Edit: Some people seemed confused about this, and didn't read the Author's Notes at the bottom, so I'll put it here. I did not write the Omake, nor is it part of the actual Story. It also is a major reference to Comedity, a webcomic that I was introduced to in the process of writing this story. I repeat, the Omake is NOT part of the story.

Chapter 9

"... Wow."

Naruto had no idea what more to say.

"Let go of my hair, bitch!"

It was a scene out of many a lads dreams.

"Y-you let go of m-my hair first, s-sk-skank!"

Naruto pinched himself, to ensure this time wasn't some sort of daydream. Luckily, Tenten missed him doing that, as she was staring at the fight, too.

"Argh! That was a really expensive shirt! You're going to pay for ripping it!"

Naruto's eyes grew wider, as Sakura vengefully tore open the front of Hinata's baggy sweatshirt, bearing Hinata's rather... impressive... chest to open air. With only a mesh covering, not much was left to the imagination.

Hearing Naruto gulp, Tenten finally got a hold of her, and looked over at him.

"Stop drooling, Naruto!"

At that, the two wrestling girls froze.

Whilst maintaining their pose, both girls slowly turned to face Naruto. Hinata was on her back with Sakura straddling her, one hand pulling back on Sakura's hair, the other wrestling with Sakura's free hand. Free hand being the one that WASN'T tearing open Hinata's jacket.

Jiraiya's pen continued scribbling, chronicling this magical moment in a boys life... The first time he witnessed a knockdown, drag-out, clothes-ripping catfight. It brought a tear to his eye, knowing his young apprentice was learning so much so early in his life.

The pause in action lasted a good 5 seconds, where all the girls stared at Naruto, and Naruto stared at the girls. Naruto felt an odd clarity flash through his mind.

Somehow, this moment just seemed oh-so-right, in a way that even five minutes ago Naruto would have vehemently denied. In this odd moment, all Naruto could really do was just gape, gape at the two girls frozen in such a violent, yet sexual pose.

Well, ok, he was just staring at Hinata's chest. But can you blame him? Really?

I didn't think so.

The silence was broken by a surprisingly ferocious Hinata, who apparently had finally managed to process that yes, Sakura had ruined her favorite jacket.

Said jackets were a staple of Hinata's wardrobe, letting her conceal many a useful item or bottle without making it obvious. Also, it stopped Kiba from just staring at her whenever her team did anything. It got rather creepy after a while.

Oh, irony.

Said Kiba would be rather jealous, when Naruto would later recount this story to the other guys he knew. Ironically, though, it would be Sasuke that was the most jealous.

Anti-social he may be... he was still a guy. A young man, at that… He, like the others, were at an age where they began to appreciate a good catfight. And though the girls were only 12, Hinata was blessed with the most important 'aspect' of the Hyuuga Bloodline.

Every guy always remembers the first girl in his class to... bloom... and though Hinata was generally too meek and, well, odd, for most guys to be interested in... She definitely developed first.

Oh yes, all the men of their class would remember Hinata for years for that.

And he had even been there, for the show! It was a mere coincidence that he was passed out on the ground a few meters away, missing the glorious, glorious event.

Poor, poor Sasuke.

Sadly for her training, Hinata never did manage to remember how she moved as quickly as the Hakke Rokujuuyonshou called for in the initial onslaught of her counter-attack. But Naruto would long remember the results, and would on later reflection honestly attribute this moment as being the first instance where he actually understood exactly where Jiraiya was coming from this whole time.

'This kind of thing is why he peeps? It... Makes so much more sense now...'

Unfortunately, Naruto wasn't able to get more then a glimpse of Sakura after her clothes where shredded by Byakugan-powered nails ripping them apart. For, even though Sakura was now basically hiding nothing with her dress, Tenten finally pulled herself together enough to break up the fight.

The fact that she was standing in front of Naruto, blocking his view of the two other girls, was completely coincidental. So was the way she sidestepped to remain in front of him when he tried to peer around her. Yep. Complete coincidence, that.

At least Naruto's attempts to get a better look had Jiraiya cheering, as much as he was over the fact that his student was taking to following his own footsteps of being a stud with the ladies. And that maybe Naruto would stop interfering with his own peeping.

"What the hell do you two think you're doing?! You know that shinobi aren't allowed to fight like this in public. And cover yourselves up! Do you want every pervert around to stare at you?!"

