a/n: HI MERRY BELATED CHRISTMAS. enjoy some m rated cophine smluff. ha. i'm thinking there will be a part 19, and then the epilogue, so this is slowly drawing to an end, just as a forewarning. thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for all of your kind words and amazing feedback. it means so very much to me. enjoy!

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"maman, will you braid my hair?" those tiny little eyelids, bare of lashes, fluttered at me as sera held up the brunette wig that fit so perfectly atop her head. my eyes wrinkled at the corners as i smiled down at her, biting the inside of my lip to keep from getting overly emotional. i gave a slight nod and she happily moved to sit at my feet, snugly pulling it onto her head. she was only an hour away from being picked up by sarah, who was taking kira to the movies and invited sera along, as well. she pulled out a small basket that held a variety of freshly picked flowers, ones that i assumed she wanted me to braid into her hair.

"did momma pick these for you?" i posed softly, marveling the array of colors in the basket. she nodded her head and although i didn't have a clear view of her face, i knew that she was smiling. i sang to her as i worked, and in turn, she took the time to paint my toe nails to repay the favor. it was sweet, really, how i would have braided her hair until the sunset, singing mindless melodies procured through my youth and still, she wanted to give me something in return. it was one of those moments where i knew that i had raised her right, along with the help of her father and cosima, one of those moments that squeezed at my heart, warmth emanating throughout my chest.

just as i slipped the last twist of the hair tie over the end of the second braid, there was a knock at the door and instantly, sera was on her feet, stopping only briefly to check her reflection in the mirror, smiling widely at the feat i had accomplished. i had only recently broken her of the habit of calling them 'fishy braids,' managing to coax her into calling them 'fishtail braids.' it was one of those heart-warmingly adorable things, like how she called 'fruit cocktail' nothing but 'fruit cottontail,' until she was four. she was getting out of that phase, growing into a bigger, more extensive vocabulary. each time she used a bigger word, something a little more expansive, i could see the pride light up in cosima's eyes, just as i knew she could see the same thing in my own.

part of me knew that we were perhaps showering her with too much attention, that we were smothering her with it, but i couldn't help myself. she was my brave little warrior, my girl, my papillon. i had all of the faith in the world in her, backed her on every single war she had to fight. i was so impressed with the way she wore her armor, waging a battle that even grown men had lost before her. no one was immune, and that was what was terrifying. she had that spark in her, though, and i could often see it in her eyes. it flickered there every now and again, a faint reminder than she was nowhere near the point of giving up. she disappeared around the corner and not a moment later, i heard the door open as sera belted out a greeting to kira and her mother. after a brief pause, the two girls returned to the room, arm in arm with sarah shuffling in behind them. she offered a small wave and i returned one of my own with a small smile. sera was almost instantly between my knees, wrapping her arms around my neck. "au revoir, mère!" she told me gently, kissing my cheek. i grinned and kissed each of hers, hugging her tightly, though she squirmed in my grasp.

"je t'aime, papillon." she beamed up at me and leaned toward me, nuzzling her nose against mine, causing me to smile. "don't forget your bag," i reminded her; thankfully, sarah had been kind enough to offer a bit of a sleepover, as she had many times before sera had been in the hospital. it was the first time since she was released, but seraphina had won me over, convincing me to let her go despite the fact that it made me nervous to think that something might happen and i wouldn't be there. sarah had been around long enough, though, that she was more than capable of knowing what to do in an emergency situation, and it was why i relented so easily. i waved goodbye to the three of them, thanking sarah once more before she pulled the front door shut behind her, leaving me to slouch back into the couch, closing my eyes as i tapped into the silence around me.

