Barbara was lying in bed thinking about the last few days. Tomorrow would be Sunday and she would need to return to reality but tonight she felt almost like a princess lost in her own private fairy tale. As her body heated up the pyjama top she could smell his scent over the fresh clean smell of the laundry. She felt something she had not felt for a long, long time – contentment.

The door creaked slightly as the light from outside poured through the crack. At first Barbara thought the morning had come too soon. It was then she realised Tommy had opened the door and was looking at her.

"You can come in," she said.

"Sorry I didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't really. I was just thinking about what a lovely day I had."

He crossed to the bed and sat on the edge. She noticed that he was wearing the same pyjama pants that she had given back to him, with a simple grey tee on top. She felt an electric shock run from her neck down to her groin that scared her as much as it excited her. Sharing pyjamas seemed strangely intimate. Did he want to feel as close to me as I did to him?

"I just wanted to see if you were comfortable," he said somewhat lamely.

"What in this bed? You actually expect someone NOT to be comfortable?"

Tommy laughed and swung his legs up onto the bed so that he was half lying beside her. He had no set plan in mind but he knew he was not going to go back to his room tonight. He wanted to stay here with Barbara. He wanted her so much it ached but he had no intention of rushing things faster than she could cope. They might be able to curl up like last night; that would be good. If not then he could just stay here and watch her sleep.

"No but I like to ensure you feel welcome in my home." Was he really sounding as pathetic to her as he sounded to himself? He wanted to tell her that he never wanted her to leave but knew that would sound creepy. He needed to do this the right way. She was not used to being courted and certainly had a worse record with relationships than he did, which was no mean feat.

"I do, you know that. I'm here often enough," she laughed. Barbara sensed he did not want to leave. She was still following her rule from yesterday – just go with the flow – but common sense prevailed so she half scolded him, "You'll get cold; you had better get under the covers."

He obeyed eagerly but his movements were calm and smooth. He knew she was not going to send him back to his room now and a sense of serenity washed over him. He lay on his back and Barbara rolled onto her right side to face him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Barbara asked in her best Sergeant Havers voice.

"Talk about what?" Tommy was unsure where this was heading.

"I don't know really but something is bothering you."

"Something is always bothering me Barbara. It seems to be the way my mind works. I can never seem to just be content with anything but the last few days I have felt freer than I have in years."

He turned to face her and said earnestly, "Thank you for that."

"I didn't do anything. "

"Yes, yes you did. You have looked out for me ever since our first case when you still thought I was an arrogant prig. "

"Oh have you changed?" Barbara was trying to lighten the mood.

"Ha ha. Yes, I have changed a lot since then. You've always stuck by me even when you should have just let me go and wallow in my own misery."

"I'd never do that. You're a brilliant detective and, well, a very caring man. You've helped me over the years too you know." She thought back to his many acts of kindness when her father died and when he had paid to have her flat painted. "Even when I didn't know I wanted it."

"We're both a bit out of synch with life aren't we?"

"Yeah, I guess, but we are who we are."

"True. I'd like to be happy Barbara, truly happy but I am not sure I know what would make me happy. I don't know if I've ever been happy."

It was sad to hear but Barbara understood exactly what he meant. She couldn't remember when she had last been really happy either. Perhaps before her brother got sick and died. "Maybe people like you and I are just not meant to be happy."

"Oh I hope that is not true", Tommy said sitting up to look at her. "That would not be fair and besides you deserve happiness, but you might be right where I am concerned."

"You were happy though weren't you? When you were with Helen?" It was dangerous territory to move onto but Barbara felt he needed to talk about Helen.

"I don't really know. In a way Helen was my biggest failure. She was my best friend. She helped me understand why Deborah left me. I could tell her everything – about work, about Mother, about all the little bits of my life. But I mistook loving her for being in love with her and I made her miserable. I couldn't love her the way she needed me too and she couldn't love me the way I need to be loved. We couldn't really talk about things once we were married the way we had before. I couldn't talk about how confused and terrified I was because it would mean telling her that being with her made me miserable and I couldn't do that to her. We retreated into our own corners and never really came out of it."

"But you seemed to be a lot closer before she died. I thought you were over all that."

"In a way we were. I was trying so hard to be what she needed me to be. I had made a commitment and I wanted to make her happy. I really did. It was not her fault that I am incapable of loving others. But I wasn't really being true to myself. I felt so guilty when she died."

"It's not your fault you know."

"I know. But it was all about me then wasn't it? My sadness, my guilt and look at the damage it caused. It has always been about how I feel. Even poor mother, I wasted years hating her for what she did to my father but she was lonely and needed love and strength. We are not really that different and I hate myself for it, for all of it."

"Everyone grieves in their own way. Remember you told me how I was stronger after facing down that gun after I had been shot? Well you are stronger now too."

"But I am still broken Barbara."

She sat up slightly and reached over and hugged him to her. He returned the embrace and started to sob. Eventually he fell asleep with Barbara still soothing him.