Skwisgaar fought consciousness off as long as he could the following afternoon, then rolled out of bed when his headache forced him to seek out water. Intent on the tub, he stalled when he caught sight of himself in the mirror. Maybe more happened last night than he remembered. Toki did quite a number on him. He'd have to steer clear of the hot tub until the marks faded, and hopefully they would hide beneath his clothes.

He continued to study them after getting the bath going. All considered, should he be concerned about backlash? They saw nothing completely through, but Toki didn't rebuke him. He wanted it; Skwisgaar could see with his mind's eye where insistent touch molded his skin like clay. Totally sober, he could appreciate now that Toki stopped them when he did. Skwisgaar would've woken up in panic should they have gone any further, for what if Toki only used his keenness for a cheap blow job? Or worse, a fuck? Not that Skwisgaar paid enough attention to his ass to fit a dick in there. . .

A cold glass of water combined with a hot bath nearly caused Skwisgaar to doze off again. However, the sound of someone infiltrating his room opened one of his eyes. He grew used to klokateers coming and going as they kept his quarters pristine, but they were usually quieter than that. His head snapped up when knuckles rapped against the bathroom door. "Ja?"

"Is me."

"Comes in if you wants." To maintain decency, Skwisgaar pulled his knees up to his chest. Nerves collected in his stomach when he found himself unable to read Toki. What if he only went as far as they did because of the booze?

Toki waltzed right over to the tub and sat down at its edge. "So. Last nights."

He wanted to get right to it, then? "Ja."

"How drunks was you really?"

Skwisgaar shrugged. "A bits."

"You don'ts tell me to goes away, likes I thought you might if you wasn't sures about what we do, so tells me the truth about the stuff you say. If you remembers."

Skwisgaar cursed his warming cheeks. He shouldn't be embarrassed about this shit, after stating that no shame lie in the things that made him feel good. Admitting something so personal when Toki played such a role in it was an entirely different story, though. "I didn'ts lie about anyt'ing."

"So you reallies jack off thinkings about me?"

"You goings to make funs of me if I admits it?"

"You already has admits it, but no, I don'ts make fun of you." Rather, Toki shifted from sitting to laying on his stomach again. "Tells me why."

"Dis amn'ts nearly as easy to talks about as dose ot'er t'ing I tells you," Skwisgaar prefaced what would more than likely come as a jumble of thoughts. If only he could speak objectively again. "You remembers I told you dere am t'ing I wants but can't get?"

Toki nodded.

"Is okays to find peoples what wills do t'ing you tells dem to because you don'ts got to be secrets about it, but when you wants people to do t'ing to you, it am a wholes different story." Skwisgaar rested his head on his knees. "So I's as frustrateds as you. Is stupid, isn'ts it?"

"I think I gets the 'close to home' thing, now." Toki paused. "Is that sort of thing whats you might want with me, or just a thing you thinks about?"

"I's not really sure. I t'inks about it, but dere am so many ot'er t'ing to t'inks about forst. We has been friend a long time, and I thoughts it bad enough I t'ink about you likes dat. Den dere am de ot'er guys, if dey founds out, de band, what would happen if peoples outside of here learns about it. . .wit' all dat, it amn't so realistics. Den dere was de fact dat I didn'ts even know you t'ink about guys."

"I hasn'ts done anything with one yet, but I would stills like to try," Toki stated. "You's right about there's more than just us to thinks about. Remembers what I said, though, that once you do something likes that, the other guys woulds probably not sees it as a big deal."

"I believes dey would be more concern about two of de band members doing t'ing. Dey problies wouldn't cares if I gets a guy or lady what does t'ing to me once in a whiles, but I t'ink it change when it am you. It amn'ts just me doings my t'ing, now it am an us t'ing."

"So what's we supposed to do? Just sits around like this and does nothing abouts it?" Toki frowned. "We can'ts figure something out? Keeps it a secret, thing like that? Who say anyone gots to know? We pals around a lot by us own. Maybes we beens doing it the whole time, how woulds anyone even knows any different?"

