03

Santa Monica, California

If there was one place she could be for the rest of her life, Rhuben Jackson-McGuire wouldn't hesitate to pick the beach. The sound of the waves lapping on the shore, seagulls splitting the air with their piercing cry, and surfing to her heart's content.

To spend the day at Santa Monica Pier with her family and friends was the best way to spend her birthday, falling just short of going back to Australia. Nothing could compare to Bondi Beach; Manly was a close second, as it wasn't as busy and crowded compared to Bondi. All in all, surf, sand, sun, and her friends and family was all she wanted and she never thought she'd ever get that wish to come true and in a way, she still didn't have it.

As they all made their way away from the Ferris wheel, Rhuben couldn't help but look back and forth between the her best friends, Logan and Riley, wondering when it was that they were even really going to acknowledge each other. Apart from their greeting at the beginning of the night and wish each other a happy birthday, and occasional comments in conversations, they hadn't really interacted.

Not that she could blame them; you'd be a little distant with your friend if you stopped being friends, especially after an argument in which harsh things, true things, were said in the heat of the moment. Logan and Riley had stopped being friends about two years before after a bad argument. She told him she had long stopped thinking of him as a best friend, stating that they were never really friends, as well as blowing up at him for constantly treating her like a science experiment after their abuse had come to light.

He had taken it all in stride, which, knowing Riley, probably fueled her anger even more. He was hurting, too. To know that his friends had gone through so much at the hands of their father and that he had an inkling about it even as a kid but didn't say anything about it was hard on him. He, from what she could understand, wanted to make up for it by being there, to show them that he understood. Yes, even she had to admit that he went overboard with his statistics and percentages but "Science Talk" was the only way he could get himself to talk about it. He just didn't know how to handle talking about it normally.

It sucked being stuck in the middle. On the one hand, Riley was her sister, her twin sister, and Rhuben's loyalty immediately had gone to her. On the other, she didn't have a problem with Logan, not one should could overlook, anyway. If Rhuben had to guess, it was the pressure of the looming trial that got the two of them to blow up.

"I know what you're doing." Rhuben blinked, looking over at Logan as they made their way through the crowds of people at the pier. He gave her a knowing look and she gave a brief roll of her eyes as he nodded his head in front of him, indicating Riley who was walking ahead of them, hand in hand with Kendall. "That stunt on the Ferris wheel, making sure the tree of us all sat together."

"Everybody and their mother knows what I'm doing, Logie," she replied, reaching up with her hand to adjust the strap to her camera, removing it from the groove it was digging into her neck. She held onto a candy apple stick with her other hand. "It's our birthday for God's sake."

"Your birthday's not until tomorrow," Logan pointed out to her, giving her a smile.

"Forgive me for forgetting," Rhuben replied as she lifted a hand to shove his shoulder. Logan let out a chuckle and he lifted his hands to adjust the backwards hat on his head. "So, how's everything with you two?"

"Fine," Logan said with a shrug of his shoulders. "It's always fine." Rhuben nodded her head before pursing her lips, a humming sound rumbling in the back of her throat. "You're doing the, 'I want to hear more, but I'm not going to push the subject' hum again."

"Sue me," Rhuben replied with a one-shoulder shrug before taking a bit out of the apple. She held it out to him and Logan took it, taking a bite as well. "It's just weird, that's all."

"You're just now starting to notice how weird our group is?" Logan asked, his eyebrows shooting up. "Where've you been the past couple of years?"

"In therapy," Rhuben replied without a moment of hesitation and Logan winced slightly. He gave her an apologetic look before shoving his hands into his jeans pockets.

In truth, she was always just in her head and not even for the past couple of years, but for most of her life. She was always thinking; what would happen if she said this, what would happen if she did that? Every thought and feeling had to be calculated perfectly; every action could be twisted and spun into something, anything else then what she had intended.

That wasn't a way to live. Therapy was helping; there was no point in hiding it.

"I'd prefer it if you just didn't bring it up," she said to him, spotting the curious look on his face. "Not right now, anyway. But, it's good." Logan lifted a hand into the air, shifting his eyebrows upwards, turning his head away slightly. "Then again, you wouldn't be my Logan if you didn't as there was a 100% chance you'd ask."

