Disclaimer: Shizzali does not own Dukes of Hazzard. She does however own the story, respect other people and their rights. Courtesy of CBS and Village Roadshow Pictures
Racoons and Short Shorts
Jackie shunted into town in the old pickup that morning. Peering through her front window as she searched for the site of the pub disguised as a run down old shack.
Jackie jumped in the truck, twisting the keys. Cruising over the dirt road towards town, she flicked the switch for the radio.
People try to put us d-down
"Talkin' 'bout my generation" Jackie sang along with The Who as she cranked the volume. She nodded her head to the Rickenbacker beat. She was about to enter onto the main road when the truck took a large jolt. Jackie hit the brakes hard, throwing herself forward. She got out and rounded the car and surveyed the damage. Nothing was done to the car, but a barely alive racoons was lying on the dirt road under the car. Jackie hastily picked up the animal, got back in the truck, and jammed her foot hard on the accelerator.
Jackie burst into the Boar's Nest, the only place she knew that would have any people in, holding the dying raccoon in her arms.
"Quick! Help! We have to get this guy to the hospital!"
People had whipped around to see what all the fuss was about. Now they cracked up. Jackie was shocked, this was no laughing matter, a poor defenceless animal was dying. A girl came out from a door behind the bar. She, unlike the others, didn't laugh, but walked right up to her and relieved Jackie of the now dead animal. Daisy raised her arm and threw the thing out the bar door.
"What are you doing?!" Jackie exclaimed. The girl wiped her hands and Jackie suddenly recognised as the girl in the background of the photo of Bo and Harold.
"Don't worry about it, it was getting pretty boring around here anyway," Daisy gave her a reassuring smile. Jackie's face had cooled down and did no longer resemble a tomato.
"The truth is, they're kind of pests, Jackie," Daisy looked her with humour in her eyes. Jackie couldn't help but wonder how Daisy would know her name, but she knew better than to try to understand the people of Hazzard.
"I mean, it is sad. Next time say a prayer and sit him next to a tree." The brunette wore a large grin. Jackie couldn't help but smile a little herself.
"I'm Daisy, by the way. Daisy Duke," the girl extended her hand out to Jackie for introduction. Raising her eyebrows, Jackie returned it. Daisy walked over behind the bar, stacking glasses.
"Duke eh? Bo and Luke's sister?" Jackie hoisted herself on a stool.
"Oh! No," Daisy shook her head slowly, "Bo and Luke aren't brothers. We're all cousins,"
Jackie nodded, ironically she had no comprehending how these people were all related. Jackie took the chance to look around the bar. There wasn't much activity. But then again, it was only ten o'clock in the morning. The limited amount of people that were inside were either getting drunk, or passed out (whether or not it was recent or from the night before could not be determined).
"Geez Dick!" Daisy had come out from the kitchen. Jackie followed her eye line and snorted. One of the unconscious people had passed out on the pool table. 'Dick' snoring quite loudly, was sprawled over the green velvet, a small pool of drool emitting from his mouth. Daisy trudged over in her killer heels shoving the old drunkard.
"Mmmmm! Wha-? Gerrof!" Dick swatted at Daisy.
"No Dick, you get off!" Daisy continued prodding, "If you don't move in the next ten seconds, I'm not serving you tonight," Daisy stood back waiting for his answer.
"One"
No movement
"Two…Three…Four"
At five Dick began to slowly roll off the pool table. Jackie watched him all the way out the door.
"See you tonight," Daisy called after him. Dick waved a lazy hand as he walked to his car.
"Another day at the Boar's Nest," Daisy sighed and chuckled. "Do you want a drink?" Jackie looked up and nodded.
"Yes please. A lemon squash if you have one,"
"Wow, haven't had one of those in awhile," Daisy shot Jackie another smile. As Daisy made her drink, Jackie sited a small 'Help Wanted' sign. Jackie immediately remembered what Pauline had been saying a few weeks ago.
"Has that position been filled yet?" Daisy handed Jackie her drink and looked at the idle sign hanging in the chicken wire.
"No, not yet. You interested?" Daisy's face lit up as she gave a Jackie a once over, seeming to approve.
"Yeah I might be. I kind of need to earn an income. Australian dollars only go so far in the USA," Jackie said in an off-handed kind of way. She didn't want to sound too desperate.
"Oh! That would be great! The last girl left because she had to be in Miss Georgia pageant,"
Jackie laughed nervously. From what she gathered, her body was nothing to be in awe of. Great she thought I'm going to be compared to Miss freaking Georgia and legs eleven over here. Jackie considered Daisy's outfit.
"Is that the uniform?"
"Yeah," Daisy pulled at the tight red t-shirt and the EXTREMELY short shorts. "Uniform in the loosest of terms. Though I had to put this through a few washes so it would fit,"
Fit was for sure. In Jackie's opinion it looked like Daisy had painted it on. Jackie couldn't help but look down at herself, wondering if she could pull off the "uniform".
