They arrived at the hospital and managed to track down the doctor that treated Tony, though not without first having him properly wrap Thor's tiger wounds, despite the fact that it wasn't bothering the Asgardian in the slightest.
"I told you, you came in here with a mild concussion some bruised ribs, no big deal. Though none of you could articulate how it happened." The doctor said while he filled out some paperwork.
"Do you remember how many of us were here?" Steve asked his arms crossed over his chest defensively.
"I don't know. I think it was just you guys, definitely no baby. And there was one other guy." He answered.
"That's our guy! Was he okay?" Tony asked.
"Yeah, he was fine. Just whacked out of his mind, you all were." The doctor said. "I'm sorry guys, I've gotta go, I have a surgery to get to."
"I know, we just need a couple more minutes of your time." Tony said, flashing a hundred bucks in front of the doc.
"Yeah," He said "tuck it right in my pocket. I don't want to re-sterilize. Walk with me." The Doctor grabbed one of his patient forms. "Here we go, patient name Tony Stark, 2:45am arrival, minor concussion some bruising. Pretty standard. Okay this is interesting, your blood work came in this morning. Wow. They found a large amount of Rohypnol in your system. Roofies, commonly known as the date rape drug."
"So what, are you saying I was raped last night?" Tony asked, only half joking.
"Actually," The doctor said as he searched through the file, "I don't think so. But someone did slip you the drug. I'm not surprised you don't remember anything."
"Doctor, none of us can remember anything." Thor said with an uncomfortable laugh. He didn't know what Rohypnol was, but it didn't sound good.
"Yeah, how could someone have drugged all of us." Steve asked.
"Look I wouldn't worry about it guys, by now the stuff's out of your system. You're gonna be fine. I have to go." The Doctor turned to leave.
"Wait, is there anything we were talking about, like someplace we were going?" Steve asked.
"Actually there was something. You guys kept talking about some wedding last night."
"Yeah, our friend Clint is getting married tomorrow." Steve said.
"You know what, I want the hundred back." Tony said, reaching for the doctor's pocket.
"No, no, no, easy," The doc said as moved out of Starks reach, "You kept talking about some wedding you just came from, at the best little chapel. You guys kept saying how sick the wedding was, you were all crazy about it. Okay, I hope this helps fellas I really have to leave."
After getting directions from a tourist outside the hospital, they headed over to the chapel.
"What about the child?" Thor asked, as the others got out of the car.
"Just leave him in the car, we're only gonna be five minutes." Tony said.
"We're not leaving a baby in the car." Steve replied.
"He'll be fine, I cracked the window." Tony defended. They entered the main room, babyless.
"Excuse me sir," Tony said to a man, helping a woman fix one of the chandeliers. The man laughed.
"Look at these guys, what happened? You miss me? You miss Eddy? You want more from me?" The man said enthusiastically as he went in for a hug from Tony. "Listen to me, I'm gonna tell you something, I know some sick people in my life, this guy is the craziest wildest bastard I ever met in my life." He said indicating a shocked Steve.
"Who? This guy?" Tony said in disbelief while pointing at Steve.
"This guy is out of his mind. What's going on you fucking crazy motherfucker." Eddy said as he hugged Steve who remained stiff as a board. "What happened? No love for Eddy? You no hug me."
"No, no, it's not that… Eddy." Steve said defensively. "It's just that we're having a hard time remembering what happened here last night."
"Was there a wedding here?" Thor asked. Eddy laughed, assuming they were joking.
"I love these guys." Eddy said to the woman.
"Okay, Eddy, obviously we were here last night," Tony stated "We're looking for our friend Clint, you remember him?"
"Yeah, the Hawkeye."
"You saw him!" Steve said excitedly.
"Of course." Eddy replied.
"Is there anything you can tell us about what may have happened last night." Steve asked, dead serious.
"You don't remember nothing." Eddy said, still not entirely believing them.
