A/N: Yes I know, I'm an awful person because I still haven't updated Arguable Chemistry and I really am trying, I'm just struggling to figure out what direction I want to take it. Plus, DB angst always pulls me back in! Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter! It's a lot of dialogue and understanding characters better. ERIC'S BACK!

Just wanted to say thanks for all the reviews and feedback I've gotten on all my DB stories! You guys are my motivation to crank out another chapter every once in awhile so thank you! You're awesome.

Blair finds him sitting outside, nursing his whiskey thoughtfully.

She doesn't want to think about what drew her out the door.

She tells herself she just needs the air, and he's annoying for being out here, as if these front steps are hers.

Then she thinks of the Met steps.

"Hey," she says quietly and sits next to him.

"Hey," his tone is almost mocking, and it cuts her, so she grabs his glass and takes a sip from it.

"Serena is really drunk," she laughs softly and glances up at his face. His jaw is still so perfectly contoured, she used to imagine he had some sort of reconstructive surgery to make it look like that. It made her feel better when she was feeling insecure about herself in comparison to him.

"Can we not do this?" he asks, just above a whisper.

"What?"

Dan casts his eyes down and takes a deep breath, "Can you not act like we're friends? Like the past two years didn't happen."

She flinches at his words and pulls her gaze away from him, "I just thought-"

"Why did you say it back?"

"What?"

"Why did you have to say it back? I would've been fine if you would've just..."

He trails off and his intoxication becomes imminent as his voice cracks lightly and his words slur.

"Why did you stay so fucking long?" he asks before she has a chance to answer, "Honestly, why did you even come in the first place?"

Blair lets her forehead rest in her hand with her elbow on her knee as she tries to think of some sort of explanation to his questions. After a year, she hoped they would've both recovered from their messy end.

"You proposed to her," she says, "You proposed to her with my ring."

"Your ring? It stopped being your ring after you said no to my proposal for the third fucking time," He stands up and snatches his glass out of her hand. His eyes look darker in the moonlight, no light or sparkle accenting them, "Besides, you're here with Chuck. Why do you care if I'm engaged to Serena?"

"I don't," a beat, and then, "congratulations."

"I guess we're all back to where we started," he snorts an ironic laugh and swallows the rest of his drink, "how pathetic."

"Sorry you actually had to try with me," She takes it back as soon as she says it, but it's too late. Dan locks eyes with her and she can feel the heat, the anger.

"You're right, Blair. I tried so hard to win you over and you made me look absolutely pathetic. It was all me, all one sided. Thank you for reminding me how I spent the better part of two years of my life."

They're both quiet for a few minutes until he says, "Answer my question. Why did you say it back?"

Blair feels frustration growing inside of her as she plays with the hem of her skirt, "What does that even mean? Are you implying I didn't mean it?"

His laugh is cold and rigid. "What I'm implying is that you said it so that you could look back on the moment and remember what it feels like to tell someone you love them and actually have them give a shit."

She blinks back a few tears and looks up at him, "You're drunk."

"You're unhappy! Don't bother pretending you're not, because I know what Blair Waldorf looks like when she's happy. I never thought you'd actually go back to him." Dan stares at her for a few seconds, his eyes carefully glancing from her gaze down to her mouth. She wonders if he'll kiss her, in a last minute effort to save whatever they had.

He doesn't. He just opens the door quietly and shuts it behind him.

After what seems like hours, but is really only ten minutes, she returns inside to find the game has concluded, and Serena and Nate are playing quarters on the coffee table while Chuck scrolls through emails on his phone.

Serena #2 is passed out on the floor.

She has no energy for any of them so she takes the stairs to her bedroom and falls asleep reading A Farewell to Arms for the second time.

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"Are you sure you want to do this?" Serena asks, her voice feigning concern.

"Of course I want to do this. You would if you were in my position."

Serena had been so annoying lately, questioning her decision about Rome and her feelings for Dan. Every time she turned around, Serena was browsing her closet or helping her back toiletries for the first few nights in Italy. Their conversations always focused on the same topic.

"But you can't even tell Dan you love him."

Blair rolls her eyes as she forces more clothes into her already packed suitcase. She'll have to ask Dan to borrow a duffle bag later, as repulsive as the idea is.

"I told you," she says firmly, "I want the next person I say 'I love you' to to be the last."

"That's a big commitment," Serena responds skeptically.

Blair breathes deeply and bites down roughly on her lower lip to control her irritation.

"Serena," she cuts her gaze to the blonde's green eyes, "Do you have a problem with me going to Rome? You've been bothering me about it for the past week."

"Don't you think you're acting sort of selfishly?" she asks, "What if I went to Italy with Chuck?"

Blair just chokes out a laugh as she says, "Go wherever you want with Chuck. It's not the same thing."

"If you're still in love with Chuck then it is."

"You told me you wouldn't stand in the way of Dan and me, and yet that's exactly what you're doing right now."

They go back and forth like that for awhile, Serena describing how hard it's been to watch them together, Blair explaining that she had her chance and blew it multiple times, that's not Blair's fault.