Hinata's head fell further and further as Tenten's rant continued, before she finally looked like she was about to burst into tears at the pervert remark. She had just... just burst when she realized that Sakura was trying to steal HER Naruto-kun! A girl could only take so much, and Hinata had hit her breaking point when the first time she gathered up the courage to proposition Naruto, Sakura got in her way!

But, hearing Tenten yell at her made it seem like maybe someone would misunderstand what was going on, and not realize she was fighting for her One True Love. She was pretty lucky in that no one from her household had come out and put a stop to the fight, but it was all pointless because she didn't even WIN anything.

Then again... her face lit up in a blush, after realizing that Naruto had seen what Sakura had done to her jacket. Her face grew more and more flush, wondering what he was thinking... Did he see? How much did he see? Maybe he'd come with her later to see it again? And then she'd hug him, and he'd hug her back, and then he'd take off his pants...

Fortunately for Hinata, everyone just assumed her face was reddening in embarrassment, and not something else.

At the same time, Sakura became more and more embarrassed as the rant continued, as she finally realized what the heck she was doing, and in public no less. Luckily, the only people who seemed to be watching were random civilians, and no one really cared about what they thought, anyway.

She couldn't believe that she got into a fight with HINATA of all people over Naruto. Frankly, she'd expected to throw down with Tenten before it was done, but not really anyone else. After all, Naruto was 9/10 hers already, and only in last few months had he even showed the slightest interest in another girl.

The fact that he hadn't overtly sought her out in recent days, to her knowledge, was something that Sakura was able to easily ignore. She had a great deal of experience ignoring facts and common sense, from her pursuit of Sasuke. Sure, it may seem like Naruto had fallen for that older girl, but Sakura knew that Naruto would never move on to a new girl so easily.

And, while she may have been one of the few people to believe that, she was one of the few who were right. Naruto really couldn't move on that quickly on his own... it just wasn't in his nature. She felt that her window of opportunity was still open, however slim it might have become.

But Tenten surely did have a large step up over her at the moment, something Sakura would fix... As soon as she could get Naruto away from her!

Tenten, still blocking Naruto's view, pulled out one of her scrolls, and removed two blankets from it.

She really couldn't believe what she was seeing. Two of the shyest girls she'd ever heard of just going at each other like that? Now, if that Ino girl had been involved, it might seem more plausible... But there was only one reason that Tenten could even fathom why they were fighting.

Unfortunately for them, they were too late. Tenten allowed herself a small smile, even as she shuffled to the left to block Naruto's view again. Sure, these kids may think that they had a chance, but Naruto had made it clear that SHE was his choice, and after all he'd done in so short a time, she wasn't going to let him go so easily.

"Just... here. Cover yourselves up, and get out of here, before someone reports what happened here to the Hokage. You wouldn't want that to happen, would you?"

Naruto just scratched his head as the two girls slowly shambled off, with blankets wrapped around them. He was further confused at how they kept on turning back to stare at him.

He was even further confused at the way Tenten began growling when Hinata had stopped walking after she accidentally dropped her blanket when she turned to face Naruto one of the times.

Luckily, in her growling, she missed the goofy grin that passed across Naruto's face for a brief moment.

Maybe she just didn't want her blankets to get dirty?

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"Well... I wonder what that was about? I mean, if it was Sakura-chan and Ino fighting, I guess I could see it. But Sakura-chan and Hinata? Why would they be fighting?"

Tenten rolled her eyes. Sometimes Naruto could be so clueless, especially about girls. But then again, it was his blunt straightforwardness that led the guy to her, so she probably shouldn't complain about it.

"Some girls are just too... immature, and get into fights over stupid things. Sakura probably just insulted something important to Hinata, or something like that."

Naruto was thanking all the ramen he held dear that Tenten didn't seem about to call him out for how he'd been staring. He didn't need to be labeled a pervert, on top of all the other bizarre things going on around him.

Naruto looked around, confused at what to do now. Sasuke was still passed out on the ground, and didn't look like he was getting up any time soon. Unfortunately for him, several of his more amorous fan girls were lurking nearby, attempting to stealthily creep up on him.

If Naruto had been thinking clearly, he'd probably of tried to wake the poor guy up, to save him whatever those messed-up girls would do to him.

Sadly, his mind was still addled by boobs, so his forgetfulness could be forgiven.

"Err, yeah, if you say so. Soooo... I guess that means we get to eat some ramen now?"

"I guess so, yeah."