it was a saturday afternoon, something i often referred to as 'the laziest day of the week,' even when sera did stay home, the three of us mostly worked on puzzles or played charades. we made cinnamon rolls and cookies, cooked dinner together and attempted to make dessert, which almost always turned into some kind of food war with whipped cream in too many places to count. some part of me felt as though with as long as cosima was taking at the market, that she might have had something similar up her sleeve, only it was most likely a little less pg than it normally was. i chuckled to myself at the thought, briefly realizing that had my eyes been open, i probably would have rolled them. it wasn't so much that she was predictable as it was that i just had come to know her that well.

i'd had every intention of picking up a book and satiating my thirst for something to pass the time, but instead, i must have dozed off, because i awoke to cosima plopping down on the couch next to me, remote in hand. "well, good morning sunshine," she greeted, a sense of teasing hanging so sweetly to her words. "there's a pizza in the oven and i got a bottle of red out of the basement." i raised a brow and she tried to cover her smile with her wine glass, taking a long, drawn out sip, though i could hear her teeth nick the edge, ringing quietly in the air. she lowered her glass, her lips still curled up haughtily in a smirk. "yes, i made it myself," she responded to my unasked question. i laughed quietly and wiped the sleep from my eyes, wiggling into more of an upright position as i reached for the other glass cosima had poured for me.

"and you got a movie?" i posed with the slightest of smiles, eyeing her in my peripheral vision. she nodded proudly, sinking back into the soft cushions of the couch, scooting to sidle up next to me. she thought she was being sly, sneaky even, but i was immediately hyper-aware of the way her hand found a home on the top of my thigh, her fingertips resting on the inseam of the leggings i had on. i set my wine glass on the end table and leaned toward her, sliding down into the couch so i could rest my head on the curve of her shoulder. it was a habit of comfort, one that let me feel closer to her when we were doing something so menial. i think i knew, even before she hit the play button, that neither of us were going to make it farther than ten minutes into the movie, especially with the way her hand was subtly inching up my thigh, just a bit at a time.

i was having the most difficult time when it came to focusing and i was all too aware that cosima was getting a kick out of the fact that she was making me squirm, most likely with minimal effort. after a few more minutes of her silent teasing, i glanced up to look at her, attempting a bit of a menacing glare, but with the way she was smiling, i couldn't help but do the same. damn you, woman, i mused to myself, almost in a sing-song tone. i squirmed in an attempt to sit up and turned to angle my body more toward cosima's. "not fair, you're talle—" i raised two fingers and pressed them firmly to her lips, quirking a brow as a familiar flame ignited in her eyes, causing my stomach to fill with the fluttering of butterfly's wings.

"haven't you learned yet?" i breathed at her, the tip of my nose only a centimeter away from hers. "i don't play fair." closing the gap between the two of us, i parted my fingers and gingerly pressed my tongue between them, gaining an immediate pass through her parted lips. i could feel as nearly every ounce of her posture went lax and i used her weakened state to my advantage, leaning into her so that her head rested on the arm of the couch, my weight against her body as our legs tangled together. a weak whimper chimed from low in her throat and her fingers had tangled in my shirt, gripping it tightly with the harder she kissed me. the burning deep in my lungs, the need for air caused me to part our lips, inhaling deeply through my nose as i buried my face in the crook of her neck, my hands moving to her sides. my fingers prodded lightly at her sides, my heart bracing for the soaring trip it was bound to take at the sound of her laughter. as she giggled and writhed beneath me, i almost saw her next move coming; she held onto me tightly and shifted her weight to the one side, causing us to roll off the couch and hit the ground with a 'thud.'

instantaneously, we burst into laughter, though i had some sort of inkling that it would be short-lived, and i was right. cosima's hands instantly found mine and she laced our fingers together, bringing them up to pin them to the floor above my head. her face hovered above mine and i was sure in a heartbeat that we were both aware that i was hers, completely and entirely hers, wrapped up in every last bit of her, from the sweet and sentimental side that was all too prevalent in every day life, to this side, the playfully sexy side of her that i could not help but love. before i could consider any other option, her mouth took mine my storm and i could feel the weight of her body shift into mine in all of the right places, exactly the right places, eliciting a moan that i attempted and failed to withhold. the way her tongue so readily, so familiarly roamed the confines of my mouth caused my heart to race and the blood in my veins pumped at an exceptional pace. coherent thought felt like a distant memory and i could think of nothing but her, by the taste of her, the feel of her, the love of her i had welling up exponentially in my heart.