At that moment, a large man of proud demeanour and wearing a brown sheriff's uniform, strutted into the bar. He surveyed the patrons, a few giving him a wave or a nod.
"Can I help you Rosco?" She said in an impatient tone.
"Gimme me a Buddie, Daisy. And make it quick, Boss's got me on an errand"
Rosco had only just noticed Jackie.
"Well hello there little lady," He gave her an up and down. She wasn't sure she liked the attention.
"Jackie this is Rosco Coltrane, the local Sheriff. Rosco, this is the new girl Jackie. Be nice," Daisy's tone was cautionary and stern.
"Oh I wouldn't dream of being anything but nice," He smiled, his teeth her yellow and crooked. Jackie smiled back half heartedly. Daisy slammed the beer bottle down on the counter.
"No go away Rosco,"
Rosco nodded to both of the girls and left with his beer.
"Should he really drink and drive?" Jackie was a little worried.
"He's not actually on duty, everyone knows Monday's his day off, but he doesn't know everyone else knows,"
"Ohhhhh," Jackie nodded in understanding.
..oo00oo..
The sun shone through the lounge room window onto Jackie's sleeping face. Scrunching her nose, she tried to pull the covers over her head. Turning slightly to free the blanket, she underestimated the width of the couch. A small squeal emitted her mouth as she fell to the floor. Groaning, Jackie heaved herself up off the floor and walked groggily to the kitchen. It was brighter in there than in the other parts of the house, as the sun rose over the trees, slightly clouded by the morning mist. She heard the birds calling and the cows mooing, and then she snorted.
I feel like I should be in a Julie Andrews movie.
Humming the tune of "A spoon full of sugar" Jackie searched the cupboards for a bowl. All she could come up with was 3 dusty plates and a rusted frying pan.
"Hmmm" Jackie turned the pan over in her hand, "Guess it's toast then,"
..oo00oo..
Jackie moved the truck up to the curb. She looked down at herself and laughed out loud at how ridiculous she looked… and felt. She slung her duffle bag over her shoulder and made her way into the Boar's Nest.
Since it was relatively early, the bar was relatively empty except for a few regulars. Jackie looked for Daisy in the room. Eventually she found the brunette in the kitchen.
"I'm ready," Jackie set down her bag in an alcove with the name "new girl" above. Great, just to feed my paranoia. Daisy set the box full of frozen fries on the counter and looked up to Jackie, and frowned.
"What?" Jackie pulled at the t-shirt daisy had given her the day before. It had been two sizes too big and now resembled a Hessian sack against Jackie's tall frame. She had been told to supply her own shorts, which of course Jackie didn't have, so she took the liberty of making hotpants out of an old pair of jeans.
"What? Your uniform is what's what," Daisy placed her hands on her hips.
"It's what you gave me. And besides, I can't walk in heels," Jackie was referring to her doc martins, going with the comfort over style theory.
"This just won't do, I'll have to make some changes," Without further ado, and without so much as a warning, Daisy grabbed shirt and reached for the scissors. Cutting a slit up the middle, she pulled the two halves together in a knot just under Jackie's boobs, revealing her stomach.
"No! I can't do that!" Jackie grabbed self consciously at her bare skin.
"Yes you can, and you will. It's going to fill up soon for lunch," Daisy reached up and pulled the band Jackie had been using to hold her thick brown hair in a bun. She ruffled her hair and stood back to admire her work, like an artist with a painting.
"Well I suppose it's an improvement," Daisy saw Jackie cut face "You're beautiful honey, but you need to work it. Most of my income is made on tips,"
Jackie shrugged.
"Mmkay, here's how it goes, how are you at making drinks?" Daisy led Jackie to behind the bar.
"Erm, I did work a bar job in a pub when back home -"
"Great. You may have guessed, there isn't anything too glamorous about Hazzard," Jackie smiled in affirmation
"So anything not often used is behind the chicken wire, and the really strong stuff. The rest, bourbons and tapped beer are behind the counter," Daisy indicated the row of coloured bottles in front of them.
"Also…if anybody tries to get to anything without your permission, don't be afraid to do some damage,"
"Can inflict bodily harm, got it," Jackie looked to Daisy and the two giggled.
They moved to the tables.
"Pretty easy here. Anything left behind, pile onto the trays," Daisy pointed to a stack of silver round trays stacked against the wall, "over there. Get the spray, two squirts and a good wipe should do it,"
"Uh huh," Jackie was listing in her mind, adding spray and wipe. The girls moved over the pool table.
"Now, the pool table can get pretty rough. First of all, there are bets, so money is gonna be on display. It's part of our responsibility to watch the dough. Which comes to fighting. Guys, and some girls, get pretty peeved when they don't win. Any arguments, report to me," Jackie nodded
"Okay, so with these uniforms there comes a bit of naughty behaviour," Daisy looked at her straight, and Jackie turned to the brunette front on. "If anyone does anything you're not comfortable with, anything at all, you set 'em straight,"
Jackie flushed pink.