"No, now is not the time for ramen, Uzumaki. My sister is still in need of your help."

This time, everyone DID see Jiraiya fall out of his tree, once again failing to notice the Jinchuuriki hiding in it with him. Naruto, Tenten, and Gaara turned and stared as Jiraiya stood up, brushed himself off, and casually walked away whistling, as if he hadn't just fallen out of a tree.

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"So, you're telling me that it wasn't actually Temari who had come back earlier, but was actually one of her kidnappers henged?"

"Yes."

"And they told you that she was being ransomed off for 10 trillion ryo?"

"Yes."

"And they also said that they were constantly monitoring you, and that if you left the village, they'd kill Temari?"

"Yes."

"Isn't... Isn't 10 trillion ryo an absurdly huge amount of money? Like, more money then everyone in the elemental countries combined has?"

"... Maybe."

"So wouldn't asking for that much be kind of stupid? Like maybe they had some kind of ulterior motive for asking for that much, but saying YOU couldn't rescue her?"

"That might be possible, but it's unlikely-"

"I mean, why ask for that much for a ransom if you KNOW no one could conceivably pay it?"

"Shut up, Naruto. Because I can't do it, you need to go rescue my sister."

"But wouldn't it be smarter to get a whole team of people together, to go and rescue her? Because people demanding that ridiculous of an amount of money are clearly expecting us to try and rescue her."

"No. You must go now."

"But wouldn't it-"

"I SAID GO NOW!"

'Twas an odd argument to see; Naruto was getting progressively more perplexed, and Gaara was getting progressively angrier.

Naruto just had no clue what was going on, or why Gaara was so adamant that Naruto had to be the one who rescued his sister. Tenten was mildly confused, but incredibly suspicious of the whole thing. However, her fear of being squished with sand overrode her curiosity at why the heck Gaara was acting like this.

That doesn't mean she wasn't getting more and more upset with the day. First her training with Naruto had been interrupted, then those girls were fighting over the guy who was interested in HER, then those girls were LITERALLY fighting over the guy interested in her... And now apparently Naruto HAD to rescue the other girl who was hitting on him.

She just wanted to spend time with Naruto! With everything else that had happened lately, Tenten had decided she Naruto had proven enough, and they should at least start dating. Ya know, see where things go... But just as she reached that point, all these other girls just showed up out of nowhere!

Gaara, though... Gaara was upset that his plan wasn't moving as smoothly as he had hoped. He figured that, once hearing what had 'happened', Naruto would rush off, save his sister, and then Temari would convince him to be her mate, and then go off and maim their enemies. Or something similar to that. Whatever it was that normal people wanted from each other.

It was a surprise, the way Naruto was responding. Especially with how easy it was for Gaara to find someone to actually kidnap Temari for him. Gaara had figured that would be the hard part, and convincing Naruto would be easy...

Naruto stared off into space for a moment, as if deeply thinking. He shook his head out, and smiled enthusiastically.

"Well, I guess I WOULD be the best choice for rescuing people, anyway, seeing as how I'm going to be the Hokage! Which way did they go? And do you know who the guy was that nabbed her?"

Inwardly cheering at the success of his plan, Gaara replied, "They went west, towards Rain... And the one who kidnapped her said his name was 'Tobi'."

And then Gaara's plan crumbled a little, when Naruto replied, "Alrighty, me and Tenten will get her back in a jiffy. I mean, what kind of name is 'Tobi' anyway?"

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Now, several things about what just happened may seem odd.

After all, it's rather counter to Naruto's base character to think things through, and not rush headlong into danger to rescue a friend. It was a core aspect to who he was; the willingness to do anything to defend anybody who he named friend.

But here he was, thinking things through logically, asking intelligent questions, and generally not being a moron.

Given Naruto's personality, it made no sense. However, with the way his mind actually functioned, it made perfect sense. When placed in a high pressure situation, some part of him took charge to see it through, and outside of such situations, his mind usually devolved to chaos. While not a high pressure situation per se, his brain HAD just went through something of a blender at what he had just seen.

For very few of his various personality-types could actually maintain higher brain functions when presented with a near naked Sakura and Hinata fighting each other. In most men, seeing a similar sight would have led to knockout-by-nosebleed. In Naruto's case he was able to resist, mainly because one of the smarter Naruto's, namely 'Hokage-Naruto', was able to take full control while all of the more headstrong and action-oriented types were blissfully unconscious.

