"Is not too tights, right?"

"Is fine." Blood still flowed, and Skwisgaar had enough wiggle room in his wrists for comfort. "I t'inks you got it."

He and Toki sat cross-legged facing each other on Skwisgaar's bed. Since Nathan, Murderface, and Pickles returned to Mordhaus so much later than them, something akin to a vacation transpired. And then, after that, Nathan and Pickles couldn't be assed to meet Skwisgaar in the studio. In the resultant lull for work, Skwisgaar brought up the possibility of stepping up what he and Toki did a notch.

Toki undid the knot and started over. "I's been thinking about something I wants to try."

"Ja?" Skwisgaar's curiosity increased when Toki hesitated by chewing on his bottom lip.

"I saids it wasn't a thing I could do, but I thinks I change my mind enough to give it a shot. Dids you still wants me to whips you?"

"I'ms games, but it ams all up to you." Skwisgaar hadn't even thought about Toki's father, when he jotted that down on his list of accepted sexual activities. "If it helps any, it ams a veries different t'ing from. . ."

"Is what I's been thinking about most. I still remembers what it feel like, and you knows as much as me that my dads didn't go easy." Toki swallowed with difficulty. "I don'ts want to make anyone else feels like he dids me. Evens though I know it different."

"T'inks about de other t'ing you dones to me what shoulds hort." They'd spoken about this once before, while comparing their lists, and while Skwisgaar was initially disappointed he couldn't get it, he understood completely. "If you amn't shore, ams okay."

"I's not worrieds about hurting you. More just whats I would feel while it happen. I wouldn'ts ever does it hard enough to makes you bleed or leaves a scar, but. . .I don'ts know. Maybe I nots ready. I gets nervous, but I still wants to does it."

"Holds on." Before Toki could practice his knot again, Skwisgaar crossed the room to his top drawer. He'd bought a riding crop, intended to use on himself whether or not Toki was ever comfortable associating himself with it. Toki chewed on the insides of his lips as Skwisgaar stood before him. "De safest places to hits a porson am de ass, thigh, and uppers back. You stays away from de lower back, kidneys, and de neck, t'ing like dat. And joints, because dat ams where injuries happen. A t'ing like dis don't gots much chance to break skin. It ams more about de noise and de idea of it, nots dat I won'ts feel it. But you knows me, I cans take a lots more dan it. Dis amn'ts much more dan givings me a good slaps on de ass."

Toki held it forlornly. "Somethings like this isn'ts what I hads in mind when I thinks about whips."

"It cans be just a startings point, if we evers get comfkable wit' more, or it cans be all we use. We don'ts even gots to use dat if you finds it amn't a t'ing you want to does."

"Bends over."

Skwisgaar could still feel it through his jeans. Just to get a sense for it, Toki worked his way up toward something more rousing. "Dat ams about how I likes it, rights dere."

"Takes off you pants," Toki instructed him. Naturally, his shirt went too. Skwisgaar pushed all his hair to one side after assuming position on all fours and looked back when his name was spoken. "You tells me right away if I does something you don'ts like. Gots it?"

"I wills."

While Toki figured out the threshold for leather-to-skin contact, Skwisgaar bowed his head. Even just a little bit of this beat reddening his own backside whenever the urge struck. Toki stopped when a sigh grazed his vocal cords. "Dids you say something?"

"No, ams good." Hesitation on Toki's part made Skwisgaar look back. He didn't look stressed about it. . .

"Cans I do another thing on tops of it?"

"Likes what?"

"Ties you again."

"Does whatever you want." Skwisgaar sat up long enough for Toki to bind his wrists, heart beating with anticipation. He had no idea when they converged that he would get this. In fact, given Toki's background, he'd accepted he might never get to experience it at someone else's hand. Fingers trailed down his spine before leather caressed his backside again. The cool material departed as quickly as it returned, along with a slight sting. Skwisgaar concentrated on overlapping his craving for something louder and harder with patience, silently praying that Toki wouldn't relent once the swish of the crop through air preluded a snap as it made contact. Forehead against his wrists, Skwisgaar eased further into a trance. His skin tingled with electricity as confidence soothed Toki's reservation regarding severity. Although no attention landed between his legs, the blond's brain mimicked the all-too-familiar wash of euphoria and oblivion. As a result, when Toki ceased, Skwisgaar remained groggy, his breathing pattern deep and even.

The bed depressed immediately to his right, then his shoulder was shaken. "Hey."

