Author's Note: This was really short... why do the short chapters take the longest to write? Next chapter: the bloodbath.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Hunger Games. Obviously. I would've made the love triangle less annoying if I did.
Mary teleported herself, Stewart, Bertram, and Glinda onto their respective arena plate thingys.
60…59….Mary blinked.
58….Stewart did a little dance for no apparent reason.
57…..Glinda glistened. 56….Bertram also glistened. 56…."Stupid District slave lost count again!" Peacekeeper #1 grumbled as he watched the games.
55…..Mary thought deeply about the wondrous outfit she was wearing: an outfit that wasn't even close to what the tributes were supposed to wear, which all of the Careers had also ignored. Mary was wearing the ultimate sexy survival guaranteed outfit her twisted Sue brain could conceive of: a skirt that was exactly 6 inches long that doubled as a cell phone charger, a giant rubber band as a shirt, and 10 inch heels covered in sequins which could permanently blind anyone without 'Sue' status who looked directly at them. And she wore an obnoxiously neon black toque that intensified her kawaii sexiness with Stewart, who telepathically suggested they give each other beauteous nicknames.
Mary's nickname that Stewart would say every frickin' time he addressed her was 'Honey Darkness Glorious Rhinencephalous Frippery Of Amazing/Sexy/Awesomeness' but for short, he would call her Ivory. The wondrously passion enducing nickname that Mary gave Stewart was A.L.F.O.M.B.R.A, which stood for Awe-inspiring Luscious Vengeance Omnipresent Magnificent Beacon-of-everlasting-hope-for-eternal-beauty Rageless Avian. If that didn't make sense to you, it doesn't matter. Stewart speaks fluent Sue. He also speaks 'fluent' Spanish, English, French, Italian, Cat, Dog, American, Portugese, Chinese, German, Ancient Greek, Latin, Hausa, Swahili, Arabic, Japanese, Korean, and a bunch of random other languages that you've probably never heard of. Oh, and also Tree.
54….Everybody pondered why that big ol' block o' text only took Mary 1 second. They were wrong. The gamemakers sped up time so that it would be viewable.
30…And those 2 sentences took many more seconds than Mary could afford to use up.
5….Mary realized that someone was calling her on the phone. The Gamemakers froze time so she could receive the call. "Like, Hello?"
"OH HEM GEE! Carrie died and Gary is like totally going to die of sick if you don't win! OH HEM GEE!" shouted one of Mary's rabid fan- er, 'friends'.
Mary once again blinked. "How did Carrie die?" she asked in her calming tones, struggling not to cry and stay strong for Stewart, who could magically hear everything she was saying.
"She was eating Cheetos when she walked into the bathroom, tripped on some stray TP, fell in the toilet and drowned! Isn't that the gre- er, saddest thing, like, ever?" the rabid 'friend' said. She secretly was overjoyed that Mary's best friend position was now open. But she'd have to act fast. Mary already had thousands upon millions of 'friends'. As she prepared to apply for MBFFN (Mary's Best Friend For Now) status by letting all of the drool that had pooled up in her mouth while she was talking to her idol out into her collection of things that she had obtained while thinking of/ talking to/ in the presence of Mary, she heard something she'd been dreading.
"Okay, bye then!" Mary glowingly addressed the rabid un-named fangirl, with such sincerity and power that said un-named fangirl was frozen in place holding the phone for the rest of her now fulfilled life. 4…..3….2…. Mary was startled to realize that she hadn't described the arena yet! 'How could I forget something so crucial, yet so boring and cliche!' she thought to herself. It was a place of wondrous beauty. There was a glistening midnight lake in the middle of a forest of Christmas trees, all of which were decorated with lights and ornaments. Focusing her x-ray and infra red vision a little harder, she saw that there were several invisible streams flowing out from the lake. Mary followed the course of one of the streams with her lustrous orbs until a hidden cave manifested that would be perfect for sitting in through the entire Games. Oh, and there was a Cornucopia. It wasn't quite as shiny as Bertram, but Mary and Stewart decided that they would run to it anyways, even though they could easily survive on the power of love. Or the power of bunnies, but, you know, love sounds a little better.
She closed her eyes.