It wouldn't last long, sure, but for that brief time, Naruto was actually thinking things through.

Another odd thing was how Tenten didn't get stereotypically enraged by Naruto's obviously perverted thoughts, on seeing two of his classmates, two girls that Tenten had realized were interested in HER man, rolling around on the ground, wrestling near-naked in public.

No one would be surprised if she had reacted in some over-the-top violent manner, but, well, she didn't. Though she DID stop Naruto from watching, she didn't punish him for doing so as he did.

The reason, unsurprisingly, goes back to Tenten's last year, being on a team with three guys who would never be held up as a paragon of normalcy.

Frankly, as long as he didn't start wearing green spandex, or spouting soliloquies of angst, whatever he was doing was probably not as bad as what he COULD be doing. She couldn't even really blame him... God knows she'd react similarly if it had been two cute guys she knew wrestling around naked like that.

Being mildly perverted was FAR better then some other things he could be, and Tenten would save up her righteous feminine rage for a moment when he truly deserved it. Like if he ever took Gai up on an offer of training, or something truly heinous.

And besides, she was a kunoichi. Part of all kunoichi's training was a set of tactics created to deal with male ninja. It would be rather stupid of her to blame Naruto for acting the way he was, since he pretty much confirmed what her teachers had taught. She knows very well what boobs can do to a boy, so a part of her can forgive him for reacting the way her teachers had explained guys would.

The other, and most strange, thing... How the heck did Gaara find TOBI of all people to pawn Temari off on?

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Flashback 30 minutes ago

As Gaara intrepidly wandered through the forest, carrying his unconscious sister over his shoulder, he searched for a foe worthy enough to take her hostage.

And, well, he didn't really find anybody. He was just wandering around by himself in the woods for goodness sake. Gaara had been rather confident that he would find SOMEONE to kidnap her... And, well, his paranoia that people were always out to get him actually proved his saving grace.

Because at the same time, approaching from the opposite direction, were three fellows happily chatting about their plans for the day.

Well, OK, only one was happily chatting. The other two were cursing him out and telling him to shut the fuck up, before they broke his face in. And then pawn off his mask. And sacrifice him to some bizarre deity of torture.

But... luckily, Kakuzu came up with a plan. This ingenious scheme would surely get Tobi off his shoulders. Granted, he'd still have to deal with Hidan and his irritating personality quirks, but after a few days with Tobi, Kakuzu was rapidly realizing how much worse he could have it, partner-wise.

Clearly, Tobi would be of no use to anyone for capturing any of the Jinchuuriki. In fact, he'd probably be a hindrance, bumbling into his way in a fight and probably getting everyone else killed.

No, Tobi had to be somewhere else, but still 'helping' them, because Pain had said he had to help. And no one liked to disagree with Pain, or do something contrary to his wishes. That sort of thing usually ended poorly.

So, Kakuzu pondered up a way to keep Tobi out of his hair.

"Tobi... Alright, here's the plan. You're going to go scout out that way, and if you see the nine-tails, you're to lure him back towards Rain. Hidan and I will, uhh, follow you, and we'll catch the vessel with ease as he chases you. Maybe you can steal some of his ramen, or say he'll never be Hokage, or something. Get him good and mad, and then lead him on a chase to Rain. You understand?"

Kakuzu had researched what factoids he could exploit against the nine-tails' vessel after he had been informed of his new target. After all, it paid to read up on what you could use against your potential enemies… or so Kakuzu himself had written in the latest issue of Missing-nin Monthly. That magazine was a rather profitable endeavor, especially the way he was able to subtly cut down on the competition, by giving them terrible, terrible advice.

"Yes! I'll do it! I'll lure him straight towards our hideout, so we can catch him easy-peasy! And I'll become a full-fledged member of Akatsuki!"

"Um, yeah... You do that. Go on and get to it."

'And THAT should get Tobi out of my way for the time being.'

Never once did Kakuzu even contemplate Tobi actually succeeding.

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So, as Tobi skipped his way through the woods towards Konoha, he came across a nice young man carrying around a young lady.

Tobi was about to go and offer to help the girl, who seemed to be unconscious, when the little guy spoke up (and in a surprisingly deep voice, too).

"You. Oh no, by your cloak, you must be in Akatsuki. Oh woe is me. If you kidnapped my sister, I don't know what I would do. I could surely stop you, unless you threatened to kill my sister if I did... But even if you did, my good friend Uzumaki Naruto, the nine-tailed fox jinchuuriki, will surely follow you. Though he would be easily led into a trap, he would most definitely follow you, to rescue my sister here."

