Interlude
chapter 4
a/n: Thank you for the encouraging reviews. It's good to know that I'm not making a mess of our beloved characters. As to the reviews, I do appreciate them, even if I don't reply personally. I try to when I can. This next chapter may be hard to bear because the medical unit must do an examination so very personal to Ziva. I'd gloss over it, but we all do understand that in order to break someone as fierce and strong as Ziva, to make her "ready to die", that something so personally violating must have happened. In our cannon, she survived it quite well. But that was not just after...
Please pardon the fact that this is a reload of the chapter. Somehow it didn't load right and this is the full chapter.
The hard Parts Begin
Gibbs had been called away with critical information. Tony promised to be there for her as soon as he could break away from the investigation. There was a ton of evidence taken from Saleem Ulman's camp. Nearly three quarters of it was shared between NCIS, FBI, CIA and Homeland Security. Gibbs still claimed the lion's share because it was his "agent" that got captured. He could give a shit about the other agencies. His Ziva was hurting; but duty reared it's ugly head just when he wanted to protect her the most. She was one tough cookie but he knew where the cracks were.
Megan came back into the room a couple of hours after breakfast. "Ziva, we need certain tests that will be uncomfortable. The Doctors have seen things that need a better look so that you have the best information after your ordeal. We really need you to co-operate and I can't sedate you during the procedure."
Ziva was puzzled. Her small, but satisfying breakfast of sweet, milky oatmeal and buttered toast and coffee, weighing heavily on her. She needed more sleep. "Why can I not sleep through the procedure?"
Megan took a deep breath before replying. "Because, Ziva, we need to know if what we do hurts or not. It's important to the final diagnosis that we'll send to Bethesda before we transfer you. It's important to know what hurts and what doesn't. We've been read in and know that you have been through something no human being should ever have to live through so, please trust me when I say that we want to heal you and not hurt you, and, in this circumstance, we need you to tell us what hurts and what doesn't so we can figure out how to heal that part of you. Is this too much to take in?"
Ziva shook her head to clear it after all the English language poured in and she had to suddenly translate it into Hebrew and back again. "In order to heal me you may need to hurt me."
Megan nodded. "I'm sorry, Ziva. We wanted to do this yesterday, but your overall condition was more pressing. But this has to be done now before any evidence degrades further."
"Evidence?"
Megan looked down and then straight into her patient's eyes. "We need to take an SAE kit and examine you for any evidence. It's a purely medical examination. We need to do this now. I don't want to be rough, but time is running out."
Megan helped a very unwilling Ziva into a wheelchair. She wanted to protest, she really did, but she knew Megan was right. She did not want more violation to happen to her, but this was purely medical to help her and not for someone ease's pleasure and to cause her pain. She was still frightened, nonetheless.
Megan wheeled her into a small room with an examination table in the middle. There were people in surgical masks that she didn't know. Her anxiety level rose. Megan placed a gentle hand on Ziva's shoulder. "Remember, this is just an examination to for us and Bethesda to learn how we need to help you to heal. We're not trying to hurt you, I promise. This whole staff is female." When Ziva continued to tremble so much, despite the blankets left on her to counteract the constant chill she felt, Megan said, "Would you like Agent Gibbs or someone to be here?"
Ziva shook her head, knowing what was about to happen. As her feet were placed in the stirrups, she said, "They are men and do not know this."
"I can be here," Megan said and took Ziva's hand in her own.
"Okay, Ziva, I'm Doctor Elise Morgan and I promise to be as painless as I can be. I'll be as quick as possible and try to cause you as little pain as I can. It's normal if this hurts you after what you've been through. Please don't be afraid."
Ziva's hand tightened in Megan's. "Please just do it. You will find about thirty DNA that does not belong to me." Her voice broke, "Just do it. I cannot be violated more."
The examination went on and Ziva couldn't help but shake in pain and fear. She did her best to be still for Dr. Morgan, but it hurt. It hurt so badly that she wanted to lash out and let someone else feel the pain, yet, save for small gasps and cries of pain, she remained silent. She answered questions asked, but that was all. By the time everything was done, Megan thought her hand just might be broken. She had held hands with this confusingly strong woman that had been through too much.
"Ziva, it does you no good to hold this is in. You need to tell me where it hurts so I can help you," Doctor Morgan said.
"Get everything out of me. It all hurts. It is like being on fire. Get your evidence and go," a few tears slipped from Ziva's eyes and she scrubbed them away.
Megan hugged her patient. "Just a bit more evidence gathering," and Ziva cried out in pain as they pushed in an endoscope to document any violence done to her and there was a significant amount. No wonder it hurt so badly. There was massive raw new scars that made Dr. Morgan wince in sympathy. This vibrant young woman would have a difficult reproductive future, and that didn't just mean babies. Every month could hurt from mild to debilitating when she would have to return to her cycle once her weight returned to normal to even monitor it.
