Originally a short one-shot that popped up in my sleep deprived brain at work, this has now spiralled into a series of more or less erotic, but always embarrassing little incidents between the MMFM characters. You can blame Firebird9 for this, who I personally hold responsible for pointing out that our fandom is surprisingly restrained ;).

Little Accidents

Monday mornings - How he hated them! The only thing worse than a Monday morning had to be one set after a worked through weekend and a sleepless night which he had both accomplished in the last 48 hours. Detective-Inspector Robinson suppressed a yawn and tried to concentrate on the protocol of the case he had just closed. The alleged killer was securely locked up in the cells since exactly three am this morning, after Jack had to phycially pull him off Phryne Fisher who had tried and utterly failed, to disguise herself as his devoted wife. The latter hadn't been that much of a surprise. In opposite to their serial killer kneeing him in the gut before launching himself onto Phryne, trying to strangle her. Thank God that Constable Collins had had the presence of mind to grab Miss Fisher's dropped weapon from the floor in the resulting struggle. While a golden pistol might not be the most masculine of looks, it had ended the fight and any more bloodshed with it. The Constable really started to come into his own, Jack caught himself thinking just as the younger police officer appeared in the door frame to his office. He looked just as tired as the Inspector felt, even though his ribs probably didn't hurt quite as much. The Inspector had to admit that it had been incredibly stupid of himself to let his guard drop even for that minute but he had been blind sided by Phryne's overt flirting that under the circumstances, had been risking more than his heart and sanity this time around. And to Jack's surprise her almost demise had not spoiled her mood in the slightest. On the contrary, during their nightcap or rather morningcap in her salon, sans alcohol due to his following duties, she had lost no time in luring him once again with those eyes that haunted him into his dreams. Jack swallowed hard at the memory, having to shake the thought off to return his attention to Hugh Collins who was currently walking towards his desk.

"The protocol of the interview, Sir." He stated unnecessarily.

"Thank you, Collins." The Inspector said, pretending to be busy even though he had been staring on a page blankly for what had to have been at least 15 minutes. Just as the Constable had reached the door, he remembered something.

"Aren't you due to see the priest today, Constable? About the boundaries of holy matrimony and the necessity to follow the beam of the lighthouse that is the Vatican to involve yourself with Miss Williams?"

Jack was too good of a detective to miss the small beads of sweat suddenly appearing on his Constables forehead.

"Tomorrow, Sir, but thank you for remembering."

Technically, their conversation was finished with this but Hugh didn't seem to intend on moving.

"Is anything the matter, Collins? Not getting cold feet are you?"

Questioningly the DI raised his eyebrows, now finally giving his full attention to the young man who seemed to have frozen in the door frame.

"No...yes, I mean. No. I still want to marry Dottie. It's all just a bit much..." He trailed off. Jack found himself suddenly very worried. While he was aware that Hugh Collins suffered somewhat of performance anxiety, there had never been a doubt in his mind that he would be married to Dorothy Williams within the year. The Inspector rose from his chair to step around the desk and gestured his fellow officer over. Sitting down at the edge of the desk he had a better look at the flustered face of his opposite, who cautiously walked closer.

"What is going on, Collins? Out with it."

The Constable opened and shut his mouth a few times like a fish on the dry land, his eyes avoiding the DI's gaze. But the truth finally spilled out.

"Everything, Sir. The converting; I'm still not sure how to break to my mother that I'm going to be catholic; and how to afford the wedding; and how are we going to deal with Dot wanting to stay on with Miss Fisher and..." At this his voice got so quiet Jack had a hard time making out the words, "...the other things that are expected of a married man to perform."

Inspector Robinson had trouble to hide his shock at what was implied.

"Are you telling me you never have...?"

Of course. Dottie Williams was a good catholic girl and Hugh too devoted and shy to ever have tried anything. The Constable proved this by turning the shade of a rather ripe tomato and staying silent. Jack Robinson cleared his throat, realising he was paddling in dangerous waters.

"In my experience, Collins, that stuff is quite self-explanatory." He tried carefully.

"Miss Fisher has given me a book, some time ago. But it looks all... rather difficult." Hugh now looked like he wanted to die on the spot talking to his higher ranking officer about this but nevertheless he pushed on. "I don't even know how to start."

At this the Inspector shook his head. Of course, Miss Fisher and her ideas. Maybe she should have given Collins some more practical advice. Then again, that thought left a rather bitter taste in his mouth.

"Oh for gods sake, Collins. It's not that hard."

In sudden resolve Jack got up and beckoned Hugh over, to his own surprise wrapping an arm around his shoulder while settling the other hand on his hip. A pair of wide eyes stared at him in astonishment. The Inspector blamed his sleep deprivation for his sudden bluntness and decided to run with it rather than back down.

"See, it's very simple. You just embrace her like this and then you kiss her and everything else leads to one ano-" At this point he stopped cold, as Hugh Collins decided to take a very practical approach to his lesson and kissed him.

„Oh. God." Was all Jack found himself thinking. It wasn't bad, a bit like chicken. Hugh tasted of peppermint, which wasn't that much of a surprise and turned out to be a rather skilful kisser, which was. His arms that had been hanging weakly by his sides a moment ago, had started on their own agenda and snuck around the Inspectors back, pulling him closer, which brought them into a much more intimate position then originally intended. At the feel of the warmth seeping through the layers of fabric separating them, Jack couldn't help but think of Phryne. The longing to hold her just like this, was sometimes overwhelming. He kissed back with a bit more vigour than he had meant to, running his hands over a very unfamiliar back and forgetting for a moment where he was and with whom. Hugh on the other side seemed to embrace his lesson just as much as his superior. His eagerness was alot more exciting than it should have been and the Inspector found himself in a pool of mixed emotions running from a spell of arousal to total confusion. When they finally pulled back, both men had lost their breath. Looking into each others eyes broke the spell. Jack stepped back, letting his arms slip off the fellow officer and clearing his throat. His ears were burning in embarrassment.

"So, this is how you do it, Collins. The rest I won't demonstrate, that you will have to work out with Miss Williams." He stated as calmly as his current position would allow and made sure his clothes were still all in place before sitting down behind his desk, pointedly returning to his protocol. Hugh Collins stared a moment longer with glazed eyes at his superior then slowly moved towards the door.

"Thank you, Sir." It wasn't more than a hoarse whisper coloured with confusion.

"Don't mention it." Said DI Robinson, looking up. "Oh and Collins."

The Constable turned around and saw to his relief a small smile playing around the other officers lips.

"I really believe we should not tell anyone about this little... lesson."

Hugh Collins nodded and closed the door behind himself. Jack returned to his work. Monday morning. Nothing like it.