'There. No one could possibly misunderstand that.' The monotone it was delivered in definitely helped that case, as Gaara essentially just told Tobi to, well, kidnap his sister.

Tobi thought about it for a moment. It certainly seemed as if there was something he should do here, but it took him a minute to think it up. Gaara was beginning to get frustrated, and was on the verge of just giving Temari to the guy and leaving, when Tobi snapped his fingers.

"Alright! I got it! Tobi is the best Akatsuki member ever! I'll kidnap your sister here, and use her to lure the nine-tailed fox into my trap! I'll catch that nine-tails without any problems! Kakuzu will be so proud of me! Now you give me your sister!"

"Well, if you say so... But my friend will be upset."

'Did he... Just act like he came up with the idea on his own, without my blatant hinting? Is he... is he really a member of Akatsuki?'

Even with the mask, it was somehow obvious that Tobi's brow was furrowed in thought. He knew there was more to the kidnapping profession then just running away with the captive...

'Now, what do I do? What would Kakuzu do if he had a hostage? Oh, wait, he'd do the same thing he always does! He'd ask for money!'

"Now I have your sister! Muwahahaha! If you chase after me, I'll kill her (though I am heading to Rain Country, if you want to follow), but you can get her back if you pay me 10 trillion ryo!"

'10 trillion ryo is what Kakuzu said it would take for him to agree to be my friend, wasn't it? I'll catch the nine-tails, AND get to be Kakuzu's new bestest friend!'

"That's... a lot of money."

"It's what Kakuzu would want."

"... Right. Well, I'll get right on telling Uzumaki how terrible of a person you are, and how he needs to rescue my sister."

And as Gaara and Tobi started walking back the way they came...

Both of them thought the same thing.

'Yes, this is all going according to plan...'

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"So now you see why Uzumaki had to go run off and rescue my sister immediately. It was a matter of life or death, and I could never risk my sister's life like that and go after her myself. He took his woman with him, and I saw Jiraiya of the Sannin chasing off after him."

The Hokage just took off his hat, and began to massage his forehead. Today just wasn't his day. He was so backlogged with work, that he could barely keep up with the local news. Much was going on in the world-stage, and dealing with the threat of Akatsuki sapped a lot of his time.

Meaning that he hadn't had any time to catch up on the latest gossip in town.

"Your sister was kidnapped, and you came and told NARUTO of all people to go rescue her? And he just ran off right after you told him? Do you know how many rules this violates?"

"Well, no, he didn't immediately run off... Naruto first had a few bowls of ramen before leaving."

"And that's it? He just ran off?"

"Well, he was also joined by a man I believe to be Hyuuga Hiashi. As soon as Naruto sat down to eat, the man strode out of the Hyuuga mansion and joined him. They spent about 20 minutes discussing ramen, before Naruto had to leave."

"... What the hell?"

Flashback 20 minutes prior

"Well, since we're here anyway, we might as well get some ramen before we go!"

"Are you sure that's wise, Naruto? My sister's life is in the balance. You must go rescue her now."

Naruto waved him off. "There's always time for Ramen, Gaara. Always."

"But-"

"ALWAYS."

Gaara unconsciously backed up a step, his mind flash-backing to the chuunin exams, and how he really didn't want to be frog-stomped because he apparently didn't understand the importance of ramen.

And oddly, the second Naruto sat down, a regal looking man strode out of the nearby house and gracefully sat down next to him.

Tenten and Gaara both looked at each other in confusion. The looks grew as Naruto greeted the man with gusto, surprising Tenten immensely. She had met the Hyuuga Patriarch numerous times in the past, and she had never in her life imagined that THAT particular rumor about Naruto may be true... It just didn't make sense that these two would be friends.

But, the two chatted away about the importance of amount of time one heated the broth to the taste of the noodles, and how crucial even a minute could be.

Just as Naruto was finishing up his bowl, Hiashi reached out and patted his shoulder.

"So have you come to any newer conclusions about what life has to offer you, on your dilemma?"

Tenten's confusion grew, not having a clue at what Hiashi could be talking about, nor why Naruto began to blush deeply.

"Well, yeah... I definitely have more to think about now. But... It's looking a lot nicer then it did last time we talked, that's for sure!"

Hiashi nodded knowingly, making Naruto wonder if he had seen what Naruto had witnessed, and if he had, why the heck he wasn't enraged by Hinata being caught naked in public.

