A/N:some lines are from the book as well, using them in different spots to fit this fanfiction… Thanks for the reviews… and follows. I am soo ready to write more… as usual go ahead and tell me what you think and of course rant away! I want to hear opinions of allegiant, maybe it will help me accept the end. -or not! Five stages of death... Denial (check), depression(check), bargaining(Peter! Drew! Caleb! Evelyn! Marcus! Christina? Maybe Tobias! Anyone but Tris!), anger(CHECK!), acceptance(NEVER!)

Chapter Fifty-one

Tobias

I do not move, I am keeping still. That is all I've been doing the past eighteen hours, six minutes and fifteen seconds. I am afraid to make sudden movements, afraid that this will result to something that I didn't want to happen. I just want to stay still hoping that if I do all of this trance will wake me up, hoping that it would all be a nightmare. All of this… I would gladly take the war from inside the walls of our old home. Factionless Vs. Allegiant, I would hide from them, run away from all that and just be with her. Spend all my time with her at all times; never let her out of my sight again…

But that's not what Tris would have done, I say to myself. Tris would do this all over again if it meant changing something for the better. I mean she is in position because of that passion!

The doctor is talking to us in the room, mostly addressing to me. But I do not comprehend what he says. All I hear is the repetitive beep... beep.. beep from the machine that Tris is hooked up to.

I watch her breath regularly, as if she's asleep. Like I've done the night before, her three bird tattoos on her chest rise as she breathes. I blink and the memories of her and I in my mind play when we finally conquered her fear of intimacy. Our fear of intimacy… How timid and nervous she was, how her lips would tremble between mine with every new touch we explore together. I shook that thought off, how stupid of me to be thinking about that when she might not be able to wake up from this. This is something I should share with her when she wakes up. If she wakes up, a sad voice says in my head.

No! She has to wake up, I need her to! Tris has always been strong. She will pull through this. My thoughts are weak but I still hope, hope that she will pull through this as she did when she was under the death serum.

I stare at her pale face and I see a few strands of hair stuck to her lips, I shakily lean forward pushing the hair away from her face. I linger between her lips, she felt a cold to the touch but she's breathing at least… she's still breathing.

"Four…" Christina's voice brings me back from my thoughts, barely. She has been the only one who could. She and I both had the same regret of not being there with her to find her. But either way, she can only hold my attention for a few seconds. I always fall into my trance of just watching Tris and listening to the beep… beep… beep of the machines as if it is my only lifeline as well.

Christina's mouth is moving but I can't comprehend what she is saying, "Four…" she says again, her voice insisting for me to look at her, to really look at her.

The doctor left and everyone else did too. Huh, I didn't even notice they were here.

"No." I say weakly. My brain processed that she was asking if I needed anything.

"Four…" she sighs, "You haven't eaten in a day…"

Eighteen hours, twenty minutes and seven seconds. My brain processes. It's the only way I can keep myself from my thoughts, counting time and watching her.

"Four…"

"No." I say firmly. I stare into her bloodshot eyes, and she flinches. I probably was too harsh on her. But I do not care. I do not care at all anymore. I see that her nose is as red as her eyes, she's been crying. My chest clenches with jealously. I want to express emotion too, other than being this frozen, emotionless person. But I refuse to cry, if I cry I feel like I admitted to myself that all hope is loss. That if I cry I would succumb to my grief I also admitted that Tris isn't going to fight this and come back to us.

I look away from Christina and start watching Tris again. Even though, I know she's strong there is that tight feeling in my chest that says she might not be able to make it. I shove that feeling away as I have been doing and listen to the machines to keep myself calm.

