"You what?"

He swallowed before looking up at Derek. "…I cheated."

"On your Philosophy homework, right? You were busy on a case and couldn't get an assignment done, so you pulled a typical student move and pulled everything from Wikipedia, putting your name on it. Spencer, everyone's done it, it's nothing to be ashamed of."

He sniffed, shaking his head and chewing on his lip. He could feel himself tearing up and knew this wasn't the time for him to be getting upset. He crossed his arms, exhaling. "I… I was so mad of going out with you and time after time, seeing you practically hook up with random women right in front of me. It happened over and over again, and I wanted you to feel a fraction of what I did when I had to watch you with them." He took a shaky breath, chewing on his cheek. "So I initiated something last night."

"You initiated? What exactly did you initiate? With who?"

He winced. "I… I helped Mason, and there were obvious feelings on his end, but in the back of my mind, I didn't want to do anything, because I've been in a relationship for a few years. But then as the night progressed, I remembered going out to bars and being treated like an outcast by you when you went out on the dance floor."

"So?"

"…So I asked Mason if we could go back to his place and continue our discussions. One thing led to another, and I kissed him." He looked up at Derek, hoping for some sort of response.

"You kissed someone else?" Derek stepped forward, hurt etched all over his face. "Spencer, I never- no matter what I do with those women, it's not about sex or a relationship. It's nothing, and I've told you that. You went out and made out with another man because I was dancing?"

He took another shaky breath, sighing. "That's not it," he whispered.

"Excuse me?"

He sniffed, licking his lips. "I led him on. I let him think I was attracted to him. While I enjoyed talking to him on an intellectual level, and being able to relate to somebody, there weren't those feelings between us, though I let him think there were. My motive was revenge, and it shouldn't have been, and I'm so sorry."

"…Spencer, what are you sorry for?"

"I-um, one thing led to another, and we, uh, we may have ended up-"

"Spencer," Derek snapped.

He reached up, wiping his eyes, knowing he just had to say it. He was already this far into it, and there was no way he could come up with a lie to cover this. Looking up at Derek, he looked him right in the eyes."I slept with Mason," he said, practically a whisper, stepping back.

At first, Derek stood there, unsure of how to react. Spencer saw his face slowly showing signs of hurt and disgust, along with hints of anger. Whatever happened next, Spencer knew that he deserved it.

"So, because I was dancing with strange women that I'm never going to see again and have no possible sexual attraction to, considering they're not my type, you decided that sleeping with someone was the best payback? I thought you were a genius, Spencer. That is the single most stupid thing I've ever heard. How can somebody who's so smart do something so disgusting and spiteful? What's the matter with you?"

He swallowed, sniffing. "I…I don't know. It was an accident. I wasn't thinking."

"An accident? Tell me, Spencer, how do you accidentally sleep with another man?"

"…You don't, I guess. I just. I didn't think about what I was doing, I just did it."

"And nothing in that brain of yours said 'I'm in a relationship, I shouldn't be doing this'?"

He shook his head, sighing. "It didn't come to mind. It wasn't the alcohol and I wasn't in my right mind, and I regretted it right after, I swear."

"Did you?" Derek spat out. "Did you really? Because I'd think regret would set in before you take your clothes off and have somebody on top of you."

"I'm sorry," he choked out. "I understand if you hate me and don't want to see me right now, because believe me, I'm disgusted with myself more than I ever have been."

"You should be." Derek walked over, holding the front door open. "I think you should go."

He bit his lip, nodding, grabbing his satchel off the floor. He walked over, looking Derek in the eyes. Unsure of what to do, he rested a hand on Derek's cheek. Derek looked away and he sighed, placing a kiss on Derek's cheek. "I still love you, Derek," he said softly. "I promise, I never wanted to hurt you."

When Derek kept his expression unreadable, he chewed on his cheek, walking out. The door closed behind him and he leaned against the wall, burying his head in his hands and sliding down the wall. Self-loathing was an understatement in that moment and unable to move, he just stayed there on the floor, crying. Lying had felt better, and the truth definitely hurt. He wasn't ready to face Derek again soon, but with work in the morning, it was inevitable.

