AN – For those of you who just reviewed Ch 3…how's this for a quick update?! :) I actually wrote this about the same time as the last chapter which is why I'm posting both at the same time. This continues the angst which will please some of you but not all and I'm sorry for that! I do desperately want the happy ending and I am trying to work toward that. However, as I have no real plan to get there I can't actually guarantee anything more than more angst! Read at your own risk!

AN2 – Always a shout-out to my beta who reviewed both new chapters today! Thanks Mic!

DISCLAIMER – If they were mine then we wouldn't be in this mess!

Felicity's POV

"I just need my friend tonight … please, Felicity."

Felicity was surprised enough to see Oliver standing just inside her window that she actually looked into his eyes as he spoke. Part of her new system of dealing with Oliver required there be little eye contact. If Moira Queen could see Felicity's feelings when she looked at Oliver then just what could Oliver see in her eyes?! Felicity couldn't risk that intimacy anymore.

Felicity bit her lip and found the strength to look away as her heart fought her mind. Her heart simply missed and wanted him as it always had. Her mind though was the deciding factor as it provided the justification her heart needed. Friends help friends, right? Felicity couldn't bring herself to look into his eyes again but she did nod.

After she grabbed her tablet Felicity went back to her place on the sofa. She pulled a throw over her legs and turned the TV volume up a little louder. The local news was on and she always tried to watch all the stations as they were another source of information for them. She still hadn't looked at Oliver but she felt and heard him take a seat on the sofa with her.

Neither spoke for several minutes but Felicity didn't feel any anxiety or tension at the silence … or at least not any additional tension or anxiety as both feelings now marked her daily existence. The news ended and a talk show started so Felicity turned her attention to her tablet. She still needed to review her searches and input the new data as she knew the Team wanted to move on this quickly. Felicity became so lost in her task and wasn't even aware that Oliver was there until she felt him jerk suddenly.

She turned to him in surprise and saw he was locked in a nightmare. Immediately sympathetic to the sight of Oliver in obvious pain, Felicity put her tablet down and leaned close to brush a hand along his face as she gently squeezed his shoulder with the other.

"Shhhh, it's okay Oliver. You're okay." Felicity spoke softly as she continued to caress him and felt the tension ease from his body and his breathing even out again. Without conscious thought, her hand dropped from his face to rest over his heart. She closed her eyes and dropped her forehead to rest at his shoulder along with her other hand. She stayed there simply breathing him in. Felicity knew she had stayed there longer than she should so she forced her head up. She paused for just a moment before she brushed a kiss on his cheek and whispered quietly.

"I miss my friend too Oliver but I don't know how to fix me, how to fix us." Felicity drew back suddenly and choked back a sob. She jumped up from the sofa and ran back to her bedroom where she collapsed on the bed and tried to stifle her tears. It was several long minutes before she fell into a restless sleep.

Felicity had never suffered from nightmares until she joined Team Arrow. Until Oliver she'd had little exposure to blood, violence, or the scars they left behind. Now that she had a few scars of her own Felicity found she had also picked up a few nightmares to go with them.

Tonight her worst nightmares combined to form a gruesome montage of Oliver with various injuries, bleeding and calling for help but the name he was calling was Sara. Felicity approached to help him but he kept pushing her away and calling for Sara. Felicity was forced to stand by, unable to help, and watch him suffer. As his eyes closed for the final time Felicity screamed out his name and rushed over to him. With her head resting on his chest, Felicity cried, devastated at the loss of Oliver. Felicity suddenly felt Oliver's heartbeat again, she heard him stay her name and felt his arms close around her. Felicity pulled back from his arms to see his face and confirm he was okay before she dropped back to rest against his chest. For the first time in weeks, Felicity was able to rest easily with Oliver beside her in the dream.

Oliver's POV

"I just need my friend tonight … please, Felicity."

Oliver knew he was pushing his luck by returning tonight especially as he skipped the door and entered through the window but he was desperate. He was willing to make whatever deal, pay whatever price, say whatever she needed to hear to have this woman at least look at him again. He knew she would never again consider him a hero but he needed her to at least look him in the eye and see him.

She had met his eyes briefly now but as she again looked away Oliver fought the urge to grab her shoulders and shake her. He was angry but that was now a constant state since 'that night' and he would never act on that or hurt Felicity as his anger was all self-directed. He waited tensely until he saw her nod and he was able to breathe again. As he watched her walk away, Oliver again wondered if Sara was right and she would soon tell him good-bye. Not knowing how much time he had with her tonight or ever Oliver followed quickly and sat as close to her as he dared.

The news program blurred before his eyes so he closed his eyes and simply let himself breathe in Felicity's presence. He wanted to turn to look at her as well but knew that wouldn't be welcome so he contented himself with listening to her breathe and occasionally tap a note into the tablet. The sounds soothed him and without meaning to he slid into sleep as the tension eased from his body.

Oliver's nights were always plagued with nightmares from the Island and then the fearful scenes of death and torture expanded to include his family, Diggle, and, of course, Felicity. Now he could add a new nightmare to the list and that was the one where he couldn't find Felicity – he was always searching in the dark, always calling her name and yet never able to get to her. That was the nightmare that often forced him to wake in a cold sweat with his heart pounding barely suppressing a scream. Tonight the nightmare changed, tonight Felicity did come to him when he called and suddenly the darkness was gone. He could feel hear her voice, he could feel her touch, and he even felt her kiss. For the first time in weeks, Oliver was able to rest easily with Felicity beside him in the dream.

He was awakened from his peaceful slumber by a scream and within moments he was in Felicity's bedroom. She was sitting up in the bed staring into the distance as she cried out his name. He approached cautiously and sat beside her on the bed. He gently brushed a stray hair from her cheek and spoke her name. As Felicity moved suddenly and launched herself at him, Oliver caught her and took them both back to lay together on the bed. Felicity was still sobbing in her sleep but as Oliver continued to stroke and soothe her she did start to relax. She tensed suddenly once and Oliver was afraid she had awakened but she then rested against him and seemed to fall back into a restful slumber.

As he held her, Oliver blamed himself for selfishly keeping her in his life - especially in light of the overwhelming evidence of all the pain and sadness he brought her. However, he also knew he would continue to hold her tightly for as long as she let him. He knew Felicity didn't understand the full extent of his promise but she would always have him and that was a claim no one else could make. He still wasn't sure how to fix this but he was now determined to fight to get Felicity back.

AN3 – Just have to say again that despite all evidence I really do want the happy ending to be more than just a dream! :) Thanks for sticking with me and encouraging me in this insanity!