"Don't be embarrassed to get one of my cousin's involved, they usually love a fight," Daisy patted her on the shoulder and walked back to the kitchen. Jackie followed quickly.
"Somehow I don't think they'll want to help me," Jackie looked down, not sure what the beauty would say about her treatment of her cousins.
"I heard about that. You know, I don't blame you for standing up to Bo, I know of all people they're a little much. But no more, I guess Pauline has told you about reputations," Daisy eyed
"Yeah. Pauline has Hazzard pretty down pat eh?"
"Yes she does" Daisy nodded and began unloading the dishwasher.
"Geez Sheev! If you come around the front I'll give you something fresh. That's the last time I catch you goin' through our trash!" A tall and large man had come through the back screen door carrying a Styrofoam box of seafood. He dumped the box on the counter, saw Jackie and smiled.
"Hello? Who's this?" The man turned to Daisy for an introduction.
"Oh hi Toady, this is Jackie. She's gonna be the new waitress. Jackie this is toady the cook,"
"I prefer chef if you please," He extended a large hand out and Jackie shook it.
"Pleased to meet ya. Now, who wants some fish?"
..oo00oo..
Seeing as it was a Tuesday, business was pretty slow. Around lunchtime the usual suspects came in for their daily meal. Jackie had a lot of men ogling at her, which she didn't know to be flattered or disgusted about. Then she saw the way they looked at Daisy and she quit complaining.
"Howdy partners!" A rowdy and seedy looking man had burst through the door. He seemed to be awaiting a good reception, but the pub had simply looked around, shrugged and turned back to what they had been doing previously. The man sneered and scouted for a place. Daisy came out of the kitchen with a handful of plates.
"Oh great," she muttered
"Who's he?" Jackie asked, eyeing the man as he sat down.
"THAT is Johhny P Coltrane. You thought the sheriff was bad, Johnny's his nephew. Right pig he is," Daisy sighed and passed a couple of the plates over to Jackie. "here, take these to table twelve,"
Jackie walked to the table a plate on each hand. This however entailed walking past Johnny Coltrane. He gave her an up and down leaning back in his chair and gave her a smooch of the lips. Jackie grimaced and kept walking.
SMACK. Johnny had whacked her ass so hard that Jackie was sent sprawling onto the floor, the plates smashing and making a mess on the floor. Johnny cried out in laughter, slapping his knee.
"Sorry honey, I just FELL for you!" He continued to laugh hysterically. Jackie pulled herself up and began to clean up the mess. She heard the bar door open again.
"What's so funny Johnny?" Jackie looked up. Luke and Bo had just arrived. Johnny immediately started to choke, suppressing a laugh. The cousins walked up to where Rosco was sitting.
"I said, what's so funny Johnny," Luke was in his face this time with challenging eyes.
"Nothing Duke," Johnny didn't seem to be up for the test.
"Good," Luke stood up properly and looked down at Jackie. "Are you okay?"
Jackie nodded wiping gravy off her arms. Daisy came to the rescue, throwing Jackie a towel and piling the mess into a large tray. Jackie stood up, and was confronted by Bo.
"Jackie," He nodded. His tone was stiff. Jackie would have none of it.
"Bo! How are ya mate! How's that lovely car of yours, still as loud and obnoxious as ever?" Jackie said in mock accommodation. Bo rolled his eyes and passed her to go sit by Luke at their table. Jackie turned and Luke caught her eye
"Two Boar's Nest steaks thanks," He called across the bar. Jackie smiled in recognition and turned to give the order to Toady.
The rest of the night was pretty much the same. Johnny called the occasional remark as he got more and more drunk, but Jackie learned to ignore it
"Here you go, 30 dollars," Daisy counted the money out of the till and placed it in Jackie outstretched hand.
"Wow, plus tips, I did quite well," Jackie counted the money in her hands.
"Does that mean you'll be back tomorrow? Please say you will, it'll make this place more bearable," Daisy waited anxiously for her reply. Jackie smiled reassuringly.
"Of course I will!"
Daisy shrieked and hugged her. Jackie was a little startled by the gesture but returned it all the same.
"Oh thank you!"
"No worries, see you tomorrow," Jackie picked up her jacket and left the bar.
..oo00oo..
As she pulled up to the house, she recognised Pauline's car parked outside.
"Hi Pauline," Jackie got out of her car and walked over to the woman.
"Hiya darrlin'," Pauline pulled Jackie into a hug. Two hugs within the hour! Is this some sort of initiation?
The girls walked into the house. Pauline walked straightinto the back and took out one of her frozen meals.
"You know, I don't want to rush you, but you should really do something about this place soon before it falls down around your ears," Pauline took a sip of wine as the two ate their dinner together.
"Yeah, what would you recommend professionals or do it ourselves?"
"Well there's enough people around here to do it. Put an ad up, maybe you'll get some takers,"
The next day Jackie posted fliers all around the town. As she stood back admiring the one at the Boar's Nest, she heard a snort behind her. She turned around.
"Good luck," Tom's tone didn't sound that reassuring.