Spencer stayed up most of the night: half of the time was spent crying, the other half panicking about going to work the next morning. Avoiding Derek at work definitely wasn't an option, considering they were on the same team. If they were called on a case, it would be even worse, since they wouldn't be able to get away from each other, on the jet or otherwise. He sat up in bed, his head buried in his hands, unsure of what he was supposed to do. Derek had been right – for a genius, he'd done the stupidest possible thing in the situation. He could've talked to Derek and expressed his unhappiness for the umpteenth time. Even though it wouldn't have done anything, it'd be a lot better than what he was currently going through.

He also thought about Mason – how would he react to Spencer? Would he hate him? If he did, he definitely couldn't blame him. There was no possible way he could put how sorry he felt into that letter, but he'd tried his damndest. If he ever had to face Mason again, he wasn't sure he'd be able to express how much of an ass he was and put his apology into words that Mason deserved. He sniffed, wiping his eyes and exhaling. All he wanted was for the last 48 hours of his life to not exist. He wished he could go back in time and never go out to dinner with Mason, which meant he never would've considered going back to his place and sleeping with him.

It finally dawned on him that this news would get to the team, whether Derek told him directly or not. The entire team would know that he was unfaithful and had been extremely spiteful. They definitely wouldn't look at him the same anymore, and they'd all turn their backs on him. This brought on the first panic attack he'd had in a while, and usually Derek had calmed him down from them. There was obviously no chance of that this time, so he sat up in bed, attempting to catch his breath, for several minutes before he finally calmed down. He laid back, running a hand over his face and sighing, before his body finally let him get some sleep.

His alarm started going off much earlier than he'd liked. When it started going off, he hit it, contemplating going back to bed and avoiding any possible confrontations that day. Yes, it would be the move of a coward, but he also wanted nothing more than to avoid seeing Derek at all costs. Unfortunately, he knew he couldn't skip work and sighed, getting up and walking to the kitchen, making himself some coffee. After his second cup, he walked to his room, looking through his closet. He pulled on his shirt, buttoning it carefully, before finishing getting dressed. He grabbed his bag from beside the door and took a deep breath, before grabbing his keys and walking outside, locking the door behind him.

The entire commute was spent internally panicking, trying to figure out the best way to avoid running into Derek. It was definitely inevitable, but he wanted to put it off as long as possible. Walking into the bullpen, he went to the kitchen, making another cup of coffee, before waking over to his desk, setting it down and grabbing a case file. Luckily, he was in before anyone else, so he could avoid any awkward conversations about their weekends. He gave Emily a quick wave when she came in, sitting beside him, and another to JJ when she sat at her own desk.

For the most part, he was able to stay buried in his work. When Derek walked in, Emily raised an eyebrow, turning to Spencer.

"What, no cautious couple greeting this morning? I know you two don't do PDA, but you don't flat out ignore each other either."

He swallowed, clicking his pen and setting it down. He looked up at her, giving her a quick shrug, before biting his lip and looking at his work.

Emily eyed JJ, who got up from her desk and walked over to the kitchen, leaning against the counter while Derek was making his coffee.

"What's up?" she asked, crossing her arms.

He shrugged. "Nothing, it's a typical Monday morning."

She shook her head. "A typical Monday morning is you walking over to Spence's desk, whispering something in his ear that makes him blush, and walking away, very proud of yourself for whatever it is you just said."

He poured his coffee, putting in his sugar and stirring. "I just didn't want to this morning. I have my reasons for avoiding him."

Spencer overheard him and bit his lip, willing himself not to get upset and looking back at his work.

"That's a little harsh. Did something happen with you two?"

"Why don't you ask him?" he snapped, motioning toward Spencer and picking up his coffee mug. He took a sip and walked over, giving Emily a nod and a good morning, walking past Spencer and toward his office.

When JJ walked over, she rolled her chair over to Spencer's desk. "What was that about?"

He opened his mouth, trying to find an answer, but came up empty. He shook his head, trying not to start crying in the bullpen, and went right back to his work.

Spencer was proud of himself for how well he was able to keep his composure around Derek. Not once during that first day back at work did he have any run-ins with him, nor did he feel a need to break down after the initial interaction that morning. At the end of the work day, he was extremely relieved to finally get out of work. He put his bag over his shoulder and walked out to the elevators, pressing the
down button. JJ walked up behind him, rubbing his shoulder.

"Feeling okay?" she asked.

He nodded slightly. "I'm fine, why?"

"That, for lack of a better word, altercation with Derek earlier, it was kind of cold on his part."

