Why I hate Laura Kalpakian's "Cosette, the Sequel to Les Misérables"
Chapter 8
Laura Kalpakian is still rewriting the ending to Les Misérables.
(page 63)
She just took almost an exact quote from Les Mis and put it into her book. In Les Mis, Cosette says, "So it is true. My name is Marius. I am Madame You." Here, she says, "So it's true at last. My name is Marius too. I and Madame You and my every dream fulfilled." YOU. CAN'T. DO. THAT! If you're going to write a terrible book and have the nerve to call it the sequel to a masterpiece, make a lot of errors in this supposed 'sequel' and use French when unnecessary, then you can't take a quote from the original book, change it eversoslightly, and call it your own. Just no. Who the hell is Aunt Adalaide?
(page 64)
Now Kalpakian takes Gillenormand's speech and shortens it considerably, though still taking parts from the original and mashing it up with her own terrible writing. If you're going to write a book then for God's sake, come up with your own writing. There's some more unnecessary French, choose one language or the other to write in, Kalpakian, unless you're doing it reasonably. Jean Valjean "glows" seeing Cosette "take the first steps in her new world" No, because Valjean was actually quite miserable because he has lost Cosette to Marius.
(page 65)
What? Cosette has friends? "Mademoiselle de Bélessin" and her English friend "Miss Helen Talbot." from the convent, apparently.
(page 66)
Oh! Aaaaand there it is! Kalpakian's favourite word again! "They say he [Marius] came from the sewer dripping shit." Seriously, get a better vocabulary.
(page 67)
She's done this a few times now, she keeps calling Théodore Gillenormand "Théo". She hasn't used his full name once. That bothers me.
That chapter was short, so I'll combine it with the very disturbing next chapter.
Chapter 9
Excuse me while I gag at Kalpakian's pathetic attempt at a sequel, in which she continues to rewrite the ending to Les Misérables.
(page 68)
Cosette basically says that she would have had sex with Marius even if they hadn't be allowed to marry. Also, Marius says that, in the gardens of Rue Plumet, he sometimes wanted her more than he loved her. Well, there goes Victor Hugo's innocent little love story. Marius feels Cosette's boobs. That's more than we need to know, Kalpakian.
(page 69)
I... I can't even... it's just so wrong and so not Les Mis. Kalpakian describes Cosette's breasts. Cosette doesn't even know what a nipple is! Or what anything else is called for that matter!
(page 70)
And they're having sex.
Thank God that chapter was short.
Chapter 10
She's still rewriting it... *twitches*
(page 71)
Okay, I so did not need to know that Marius and Cosette's thighs were slick, shiny, and wet. Cosette's hair is described, again, as honey-coloured. It was a chestnut-brown. AND I DID NOT NEED TO KNOW THAT, KALPAKIAN!
(page 72)
Well Valjean was rather quick to tell Marius who he was. Too quick, actually.
(page 73)
Valjean refers to himself as 24601. That's wrong, his number was changed to 9430.
(page 74)
Valjean appears to know Marius' life story (everything about his father) when no one ever told him anything.
(page 75)
OKAY ENOUGH WITH THE REFERENCES TO MARIUS AND COSETTE HAVING SEX! VICTOR HUGO WOULD NEVER WRITE ANYTHING LIKE THIS SO KNOCK IT OFF!
(page 76)
Marius asks Valjean about the night at the barricade, having seen him there. In the brick, Valjean had already convinced him that he hadn't been at the barricade.
(page 77)
*twitches* She just tried to use "les misérables" in a sentence... she failed...
(page 78)
Cosette is a bit too annoying here and too outspoken for her character. She insults politics, which bothers me and probably many other people. SHE JUST CALLED LAW BORING TOO! WITH HER LAWYER OF A HUSBAND STANDING NEXT TO HER! Also, Kalpakian steals some more lines from Les Mis, proving that she is too ignorant to come up with her own.
(page 79)
None on this page. To be fair, the text doesn't even take up a sixth of the page.
I really do hate this book...