Author's Note: Finally, finally, finally this has been finished. I can't believe that it took so long to write. I put Mary through the Mary-Sue test and she scored 370 (Irredeemable Sue). Thank you to everyone who reviewed, and free virtual cookies for anyone who can guess where Mary's new eye fashion statement came from. I apologize for the excessive use of the word "sexy". Enjoy... if you dare.
Disclaimer: I am fourteen. No way do I own the Hunger Games. If I did, Prim would never have died.
Mary stared out the window of the train, her gaze poring over the Capitol. It was beautiful and well-coordinated, but not as beautiful or coordinated as her wardrobe. She tossed her silky magenta curls and discovered that the beauty of the Capitol had renewed her outer beauty - her missing fingers and toes magically grew back, and all of her scars mysteriously disappeared. Stewart had transformed as well and Mary thought that he was still the handsomest, most considerate boy in the world. She stooped down and picked up a pebble. "I'll call you Bertram Foozizzle," Mary said as she slipped the pebble into her pocket. In fact, "Bertram" was a small gold nugget. "You will be my bestest friend in the entire world. No one else understands me like you do, Bertram... well, except for Stewart." Bertram looked quite sad to Mary, which made her want to pour out her miserable tears onto the pavement. But she didn't. Mary stayed strong for Bertram's well being.
She passionately kissed Stewart, and wept into his muscular strong arms. Her tears turned to diamonds, and made the softest pinging noise as they clattered against the road. Mary stroked Stewart's seeexy plaid beard, which enveloped her in a plaid wonderland! "Oh Stewart," Mary malleable -ly whispered into Stewart's SUPER sexy eardrums, "you always know what to say." Stewart actually hadn't said anything at all, but Mary could read his mind.
"I know, Pukums. I know." Stewart whispered back as he grasped her beautiful and perfect arm appendage (aka hand). They stared passionately into each other's stormy limpid orbs of hidden depths and secrets (most normal people call them "eyes").
Leffie and Jayfinch rolled their eyes at the display. "IF YOU TWO DON'T HURRY UP, WE'RE ALL GOING TO BE LATE!" Leffie shouted.
Mary, Bertram, Glinda (the other "pebble" that Mary picked up that was actually a hunk of platinum) and Stewart listened to her like the perfect obedient little cherubs they were. Suddenly, all of them were in their separate rooms being fussed over by their respected prep teams; even Bertram and Glinda, though the "pebbles" were just being checked over before Mary could take them into the arena with her.
Mary's prep team could find nothing to fix about her. She was already perfect. They gave her a beautiful dress and implanted time-telling rubies into her eyes that ran counterclockwise. Her dress was the most amazing thing ever, pried from Cinna's cold, lifeless fingers. What's that? You thought Cinna was beaten to death in Catching Fire? Well, he actually just slipped on a piano.) The fabric was so light that it felt like it wasn't even there, it was also softer than a wagon full of chinchilla fur. It was a beautiful shade of silver, and it showed off a LOT of Mary's sexy body. As Mary was thanking her prep team for the beautiful obviously stolen dress, it changed color. This made Mary's hair color change as well, just so it would match her outfit, which was now a luscious shade of aquamarine with royal blue flecks. Mary sighed. She was starting to miss Bertram. And Glinda. Oh, and Stewart too.
Mary ran to Glinda and Bertram, with arms outstretched and tears streaming down her face. Bertram and Glinda transformed into twin katanas with 'Mary + Stewart = true love' written on them in Korean. Mary cried tears of joy and happiness. But they evaporated instantaniously as she sensed Stewart's presence. Stewart stepped into the room, radiating eternal love and devotion. Mary ran up to him, embracing him and almost suffocating him with passionate kisses burning with the heat of a thousand suns. It was so intense that the entire Capitol could've burned down. Neither of them would have noticed.
The chariot ride began. District One rode by in a chariot pulled by neon yellow horses. The boy and girl were dressed as bananas with dreadlocks, and still managing to look beautiful and amazing. The industry of their district was tacky amusement park junk, after all (In the thousands of years since the canon Games, the needs of the Capitol changed drastically, thus the new stuff).