"Dat would fix de t'ing wit' de band and de ot'er guys, but what about us? I don'ts want dis to turns into some uglies drama. I. . ." Skwisgaar pressed his lips together. "I fuckeds around wit' porson in my old bands, back in Sweden. It don'ts work dat well."

"Is just sex though, Skwisgaar. How does it goes wrong? I wouldn'ts even ask you to stops doing stuff with other peoples. If we don'ts work right, we quits. What so hards about that?"

"Wit' how long we been friends, it wouldn'ts be easy. Dere am always de possibilities of gettings mad at each ot'er if we gots to stop."

"If I's too much for you, then I tries to find someone else. Wouldn'ts you do the same?"

"Nots like I could. And see, I alreadies don't like de idea dat I coulds be dat replaceables."

"But is just sex. If I's not good for you or you nots good for me, then the natural things to do is stop. It don'ts make either of us anys less of a person or bads in bed, or anything. It just isn'ts us preferences."

Good point. Also, the possibility that Toki might bring his own slut into Mordhaus couldn't even breach Skwisgaar's mind without a flush of jealousy. He shouldn't sway favourable just because of that, but he already foresaw how crazy he would get if Toki got what he wanted elsewhere. He wouldn't be able to stand spending every night in the same stupid fantasy when he could've had it for himself.

"Does you need time to think about it?"

"I don'ts know." Skwisgaar distracted himself by checking his hair for split ends. "I comes from de same place as you. I hates not gettings dis, and every times I don't I gets more fruskrate. So somet'ing gots to give dere. I t'inks about dis, ja, but I didn'ts really t'ink it would ever happen. I still tryings to get my mind wrapped around dat."

"Ja, well, we all gots thing to get used to. I can'ts believe you let me bite you like that, wowie." Toki lifted Skwisgaar's chin to admire his handiwork.

Something as simple as Toki's pupils dilating chipped away at Skwisgaar's dissatisfaction. Although a little scary, how could he resist the prospect of more? Why do themselves the disservice of withholding, in favour for their mutual frustration? Like Toki said, if they agreed that resentment had no place in a potential end, should they not actually be sexually compatible, what stopped them from at least trying?

"Cans I ask you somet'ing?"

"Goes ahead."

"Befores we talk about anyt'ing else, I wants to hears what you know about pretties much de most importants part of a t'ing like dis: aftercares."

"Kinds of like when you gets a tattoos or piercings, or whatever?"

"Same sorts of idea, ja. But wit' a porson you does dis wit', unless de porson don'ts want it, it ams courtesy to gives it. Is veries easy to feels. . ." Skwisgaar didn't want to say vulnerable, ". . .overwhelms after dat sort of t'ing."

Toki resumed attentive posture. "So whats kind of stuff woulds I do?"

"For one, you takes care of physical t'ing. Like if I's bleeding for whatevers reason, if I's t'irsty, or if I's gotten cold—"

"Cold?"

"When t'ing get intense, de body tempserature rise, and den it falls real sudden after. Ands den dere am t'ing abouts inside my head. I gots to comes down from it. You knows what I mean? It ams hard to does dat alone, and is goods to know dat it was goods for you too." Skwisgaar paused. "It amn'ts just confine to me, though. Dere am t'ing you mights need. Like maybes you t'ink you goes too far and you wants to hear ot'erwise."

Toki furrowed his brow. "That sounds almost more romantics than just sex."

"It don'ts has to be romantics. Maybe some of de t'ing sort of falls under de same catsagorization, but remembers too dat BDSM amn'ts all about sex. If you wants to has sex what am just a t'ing you cans walk away after, den you won'ts be able to dominates me in any way. And if we just doings de quick blow jobs or hump like wit' a groupie, den what ams even de point of havings dis conversations when we gets dat elsewhere? You sees my meaning?"

