"Okay, so here's the deal, guys," Nathan addressed Skwisgaar and Pickles when they gathered in the studio. "We're gonna try really, really hard. I know this isn't going as well as usual, but we're gonna give what Charles said a shot and just not throw away what we do. Let's see what happens."

Pumping out songs in volume only left more for Nathan to trash at the end of their session. Skwisgaar and Pickles shared a glance after the computer confirmed their work's non-existence. "Maybes tomorrow will be better?"

"Not hard to beat this," Nathan replied. "Fuck, what's wrong with us? This used to be the easiest thing in the world."

"It still ams, we just gots higher standard." Skwisgaar plucked away at his guitar.

"It's still the best crep we ever wrote. Why'd you delete it so fast?"

"Ams better dan hasing its deleted as one big t'ing when we's under de wire. . ."

Skwisgaar empathized with Nathan, but the entire recording process this time around left him incredibly frustrated. While the other two guys headed for the recreation room, Skwisgaar's belt hit his bedroom floor with a clink. He stalled to feel out his body's electricity, to run his nails over his hips and imagine Toki gripping them tight enough to leave marks. The collection of toys he used as improvisation was the only thing keeping him sane through this entire spell of deprivation. Why did Toki wait so long to make his move? They'd spoken at length about what was within and off limits, palled around in the meantime, but touch remained a stranger. Maybe Toki liked seeing him squirm.

When Skwisgaar felt ready, he coated a plug with lube, leaned back on his bed, and eased it inside. Just as it was about to settle into place, he rolled his hips forward and had it simultaneously press against his prostate. He attempted a few times to replicate the feeling of something moving in and out of him, but it still left girth to the imagination. Not that it disappointed Skwisgaar too much. He'd only clock an entirely new experience when he graduated from silicone to flesh. Hopefully that happened sooner than later. At least he didn't have to count on it—between his stables, drawer, and hand, he managed to tide himself over until Toki's will bent toward him. A window of alleviation left his body loose and relaxed as he later met up with everyone else in the hot tub.

"Oh! Goes to People Fishing in Alaska!"

"I'm already recording it for later, Toki."

"I don't get how you guysch can schtand that show. It'sch too schimilar to People Living in Alaschka and People Mining in Alaschka."

"Ams all de same craps, people hammings it up for de camera by lookings way out in de distance and trailings off when they speak about the long cold winters. Pff. You knows what you do? Instead of doing de bigs dramatic rush for firewoods and food, how 'bouts you gets it done in de summer and fall like everyone else? Oh, big surprise! Here comes de snow! Didn't see dat coming again!"

"Those shows are for people what lives in cities," Toki agreed. "To makes them think living in the wilderness is tough all the time."

"Looks at dis douchebag!" Skwisgaar indicated the screen. "De ice claims you whole family? Well den quits walking on it!"

"Hey, People Living Off-Grid in Alaska is a fantastic program," Nathan grumbled.

"Yeeuh, it's neat to know there's a place in my country thet's not completely run over wid concrete."

"Ja, Alaska am the only colds, isolateds place in de whole world. Dat am for sures."

"Whats you expect, Skwisgaar? Is American TVs."

Nathan grunted. "Fine, no shows about Alaska. So what do you wanna watch instead, then?"

"We Tow Thingsch isch new tonight."

"That show's just a ripoffs of We Tow Things Too!"

"Ands We Also Tow T'ing!"

"I wanna watch A Pawn Shop in Some Big City!" Pickles piped in.

"Cajun People Doing Cajun Thingsch! No, Rednecksch Do the Darndest Thingsch! That schows fucking hilariousch!"

Nathan passed it all by. "Anyone know if People Hitting Things With Axes is any good?"

"Nah, I checked it out." Pickles sipped his cocktail. "Turns out it's jest trees."

"Does anyone really care what I put on?"

"All TV schucksch."

"Oh good, now that we've established that, we can find a show that might still make sense after missing the first five minutes."

"I thoughts we agreed no shows about Alaska!"

Skwisgaar didn't really care what Nathan picked. He shifted where he sat; ever since his arrival, any glance at Toki confirmed that he was either being stared at or watched. Toki looked away whenever caught, but always came back to it. Suspicious of what it meant, even though he readily misread everything as an advance, Skwisgaar headed early for bed. Toki didn't immediately follow, so Skwisgaar must have misconstrued a motive yet again. . .or so he thought.

A shake of his shoulder caused him to groan. "I'ms trying to sleep."

The mattress depressed closer to Skwisgaar and the fire he sought so vainly scorched his lower stomach when teeth nipped his shoulder. Any hint of fatigue immediately abandoned his body. "Shuts up."