"Why you stops?"

"Comes here."

Skwisgaar's hands trembled as Toki freed him. Another relief came with being held against the individual that gave rise to such peace. He became aware somewhere along the way that Toki's grip on him slowly tightened. "You all rights?"

"I don'ts know. I's just trying to make sense of alls this."

"I feels real good, if dat help."

"It do. I gots no doubts about that. Is insides my head."

"You wants to talks about it?"

"I don'ts know." Toki's arms tightened. "Just. . .lays with me a bits. I thinks my body decide to have a feelings all on it own and I needs to. . ."

Normally Skwisgaar was the one in need afterward, but he foresaw something like this. Doing that to someone was a big deal for Toki, which could not be undermined. Should he feel bad? Guilt poked through his bliss, whether or not. Had he manipulated Toki into it? Usually he wouldn't do anything unless he truly wanted, though.

Toki sighed. "Is just weird to think something likes that could evers feel good. You hads a very differents experience than me."

"We don'ts has to does it again, if you don'ts want to. Is a lots, that you try."

"It isn'ts that. I woulds probably does it again. I likes it while it happen, but I's a bit nervous now. What happens when we makes bad thing good? Does it mean what happens to me was—?"

"No," Skwisgaar immediately refuted. "Dey ams two veries different t'ing. Dere ams a fine line betweens dis ands abuse. Dis ams wit' consent. Because I asks you to do it, we ams two adults capable of decidings what we does behind close door. When you impose t'ing on someone who don'ts want it, or who amn't capables of deciding dat, den it ams a bad t'ing. Dat am what your dad does. Don'ts you ever t'ink for a minute dat de t'ing what you likes in de bedroom valsidate what bad t'ing happen to yous in de past."

"But they's connected somehow, right? They gots to be. You tolds me once you coulds tell me why someone like something. You knows me pretty well, so whys do I likes to whip you, Skwisgaar?"

"You shoulds know forst of all dat it amn't because you a bad porson." Skwisgaar played with Toki's hair, feeling the need in his fingers for preoccupation. "Remembers dat t'ing like dis ams about power. When you a kid, you hads you power takens away by him. Now dat you're olders, you takes it back. It amn't dat you doings de same t'ing as him. If dat was de case, you wouldn'ts want no consents from no one because den it wouldn'ts interest you."

"Don'ts that mean I's taking your power, then? It gots to come from somewhere, right?"

"Nots when I give it to you willingsly. I mights give up control, but I still gots my power. I don'ts know how to explain de feeling, but is de most soothing t'ing, to gives up dat trust and nots be hort for it. You forgets who, what, and where you am, but you know you safe. Dere amn'ts much more powerfuls dan dat."

"I don'ts like very much that I get that close to something bad. I beens figuring out this crap abouts my dad when I talk to Twinkletits, but is still a littles nerve-wracking. I don'ts want to be like him, like some guy what makes people scared."

"You amn'ts. Don'ts you t'ink I mores dan anyone woulds be scared of you?"

"What ifs I do this because I reallies want to hurt you?"

"Den you wouldn'ts be feelings like dis rights now. You wouldn'ts has waiteds to try dis. You would stills be hitting me, waitings to hear me yell red. Den you woulds keep going."

Toki said nothing for a while. Then, when Skwisgaar assumed he'd be relinquished, his chin was lifted in order to receive a kiss. "You make sense. Evens if I still a littles shaky."

"It wills pass," Skwisgaar assured him.

"You was rights about how intense this get." A deep breath caused Toki's muscles to relax some. "And thats you really gets to know someone when you do this. I hopes you don't think I some kinds of monster."

"Didn'ts even occur to me." Skwisgaar kissed him again. "And what's you mean by reallies getting to know someone, ah? Ams dere a t'ing you knows about me?"

"I think so. You like all kinds of sex is the easiest thing to know, but I thinks it true too that you really likes it when someone takes care of you. That you don'ts got to be in control all the times and thing will still be okay."

Skwisgaar empathized with Toki all the more as his mind immediately went to his mother. "Oh. . .coulds be."

"Is funny, the way we find sometimes to deals with that bullshit, huh?"

"I guess it better than beings junky on the street. At least dis am safe. Maybes it a little weird when we puts it in dat light, but. . ." Skwisgaar sighed. "So long as it healt'y and consenswalls, den it am a good t'ing. If it make us feel betters about dat crap, all de more reasons to do it."