I hear Christina leave and I am alone once again with her. I remember I would always say to Tris how I always wish we were alone. And this is the only time that I wish that I wasn't, but at the same time I am not a good company for anyone to even ask for anyone to stay with me. Cara tried to talk to me once but all I could do was nod, asking if I understand what was happening and what will be happening the next few hours. But honestly, I didn't care what she was saying… Tris is here. She's breathing… she's holding on…

I remembered Cara's voice, sad and grief, when she tells me what had happened in the Bureau. "It's Tris…"

"What about… her….?" I couldn't even utter the words. I was too afraid to ask. A heavy feeling in my stomach knows what the answer is, and I don't want to accept it. I shove that feeling away. This isn't happening. She's not going to say what I think she's going to say.

Cara looks at me and Christina who also has the same look on her face as I do, but she doesn't say anything. She's waiting, but her fear on her face says everything, "Tris went into the weapons lab instead of Caleb…" she pauses when she sees me shake my head in disbelief. "She survived the death serum and set off the memory serum." She chokes on a sob, "But she was shot so many times before Caleb had shot David to save her…" tears start to fall from her eyes and she refuses to look at me now, "They had to do an emergency operation on her, I don't know the status just yet cause I came here immediately… She had lost a lot of blood already when they took her in…"

"No…" I muttered. I don't believe what any of this, Tris, is alright. She cannot… Tris wouldn't leave me alone, she wouldn't go to the weapons lab instead of Caleb. But another thought crosses my mind, if the memory serum was released it might have been a chaos to operate on her if the doctors don't even know their name. But then if they are operating on her that means that it should be a good sign. Right?

"They don't know what else would be wrong with her… they wouldn't know until she wakes up…If she does…" she says in between sobs, "If she does… they don't know if she will…"

Christina just kept shaking her head, and finally when the grief was finally too heavy for her to handle, she collapses to the ground and starts crying. Christina, who always had something to say about everything, and anything in the world, is lost for words. Cara falls to her knees and holds Christina, and they both cry in each other's arms as Christina screams something I could not hear.

I do not hear anything. I am busy with all my thought. Of course Tris would go into the weapons lab instead of Caleb, of course she would. I wish I could show any emotion as well. But I don't.

All I'm doing is standing still…

They say the next few hours are crucial for Tris' recovery… so I keep counting the time to determine if there any changes other than her chest rising and falling along with the machine helping her breath. And as well for me the next few hours are a blur, I stay with her and leave when I only have to. But that is barely… I never left her side. I refuse to leave her side. If anything happens, I refuse for her to be alone… like she had in the weapons room.

I sigh, sitting on the chair really close to her bed. In her pale state, she is the most beautiful I've ever seen. And probably the only one I will ever find beautiful.

I remember when her body hit the net, all I could register was a gray blur. I pulled her across it and her hand was small, but warm, not like now which feels cold as I hold her hand. And then she stood before me, short and thin and plain and in all ways unremarkable—except she had jumped first. A stiff jumped first. Even I didn't jump first.

I expected her eyes would open right at this moment; those same eyes were so stern, so insistent. Probably telling me or demanding me to get myself straightened out. But she doesn't, she just breaths. Never had I seen her so fragile, I've always known she has strength. She chose Dauntless because she felt brave, not because she ran away from her family like I did.

She lies on the bed, her hair away from her face. I always make sure nothing covers her beautiful face. I ignore the wires that are hooked up to her most of the time. But I know they are there, helping her. Helping her so she would come back to us… come back to me.

I gripped her hand tighter than I should do, but I couldn't help it. I need her back to me. I place my head into her hand, "Come back to me, Tris…" I pleaded into her palm, in my vulnerability and sound of my voice it sound like a prayer. And I feel her palm wet, wet from my tears that I have been holding on to. I let the sadness swallow me and I cry on her hand. And kept repeating for her to come back to me…

Forty Six hours, four minutes, and six seconds…

Four and Six…

a/n: I hope you like this one… R&R pleaseee? Ohhh and still feel free to share your thoughts on allegiant! 3 rant away my lovelies! I keep listening to david cook's come back to me. She has to come backkk soon! Like in the real series… come on veronica roth… she has to come to him! I cant read four's books anymore, I just want him dead instead of Tris… ok maybe not,! But still anyone but Tris! BARGANING! ahhhhh