AN – I truly hadn't intended to continue this but I'm still feeling angsty about the episode and now Felicity seems to want to speak! BTW, I was so surprised by the reviews on this one as well as on the Lessons Learned List – you guys are just amazing and so supportive! I always try to respond personally to reviews but yesterday was crazy so pls don't be offended if I'm slow or I miss this one! I truly appreciate all who read, review, fave and/ or follow so never doubt that!

AN2 – This whole story came after a chat with LightningPrincessR so I have to give her credit for inspiring me to rant out my frustration in this way!

AN3 – As always, thank you to my beta Mic Riddy for suffering through this emotional purge with me!

*****FINAL WARNING: Still no happy ending so proceed with caution!*****

DISCLAIMER – Still not mine and I still blame the CW for this story!

Felicity tried to rally her sluggish fingers and corral her wayward thoughts so she could finish this project before Oliver and Diggle got here for their morning training. Felicity now knew everyone's schedule and squeezed herself in whenever she could – she preferred to be here with Diggle or even Roy but sometimes it was impossible to avoid Oliver and Sara. She knew Oliver had figured out what she was doing but he hadn't commented, hadn't commented on anything really, and Felicity was grateful for his lack of communication skills for once. She was barely clinging to her sanity as it was and it took all she had to simply survive and function right now. She knew both QC and the Arrow were bigger than her though so she knew she had to push her personal heartache aside to do her part. She did still believe in Oliver and his quest for justice in the city.

Struggling to focus as her thoughts continued to wander further and further afield, Felicity quickly grabbed her cup and downed the last of her coffee before she resumed her search. Yes, Oliver had requested the intel but truthfully Felicity hoped that if she could provide sufficient data on an ongoing basis then it would pull him (and Sara) out into the field each night. At least then she would only have to listen to him instead of see him. She was eternally grateful that he and Sara were not touchy feely people so there wasn't a lot of PDA to witness, well, actually no PDA but Felicity wasn't going to complain.

Felicity really was happy that Oliver and Sara were together and helping each other to heal (that's what she kept telling herself and even Diggle on occasion when he noted that it didn't look like they were together). She wanted Oliver healthy and happy…Felicity tried to ignore the little voice that said she just wanted to be the one he was happy and healthy with. She could still hear Oliver assuring her that she would always have him. Those words were once so sweet but now they were more of a cruel taunt.

She had poured her heart out to a still sleeping Barry even as she felt cowardly for running away. It did help her process and she needed that as mint chocolate chip ice cream was now ruined forever for her. After rambling to Barry for hours, Felicity did reach several conclusions. She knew logically that Oliver cared for her even if it wasn't in the way she wanted. She knew he would always be there for her, though again not in the way she wanted. She knew he had never promised her anything more than she already had. Her brain was fully aware of the Team set-up and goals and the important role she played in that. She was aware of and grateful for the friendships she had on the Team. However, none of those things kept her heart from breaking every time she remembered seeing Oliver and Sara putting their clothes back on that night.

The sound of the lair door closing brought Felicity out of her mental anguish and she said a quick prayer that it would be Diggle, Roy … even Helena might be a welcome sight but Karma just wasn't on her side and it was Oliver standing at the base of the stairs looking at her. For a moment both just stared, seemingly unable to move, seemingly afraid to speak. Felicity felt her heart clench painfully even as gasped as she let herself see him for the first time in days. Oliver looked tired, weary, and even wary as he stood; his entire body was tensed as if expecting a blow. Neither spoke, nor moved but neither looked away either … the door closing again broke the spell and snapped Felicity back to attention. Finally remembering to breathe, Felicity turned away and tried to ignore her now pounding heart as she pulled in some much needed oxygen.

Felicity escaped the lair shortly after Diggle had arrived and made her way to QC. She needed to get several things done there too before Oliver arrived. One meeting had been rescheduled and Felicity needed to fill his lunch hour but first she needed to check his computer and pull some files. She also hoped to sneak away to the executive lounge a floor below for a quick nap. Sleep still eluded her most days but as it usually included nightmares Felicity sought it with caution and only after she was exhausted. She wasn't sure which nightmares were worse, the ones with Oliver hurt and bleeding, or the ones with him kissing Sara.

Felicity stumbled into her apartment late that night, but she considered the day a success as she had been able to maintain that dangerous tightrope act which allowed her to do both of her jobs and yet spend little or no time with Oliver. Now if she could only convince herself that this new system was working … or if her brain could convince her heart to forgive Oliver for so they could go back to being friends. She missed her friend and that more than anything was the reason she cried herself to sleep each night.

A knock at her door surprised Felicity and she fumbled to drop her bags and check who was there. Oliver was the last person she expected and she again froze at the sight of him. It was clear he knew she was there, right there at the door as he whispered her name. Felicity closed her eyes and barely held in a soft sob as his soft words reached her through the door.

"Felicity, I just need to know if you are ever going to talk to me again, look at me again. Me! Not the CEO, not the Arrow. Are you ever going to let me back in?"

There was a slight pause and Felicity opened her eyes to find him through the peephole. He had both hands braced on the door and his head was bowed. Felicity was surprised when his head raised and it seemed like he was able to see her, see through her as he spoke again.

"I miss my friend, my partner."

Felicity watched as he waited several more long moments before his shoulders slumped and he walked away without saying good-bye.

AN4 – I've marked this as "in-progress" now as I desperately want to find that happy ending before the show returns and messes with my head again! :)