A proper sulk bent Skwisgaar's spine and thin paper crinkled anytime he shifted as he waited for the doctor to come back. Routine or not, he always dreaded his annual physical. Only a cold and the odd upset stomach marred the past twelve months, and he'd completed the sexual health portion before he and Toki chanced mixing bodily fluids. Why couldn't this stupid doctor just get everything done in one go?

"Everything came back negative. No cancer, good cholesterol, whatever." The doctor sighed. "No little stuff either. Good for another year. Whatever."

Skwisgaar departed for the hot tub, where he'd left Nathan, Pickles, and Murderface behind in order to obtain his results. Nathan grunted when he saw him. "How'd your visit go?"

"Healt'y like a horse, just likes I t'ought," Skwisgaar huffed. "No one's got not'ing serious?"

"Juscht the schame schtupid crap."

"Gahtta quit drinkin', blah blah blah. . ."

"Going back next week for a liver transplant, but that's about it." Nathan scratched above his scar. "Getting kinda sick of those. Oh well. Fact of life, I guess. Right?"

"Anybodies hear from Toki yet?" With a chorus of negative responses, Skwisgaar grabbed his phone. 'How doctor go 4 u?'

'Good. Diabetes dont get worse and beside that, ok'

Skwisgaar passed the news onto the others. They seemed to care more that Nathan crammed three entire packs of gum into his mouth in one go, just to see how much could fit. 'Same. I hate going there when i no i dont need 2'

To his relief, existence in Mordhaus outside of his and Toki's integrated sex lives remained unaffected. Nathan made a comment the previous week that Toki seemed more calm lately, but no one cared enough to discuss it in depth. Objectively, it was true; even the klokateers earned a bit of a break. As for Skwisgaar, he definitely felt better. With his need to submit under control, he could take charge again in other areas of his life. Sure, Nathan still trashed whatever they came up with in the studio, but his finger sometimes hesitated before tapping the Delete key.

"Nate, Nate, c'mere." Pickles grinned crookedly and whispered something in his ear. When Skwisgaar turned away to set his phone by his pants he staggered back as his hair got yanked. The other guys laughed when he fell into the centre of the tub.

"What de fucks you do dat for?" he demanded. Something still pulled on his hair when he resituated, weighed against his back, and he gasped when he found the wad of gum thoroughly enough entangled that getting it out himself wasn't a quick fix. "You ams a bunch of fuckings assholes! Why you does dat?"

"Pickles dared me. It's not like I could say no." Nathan shrugged, grinning. "C'mon, lighten up. It was just a joke."

"It ams only a joke untils I cuts off as much hair on you head as I's about to lose!" Pissed, Skwisgaar left them behind. After collecting scissors from his bathroom, he carried on to find Toki. The quiet music inside his room quit when Skwisgaar knocked. "Hey Toki, opens up a minute. I needs you help."

Toki's eyes widened when he appeared. "Wowie! What happened?"

"Fuckings Nat'an, dats what!" Skwisgaar pushed inside. "He cheweds up a whole shitsload of gum and then slaps it on my head!"

"Whats you want me to do?"

"I needs you to cuts it out. And den I gots to get him back."

"Ja, okay. Come take seats."

Skwisgaar gracefully lowered himself onto Toki's desk chair. "Just make sure it amn't unevens. Woulds take forever to grows back."

"I tries my best."

Skwisgaar sat completely still, feeling out every tug in hopes Toki could keep his word on that. He demanded to see what came off his head when Toki declared himself done. "Dat fuckings asshole. I don't gots no bald spots, do I?"

"Don'ts be ridiculous, is fine." Toki ran his fingers through it. "Is only about four inches shorter."

"He ams fucking lucky it wasn'ts more. I shoulds go into his room and cuts all hims hair off while he sleep. Den it wouldn'ts be so funnys!"

"Maybes you take time to think about it, ja? You mights change you mind when you not mad no mores. Besides, he would problies kill you."

"I won'ts change my mind, but you right. I take some time to t'ink up somet'ing better dan cuttings his hair. He won'ts know what fuckings hit him."

"Yous will think diffsrent when you calms down." Toki plopped down onto his bed. "Is just hair."

"Is just—?" Skwisgaar frowned. "It amn'ts just abouts hair, Toki! It ams about honours! Prides!"

Toki laughed. "Prides! You takes this too far, Skwisgaar. Was just a dare. Lets it go."

"So you ams telling me dat if I didn'ts come up wit' a reals good revenge, you wouldn'ts want to takes part?"

That changed Toki's stance. Just like stealing Murderface's credit card, or the time they threw his Civil War shoes to the yard wolves and then strategically placed them so that blame fell on Fatty Ding Dongs, Toki yielded. "Wells. . .depends. You gots any ideas yet?"

Skwisgaar pulled the chair over to the bed. "Not reallies. I's t'inking about cuttings de brake lines on he bike, but dat mights fuck wit' us too."

"Ja, that's no goods."

"Makes him believe he gots kervicals cancer?"

"I thinks only ladies get that. . ."

"In he ball, then."

"Meh."

A bottle of vodka fuelled their brainstorming, but not until Skwisgaar slouched drastically in his seat did his eyes widen. "I gots it. De porfect plan."

"Ooh, tells it to Toki." His hair grew stringy in his face.

"We gets my stable slut and gets him to goes into Nat'ans room after he am asleep, undress, and just lays in Nat'an's stupid bed for whens he wake up. Ands get him to convince Nat'an dey slepts together!"

"Isn'ts that pretties mean, though? You know how Nathan think about them things."

"Dat am de points. Putting gum into my hair and then laughings about it am pretty mean too, I t'ink so! Espesklies when he know how long it take to grow out."

Toki giggled. "I hopes he fall for it. Wills be funny."

The stable slut arrived fifteen minutes later. He removed his hood and looked back and forth between them. "Both of you at once, or. . .?"

"Dere ams bigger fisk to fry. I brings you up here under false prekences. Does you know where Nat'an's bedroom am?"

"I've never been there. Did he ask for me?"

"No, but you am going to convince him he dids."

"I'm not sure I follow. . ."

Skwisgaar explained the plan as they all snuck down to the corridor's end. Perfect. Nathan hadn't brought anyone home tonight. "Okay, dis am you moments to shine! Goes on! Lets us know how it go!"

But they didn't need a report. Come the afternoon, Skwisgaar was jarred from his sleep by a blood-curdling scream.