They headed straight to Jade's apartment, it was a small place, not particularly grandiose. The blonde woman came out, talking on her cell phone. When she saw Steve and the baby she grinned madly.
"I found him, I'll call you back." She said into her cell, "Thank God he's with his father." She ran over to the baby and picked him out of Thor's arms. "I was freaking out, I missed you sweety." She said to the baby. "Oh, and I missed you." She said flirtatiously to Steve, and kissed him hard on the mouth. Steve didn't know what to do, his arms flailed around aimlessly, Thor and Tony glanced at each other, and then at the awkward Steve kissing his 'wife'.
"What the hell happened to you guys?" She said with a smile once she'd let Steve go.
"Actually, we were hoping you could tell us." Tony said.
"What do you mean, I got up this morning and went to get you guys coffee and I came back and you were gone." They were all silent for a few seconds. "Why are you all being so quiet?"
"I wasn't being quiet." Steve said softly, still blushing and generally looking uncomfortable.
"Oh you're so cute." She said as she stroked his arm. "Here, I have to feed Tyler, come inside you guys." She said as she led them into her room. Once inside she poured them some water.
"Okay guys what's up. You guys are acting weird." She said as she sat on a chair, the men went to her couch.
"Look, it's Jade right?" Tony asked.
"Very funny Tony." She replied.
"Yeah, Jade, right, you remember our friend Clint?" He asked, trying to be patient with the woman.
"Are you kidding? He was the best man at our wedding?" She said.
"Exactly, well we can't find him and we're getting a little worried." Tony said while Steve drank the water, pointedly not looking at the woman.
"Oh my God that is so Clint." She said with a giggle.
"About last night, do you remember the last time you saw Clint?" Tony asked.
"I haven't seen him since the wedding." She said as she started breast feeding Tyler, upon her casual exposing of her chest Steve choked on his water, placing his hand over his mouth to try and keep from spewing the liquid across the room.
"The wedding, what time was that at?" Tony asked, smirking at Steve's reaction to the female anatomy.
"I guess it was around one. Because then I had to go back to my work and finish my shift, and then when I got out I went to the hotel with Tyler."
"And was Clint there then?" Tony asked.
"I didn't see Clint cause you guys were passed out, the room was a wreck. So I just curled up next to Steve." She answered.
"I have a question." Steve said quietly, finally facing the woman, he'd set the water down on the coffee table and had managed to resume his generally stoic demeanour. "You said when your shift ended, does that mean you're a nurse, or a blackjack dealer?" He asked hopefully.
"You know this, I'm a stripper." She said enthusiastically. Steve just stared at her for a moment, completely silent. He nodded slightly, after a moment, and turned to look back at the wall where he'd been staring for a good portion of the visit. He didn't like being so judgemental, he really didn't, but his upbringing was making it really really hard.
"Well technically I'm an escort, but stripping is a great way to meet the clients." She clarified oblivious to Steve's discomfort.
"Smart." Tony said, his hand was covering his mouth to conceal the broad grin that was rapidly consuming his facial expression. Thor had remained silent this whole time, his eyes dancing from Jade's eyes, to her chest, to Tony, to Steve and back again.
"But that's all in the past, now that I've married a war hero." Jade said with a grin.
"I'm just a guy from Brooklyn." Steve said automatically with a wince, remembering the last time he'd said that.
There was a huge bang on the door and three police officers burst into the room, their guns raised and their voices screaming out that the men were under arrest. Tony and Thor jumped up from the couch, while Steve stood more slowly, raising his hands to signal his defeat. The cops walked over, grabbing the three avengers roughly and cuffing them before leading them out into the parking lot.
At the waiting room in the police station, Tony started dialing Natasha's number on a pay phone, the cops had confiscated their cells.
"Romanoff." She answered dryly.
"Hey, Natasha, hey it's Tony." He said awkwardly, even over the phone she terrified him.
"Hey Stark, where are you guys?" She asked.
"We are at the spa at the hotel." He lied, desperately hoping she wouldn't be able to tell.
"Cool, Pepper and I are just getting some sun. Is Clint there?"
"Of course he's here, why wouldn't he be here." Tony said, realizing he'd need to think up an excuse and fast.
"I'm just wondering why you're calling me." She said.
"Um…" He said, trying to buy time, "We made a deal, no talking to girlfriends, so, we're all calling each others." Close call, Stark, he thought to himself.
"Okay, what's up." She asked. He couldn't tell if she was suspicious or not.
"You're not gonna believe this, we got an extra night at the hotel." He said.
"You did." She sounded less than enthused.
"Yeah, the suite, it's ridiculous, it's out of control. We're thinking we'll spend the night here then come back totally relaxed in the morning."
"You want to stay an extra night." She glanced over at Pepper, eyebrows raised. "But the wedding's tomorrow."
"Yeah, that's why we'll get up real early and be back with plenty of time."
"Okay. Are you sure that's a good idea." She asked. Then the cop called the group into an interrogation room.
"Okay, Tash, we gotta go, talk to you later." And he hung up.