ii.
Jordan woke up on Monday morning feeling… strange.
He then realized that his foot was asleep, and that he was sleeping on a desk. In a suit. Oh, that made more sense now.
And then suddenly, his surroundings finally shook hands with his brain.
"Oh holy fuck Joan, what the hell have you done?"
Joan spun the AU remote between her fingers, high-fiving with her alternate self. "Thanks for that," said Pantheon!Joan.
Remote!Joan winked. "No harm in helping your life in the multiverse, right? I don't think we've broken any laws of the universe permanently, as long as we all stay in our respective AUs the next time round. How did you contact me, anyway?"
"A little bit of magic and a TARDIS on steroids." Pantheon!Joan shrugged. "No biggie, especially with Bob's help. Bless him."
This was a horrible, yet beautiful day.
So far, Jordan had been scolded by his office superior for sleeping (a very amused Angel, who seemed to be happy with her current role in his life), and walked out of the office building for lunch only to be violently thrown into a car by Joan and get called for, of all things, a mafia job.
After that, he had been ditched outside of a large castle, where the second he entered the grounds he had started singing Frozen songs with all the important words being replaced with things related to Mels (he hated Ray with all his being). Once he reached the throne room, however, he suddenly stopped singing, only for the doors to be flung open and to find himself in armor and the Knight of the Summer Court.
After somehow managing to win a battle despite no prior training, Jordan had stumbled out of the place to find himself on a non-descript street in the middle of nowhere. He looked back up at the castle, which was now mysteriously labelled "Caesar's Palace" in flashing neon lights. Shrugging and sighing, he had crossed the road and entered a small coffee shop where he had hoped to relax for maybe five minutes, when he had been given an apron and forced to serve as a barista for the rest of the day.
Throwing in an amused Mels ordering an iced coffee with an inappropriate amount of blushing (he could see Joan cackling in his peripheral vision) had not helped his level of sanity. She was just too adorable, bless her.
It is at this point that we reach Jordan's current location: standing outside of a vaguely seedy-looking bar casually named Imagination. The coffee shop had been too noisy, and so he had just quietly snuck out and climbed over the fence (easy-ish, given his coconut tree-esque height).
He cautiously entered the bar, and seeing no one but the bartender wiping glasses (Zoey, his mental voice remarked), he proceeded to slump forward at the bar. Trying for alcohol to wipe away his sorrows was no help, Zoey just looked at his fake ID and rolled her eyes, telling him that "Benedict Cumberbatch" couldn't possibly be a real name.
At this point, a person in a trenchcoat (that he recognised immediately as Joan, screw the fake identity bullshit) bought him two drinks.
...That was probably drugged.
...Oh, fuck it. Jordan downed the glasses, then gagged. Suddenly, everything around him seemed… different. Oh God, was the fern by the door judging him? Fuck him too. But that would probably happen later that week, anyway.
What were the drinks doing to his brain?
It took some convincing, even while he was somewhat drugged, but Jo- the Doctor managed to convince him to enter the TARDIS. At which point, they had been about to travel when the TARDIS had lurched and suddenly he was the Doctor, he was the one with the companion. Joan shrugged, and walked out the door, where Jordan could see her high-fiving Zoey.
Damn her.
Honestly, did he really have to go through all that trouble to get a companion?
After defeating living plastic, picking up Mels and officially making her his companion (knowing Joan, it couldn't have gone any other way), they sat on the edge of the TARDIS, their legs dangling into space. "What do you think Joan's going to pull tomorrow?"
He shrugged, shifting slightly. "Knowing her, something insane. It can't be much worse than today. At least Joan knows how to end the day well." He sniffed. "At least I wasn't a frog again." Mels laughed, then leaned against his shoulder as they looked into the infinite chasm of the universe.
The rest of the chapters go up when I finish writing them, I guess? Haha punctuality cries.
- Joan