struggling against her hold, i raised my hips desperately for hers, that hunger surfacing in the pit of my stomach again. how was it that she could still make me want her, as if we were nothing but horny teenagers? how was it that i was insatiable when it came to her love, her attention, her affection? there could never be an outcome where i could have enough of her, especially after so many nights attempting to sleep on a stiff hospital couch. she had been patient, she had been brilliant, and she had been… well, cosima, and i felt as though it was the least i could do anymore, to show her just how much i loved her, too, and how thankful i was for every last bit of her time, her heart, and her body that she had so willingly given up. her hands loosened their grip on mine and i took the opportunity to push up on them, moving to an upright sitting position, one of my hands pressing flatly to her back as i pulled her close to me, my chin tilting upward so i could gain easier access to her lips, stealing a hungry kiss.

it was absurd, really, the way we struggled to move around, to get off the floor, all while never truly breaking our kiss. somehow, we managed it, though, and the moment we were steady on our feet, cosima seemed to waste not even a second of time. she grabbed the hem of my shirt and tugged it up, pulling it over my head before her arms snaked around my waist, her skin warm against my own as she jumped at the opportunity to kiss and suck at newly exposed flesh. my knees were weak and my pulse had skyrocketed, all remaining semblance of thought completely vacating my mind.

my fingers trekked methodically down her back, grabbing for the bottom of her shirt before reciprocating the favor, pulling her sweater over her head, giggling as it caught on her glasses before dropping them back down onto her nose. i raised a hand and gingerly removed them, setting them on the arm of the couch before i turned my full attention back to her. our lips collided as her fingertips raked down my torso and made quick work of sliding my leggings down to pool around my ankles, trailing kisses in the wake of her movements. she placed a barely-there kiss just below my bellybutton and hooked her fingers into the waist of the lace that wrapped snugly around my hips, tugging down until they gave way, falling around my ankles, too. i stepped out of both garments and cosima was quick to make her move, backing me into the dining room. she dictated my way, which i probably should not have trusted her to do as i backed into the corner of another end table, but we eventually made our way there.

there were these few instances where cosima seemed to strike a well-filled mine of confidence, where she was brazen and bold, so unafraid to take control even if i wasn't always so sure i wanted to give it up. the way she went about it, the way she wrapped me around her finger, it wore me down and i couldn't help myself. she let go of me just briefly as she used an arm to sweepingly knock most of whatever was on the dining room table onto the floor before she returned her main point of focus back to me. she stepped into me, easing me onto the table although i was not entirely sure where she was going. i trusted her, in some ridiculously strange way, and i would give her whatever it was she wanted, which was apparently to take charge that time around. she leaned into me as she placed herself between my legs, her hands on my knees as her lips delightfully meshed with mine, causing my breathing to catch unevenly in my throat; i could feel the front of her jean shorts pressing to my lower belly, causing me to groan in wanting, that steady thumping sounding in my ears. she tauntingly traced her way down my neck with the tip of her tongue, deliberately placing kisses on the points she had already deemed as weak spots, causing me to moan in desire. i was hers to shape and mould, hers to bend and break, but only in the best of ways. her teeth nipped at my skin as her mouth traveled to my hip. she placed a series of light kisses headed inward where my thigh met my pelvis.