"95%," Logan corrected her and she gave him a confused look. "The five percent holding me back was me knowing I could get a verbal tongue lashing from you. Given the point of the festivities of the night, I was considering backing off."

"But?" Rhuben prompted and Logan gave a half smile.

"You know me better than that," he replied, giving her a pointed look. Rhuben stared at him for a moment before letting out a short laugh of disbelief, shifting her eyes towards the sky, shaking her head back and forth.

"You're right, I do," she said, sliding her black nail polish covered fingers through her hair. She bumped his shoulder with her own and he bumped hers back. "I know you miss her." Logan gave her a confused look and Rhuben's eyebrow twitched before she waved a hand in the air. "Riles, I mean." Logan made a humming sound. "And now you want me to not bring that up." Logan put his finger to his nose. "Well, I also know that something's been bothering you. Five guesses?"

She held up her hand and wiggled her fingers in the air. It was something that they had started a couple years ago; or rather she came up with it. You had five guesses as to what it was that was bothering you, if you could it out in five guesses; you were allowed to talk about it. If not, the subject was dropped. It was just a clever way for her to not have to be forced into talking about her abuse.

A short time after returning to the United States after her and Big Time Rush's first tour, she was on edge, expecting the four boys to want to ask question after question, but they were normal; whatever normal for the four of them was.

Logan was different.

He wanted to show that he cared, that she had someone who would always be there for her. That's what made her fall for him and what made them break up. She just wanted someone who could give her what she couldn't give herself, to tell her the words she wanted to hear for so long. She did have real feelings for Logan, feelings she had held for him for a long time, feelings she acted upon the minute he gave her comfort and that unfathomable feeling of safety.

It was her realization that she was only dating him because he was safe, and because he knew what to say to her at the right time, and his sense of security that prompted her to break up with him. She knew that he'd be there for any trouble she went through, any PTSD moments, any nightmares, any breakdowns, but it wasn't fair to him to give up his life to help her whenever she asked or whenever he thought she needed it.

But, she had never stopped having feelings for him. She didn't think she would. Logan was always a breath of fresh air for her and despite every attempt she made to push him away, he always came back for her. Just like he always promised. Just like she always believed he would.

Logan's nose wrinkled slightly as he shook his head. He lifted his hands to adjust his hat again and Rhuben pressed her lips together, slowly nodding her head. "No worries mate," she replied, slowly nodding. She took another bite of the apple before holding it out towards him. "Want the rest?"

"Is that all you're going to have?" he asked, his eyebrows knitting together. "Apart from the popcorn it's the only thing I've seen you eat since we've been here." He put his fingers to her hand, gently pushing her hand back towards her. "Keep eating."

Rhuben slowly sucked in a breath of air through her nose, peering down at the apple. She took a large bite from it before tossing it into the nearest trashcan. She then lifted her sticky hand to cover her mouth and said, "I'm not avoiding eating it, I'm saving room for birthday cake. Plus, the caramel is getting stuck in my teeth." She chewed rapidly, her eyebrows twitching. "That answer good enough for you?"

She immediately felt like a jerk as soon as the words were out of her mouth. He was only trying to help, but she already had her family checking to see if she was eating regularly, she didn't need anyone else to do it. Her close friends and family knew she was anorexic, luckily being caught early enough before things got too bad, but despite her recovery, she didn't need anyone to quickly jump to conclusions about why she didn't finish her food. Not that she could really blame him; Logan was always a worrier, making sure everything was ok with all of his friends, making sure they stayed out of trouble.

"Sorry," the two of them said together before starting to laugh.

"We should hurry up or Carlos is going to eat all of the cake before we can blow out the candles," Logan said, as he pulled at his belt loops, pulling up his pants before adjusting his sleeveless shirt. Rhuben chuckled. "You think I'm joking but he's done it before on James's birthday, right before the cake fight started up. That only happened before James had tackled him onto the table."

"That sounds about right," Rhuben commented with a shrug before grinning. "For them, anyway. All of you are crazy."

"You love it and you know it," Logan replied, pointing a finger in her direction.

