tw: mentions of suicide in this chapter
Kiku is an object stuck in a chunk of ice, and Alfred is a flame, turning Kiku's icy exterior into useless, useless water. Alfred is a flame, dwindling into ash, and Kiku is the meek breath of someone trying to keep that flame from burning out. Alfred is good at being the flame to Kiku's ice. Kiku is not good at being the breath to Alfred's flame.
There is light inside of Alfred. It's in his eyes, in his actions, in his laugh. It's in everything he does. His honey-blond hair is like Alfred's own personal ray of sunshine, and Alfred seems to be glowing at all times.
But, Alfred is sad. He's quiet and his eyes seem to have lost their shine, no longer the sparkling blue gems that Kiku once saw them to be. And damn it if that doesn't break Kiku into pieces.
Alfred is the only thing Kiku has. Not only that, Alfred handles Kiku's standoffish behavior and lack of emotion considerably well, and Kiku feels that, if he and Alfred had met before everything had changed, they could have been friends.
Should have been is better phrasing, Kiku thinks. He and Alfred work too well together for their lives not to cross paths at some point in time. Kiku is sure of this because even up to his shoulders in sadness, Alfred is still making Kiku feel after he shut himself down emotionally. Though, Kiku can't bring himself to resent Alfred—mostly because they're the last two living things on Earth and it would be pointless and detrimental—but also because he likes Alfred, more than just an 'I'm stuck with you so I guess I'll tolerate you' kind of way. He considers Alfred to be his friend.
Alfred is dying, though. It sounds like a stupid thing to think, but it's not. Alfred without some sort of happiness—even a minute amount—is like the sun without fire. Without his trademark happiness, Alfred doesn't eat. Kiku does manage to get some food and liquid into him from time to time, but Alfred never eats willingly. He also hardly talks at all, and when he does his voice is monotonous, a far cry from the animated manner of speaking he had before. Kiku is afraid that he's going to drown in his sadness.
Alfred is absentmindedly running his hand through his hair. When he pulls his hand away, there are strands of blond hair on his hand, pulled from his scalp effortlessly. Kiku quickly averts his eyes from the scene.
"You really should eat more regularly. It's not healthy to do that."
"I want to die."
"Alfred—"
"There's no point in living! You should want to die too!" Kiku can't hear Alfred talking this way. This is what's going to destroy me, Kiku thinks, not being alone, not the elements, no. It's Alfred. Alfred and this newfound despairing attitude of his.
"So, what, you're going to starve yourself? Make yourself suffer? What have you done to deserve that?" Kiku can't bring himself to look at Alfred. Eye contact is hard enough to accomplish when he isn't arguing with someone. Alfred is silent.
Suddenly, Alfred steers himself away from the direction he and Kiku are facing and starts walking toward a building that sells guns. Kiku's stomach flips upside down; he feels like he's going to throw up.
"Alfred!" Kiku yells, because he really can't think of anything else to say.
"Maybe you're right," Alfred doesn't turn to face Kiku; he just keeps walking, "maybe I don't deserve to suffer. I'll get a gun. It'll be quick."
"Alfred!" And Kiku is screaming Alfred's name now, running after him. Alfred is a flame; Kiku is covered in ice; Alfred has thawed him out.
"You stupid…! You can't leave me! We're in this together, you stupid…you stupid bastard! Don't you see what you've done to me? Do you see me, right now, breaking down right in front of you?"
Alfred stops and turns to face Kiku. There are tears in Kiku's eyes, and he looks absolutely defeated. He and Alfred stare at each other.
Alfred lifts up one of his feet. It wavers in the air for a while before stepping down in Kiku's direction. It only takes a few steps to reach him, and once he has, he envelops him in a hug, and they're both crying. After all, they are just two very lost people in a very broken world.
"I'm sorry," Alfred whispers. Kiku sniffles in response.