But then again, this was the same guy who had evidently told him that it was actually a good idea to, ahem, 'get to know' all the girls before picking one out, so maybe he was cool with it?

That was definitely something to ponder.

"Well, Hiashi, me and Tenten have to run! We have a friend to save! 'tebayo!"

Gaara remained, bemused, at how Hyuuga Hiashi just waved him off, placed some money on the table, and strolled off, without saying a word.

'Well, I suppose I should go tell the Hokage what is going on, so he won't be too surprised...'

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"With your permission, I shall take my leave to follow after them, to ensure nothing goes too wrong."

"Sigh... I'll send Tsunade after them as well, just in case. This is just going to end badly, I know it..."

OMAKE OMAKE OMAKE Submitted by Warai Kitsune!

1234567890 (If you don't understand some of the references, See the AN below)

OMAKE OMAKE OMAKE

It had been a slaughter; part ambush, part jailbreak, and most of all, an out-and-out mutiny. No one had seen it coming, though in hind-sight, it should have been obvious, considering how quiet he'd been lately.

Thankfully, it was a slaughter of...well, 'beings' that weren't truly alive in the first place, and as such, couldn't die.

Though dying wasn't always necessary to ensure victory.

Naruto grunted as he forced himself up; he remains of the council's table were laying on quite a few, but he'd taken the brunt of the attack, and had most of the remaining weight still on him. Shaking his head dimly, he tried to remember what had happened; there'd been a massive explosion, then the sound of struggle...smoke and noise, most of it yelling without the sound of combat...he frowned. "Genjutsu?" he muttered as he shook his head again, trying to clear out the cobwebs. Something felt wrong, he just couldn't put his finger on it. Finally standing, he looked around; the Council Room had been badly damaged, but it looked as though nearly all of it had been the result of sword strikes.

He froze. "My head," he whispered, his hands flying to his hair, scrabbling desperately. Finding nothing only fueled his dread as he dropped to the ground, hands scrabbling around. He froze again as he realized his clothing was wrong too.

Swallowing thickly, he stood up, and turned to the one intact window in the Room, and forcing himself not to flinch, he took in his reflection.

No Hat. No Robes. Just a dented hitai-ate, his blue tank top, and orange pants.

Hokage-Naruto stared dumbly at himself...

...and remembered.

(The near to immediate past)

Sighing, hokage-Naruto waved his hat around, calming down the various other Narutos as they fell under the hypnotic spell of someday being the owner of that hat. "Alright, I don't think I need to tell you what this meeting is about."

Genjutsu-Naruto (who for some bizarre reason was dressed as a classic stage magician (top hat, tuxedo, and flowing cape)) shrugged as he idly snapped through hand seals, creating pigeons and rabbits out of thin air that Repressed-Inner-Psychopath-Naruto was impaling on thrown kunai and senbon (giggling creepily the whole time, regardless of the fact that they just poofed into smoke whenever they were hit). "I don't see what's so important that you had to get all of us out here." He sat up straighter, idly pulling a ryo out of Swordsman-Naruto's ear. "Besides, if we're calling a meeting of the most powerful persona, shouldn't Sex-Drive be here?"

Hokage-Naruto coughed uncomfortably; Genjutsu-Naruto tended to act in a manner HE considered to be urbane and sophisticated. Most of the other personalities agreed that it just made him seem to have a stick up his ass (the only arguments were how big of one, and how many forks were in it). "It's concerning Sex-Drive that I've called this meeting. I think we can all agree that he's been getting...a little too carried away."

Swordsman-Naruto polished his Kubikiri Hochou (he still thought of it as his), and grunted in what he considered to be a Zabuza-esque manner. "I don't see the problem; he's getting us more time with Ten-Ten, and that means I'm getting a lot out of it."

Repressed-Inner-Psycho-Naruto (who thankfully, despite his not-insignificant power in Naruto's mind never really managed to get free), snickered. "He's Sex-Drive; of COURSE he's gonna get too big for his britches." He giggled even louder at his own joke.

Hokage-Naruto grumbled; Sex-Drive was getting out of control, and he seemed to be the only one who cared. "Look, I'll admit that there's nothing wrong with finally getting somewhere with the girls, I'm just saying, that maybe letting Sex-Drive run free is going to be a bad idea."