"Yeah, ok," Rhuben replied, pushing his hand away.

Big Time Rush were the craziest boys she had ever met in her entire life, but she'd be lying if she said that she didn't like having them around. At one point, that was the case, but their love of having fun and having a good time was infectious and helped not only her, but her brothers and sister break down their walls. If it wasn't for those four boys, they wouldn't have remembered how it was fun to make music, how they could look at it as something to look forward to instead of a job.

She owed them a lot.

"We're almost at the Ferris wheel, the girls should be there by now," Logan said, glancing at his watch. "Hope they didn't get stuck in line for the coaster." Rhuben looked up towards the slow rotating machine

She remembered one of the first times she had visited Santa Monica pier. She got on the Ferris wheel and kept riding it around and around in circles, hoping to stop at the top. Everything was just different when you were looking at it from above. Being that high up in the air, with nothing but the sky and the clouds around you, it was peaceful. It was like a whole new world and as she would slowly make her decent, she would briefly hold her breath, preparing herself to be submerged into reality.

"You ok? You've been really quiet tonight," Logan asked. It was the feeling of his fingers brushing down her arm, starting from the inside of her elbow, down to her wrist that got her attention. It sent shivers down her spine. He gave her a warm smile, coaxing one out of her. "Normally, you're practically bouncing off the walls when it's your birthday."

"Birthday shmurfday, I just like the gifts," Rhuben replied, lifting her hand to brush her hair back from her face.

"Oh, speaking of which," Logan said, snapping his fingers together before reaching into his sagging shorts pocket. "That reminds me." He dug around for a moment before pulling out a small box. He opened it, peering inside before closing it, reaching into his pocket to pull out a second box, holding it out towards her. "Happy Birthday."

"Logan, you know we always open gifts when everyone's around," Rhuben said, pushing Logan's hand away.

"Humor me," Logan replied, uncurling her fingers to put the black box inside it.

Rhuben wrapped her fingers around the box, feeling the fuzzy material graze over her fingertips before she grasped the top with her free hand, lifting it. The hinge creaked as the top slowly moved before popping open and Rhuben came face to face with a small, metal dream catcher with a single purple bead sitting in the middle.

"Wow," Rhuben breathed blinking a couple of times as she waited for something…anything to stand out in her mind to say.

None of it could do it justice. Logan just got her and there were no words that could rally explain her gratefulness. She couldn't help but let out a little laugh as her mind instantly went back to the day before when they danced around her kitchen. She hadn't felt that carefree and happy in a long time. And it was what she needed. She always got a little tweaked around her birthday, and he always did his best to make it a little more bearable, a little sunnier on a normally gloomy day.

"Thanks, Logan, I love it, it's beautiful," Rhuben said, giving him a smile as she turned to give him a hug.

"Of course," Logan quietly replied in her ear, hugging her tight. She could feel his fingers slide through her hair as he did so and briefly closed her eyes at the touch.

She missed this. She missed him. But, she was too proud to say it. It was best for him to find out in the grand scheme of things what it was that he wanted. She knew he wanted to be a doctor; it's what he always wanted to be and she didn't want to be a distraction towards him.

Rhuben opened her eyes, moving to pull away from the hug, and froze when she spotted familiar figure in the crowd. Oh, bollocks. Not now, Rhuben thought as she removed her arms from around Logan's shoulders.

"You ok?" Logan asked, giving a startled laugh. His tongue darted past his lips, briefly wetting them before he wiped them with his lips. "You were hanging on to me like I was your lifeline or something." He let out a small laugh, a teasing smile on his face, but she could see the hint of seriousness in his eyes.

"Yeah, keep dreaming, pal," she replied, shoving his shoulder as she slipped the box into her pocket. "If I had to be stuck on a stranded island with someone, then I'd pick James."

"Over me?" Logan asked, his eyebrows shooting up.

She and James had gotten really close lately. While she and Logan were out of sorts for a short while over the summer, he was there to take her mind off of it. Taking a step back from trying to get Riley and Logan to be friends again, Rhuben realized that she didn't have a close friend apart from him. While her friendship with Logan was a bit rocky, James was just there for her for someone to hang out with.