"I could still have him back if I wanted to."

"You and I know both know that's not true."

Serena's eyes water as she nods a few times.

"I told Chuck where you're staying in Rome. You know he won't stop until he has you back."

A fire of anger burns in the pit of Blair's stomach, "As if Dan isn't insecure enough about Chuck, thank you, Serena. I have been walking on egg shells around you for the past few months but I'm done now. If you can't handle my relationship with Dan, you don't need to. I want you out of my life. For good."

Serena tries to apologize, but Blair freezes her out, doesn't respond, doesn't even look at her. Eventually she leaves the house in the huff.

Before Blair climbs into her car to Brooklyn, she pulls out her phone to text Chuck.

She glances at the words a few times before deciding to send it:

"It's not worth even trying."

The next morning she's on a plane to Rome.

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Serena stumbles into their bedroom around 2:00 a.m. and pulls her clothes off sloppily, climbing into bed next to him. Her leg hooks around his waist as she nuzzles into his neck for a kiss.

"I'm tired," he says. Of everything, he thinks.

"I don't care." She climbs onto his lap and straddles him, grinding slightly with a soft moan.

Dan decides to refocus his anger so he mumbles, "condom," and lets Serena roll it onto him gently. The problem is, Dan doesn't feel like being gentle right now.

He lets Blair's words play through his head as he flips them over and thrusts into Serena roughly. She lets out a loud gasp and grips the back of his neck tightly.

"Dan," she breathes, "what's gotten into you?"

He doesn't want to talk so he silences her with his mouth and bites her lip so hard that he has to stop for fear of drawing blood.

Serena moans his name as the bed creaks and shakes noisily, her head falling back as he buries his face in her hair. For a sad moment, he pretends it isn't real, that he'll open his eyes and see brown hair strewn across the bed in front of him.

Nope, still blonde.

"I-" she gasps, "I'm close."

Her fingernails dig into his shoulder as he moves into her more roughly and she shudders at the climax.

"Congratulations," he hears Blair say as he finishes in a huff and responds to her with a silent, "Fuck you."

Serena falls asleep cuddled against his shoulder.

Dan doesn't sleep.

He wonders if Chuck holds Blair when she wakes up crying at night.

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The first time he officially proposes, because she doesn't count the time during sex, is two weeks later.

They're standing on a bridge in Florence, overlooking the river and he says, "Blair, I need to talk to you about something."

Her throat swells up immediately, because she thought they were done with this conversation. His hand sits in his jacket pocket, and she wonders how he doesn't realize how obvious he's being.

"Talk away," she smiles lightly.

"I know it's only been a little over a year, but keep in mind that I knew I was in love with you way before you knew you loved me."

His feet fidget slightly and she kind of wants to stomp on them because it's really distracting her.

"I meant what I said that night," Blair just cocks her head to the side as if to say she doesn't remember, "I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"Oh," is the only thing she can say in response.

"I know, I know," he starts, handing her the ring box as he begins his explanation, "but I've already talked to your dad about it. And Eleanor…well, I feel like you already don't care what Eleanor would say, but I could talk to her too. Don't you remember, in 'When Harry Met Sally'? The famous line."

Blair thinks for a few seconds before saying, "When you meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

"Blair, I'm never more myself than when I'm with you. You infuriate me, you make me absolutely crazy sometimes, but I wouldn't want to spend my life with anyone else."

Blair stares at the ring for a couple minutes, opal stone glittering in the sunlight surrounded by tiny diamonds. It's perfect.

"It's not the right time," she says and clicks the box shut, handing it back to him.

Then she starts walking down the bridge, leaving him to catch up to her when he's ready.

It doesn't take him long.

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When Blair wakes up, Chuck is still on his phone.

She understands his undying need to save his empire, but sometimes she needs him too. He never needs her back.

"How did you sleep?" she asks, softly kissing his shoulder.

"Good," he clicks his keyboard rapidly, "I watched you sleep for awhile. You looked beautiful."

Blair smiles and leans up to kiss his cheek, standing up to pull her pajamas on.

She walks groggily downstairs to find Dan sitting at the kitchen counter with Eric making waffles. He must've arrived early in the morning, because his suitcases are still sitting by the door.

She quickly has an internal debate of whether to venture into the kitchen or run back upstairs before they notice her, but it's too late.

"Blair! Good timing, I just finished the first batch of waffles."

Blair smiles weakly as she pads to the stool next to Dan's and slides in beside him. His posture tenses immediately and he's silent as he eats. She wants to say something, but everything feels too awkward, so she focuses her attentions on Eric instead.

"Are you graduating from Sarah Lawrence this year?"

"No, actually," he piles a selection of berries onto Blair's waffle and hands it to her, "I'll have another semester next fall, because of my major change."

Blair just nods and takes a small bite of her waffle, feeling at a loss for conversation. Eric must notice, because his eyes narrow at both of them.

"I'm sensing some tension," he smiles mischievously, the smile that used to form when Dan and Blair first started spending time together, the smile that took note of Dan's nervous energy whenever Blair was around- even when they were dating, "Did the Duchamp vs. Hirst debate get too heated again?"

