The case was easier than he had hoped. Barbara had a feeling from the moment she met the Earl's third wife that the woman was responsible. Tommy thought she was jumping to conclusions but he let her investigate further. Financial troubles and a dodgy younger lover proved to be the key and by Thursday they had wrapped up another case.
They had not had a lot of time alone. They worked late most nights and started early each day. Tommy had stayed in his room and she had stayed in hers. Things had gone back to the way they were last week and Barbara had come to believe that the weekend had just been a lovely diverting aberration that she could forever treasure.
"Do you need to go home to pack for Cornwall?" he asked as they were packing the car to head back to London, "I was thinking we could just drive cross country from here."
"Er, no as long as it is truly a casual family weekend. I don't have anything fancy with me at all." She had almost forgotten that she had agreed to go to Howenstowe this weekend.
"Well we were going to drive down in the morning so we can start tonight."
The drive from Harby was longer than he thought. It had sounded like a good idea but by ten o'clock he was starting to get too tired to drive safely. She was going to think this was a set up but he spoke anyway. "Barbara I'm getting very tired. Would you mind if we stopped the night somewhere?"
"No, of course, you look done in. Do we need to call you Mother? Was she expecting us tonight?"
"Good point but no, I had neglected to ring and let her know we would be early."
They pulled off the M5 at Gloucester and found a small hotel. Lynley insisted it was his fault so he was going to pay for their room.
"I am not a pauper Sir, I can pay my way."
"I know but you wouldn't have to pay if I hadn't been tired and we had just gone to London or stayed in Harby. We could economise and just get one room."
"Oh." That was a shock.
"Sorry Barbara that sounded terribly vulgar. I'm not trying to demean last week at all." He actually shuffled his feet and looked so embarrassed Barbara had to stifle a laugh.
"I think we should get two rooms Sir." She wondered instantly if she would regret that later tonight. "We are both tired and we need to talk about things."
"Ok, I am sorry."
"No need."
They had already eaten before they left Harby and so went up to their rooms on the first floor. Tommy wished Barbara sweet dreams and went into his room. Barbara sighed and entered hers which was next door. She was amused to see there was an interconnecting door between them. She knew he hadn't asked for it but wondered if the clerk had overheard their conversation.
She showered and changed and wondered what Tommy was doing. He had looked so forlorn and rejected when she insisted on separate rooms. She was worried he might pull back into his shell and paced the room trying to decide what to do. Eventually she unlatched the clip and opened the door her side and knocked lightly on the second dividing door into his room. Tommy opened it almost too quickly. He too had been pacing and thinking and was almost about to come to her when he heard the knock.
"Hiya," she said sheepishly, now wondering what to say next.
Tommy silently stepped into his room to allow her to pass. They looked at each other and saw the same confusion of thoughts. There was no seat in the room so he moved to the bed and sat on the edge and patted the spot next to him. "I think we should talk but I don't really know what to say."
She sat beside him thinking that she had left enough space but the bed was soft and she slid into him. A spark of electricity seemed to pass between them and they both knew that they had both felt it. Neither of them knew what to say or to do and so they sat there in awkward silence for what seemed like an eternity. Barbara was the first to recover and as she edged away from him turned to face Tommy.
"What's actually happening here?" she asked, dreading whatever the answer might be.
Tommy took a deep breath. Whatever he said now could make or break what was building between them. He reached out and took her hand. She tensed but did not try to pull away. He thought she might leap off the bed and push him away and he couldn't let that happen. "I, I'm not sure but I have fallen in love with you Barbara."
Barbara was dumbstruck. She thought instantly back to their conversation about Helen. It was a mistake. He couldn't be in love with me.
"No," she said evenly, "You're not in love with me. It's the same thing that happened with Helen. We are… mates. We are not destined to be lovers. We would end up hating ourselves for ruining what we have now."
"Don't say that. I have been thinking about it for days and I know it is different. I just know it."
He leant down and kissed her. His touch was so soft it was barely measurable. He kissed her again and again increasing the pressure on her lips ever so slightly each time. He wanted to devour her, to kiss her so hard that their flesh would merge but he knew that was exactly the wrong thing to do. He had hoped that she might start to kiss him back but she showed no intention of doing so. Instead she simply said, "But it can't be. I am hopeless at relationships. You don't want me." He saw the tears well in her eyes and was scared that right now she might actually hate him.
"Yes, yes I do, more than I have ever wanted anyone else in my life." She looked into his eyes and knew that was true with all the frightening implications it held. They both shivered involuntarily. He kissed her again and this time he felt her respond. He now knew she wanted this too but she was scared. Again she broke contact.
"I don't think we can. There are too many issues to think about." His answer was to kiss her again trying to erase her doubts through his actions rather than his words. His kisses were so gentle, so loving. It was exactly as she had dreamt over the years but it couldn't be real. Tommy can't feel this way about me. I am terrible at this and if it goes any further I will only disappoint him.
"I am no good with this sort of stuff." Her voice was ragged and confused. "I don't know what I'm doing and I'll disappoint you. You need a real woman who has experience and knows how to satisfy you."
Ah so that was it. She is scared and worried she will not be good enough for me.
"Barbara I don't care if we never have sex." That was a lie but true enough for tonight. "I just want you. I want to hold you and I want you to hold me. Love is not just a physical thing it is much more about the mind. How we feel about each other; how we make each other feel. I want to love you Barbara and have you love me."
He felt the tenseness in her body lessen a little but he could almost hear her mind in overdrive. "Don't think about it Barbara, just follow how you feel."