Skwisgaar tilted his head back to allow more access, legs already unconsciously spreading. Finally. Through his excitement, he crushed the urge to spur Toki on. He'd get what he wanted. He simply needed to be patient and let this unfold as Toki chose. The notion to remind him not to leave marks where the others could see too went quashed. They'd already discussed that, and Skwisgaar didn't want the first thing they really tried marred by disrespecting Toki's ability to remember such important details.

Skwisgaar shifted whenever Toki found somewhere ticklish, and pressed his lips together to suppress noise as another tight grasp found him between his legs. In any other circumstance of life, he'd probably cry like a bitch if someone did this to him. Tolerance changed at Toki's hand; rather than injury, he only experienced respite from something at his most primitive level. The need to be dominated, as irritating as being flicked in the nose when unfulfilled, finally began to wane.

"You takes more than I thought you woulds," Toki told him when he relinquished. "Figureds you'd be a chicken by nows."

The mattress groaned as Toki stood. Skwisgaar at first assumed he'd leave, but boots hit the floor and the zipper on his jeans made a short protest. Fingers ran through his hair, paying no mind toward the knots they drove through. Not that it mattered; Toki seized a handful of it above the nape of Skwisgaar's neck and drug him over to the edge of the bed. He earned a slap for the whimper of pain, then another for his resultant gasp. "Shuts the fuck up and sucks me off. And you betters be good at it."

Many years passed since Skwisgaar did such a thing, but he wouldn't let that disappoint Toki. Too bad he came straight from the hot tub. Skwisgaar looked forward to discovering what he actually tasted like, rather than getting the chemical flavour of chlorine. He reacquainted himself with the sensation, anatomy, and method anyway, explorative until Toki reminded him with a yank of his hair that he had a reason to be there. The taut grasp on his head gradually transformed to a gentle pet as Toki's breathing grew deeper and heavier. Unsure whether he should spit or swallow, Skwisgaar hazarded the latter.

Complete calmness draped over him as Skwisgaar's mouth was left empty. Something caressed his cheek and when he turned his face more toward it, a fingernail distinguished itself against his swollen, oversensitive lips. He still throbbed between his legs, the ghost of pain and unspent need weaving together as a new misery. Toki sat down beside him, close enough for their hips to press. "Comes here."

Toki may have finished, but he didn't end it yet. Only with the brush of facial hair and gentle lips against his own did Skwisgaar realize just how badly he needed kindness. He lost the last of his control, leaning closer and wordlessly begging for more until Toki broke their affection with a breathy chuckle. "Lay downs, ja? I'll stays with you a while."

Just when Skwisgaar accepted he might be on his own for release, Toki pulled his leg back over his own and took hold of him again. A nibble on Skwisgaar's earlobe preceded a kiss well-placed enough over the canal to send a shiver down his spine. "You's gonna be good for me. What's about you?"

Skwisgaar nodded. "Dis was exacklies what I need."

"Why don'ts you tell me mores what you think about when you's alone?"

Skwisgaar's eyelids fluttered shut. Thanks to the hand between his legs and lips against his shoulder, he let go of any hesitancy. "You fuckings me whenever you want, makings me do whatever you needs me to, callings me t'ing, tyings me up, hortings me, whippings me, humiligatings me, chokings me, bossing me around, puttings me on a collar and leash. . ."

"Tells me something specific. What's you think about the most?"

"You tyings me down so I can'ts move, making it so dat I can't see, speaks, any of dose t'ing—" Skwisgaar braced himself against Toki's hip as the idea of it lurched him forward, "—and just usings my bodies until you done wit' it. Like I's. . .like I's not'ing but a hole to you."

Beyond calm, only white static composed the world around Skwisgaar as his body stilled and Toki nuzzled his hair. A rush of relief birthed a peaceful smile on Skwisgaar's face. Wrapped up tight in blanket and embrace, he felt validated that what he and Toki just did was all right.

Skwisgaar rolled over in his arms. "Before you goes. . ."

The hands that subdued grew kind and light over Skwisgaar's back and hips, then on his neck as Toki held him close. Their foreheads touched when the need to breathe forced a break. "You know I won'ts do anything to hurts you in a bad way, right?"

"I t'ink you's proven dat."

"I wants you to feel safe and goods about what we do." Toki pushed hair away from Skwisgaar's face. "And I understand you have thing you likes to be on top of, like the guitar and band. There's lots of side to both of us, but this just one. I guess we lucky we got each other to gets it out of our system, ja?"

Skwisgaar kissed him again as sign of agreement. With his elation fading along with the flood of chemicals in his brain, his grip receded in necessity. When he was certain he could handle being alone again, he nudged Toki's shoulder. "Lets me know next time you feels up to somet'ing, and I see where my head ams."

"Okay." Toki sat up on the edge of the bed and groped around for his clothes. With the sun edging up against the horizon, Skwisgaar could see his silhouette. He seemed to stand taller, more certain of himself. "Sees you later."