyes widened at the realization, body became numbed, feelings rushed, Gray is left speechless.
Gray has come to a conclusion: he really is an idiot. Of course he could be god-forsaken human, given how he lost his father, mother, watched his siblings die in front of him; he could be the worst coward for running away because his teacher told so, now she's dead and he's living a dammed life of bloodshed, gore and misery; he's the worst man killing-off people who were judged to burn in hell, and yet he knows he's destined to burn there, too; he's merely worth anything...
He would think no one will ever accept him.
But nooo, this woman takes the god-forsaken human in his arms; accepts the worst coward he is and never making fun of it instead; he loves the man who's a murderer and never cared how ugly, dirty, and worthless he could be.
Sometimes, Gray would think this woman, Erza Scarlet, is crazy. CRAZY BEYOND RECOGNITION. Then again, he doesn't care. It's this CRAZY BEYOND RECOGNITION woman that loves him, Gray Fullbuster who doesn't deserve even a tinge of appreciation.
He said he forgot how to cry. He said that, and yet Gray finds himself sobbing into the arms of Erza who willingly accepts everything while holding what's left of the ground Gray is struggling with.
Gray cried that night, for the third time while the snow fell outside their home. But this time, unlike the latter, he cries not of loss or grief but of overwhelming feelings for acceptance, appreciation, and love.
And Erza lets him, glad that under this cold season, she is able to break the curse that brings the latter such bitter memories; glad that for once, Gray cries for an entirely different reason than the ones he had years ago.
A/N: Wahaaa. I got lost in the real world where monsters are called "school works" and "Tests". It almost are me alive, y'know. Geez. Aren't they like Titans? Yaegaaah!
Anyways, I hope you like this. SHOUTOUTS! AsDarknessSpreads, TsundereFairy, LaynieCakes, bella-romeo!~
review?
P.S. IM ACCEPTING PROMPTS RELATED TO THE STORY.
Next chapter hint: Baby-sitting with a hitman is not as it seems.