And apart from dating Kendall, who Riley considered her best friend, she and Carlos had gotten close as well. He had brought out a crazy, fun side to her that she didn't show that often. It was a nice change of pace and it was really helping them open up instead of sticking with what was a comfort to them.

"Well, he could lift more things if he needed to," Rhuben replied, her eyes flickering over towards the boy standing behind Logan, a little ways off. He had his hands shoved into his pockets, head angled back, chewing on a toothpick. He gave a brief nod of his head when she caught his eye. "And if things were to go south, he has enough muscle to last me a while. Plus, he'd be good to look at."

"Yes, but, I could potentially build something to get you off the island," Logan pointed out to her.

She shrugged. "Maybe I wouldn't want to get off the island," she said quietly and Logan slowly nodded his head.

"It'd be like a whole new world for you," Logan said, giving her a half smile. He shifted his gaze to the ground for a moment before looking back up at her. "You've got that already, though; with Ronan. He was able to do what you've always wanted; to get you out. I couldn't do that for you."

"You've been there, that's enough," Rhuben replied and shared a smile with him. A shrill whistle went through the air and she shifted her gaze over to the boy. She then clapped her hands together before using her pointer fingers to point in a random direction. "Hey, I'm going to go get some funnel cake. I'll meet everyone at the Ferris wheel."

"Ok," Logan replied. "Just make sure you get some for Carlos unless you want him pinching off your plate."

"He'll lose a finger or three if he tries, just watch me," Rhuben replied, putting her hand in the air.

She then shoved his forehead before holding out her hand curling her ring, middle, and first finger down until her pinky and thumb were sticking out. Logan did the same and they hooked pinkies, pressed their folded fingers together, and then pressed the pads of their thumbs together. She then made her way over to the boy, glancing over her shoulder every now and then as she did so.

Once she was sure she couldn't see Logan anymore, she stepped up to him, offering her hand towards him. The boy slapped his hand into hers before gently punching her shoulder. He then brushed his dirty blonde hair out of his eyes, the toothpick flipping between his lips.

"Heard a rumor you were around," she said to him.

"Confirming it for ya," the boy replied as he removed the toothpick from his mouth, sticking it behind his ear. "You could've been more discreet. Swear to God you were acting like a new recruit." He let out a short, wheezy laugh.

"Out of practice," Rhuben replied, sliding her hands into her back jeans pockets. The boy arched an eyebrow and slowly angled his head down and back up as if to say "Obviously." She crossed her arms over her chest before lifting a hand to twirl a lock of her hair. "Why are you here, Ace?" she asked.

"Easiest way to make sure I'm not overheard," Ace replied. "Got some info for ya; something you'd like to know."

Rhuben sucked her lips into her mouth, dropping her gaze to the ground. She shifted her weight from foot to foot before looking up at his face. He raked his fingers through his hair, staring back at her, waiting.

"What is it?" Rhuben asked.

"I have it on good authority to know that your boy bander buddy, Logan?" Ace replied and Rhuben gave a slight nod, feeling her stomach start to twist into knots. "His dad got paroled a few days ago." Rhuben blinked in surprise, feeling her jaw drop slightly. She open and closed her mouth repeatedly and Ace let out a short laugh. "You didn't even know he was in jail, did you?"

"Jail or prison?" Rhuben asked and Ace blinked. "There's a difference and how do you know?"

"…How do you think?" Ace asked in a low tone. "So, he didn't tell you? Huh. That's interesting. I thought he was your best friend. You sure do brag about him often enough."

"He is my best friend," Rhuben replied and Ace chuckled.

"Really?" he asked, giving an odd smile. "So, tell me. Does he know about you then? And the things you've done?" Rhuben kept her gaze locked onto his amber eyes before briefly shaking her head. "Thought so." He slid his toothpick back into his mouth. "By the way, Happy Birthday. Tell Riles I said 'hi'."

"Yeah, thanks," Rhuben replied with a nod, as he stepped around her, disappearing into the crowd, leaving her to go find her friends, head spinning.

A/N: This story will have plenty of lighthearted moments in it and will show just about everybody. I just really needed to introduce the big stuff first.

-Rhuben