AN – In case you missed it, there's still no happy ending here. I am hoping the show corrects that when it returns but for now the suffering continues. This is Oliver's POV now. Oh and still no beta as I needed to push this out and yet couldn't force Mic to suffer with me – I do apologize for any mistakes!
DISCLAIMER – Not mine or this wouldn't have happened so blame the CW for this mess!
Sara's words were prophetic as Felicity did say good-bye the next day. She wasn't leaving for good but she was leaving him and going to spend time with Barry in the hospital. Oliver threw himself into his work to avoid the pain of his mother's deceit, the shame of using Sara and the loss of Felicity. Days passed where he spent his mornings training with Diggle, his daylight hours at QC, his evenings training and patrolling with Sara before he trained Roy well into the night. It was a punishing routine but exhaustion was the only chance he had to find even a couple of hours of sleep. Whatever cathartic release he had found with Sara was gone – his thoughts were in turmoil and his emotions raged.
Oliver's first thought upon seeing Felicity enter the lair on that fifth day was that she was a hallucination brought on by exhaustion, insanity or desire. He simply stared at her as she nodded a greeting to him and Sara before going to Diggle for a tight hug. He tensed at the obvious sign of their continued affection but his jealousy was overwhelmed by the sheer gratitude he felt at her return. He knew it was ironic that it was Felicity who had saved him when his mom shot him and it was Felicity that he was again hoping would save him this time as well. He needed Felicity to chase away the shadows and soothe whatever was left of his battered soul.
At first, Oliver simply basked in Felicity's presence and his contentment at her return was so complete that it took a couple of days for him to realize the differences. It was always quiet whenever Felicity wasn't around but now that she had returned the silence was deafening. Oliver finally realized that yet again a choice he hadn't intended to make would have repercussions that he wasn't sure he could live through.
Somehow Felicity had managed to complete her work at QC without spending any time with him. Whereas before she would lounge in his office to prepare files and push paperwork at him, now complete file and organized stacks of paperwork simply appeared as if by magic on his desk. Computer glitches were always resolved overnight and no longer meant she would steal his chair while he leaned over her to watch her efforts. Meetings were suddenly always scheduled at lunch so there were no more shared meals in his office. Work continued without interruption at QC but without Felicity it just felt like a job now.
She also managed to avoid him at the lair although evidence of her efforts was obvious. Reliable intel was always available but usually sent via text or delivered by Diggle. Dinner was once a group affair but now it was just him and Sara. Oliver suspected Diggle and Felicity went out together but he didn't ask and they didn't say. His workouts were no longer accompanied by the sound of her fingers flying along her keyboard or her inappropriate rambling as she snuck glances at him. Perhaps the most painful difference was the fact that Felicity no longer wanted to help heal him physically either. When he returned to the lair slightly injured one night, he found she had laid out all the necessary medical supplies but she left it up to Sara to bandage the wounds. Just as with QC, their Arrow work continued without interruption but without Felicity it just felt like a duty now.
Oliver found Felicity had become another ghost haunting his every hour. Always around but just out of reach, he couldn't touch her or get through to her at all. He knew he had failed her, he knew he had hurt her but what he didn't know was how to fix it. She was always the one who picked up the pieces and put him and them back together. Oliver just didn't know how to do any of this without her.
Sara had said she had given up love to keep what was left of her soul but Oliver found he was more than willing to give up his soul to bring Felicity back to him.
AN2 –Now that I've ranted I'm going to return to my imaginary world of Olicity fluff (Lessons Learned) and maybe even some smut (Primal). I do hope to update both soon so feel free to join me in ignoring last night's episode until we have to deal with it later this month!