both of cosima's hands gripped strongly at the underside of my thighs, pushing my legs up as her lips, her tongue reached the destination they had always been intending, causing me to cry out in ecstasy, my moans hanging heavy in the air. my fingers entangled in her soft brunette curls as my breathing hitched in irregular patterns from the pleasure that wrapped up my spine as hers began to work in tandem with the miracles of her tongue, causing my toes to curl and my muscles to clench. like so many times before, i tried to fight it, but the muscles in my thighs tensed and squeezed around cosima's head, my hips rocking to the side beyond my control. as my body stilled, she was quickly leaning over me, not hesitating to meet me with a kiss; i'd spotted it just briefly, that hunger, that burning thirst deep in her eyes and i was more than happy to see it fulfilled, to be the one to fulfill it. i sat up against the pressure of her weight, cupping her jaw in my palm as i squeezed her hips between my knees, so ready to take the upper hand from her.

i rendered her breathless, that much i knew, and i was wise enough to use it to my advantage. i planted an all-enveloping kiss across her lips, using any chance i had, including the one i took when i pulled her lower lip between my teeth, nibbling on it teasingly. i kissed her, letting it linger for far longer than i should have, but i loved getting her engines revved, getting her riled up. placing my fingertips on her shoulders, i lightly pushed her back and slid off the table. as i took her up by the face for yet another breath-taking kiss, she leaned into me, weak to my touch. all i knew was that she was overdressed for the occasion and that was a problem that needed an instant remedy. i reached down between us an popped the button on her shorts, not hesitating to tug down on the zipper. wasting no time, i managed to get them down her smooth, tan legs before my hands traversed her hips, her backside, her thighs. i lifted her up by the backs of her thighs, out of her shorts and pressed her into the wall, pinning her with the weight of my body. i shucked the underwear that hung perfectly on her hips and kissed over her collarbones as my fingers made quick work of the clasp on her bra. i removed it, mindlessly tossing it aside with the entirety of my attention focused solely on her and nothing else.

her lips tasted so incredibly sweet on my own, but her skin was even sweeter. my own lips paved their way down the hollow of her throat, over the dip between her collarbones, between her breasts and over her perfectly toned stomach, something i still loved about her. i dropped to my knees as i traced light lines downward from her navel with the tip of my nose, the skin of my lips barely brushing the skin of her lower torso. i placed a tame kiss between her legs as i scooted forward, raising a hand to lift her leg, pulling it to rest on my shoulder. i could feel her fingers tangle in my hair as her hips bucked off of the wall, causing more of her to fill my mouth. her cries and moans only drove me on, only caused my hunger to bloom. i wanted to work harder, to please her, to make her feel as amazing as she had made me feel.

my fingertips pressed into the flesh of her hip and she gave a gentle push on the back of my head, a surefire sign that she was lost to the pleasure i was aching for her to have. "del-delphine!" she cried my name and my skin sheeted in goosebumps. her hips rocked again and i knew she was on the precipice, but before i could help push her over, there was suddenly a loud, shrill ringing and for the first time, i could smell the awful scent of burnt food hanging in the air. "the fucking pizza," she hissed, although there was an almost childish sense of laughter ringing in her tone. i groaned in dismay as she slipped away from me, leaving me kneeling on the ground in front of the wall. call me… what is it, old school? but i wasn't quite satisfied until, well, cosima was, too. there was a certain sense of pride and self-fulfillment that i gained from getting her to freefall over that edge. we had gotten carried away, and as a result, i did not doubt that we would order take out most likely after midnight, but i did not care. all i wanted was her.

