Home Again, Home Again.

Belongs To JKR

Snow covered landscapes filled Severus' vision as the train lumbered back toward Hogwarts. Hills, plains, mountains and trees were bedecked in a thick frosting of white, giving the area an air of innocence.

Severus might've admired it had his mind not been occupied by his situation, which at the moment, was far from ideal. He had no intention of listening to Dumbledore's words or that "court" of blood traitors.

As long as Dumbledore and Lily keep their mouths shut I'll have no problems. I just need to act as though nothing happened. Oh Merlin, Lily keeping her mouth shut? I might as well ask for Sorcerer's Stone while I'm at it.

However, Lily still hated him most likely, which meant she'd want to keep secret their latest interaction. He hoped, recent events had left him…..confused to say the least.

Severus was broken out of his reverie by the sound of his car door opening.

"Damn it all Mulciber, I told you I wanted some peace and qui-"

"Should I be insulted you confused me for the bastard, or happy you're away from him?" Asked the voice of Lily Evans.

Severus snapped his head toward Lily to take in her figure. He fumbled in his mind for some words that would simultaneously express his love, desperation, regret and happiness that she was here in the same car. But instead contented himself with a barely passable.

"Lily"

Severus was never more grateful for the fact over his voice finally settled on a particularly pitch then the constant alternation that had humiliated him through puberty. And more specifically through his interactions with Lily.

Lily sat down in the seat opposite him, and looked into his eyes as if searching for something. Her gaze made Severus want to lock her inside here with him so she could never leave, and he could have her all to himself. While at the same time it made him want to curl up in a hole so he'd never have to feel that level of desire and need for something so out of reach.

Lily broke the silence after what seems like an eternity of waiting.

"Why?"

Severus his taken aback by the sudden break in peace.

"Why, what?"

"You know damn well what I mean Snape." She snaps, then as if speaking to a simpleton enunciates each word. "Why Did You Save Me?"

Severus, irked by her tone, answers.

"For the pleasant conversation obviously."

Lily doesn't laugh.

"I'm serious Snape, I want to know why you saved me."

Hearing Lily call him Snape hurts more than Severus expected. From anybody else this level of vitriol would earn a scathing comment on blood purity or looks. But with Lily he can barely keep an impassive face.

"What does it matter Lily? You're alive aren't you" Severus asks wearily

Lily sputters something unintelligible before saying.

"Because I'm just a 'filthy little mudblood' right?"

The words he's uttered thousands of times to Merlin knows how many mudbloods hit him in the stomach with the same force as one of Tobias' meaty fists.

"I didn't mean-"

"Save it Snape, I think we both know you did otherwise you wouldn't have said it. I just wanna figure out why you saved me" Her eyes are hard and cold.

Because I love you.

But those words don't leave his lips, they never do.

Severus contents himself with controlling his rising anger, this has been first time in almost a year Lily's said more than a word to him so it's worth a little self control to have her here.

"I, because, you,"

Severus hates the way he's fumbling over his words. He breaks eye contact with Lily before taking a deep breath and staring back at her.

"Because I care for you." Which as close to the truth as he's able to get as of now.

Lily stares at him again, before her eyes soften.

"Then why'd you call me that?" She asks in a small voice, turning her head away.

Severus desperately searches his brain for the right combination of words that would express how truly sorry he was and how not a day goes by that he doesn't regret what he said.

"Because, Lily, I, I'm, I'm not good with feelings" He says pathetically.

Lily looks up at him again, evidently waiting for something else.

"Lily I don't know why I said that. Cause I'm a fool? I've asked myself that question too many times to count. I didn't want to be seen like that, not in front of the school and certainly not in front of you. And when I saw you smile, I don't know, I got so….angry that you didn't understand I was embarrassed. That you were laughing at Potter's jokes about me just like everybody else. I wanted to hurt you as much as you hurt me." Severus finished lamely

Lily lowered her head and gazed at the floor.

"I'm sorry for smiling, it wasn't, it wasn't because of what Potter did to you, it was the fact he did it for me. I don't know if that makes sense."

It didn't make sense to Severus but he nodded his head anyway.

"I wish none of this ever happened." Lily sighed and looked toward the window.

Severus mustered his courage before pleading.

"Lily can't we, can't we just go back to the way things used be?"

Lily looked at Severus again.

"No, we can't. We could try, but the same thing might happen again."

She rose from the seat, her fingertips brushing over his knuckles

"We're too different now, what you're doing with the Dark Arts, and your awful friends. I can't, I just can't accept that."

Lily paused again and locked eyes with Severus.

"Thank you for saving me, you've no idea how grateful I am, but, I can't go back to the way things were."

She looked out the window for moment.

"Everything's changing Severus"

And with that she left his car.

Severus sighed and stared out the window at the snow covered landscapes again.