The doctor slipped the endoscope out and removed the speculum. She stood by Ziva's head and stroked her hair. "Okay Ziva, we're done here. I'm sorry that this hurt you so much, but you've been so brave. When I get the results back in a couple of hours, I'll tell you. You are a strong and brave woman to withstand what you did. You never did anything wrong and remember your strength. You did nothing wrong." Doctor Morgan said as she left and Ziva was put in the wheelchair and brought back to her room, where a surprise was waiting.
Tony and Tim stood in her room surrounded by packages for Ziva to open.
Considering how private and personal an examination she just went through, she just wanted to be left alone. Apparently, no one else thought so. Megan helped her into bed, ignoring the men.
"Now you might find some discomfort to moderate cramping. Don't choose to suffer through it. You're going to need changes and a spot of blood on the sheets tells us you aren't being honest. Let us take care of you. It's our job. You have two people that love you here. Be honest with them, too," Megan said.
Ziva's face began to crumple. "How can I not hurt them with what happened to me?"
Megan hugged her. " Guys, can you step out for a minute?" She waited for Tony and Tim to step away. "You can't because it'll be in the final report. You've been on a mission that ended up the way you were. They came to get you. Gibbs is a Marine through and through. Marines leave no one behind. You've been in NCIS and Mossad and you know that that is just a part of the debriefing. Marines don't leave anyone behind. DiNozzo has been here all the time, yet he respected your space and didn't want to hurt you more. He needed some medical attention just like you and McGee and they are fine. They're worried about you. They have gifts for you."
For the first time, she crumpled completely into a stranger's embrace and wept. "Not now. I cannot."
"Yes you can and begin to trust your team again. They're so scared for you and love you so much. I can see it in their eyes," Megan said." Be yourself, Officer David, and let them in to help.
Ziva nodded, even though she hadn't been done crying.
Tim approached her first, seriously disturbed by her tears. He decided to treat her no different from any day at the office. "Hey Ziva. Shalom."
"Thank you. Shalom back. I cannot thank you enough for believing I was alive and coming to get me..." she broke off because tears threatened to overwhelm her.
"Ziva, if what happened to you happened to me, wouldn't you have done the same, but in your Mossad ninja skills? I'm sorry if that hurts you.." McGee said softly. He hated seeing his sometimes partner and friend in so much pain, physical and mental. "I don't want to hurt you but I was so scared for you. I think Tony was beyond terrified. He came up with the plan to get you out."
"He did?"
"Yeah. I worked on all the background info, chasing your location down but Tony was the point man. He pitched it to Gibbs and Gibbs pitched to to the Director and they worked out the fine points and here we are, all safe and sound again," Tim said, desperately wanting to hug his friend that appeared to be hurting. "Is it a green light if I give you a hug?
Ziva smiled a smile more full of pain that joy, yet nodded. "Yes, please."
McGee was gentle as he hugged Ziva. Her fierceness in holding onto him and the small sniffles and gasps so her desperately trying not to cry in front of him told him a writer's treasure box about what happened to her. He swore to himself that he would never use what he was sensing coming off of her. It was too personal and too painful. He could never do that to her, even in his next novel. Officer Lisa would not go through what his friend, Ziva, had. Never. He couldn't write it because he couldn't stand the look in Ziva's eyes. He wanted to be there for her, but knew that she had been through things that he knew he couldn't handle.
"McGee-"
"I brought Jenga and Scrabble," McGee said in a hurry. "That is unless you want to take on the Chess Champion of MIT."
"McGee-"
"Or would you rather take a nap?
She laughed softly, mindful of not hurting her broken ribs."I am tired and cold, but I would not mind a game of Jenga. We play as always, cutthroat, yes? Lunch for a week?" Ziva said, feeling better. McGee always was like a security blanket for her. Independent, an author of two books. She knew he didn't mind her teasing him that his Officer Lisa was based on her. Secretly, she felt honored that Tim wanted to base a character after her. He had an odd presence for making her feel safe and comfortable. He was like the little brother she never had and she could tease and play with him like no other. She could threaten him with her Mossad skills, but he'd only back off until he had something she could use. Timothy McGee was a brave man at heart. He just needed to find that within himself.
McGee set up the Jenga game on her hospital tray.
"Lunch for a week, McGee?" Ziva asked, a little of her former playfulness dancing in her eyes.
"A week of burgers and cheese steaks are on you, Ziva," Tim countered. She looked so much more like her old self.
"Eat my dust."