quickly making my way to my feet, i followed her into the kitchen as she shut off the oven, not bothering to open it. we both knew the damage was done; we didn't really need to see it. i slipped in front of her and lifted her onto the counter by the sink, placing myself between her legs. "so romantic," i teased, but instead of a verbalized response, cosima jumped at the opportunity to kiss me so heatedly and so deeply that it nearly threw me off balance. damn her! i debated teasing her all over again, but i knew better; she had waited long enough. my fingertips danced over her skin in familiar paces before they trekked to their destination, nestled between cosima's body and mine. her back arched, pushing her chest into mine and i delivered what she was silently crying out for, my strokes and strides deliberate, but gentle. i occupied my mouth with hers, conducting the most sensual of dances between my tongue and hers. her nails, no doubtedly, raked up the skin on my sides as she dug them in deep, her teeth sinking into my shoulder as her body began to shake against the motions of my hand. i worked hard, strove to deliver every last bit of pleasure i could give her. her hands found my face and she was kissing me all over again, sending me into such an incredibly disillusioned state. it was like every neuron in my brain short-circuited and i could hardly put much thought to anything. she took hold of my hand and shakily slid off of the counter to stand unsteadily on her feet, leaning into me for support. i held her as she steadied her knees and leveled her breathing, tugging me out of the kitchen and toward the stairs. "so much for dinner," i mused in a sultry giggle. she glanced over her shoulder at me, cocking a brow with a satisfied smirk.

"j'ai un beaucoup plus grand appétit à remplir, ma chérie." that was all i needed, to turn to wax and melt by the heat of her flame. some part of me had known before she'd gotten home how the night was going to end, or at least what it would entail, and i could not say i was, in the least, disappointed. it had to have been hours later by the time cosima rolled to my side, her chest heaving as our skin stuck together where it touched, coated in a thin, sheen layer of sweat.

"i'm so easy when you break out the french," i murmured into her hair as i placed a light kiss near her hairline.

"why do you think i do it?" i breathed a soft laugh, giving her side a gentle pinch as an answer. i was quiet for a moment, but she quickly filled the science with her words. "je t'aime."

my lips spread apart in a grin and i tilted her chin back to place a soft kiss on her lips, far less demanding than any of it's predecessors. "i love you too, ma chèrie."

—

sunday rolled in and i knew that sarah would have seraphina back by ten; her last chemo session was to begin at eleven thirty and it was a twenty five minute drive to the hospital. i knew that sera was happy, thrilled to finally be nearing the edge of mandated hospital trips, though this one would not come without it's disadvantages, as we were sure to find out. she was nearly welling up with tears by the end of her session, begging to know if she could stay for a little bit longer, because she was feeling incredibly ill. the nurses had been more than compliant and moved her into an open room, just in case her symptoms elevated and we needed to make it an all-nighter. i had dozed off, but awoke a short while later to find one of the nurses changing the bag in the trashcan next to the bed sera was curled up, asleep, in.

i wiped the sleep from my eyes and cleared my throat, as not to startle her. she turned and greeted me with a smile and a gentle hello, but i was quick to notice that something was missing, or someone, rather. "do you know where cosima went?" i asked her in a quiet whisper.

she tilted her head toward the door and to the left. "i think she went around the corner and down the hall." my brow wrinkled in curiosity.

"the maternity ward?"

"that was the last place i saw her." i shrugged and got to my feet, figuring i might as well venture out to find her.

"come get me if she wakes up?" i posed and lilian responded with a smile and a warm nod. with that, i followed her direction and turned the corner, making my way down the hall. i pressed through the double doors and nearly stopped in my tracks at what i saw, just wanting to drink in the moment forever. cosima stood, wrapped in her own arms, before the giant pane of glass, staring in at the various infants, some newborn, some a few days older. i quietly sidled up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist, my chin resting on her shoulder as i followed her gaze. she jumped only slightly, her hands falling to lie atop mine. "what'cha doing?" i posed softly in her ear.

"just looking," she answered, almost too quickly. "did you know that over a third of these babies were either left her under the safe haven law or lost their parents by other means?" my face softened, though i was fully aware she could not read my expression from where she was. so that was what this was about; her roots. "they're orphans. just like i was." i squeezed her tighter, nuzzling into the crook of her neck. "i mean… i got lucky, i truly did. so many kids fall into the wrong families… but not me. i just… it's so hard to think about the ones that do, you know?"

i didn't want to let her go, to think even for a minute that she could possibly get away. "you can't save them all," i informed her as gently as i could manage. i felt her posture slack in disappointment, but i was not finished. "but that doesn't mean that we can't try to save one of them."