They're both silent for a few seconds, both resisting the argument that's brewing.

"That's not even a debate," Dan responds suddenly, "Yes, they both make people question the nature of art but Duchamp's work doesn't compare with the innovative and powerful pieces that Hirst produces."

Before Blair can even control her mouth, she's countering him, "Because preserving dead animals in formaldehyde is so beautifully innovative."

"It's a clear illustration of the beauty of death and rebirth! How do you still not see that?"

"It's sensationalist! I've been telling you that for years."

Their eyes meet and Blair can't control the small smile that falls on her lips, because even after all this time, something is still there. That spark she used to crave, the challenge.

Dan bites his bottom lip and glances down at his food quickly, as if trying to hide a smile of his own.

"Eat your waffles, Waldorf." he says softly and takes a sip of his orange juice.

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"Oh thank god."

Relief washes over Blair's face and he can't help but show the slight disappointment he feels at the results.

She's not pregnant.

Truth be told, they were not ready for a kid.

But the thought wasn't entirely awful.

Definitely not as awful as Blair was making it sound.

"Trust me, Humphrey. It's a good thing."

Dan just nods and throws the second pregnancy test in the trash. He's been noticing more and more lately how easily Blair brushes off these monumental moments in their relationship. Whether it be her repeated rejections of his proposal, or her reaction to the possible pregnancy- which could described as repulsed, horrified, and simply annoyed- he's finding it harder to tell how invested she is in them.

"Well I guess that means we can grab a drink or two to celebrate."

Blair is beaming and it kind of makes him tense up, because he can't stop thinking about what she would've been like if the test was positive.

"Blair," he follows her out of the bathroom and into the kitchen, "I think we need to talk."

"I thought we already discussed this. No more proposals, Dan."

"We didn't talk about it," he sighs, exhausted, "You talked about it and didn't really give me a choice. I'm not proposing again, I just think we should talk."

She has to make everything so difficult for him. While it's one of the things he loves most about her, it's also one of the things he hates.

Blair slides into a stool at the counter where he stands at the other side. He can tell she's ready for a face off, preparing for a fight that he didn't know they were having.

"I understand that you don't want to get married," his voice is sure and steady, "I also understand that you're not ready to have a kid."

Blair nods a few times and raises a brow, encouraging him to continue.

"What I don't understand is why you treat me like a moron for wanting those things with you. Even if it's not now, eventually I do. It's starting to seem like you don't, and that you don't think I should either. You practically laughed in my face when I asked you to marry me at Harold's birthday party last month."

Blair takes some time to contemplate her words. The silence eats him alive.

"I don't want to be controlled by love anymore. That's what marriage would do, that's what it does, it controls people."

"It doesn't have to," Dan's waits a couple seconds before saying, "I saw the postcard."

Blair's forehead wrinkles in confusion, "Is that what this is about? If you're afraid of losing me or something-"

"Blair if you honestly think the only reason I want to marry you is for control or security then clearly you don't understand our relationship at all. Love is not a cage."

Blair thinks back to all the years before, Chuck using love to trap and manipulate her. The thought of fate and destiny controlling most all aspects of her life.

"It can be," she says quietly, blinking back tears.

"Not with me. I thought you of all people would understand selfless love, how it feels to love someone without expecting- a lot of times without receiving- anything in return."

"Then why marriage? If you don't need anything in return."

"Well I kind of wanted it to be a mutual thing… not a gift you're giving me for loving you."

"That's what it would be," she says definitively, but her fingers are fidgeting nervously.

"Then maybe…maybe we should rethink this," Dan takes a deep breath and buries his face in his hands, unable to look at her eyes, "I think we're on different pages in this relationship. My book ends with you and me and yours ends with…Well, I don't really know how yours ends."

"Oh, how poetic, Humphrey."

"I'm serious, Blair," he reaches for her hand and rubs it with him thumb softly, "I think you should go back to New York, figure out what you want."

"I want you," she says softly, defeated.

"You think so, but- I don't know, I think something is holding you back. I don't know if it's Chuck, or Serena, or something else entirely, but you're not in this thing the way I need you to be. If you realize this is what you want, I'll be here."

"Why do I have to leave? Why can't I stay and you go back to New York?"

"Because there's nothing for me to figure out there. I've already made my choice…and it's you."

He watches her pack her suitcase and they both struggle to blink back tears. It's weird, watching her leave and knowing that he won't be going with her. He hates himself for needing confirmation, wishes that he could just go on pretending it doesn't matter.

But as she stands in the doorway with her bags, a weak smile on her face, he knows he's made the right decision. She'll be back before he knows it. He drives her to the airport and she simultaneously laughs while crying as he hugs her. It doesn't seem real.

Then she's gone, and he feels a small sense of relief as she climbs into his car. However, the relief doesn't match the intense ache he feels in his entire body when he returns to his apartment, their apartment. Her Chanel no.5 still lingering in the doorway.

She never comes back to Italy.