"How so?" demanded Ninjutsu-Naruto; he was still pissed about Sex-Drive and Swordsman double-teaming him all those weeks ago, but even he was beginning to fall under the hypnotic sway of Ten-Ten's great ass...and Hinata's cleavage...and Kurenai's teasingly-bondagy outfit...and Temari's...he shook his head. "Anyway, what's the problem."

"He's trying to get authorization to lose our virginity to Anko," Hokage-Naruto stated grimly.

Silence met that as the various personalities shifted uncomfortably; both from a sudden tightening in the drawers and from a rather abrupt cold sweat. On the one hand (as Sex-Drive was pointing out...constantly...) Anko was hot. REALLY hot. SMOKING hot. And considering how little she wore, it was almost guaranteed that she'd be some sort of kinky freak in the sack who'd probably let them get away with anything they suggested.

On the other hand, she was also almost guaranteed to be a kinky freak in the sack who'd demand to get away with anything she suggested...and once they got her started, she was unlikely to slow down for...well, anything.

And with the possible exception of Closet-Gay-Naruto (who most of them denied existed, and all did their level best to keep stunted and weak), none of them were ready for some of what Anko would likely come up with.

Sex-Drive had dropped the ball, suggesting some of the kinkier uses for the Senei-Jashu. Not even HE wanted a snake there.

"...Okay, I think we can agree that THAT would be a bad idea," Swordsman-Naruto admitted, "but still, we can just quash that and let him do his thing, right?"

"And his suggestion to kidnap Sakura, Ino, Ten-Ten, Temari, and Hinata for a kage-bunshin gang-bang?"

"We can accomplish anything," the thousand micro-Naruto's chimed in (Kage-Bunshin-Naruto was a hive-mind after all).

"Not without my agreement," Hokage-Naruto growled. "I'm still wearing the hat here."

"Not for long."

Then all hell had broken loose.

Hokage-Naruto grimaced as he slumped into a cross-legged sitting position. It had to have been Genjutsu-Naruto who'd put it all together; Sex-Drive was driven, but he was also an imbecile. WHY Genjutsu had bothered he hadn't figured out yet, but he'd deal with that (and the traitor) later.

Sex-Drive had apparently been going overboard on purpose, just to draw the Council together to take them all at once.

He grimaced; apparently, Swordsman had been in on it; figuring that once Sex-Drive got it out of his system, he'd have a chance to get more alone-time with Tenten, thus becoming even stronger. Taijutsu (who had recently fallen to the Green side of the force), had apparently been duped into believing that sex would 'stoke the flames of our youth,' and had joined in. Kage-bunshin had joined in, as had Apocolyptic-Kyuubi-Rage-Naruto; he wasn't sure how that had happened. Though Oiroke-Naruko wasn't too surprising; she'd been hanging out with Sex-Drive, trying to convince him that if being the Guy in a girl-on-girl sandwich was good, then being a girl in a girl-on-girl sandwich was fine too.

None of that really mattered though; he'd lost The Hat (Capital letters intentional). And with the hat, Sex-Drive and Genjutsu could do anything with Naruto's body that they wanted to (though anyone might have been the proper term).

Growling under his breath, Hokage-Naruto stood up. "This isn't over," he hissed softly. "Not by a long-shot." He turned to the other slowly-recovering Naruto's; Ninjutsu was still with him, as was Repressed-Inner-Psycho. Granted, he probably wouldn't be much use, but he'd work with what he had.

There were other Naruto's, but not many of them would be of any use; most were weak, fragmentary, or just flat out ludicrous (he still hadn't figured out where Conspiracy-Nut Naruto had come from; as if someone would really write some sort of awesome story about Naruto and then slowly let it go horribly, horribly wrong). And considering that Genjutsu, drawing on Kyuubi's kitsune affinity for illusions to increase his power, there wasn't much that they could do anyway.

He grimaced. Not much choice in the matter.

He just counted his blessings that none of the other personalities had thought to take his Hitai-ate; there were some secrets of Naruto's personality that only he knew about...so far.

Once he'd said it though...there was no going back.

Untying his hitai-ate, he slipped the small metal key out from behind the metal plate, flipping the cloth of the head-protector to cover the metal plate.