Eddy went a grabbed a photo album off of a nearby shelf, he set it on the front desk, the avengers situating themselves around it to look. Pictures of Steve and a stunning blonde woman made up the majority of it.
"Congratulations Captain, you are married." Thor said.
"This can't be happening." Steve groaned. "Oh God." His head sank into his hands as he leaned on the desk.
"I'll tell you one thing, you look seriously happy here man." Tony commented. Eddy came back with boxes filled with souvenirs hats, mugs and calendars all with pictures of Steve and Jade.
"Her name's Jade?" Tony asked.
"Yes, she's beautiful." Eddy said. "Has a gorgeous kid too, lovely lady, nice ass."
"Well that explains whose kid it is. Alright, listen Eddy, we made a mistake last night and we need to get an annulment immediately. You do annulments?" Tony said.
"Of course I do annulments, breaks my heart." Eddy replied. "I can't do it with just him though, I need the chick. I need both parties."
"Not a problem, that's great. Isn't that great Steve." Tony said, glancing over to where Steve had started pacing across the room. "Come on buddy, she probably knows where Clint is."
"Awesome." Steve retorted partially sarcastic, he had married a woman he didn't even know and was not eager to meet her now.
"Okay, we need her address." Tony addressed Eddy. "She must have filled out some paperwork right?"
"Of course." Eddy said, sending his wife off to get the paperwork.
They left the chapel bringing the boxes of souvenirs with them.
"What about Agent Coulson's car?" Thor asked.
"I'm sure Clint has it, we'll get it back." Steve replied.
"Then I vote we torch the cop car and all this shit with it." Tony added, only half joking. The phone started ringing, and Steve shoved his hand into his pocket and pulled it out.
"Is it Clint?" Tony asked.
"It's Fury." Steve groaned.
"Don't answer it." Tony commanded as he stuck the boxes into the trunk.
"He's already tried calling me three times, I have to answer." Steve said, as he reluctantly answered the phone.
"About damn time." Fury's voice rang out over the phone.
"Good morning sir, sorry I haven't checked in, it's been kind of crazy."
"I'm sure, how was your night?" He asked, Steve couldn't tell if he was genuinely curious or just fishing for something to hold over their heads later on.
"It was…uh…memorable." Steve said as he slipped into the back seat with the baby.
As they got into the car, an orange sports car swerved into the parking lot and parked right in front of the cop car, cutting them off. Two heavily tattooed men with baseball bats came out yelling, at them.
"Where the hell is he!" One of them shouted.
"Hey, easy, easy," Tony replied, "I think we're looking for the same guy okay?" He assumed they meant Clint, how many men could go missing in one night anyway. In response the other man slammed his baseball bat onto the windshield.
"Hey, what the hell man!" Tony yelled while Thor jumped in his seat, the baby started crying.
"What the fuck was that? Is that a baby crying?" Fury asked from the phone.
"Ah, nothing, nothing, everything's fine." Steve said, more to himself than to Fury.
"Where is he!" The man yelled again.
"I don't know who you're talking about!" Tony yelled back. One guy pulled a gun out, the baby was wailing like crazy.
"He has a gun." Thor stated.
"No shit he's got a gun." Tony yelled back. Tony hit the pedal and the cop car took off accidently running over one of the guys feet, the man let out a yell and fired his gun, which nailed Eddy in the shoulder. Screaming ensued.
"ROGERS WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!" Fury yelled through the phone.
"I'm sorry sir, I'm gonna have to call you back." Steve said as he hung up. After they'd left the parking lot they started to calm down a bit.
"Okay." Tony breathed deeply.
"Who were those men?" Thor asked. Steve had gone to calming the baby down.
"What is going on?" Steve asked angrily.
"I have no idea." Tony responded.
Steve's phone rang again.
"Don't answer it." Tony warned. Steve nodded glumly, dreading the conversation he was going to have with Fury in the future.