Lupin drove like a maniac, focused only on moving forward. A procession of blaring car horns followed wherever he went, as he nearly slammed into the oncoming traffic every few minutes. His mental monologue was strung together by curses on whichever man's family had decided to place all the most luxurious hotels near the southern shore of the island.

After about fifty minutes of imitating Crazy Taxi, Lupin swerved into the parking lot of the club hotel. The building was painted coral pink, with the entrance with a pagoda-like roof on it. Trees with magenta flowers were blooming outside. Lupin dashed out of his car and ran through the doors. He flew over the cool, shiny floor, paying no heed to the screech of the hotel staff behind him. He climbed three flights of stairs, ran halfway down the hall, skidded to a halt, and knocked lightly on one of the doors.

"Yes? Is lunch ready?" Fujiko asked, with a fake accent. Lupin recognized her with no effort.

"Fujiko, you have to help me!" Lupin put his hands against the door.

Fujiko opened the door a sliver. "Lupin," she said in a whisper, "keep your voice down!" She opened the door, and Lupin rushed inside. Fujiko screamed. She drew her pistol and pointed it at him. "Stay back!" she yelled.

Lupin crossed his arms. He quickly shut the door. "Now who isn't keeping their voice down?"

"Why are you naked?!" Fujiko lowered the gun.

Lupin looked down at himself. "Huh. Well, I didn't have time for my daily routine, considering the horror I've been through!" He clasped his hands together, and got down on his knees. "Fujiko, You won't believe what happened! Jigen and Goemon, they—"

"Hooked up?" Fujiko smirked. Lupin blanched. Fujiko strode over to the window and she closed the curtains. She sat down on her bed. "Oh, they told me. They called yesterday to share the news."

Lupin got back up to a standing position. "And what did you tell them? Was there screaming involved?"

Fujiko looked to the side, thoughtful. "Hmm... well, At first I was going to yell, 'that's insane!' and hang up. Then I reconsidered, and thought I should say, 'it's about time.' So I just settled on saying congratulations. I am a true lady, you know." She winked at him. "Now, what's your problem with this?"

Lupin embraced Fujiko with a grip of iron. When she squeaked in pain, he mashed his face into her bosom. Fujiko lifted one arm to smack him, but she stalled when she heard and felt him sobbing. He was shivering in terror.

"W-What's wrong?" she asked nervously.

"Oh, Fuji-cakes, it the most horrible thing! You see, last night I had this dream where Jigen shaved! And Goemon got this bright kimono, and it was actually kinda pretty but still so, so wrong! And they were all lovey-dovey and singing like they were in a musical or something, which is nuts, and I swore there was this giant rainbow, or even two! And the cupid! The giant robot cupid! The giant robot cupid!" Lupin let out stuttering yells like a busted gramophone.

"Excuse me?" Fujiko pushed Lupin away.

"But I could let all that go, Fujiko." Lupin's eyes narrowed. "What really gets me is that they won't spend any time with me anymore! And I mean in real life, not just in my nightmare that is best left forgotten."

Fujiko smiles sympathetically. She gives Lupin a few pats on the back, and kisses him lightly on the cheek. She pushes him away, and gets up off the bed. She sighs theatrically. A smooth, jazzy swing song plays in the background, with low, ringing strings, bouncy piano, and a breezy saxophone.

FUJIKO:

Lupin, I know you're scared, you thought your friends could never fall,

get caught up in a pretty little love squall,

but...

Oh, it's not that bad,

lover, there's no need to be mad.

One of them is lazy, the other one is crazy,

this will never last!

Sometimes we all get desperate,

but desperation does not make love perfection.

They're chasing after a reflection...

In time you will see,

they could never end up like you and me.

She bends down, and gazes into Lupin's eyes. He instantly forgets his suffering and perks right up. Before he can kiss her, she slips away from him and continues her musical number.

But even if they end up wed,

promise to be true till they're dead,

in a little while, they'll come running back in kind,

in a few months they'll be bored out of their minds.