He tried not to tense up and shrugged it off, tapping his foot and waiting for the elevator door to open. It finally did and they stepped inside, him reaching over to press the button for the ground floor.

"Hold the elevator!" someone called out. Spencer instantly recognized it as Derek's voice and pressed the door open button. Derek walked up to the elevator and saw Spencer and JJ waiting inside.

"You coming?" JJ asked, stepping back.

He shook his head. "I'll opt for the scenic route today," he said, putting his headphones on and walking toward the stairs, turning on his mp3 player.

"What was that about?" Emily asked, stepping inside.

JJ looked over at Spencer for an answer, but he shrugged, keeping a straight face as the elevator doors closed.

This was one of many awkward interactions between the two during the work week. On Tuesday morning, Spencer walked into the break area while Derek was putting his lunch in the fridge, and opted to drink the cold coffee at his desk instead. Later that day, Spencer accidentally grabbed a fax that Derek was waiting for from the Austin PD. Rather than delivering it to him, he handed it to Rossi as he was headed to Derek's office. Several times Wednesday, the two avoided each other at all costs in the break room and on the job.

Thursday afternoon, Spencer sat at his desk, clicking his tongue.

"What's going on in that head, Reid?"

"I forgot to bring lunch today and I don't think I'll last until the day's over. Maybe I'll go grab something in a little bit, because if I have to stare at this case file from Albuquerque any longer, it might end up being thrown at the wall."

She laughed softly, shaking her head. "I wasn't aware a case file could turn you into a violent person."

"When it's taking their PD two hours to get back to me with a report they just need to fax over? Trust me, it could."

She smirked, shaking her head and looking back at her own work.

A few minutes later, Garcia walked up to Spencer's desk, leaning against it. "Up, Boy Wonder."

He looked up at her. "Excuse me?"

"Come on, we're going to lunch, I'm buying."

He raised an eyebrow, getting up. "Really?"

"Yeah, you need a couple's outing. Me, you, and the wonderfully delicious chocolate Thor. What more could you want?"

He sat back down in his seat. "That sounds like an amazing idea, but I really need to finish this case file from the Albuquerque PD in the next half hour. I need to call them up and get the report sent over soon so I can close it and finish the rest on my desk. Some other time?"

"You sure?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine, I had a big breakfast anyway. I'd just spend the whole time picking at my food, and I know you hate when I do that, so I'd rather another time, if that's okay?"

She frowned. "Fine, then I guess it's just me and your man. I can't promise I won't try to steal him away."

He smiled slightly and gave her a shrug, watching as she walked away.

"What was that about?" Emily asked, pointing to the doorway with her pen.

"What was what about?" he replied, looking at the case file, trying to find the phone number.

"Not ten minutes ago, you were complaining that you were starving, and now that Garcia offers to take you out to lunch, you're suddenly full and need to finish the case file you're trying to get away from? What's the deal?"

He looked up at her. "I'm fine, can we drop it, please?"

"Are you sure?"

He nodded, opening his desk drawer and taking out a can of mixed nuts. He started snacking on them and finally found the phone number, picking up his phone and dialing.

Emily eyed JJ. "Any ideas?"

She gave her a slight shrug. "No clue."

This type of attitude kept up for both of them throughout the week. Spencer would tiptoe around Derek, and Derek would avoid going near Spencer. If they somehow ended up in the same area, Spencer would back away before Derek had the opportunity to say something that could be construed as harmful. The one thing Spencer didn't want was for anyone on the team to catch on to what was going on and have to explain himself.

When it was time to leave on Friday, Spencer was sure to wait for Derek to leave before he started packing up his things. He walked up the stairs to his apartment and there was a box waiting outside his door. He hadn't remembered ordering anything, but picked it up, unlocking the door and walking inside. After setting the box on the table, he threw his bag down beside the couch, sitting down. There wasn't a label or anything of the such attached to the box, but it had been taped shut. He ran his fingernail along the tape and opened the box, inspecting the contents. He felt his heart sink when he pulled out several things that he'd left at Derek's apartment, including his books, his spare pair of glasses, clothes, and the toys he'd bought for Clooney. He screwed his eyes shut, exhaling, not wanting this to get the best of him. He was already upset enough and didn't need Derek adding insult to injury. He threw everything back into the box before burying his head in his hands, groaning. The one thing he needed was the one thing he wasn't going to get: talking about this with Derek.