She really did not know what to do or what to say. So she put her arm around his waist and without even meaning to let it slip up between his tee shirt and his skin. He groaned with pleasure and pushed her back gently onto the bed. He was kissing her again; on the lips and around her face and now down her neck. This time she gasped audibly as he nuzzled into the nape of her neck kissing, sucking and nipping slightly. He was back to her lips, his tongue seeking entry. She let her lips part slightly and then more as he explored. She had never been kissed like this before but she liked it. She had never felt so alive. She had never really felt desire before. Her chest and stomach muscles were contracting almost painfully as her nerve endings came alive to his caresses. This was almost too much to bear.
Tommy sat up and slipped out of his shirt. He wanted to feel closer to Barbara; wanted her skin on his but he knew if he tried to remove or even unbutton her pyjama top she would freeze. How have men managed to damage you like this? He knew she had not slept with anyone for years but he knew she had had at least one short relationship in the past. He presumed that fool was the one who told her she was no good. He did not care whether she was a skilled lover or not. All he wanted was honesty. As long as she touched him the way she wanted to, the way she felt comfortable, that was enough for him.
Barbara began to wonder if he really wanted her after all. They must have been kissing like this for at least ten minutes and he had not made any attempt to mount her or even touch her more intimately. She always thought of sex like that – of a stallion mounting a filly for his pleasure. She hadn't really thought Tommy would be so crass but he must be reaching the point where he cannot wait and then it is going to be over before she would be able to enjoy it. She felt a tinge of disappointment. All men must be like that. The fantasies from her cheap romance novels were not what happened in real life.
He moved away. She wanted to scream "no don't go" but he was simply slipping off his shorts. Oh the feel of his skin as he moved back to her was wonderful and she ran her hands over his back and arms and drank in his smell. He was doing that thing to her neck again and she found her mouth free to kiss the side of his face. She ran her hand through his hair and pulled him closer.
Tommy felt her start to explore his body and knew she would now allow him the same joy. He slowly unbuttoned her shirt to expose her stomach and breasts. He groaned with absolute joy at the perfection of her. He had known for a long time that she had a wonderful figure but now that it was in front him he was in awe. He was so glad he had left the bedside light on; it highlighted her features magnificently. His kisses moved from her neck down her body and his hands were slowly discovering the firmness of her breast. Her arousal was obvious, if not from the erectness of her nipples as he gently sucked them, then from the low moans she was making.
Barbara thought she might explode. His touch was magical and she had never felt such desire. She had gripped his buttocks when he started this and she was unable to let go. He was holding himself carefully so as not to let his manhood touch her and she did not know if he was aroused of not. She wanted to touch him there, to check; to just feel it but she did not dare. She had never touched anyone like that before and was scared that if she did she would need to do something with it.
Tommy could sense that Barbara was physically ready for him but she was still holding back. "Let go Barbara" he whispered. "I'm here, you're safe, just let yourself go."
She wasn't really sure what he meant. She was responding to him now. She was touching him; she was kissing him; she was letting him do whatever he liked. She was... oh that was so good. He had slipped his hand down between her legs stroking the inside of her thighs. Each upwards stroke was edging closer and with his next stroke she parted her legs slightly and his hand brushed up against a part of her she never thought a man would ever touch again. This time it was Tommy's turn to moan. This went far beyond physical with him. The physical was undeniably good but she was slowly letting him peel back the barriers she had built over the years to protect her. She trusted him not to hurt her. She trusted him to love her.
The movement of his hand was exquisite. He was obviously a very skilled lover. She would never keep him satisfied, she knew that but now, tonight, it was just them. If tonight was all they ever had then she would die satisfied.
"Ohh" she heard herself cry out almost in surprise as the orgasm swept over her. She was confused. He hadn't even made any attempt to mount her. But this was so good and she felt as if she was physically falling and she lost herself in the sensation.
Tommy smiled – it seemed he had hit the spot. He wasn't just being polite. Tonight was all about Barbara. He wanted her to feel in her body and in her mind how much he really loved her. He realised that he worshipped her and she needed to know that this was real. She was calming down now. The arch in her back was softening against his hand and she seemed to be purring – actually purring. Tommy released his hand and started kissing her again – softly, slowly, lovingly.
Barbara wasn't sure what was happening. He was kissing her again and she felt her heart start to pound. This was so far beyond anything she had ever imagined and she was starting to realise what he meant about the mind being the most important part of making love. Her mind ached for him. She wanted him to invade the deepest recesses of her thoughts and to rescue her from her prison.
"Are you sure you want this?" he whispered softly in her ear.
"More than I've ever wanted anything." All her doubts were gone. They might return but at this moment she needed Tommy more than she needed to breathe. She was so absorbed by how tenderly he was kissing her that she barely noticed he was inside her. He stopped moving. He raised his head and was looking at her with such adoration that she felt all her resistance flee.
Tommy felt complete. He didn't want anything between them. He wanted to stay like this forever. He knew if he moved he would lose his self-control and he needed Barbara to understand this was him giving her everything that he had. Being as close to her as he possibly could be. As he was looking at her he was opening his soul to her and he needed her to know it was far, far beyond any physical sensations.
She could not tear her eyes away but gently started moving underneath him. He picked up the rhythm and then bent down to kiss her again. She felt full, overwhelmed but above all peaceful. How could she be here like this and feel such peace?
Tommy sensed it too. He had broken through the barriers and she was opening up to him in a way she had never opened up to anyone before. He knew too that physically she was about to climax and he knew he would not be able to hold on this time. How could she ever have feared that she would disappoint him? She was the missing part of his soul. He felt whole for the first time in years. Feeling like this he could conquer the world.
"Oh Tommy, I love you."
And with those words they both surrendered to each other completely allowing their bodies and their minds to become one.