Oh, Lupin, it's not that bad!

They're so terribly sedentary,

so you will be the one to break their molds.

Your worries are so very unnecessary.

Darling, there's no need to be this cold!

Depression was forever their tragic flaw.

We're the real god couple here, n'est-ce pas?

They had nothing left except their last resorts,

for even such cynical men need their comforts.

Lupin, it's not that bad!

Lupin gave her a standing ovation, while he grinned madly. "You know what, Fuj? You're right. Why should I care? I know this so-called relationship will implode any second. I won't let it get on my nerves," he said proudly.

"That's the spirit!" Fujiko cheered. Now why don't you borrow some of my clothes? I'll expect you to pay me back later, of course. And don't ruin anything!"

"What do you mean?!" Lupin frowned. "I can't wear your clothes! They're all feminine! And I only cross dress when it's absolutely necessary!"

"Hmph. Suit yourself." Fujiko took out her cell phone. "I'll just call security on you, you ungrateful pig." She flipped the phone open.

Lupin ran over to her. He grabbed her arm. "No! No no no no no! Heh, I mean, sure I'll try on one of your ensembles, Fuji-cakes. You know what an open mind I have about this sort of thing."

Fujiko grinned. "Oh, I never doubted you, Lupin. Now, let's discuss your newest idea for a heist, okay? You see, I have my eye on a pretty little artifact, and..."

Half an hour of fruitful scheming later, Lupin walked out of the hotel. He wore a straw hat, and a bright yellow sundress with pink beach-roses stitched into it. Holding his hat down, hopelessly wishing he could disappear, he stumbled to his car, only to discover fifteen tickets plastered on the windshield.

"Great. It had to be one of these days," he muttered.

Fortunately for Lupin's damaged dignity, his friends were not back at the hideout when he returned. Lupin immediately ran to his bedroom, tore off Fujiko's clothes and put on his usual attire. Before he had even gotten his jacket on completely, he ran to his mirror. He pressed a hidden panel on the wall, and the mirror slid to the side, revealing a secret compartment filled with bizarre weapons and contraptions.

Lupin smirked. "I'll show them. I can do this all by myself. In fact, I'm better without them nagging me all the time!" He picked up a device that looked like a reinforced fishing rod, and he took a long box. He took off the lid to check the contents—a fanglike metal hook. Lupin closed the box, and slid it into the back of his jacket, sticking it into a hidden pocket. He rested the fishing rod device on his shoulder, and walked back out the door. He whistled his tune as he walked back to the Fiat.

Jigen and Goemon were walking along the nearest road, away from the mountain. Lupin saw them and stopped in his tracks.

"I know what you're thinking!" Lupin gestured to them with his free hand. "You're going mad right now because you don't know what I'm up to right now. But I'll have you guys know that I'm just going on a little fishing trip. By myself. Alone. As in, without you. But don't worry, because—"

"What're you going on about?" Jigen interrupted. He and Goemon were staring at Lupin.

"Whatever it is that you're doing, it's your own business, isn't it?" asked Goemon.

Lupin blinked. He turned around sharply, and almost hit Jigen in the head with the device. "My own business? Er, I mean... yeah! Exactly! And I'm also totally not at all curious about what you guys were doing together just a few minutes ago."

Goemon and Jigen looked at each other. "All we were doing was training," said Goemon. "We do that all the time."

"Oh, don't feel so ashamed of your feelings, Goemon. You don't need to make transparent excuses like this. I understand what you two were getting up to. Training..." Lupin sighed theatrically. "Not that I care. I said I wasn't curious! What, do you have the attention span of a goldfish?!"

Jigen covered his face with his hand, mortified for all involved.

In a flash, Goemon drew his sword, and sliced a few hairs off Lupin's head. Lupin gasped in fright.

"What the hell?!" Lupin gnashed his teeth.

"Mosquito," said Goemon, as expressionless as a rock.

Without looking back, Lupin stormed to his car, got in, and slammed the door. He drove away, literally leaving Jigen and Goemon in the dust.