"I never saids I wouldn'ts do it. I just tryings to imagine it, and I sees us doing things like layings in bed together afters or like. . .kissing."

"Dat cans be a part of aftercare too."

"So is you sayings you woulds let me kiss you?"

"Woulds it be weird?"

"I don'ts know. Is weird to imagines you letting me. Then agains. . ." Toki's gaze returned to Skwisgaar's collar bone. "You's already lets me do more."

Skwisgaar would be lying to himself—and Toki—if he didn't find the idea of simple gestures like kissing and touch comforting for such an afterglow. There were pretty murky waters between what they intended and something leaning more toward love; the amount of trust necessary, for one, and the resultant bond certainly couldn't be ignored. If they discussed this thoroughly, then the possibility of one or both developing an emotional attachment needed to be put out there.

Toki sighed. "Another thing I not sures about. I wants to say that if we was capables of a thing like that, wouldn'ts it has already happens? We beens friend a long time. Just because of that and ifs we gettings rid of the things what build up inside us, it don'ts make us a couple. So longs as we don't sees it like that, right?"

"We's gonna feel different t'ing for each ot'er, since it ams unavoidables in dis sort of sex. If you's good wit' me I's going to holds a lot of trust for you, and you's going to cares for me because of how hards I work to be good for you. I t'ink maybe it am just importants dat we don'ts get dat confuse wit' somet'ing else? It ams a saying I saw somewhere, dat love bring peoples close, but whips and chains bring dem evens closer."

Toki laughed. "I think that fair to say. Alls of that. We just can'ts get confuse."

A bit more certain with that consensus, Skwisgaar uncurled himself and leaned over the edge of the tub. "Tries it den, if you wants."

"Whats?"

"Kissing me."

Toki blinked. "You serious?"

"Shores, why not. Gets de forst one over wit', den it don'ts got to be all awkwards later."

"You nots just kiddings around?"

"No, I's cool wit' it."

Adhering to an entirely different set of needs would require practice on Skwisgaar's part; he didn't question when Toki forewent his mouth and instead pressed his lips to each of the marks left the previous night. Maybe he needed to build up to something like that, and Skwisgaar couldn't blame him.

Right from the get-go they were unspoken allies, sharing an instrument, geography, and familial language. Skwisgaar eased Toki's culture shock the way no one ever bothered for him, and Toki breathed life into the overly serious, dark apartment Nathan tagged Mordhaus in a drunken stupor. They poked fun at each other's homelands and mused year-round how the weather compared first to Florida, then to New England's coast when Mordhaus was built and the city of Mordland sprung up around it. Skwisgaar took it upon himself to teach Toki English and always pretended to be stern when he slipped back into his mother tongue. Then again, he too for a while would indulge whenever no one else was around. After all that, a kiss was never just a kiss. They entered entirely foreign territory, with only the other to count on. Exempting most recently, Skwisgaar would've never pictured them here. How could he? Relative to the length of their history, this all happened so fast.

Their noses brushed before Toki tested the water with a lingering peck. Hot breath cooled and required Skwisgaar to rewet his lips before Toki leaned in again, caution blooming into the very assertiveness that first caught Skwisgaar's attention. Toki held the back of his head, taking any and all relinquished to him. Skwisgaar followed him as a result, leaning in again in search for more when Toki ended their contact.

Toki ran his thumb lightly over Skwisgaar's cheek, chuckling. "What?"

"Not'ing." Skwisgaar's heart beat like a jackrabbit on the run.

"If we's going to do this, I wants you to writes down everything you wants to happen to you," Toki told him. "I does the same about what I wants to do. We gets it figure out, what we cans and can'ts do, and goes from there. Ja?"

He left shortly after, so that Skwisgaar could finish up in the bath and get to work on his task. As soon as he disappeared from the bathroom, Skwisgaar mindlessly reached up to touch his lips. Then he pulled the plug.