District Two's tributes were encased in a gigantic snowglobe with wheels, which was being pulled by white horses. The girl was wearing a short red dress and the boy was in full winter garb - coat, hat, gloves, scarf, snowpants, and boots. Their industry was, wait for it...snowglobes.
District Three's two tributes were dressed as green pigs holding the latest in lamp technology. All of the Capitolians hurriedly left the area around the chariots and traversed to Lampy Lamps 'R' Us™ to buy the lamps the tributes were holding. They obviously manufactured lamps.
District Four's male and female tributes were dressed up in elaborate sea cucumber costumes, complete with cucumbers harvested fresh from the sea by the tributes' parents. Their businesses involved all of the fishes of the sea. It was confusing, as no one had ever heard of a sea cucumber until now.
District Five's, which business was saccapuntas, male tribute was dressed as a yellow #2 Papermate™ pencil. The girl was dressed as a hot pink Fiskars™ brand pencil sharpener. The costumes were well made, but rather unflattering.
District Six's two tributes were dressed as a quadratic equation. Six manufactured math textbooks 'the most important thing of all' (at least, according to my math teacher). It hurt to look at them, because they awakened terrible memories of high schools and colleges. People threw rocks at them.
District Seven's tributes were just wearing hideous Christmas sweaters (donated by Aunt Mildred). No pants. Just sweaters. Rocks were also chucked at them, but not as many as the crowd had throw at Six. You may have already guessed this, but they make legwarmers.
District Eight's tributes were wearing complex alpaca costumes, complete with genuine alpaca spit, sweat, and hair. The crowd thought they were llamas, and since everyone freaking loves llamas, crazed fangirls rained upon their heads. "HEEEEEEEEeeeeellppp..." they shouted as the fangirls buried them alive. Two cannons went off, and Capitolian medics swooped in and imediately resurrected them. What? You're wondering why if the Capitol can resurrect people they don't just keep reusing tributes? Well, BECAUSE THEY DON'T FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL LIKE IT! Besides, it would get boring and the whole purpose of the Games is to kill a ton of people every year. EIGHT DOES FREAKING LIVESTOCK AND OTHER STUFFS.
District Nine's costumes were an ottomon and a glass of eggnog. Even though they make...trees. That's right! Original costumes for everyone! Even if the stylists were all on crack. (except for Mary and Stewart's. They could never be exposed to such horrid behavior)
*musical interlude: Space is Fun starts playing despite the lack of any real words or loudspeakers*
District Ten's chariot included a Tamagotchi dress and suit, covered with thousands of tamagotchis, with gigantic key chains stuck to their heads. As we all know, Tamagotchis are a heck of a lot more important then whatever crap Ten is supposed to make.
Eleven was just a plastic bag full of fire. The tributes couldn't be bothered to show up, so in their places the stylist set two plastic bags full of coal on fire.
Mary and Stewart stood up front where the cameras could capture every perfect angle of their perfect little costumes on their perfect little bodies. Mary flipped her gorgeous mane of red hair and made everyone's eyes turn to her. Bertram and Glinda had changed into a necklace, which was so beautiful that she and Stewart started to glow a lovely shade of pink. Their outfits became a color that was a perfect mixture of red, pink, and daffodil. Eight's fangirls immediately left and started drooling over Stewart. "Get your hands off of him, you sparkly son of a vampire!" Mary shouted at one girl who was trying to make out with him. She clamped her hands over her mouth, because she was sure she had offended the ugly girl. The ugly girl exploded because Mary's words pierced her so. Mary pretended that this had never happened, and waved to the crowd, which proceeded to faint.
Thirteen came out with their costumes, sporks with tacquitos sticking on the pointy parts. Moments later, District Thirteen was firebombed by an angry lamp. The tributes of Thirteen then ceased to exist.
After the Chariot rides were over, Mary and Stewart went to Mary's room and slept. After, of course, a two-hour session of making out (which I will not describe. You should be grateful).