Ninjutsu-grunted sourly as he stood up; when he got his hand on Swordsman, he was going to stick that sword where the sun didn't shine...right before he shined some light from a full-power Rasengan. Then he was going to throw him to Closet-Gay-Naruto and let that sick bastard have his way with him (which would incidentally make him stronger, thus requiring a much worse beat-down of them both to properly weaken them again)...then he was going to...his train of thought derailed as he saw Hokage standing in the middle of the room, some key dangling from his outstretched right hand. He wasn't sure why, but something told him this was BAD. "Wait, what are you – "

Hokage-Naruto ignored him; he'd be damned if he let Sex-Drive take over. "I, Hokage-Naruto, declare this a formal emergency." Swallowing, he forced himself to speak the words that he'd never be able to take back. "Under Article 81, Provision 34, I am authorizing the release of Personality 47."

None of them had ever heard of any 'Personality 47' before. Certainly, there were probably thousands of fragmentary Naruto-personalities (even if you counted all of the Kage-Bunshin as one). But once he'd said it, they all knew exactly what had been unleashed.

There wasn't a sound as a hand covered in a plate-armor bracer extended over Hokage-Naruto's shoulder to grab the key. Shivering slightly, Hokage-Naruto forced himself to turn around and watch as 47 unlocked the heavy iron chains and manalces that weighed him down.

There was no way he should have been able to sneak up on ANYONE with that much loose metal rattling around, but somehow, they knew it had been easy.

Hokage swallowed again as 47 finished unlocking his steel face mask, revealing a pair of blue eyes that sized him up surgically, like a butcher trying to place his cleaver for the most efficient way to hack him to bits. Nothing else was visible behind the full-face mask he wore, covering everything but a narrow strip of skin around his eyes. He was dressed completely in black. Form-fitting tabi-boots, shirt and pants loose enough to provide freedom of movement, tight enough not to snag; armored greaves, and bracers with climbing claws attached to the palms. A kusari-gama was dangling from his waist, a bandolier of scrolls slung across his chest.

And for whatever reason, on his right hand, he wore a single glove that looked disturbingly like it had been dyed a perfect, bloody red by the stuff itself.

Wordlessly, Hokage extended the now-featureless Hitai-ate, which 47 accepted, and with a few harsh motions tied in place.

Without a word, he turned and left.

He had a job to do.

Ninjutsu stared at the retreating figure, just before he flickered and vanished. "What..." he swallowed. "Who the hell is that supposed to be? Make-You-Piss-Your-Pants-Naruto? Modeled-After-Itachi-Naruto?" He paused, as he considered someone he'd never met. "Complete-Badass-Naruto?"

Hokage shook his head. "I don't know where he came from, or where Naruto found him, but he's been around even longer than me." He whimpered as screams started coming from deeper in Naruto's mind. "I think he might have been formed from a combination of the Kyuubi's memories and the Shinigami's. Or maybe Scholar-Naruto pieced him together from old stories."

Ninjutsu blinked. "There's a scholar Naruto?" Then shivered as he heard what sounded like Genjutsu screaming "you can't pull a rabbit out of theaAAAGH!" Desperate to change the subject, he plowed ahead. "Anyway, I didn't ask where he came from, I asked who he was." He paused. "And when this is over, is there anyway we're going to be able to lock him back up?" Seriously, he didn't want to know what '47' was apparently up to.

Hokage sighed. "He's Personality 47. The Red Right Hand. But if you want to know which one of us he is..." he grimaced.

"He's Old-School-Shinobi-Naruto."

END OMAKE!

Author's Notes: Long time, eh? I randomly google searched my penname, and was surprised at a few of the places it popped up at. Gave me some more motivation to get more writing out, which is always pretty cool.

Its been a while since I touched this story, so I hope that it still has the same tone. It's approaching the climax, as it were. Naruto and Tenten are off chasing Tobi, who's running on the way to Rain with the kidnapped Temari.

Hidan and Kakuzu are near Konoha, but they haven't quite yet realized that by some bizarre coincidence, Tobi actually succeeded.

And what of Sakura and Hinata? Well, if you weren't getting some of the references to Hinata, I invite you to google Image search 'True Hyuuga Bloodline'. I believe the first image that pops up will answer that question for you. There place in the story is not over, never fear… Though how it results, well, that ain't quite been revealed ; ).

As for the Omake… It was written as a response to the last chapter, by Warai Kitsune over at TFF. It came about from the incredible similarity between Naruto's thought processes, and that of Garth, the lead character in the Webcomic Comedity (). It was a ridiculous coincidence (as I didn't even know the comic existed until someone pointed out the similarity), but it's a rather good, though very slow updating, comic. Go read it. It's worth it.