Maria Hill sighed deeply as she walked into the Vegas police station. Fury had had her tail the guys since they left Malibu, he'd had a feeling shit would happen, as was to be expected when sticking Tony Stark on an adult playground. Maria hadn't seen them since they'd arrived though, instead opting to spend her time relaxing by the pool at an entirely different hotel. But then Fury had called, told her something was up, and had sent her the coordinates of Steve's phone. So she'd dressed herself, jeans, a blue shirt and black leather jacket, comfortable but still formal enough for her to be taken seriously.
She walked over to a couple of cops bickering outside one of the interrogation room, she flashed her SHIELD badge in front of them.
"Agent Maria Hill, SHIELD." She said formally. "I'm looking for Rogers, Stark, Barton and Thor. They in there?" She asked, indicating the room. The female officer nodded slightly.
"What business do you have with them, this is our interrogation, Agent Hill, you have no grounds for taking over." She said stubbornly.
"These are my people officer, and their punishment will be handled internally. Any complaints and or reimbursements for any and all damage can be taken up with SHIELD Director Fury at your leisure." Maria said tiredly, she dealt with these jurisdiction disagreements way to often. The argument continued for a few minutes, but begrudgingly Maria was given control over the case. She glanced at the hardcopy of the file before going in to face the four idiots: stolen police car, drunk driving, abandoning their mercedez-benz in the middle of the road with a note saying 'couldn't find a meter, here's four bucks.' Maria sighed deeply and squeezed the bridge of her nose between her finger and thumb. This was going to be hell to keep on the down low, if the council found out there were going to be serious repercussions.
Closing the folder and tucking it under her arm, Maria walked into the room. What a sorry sight those three were. Tony sat on the right side of the table, his dark blue shirt starting to show signs of his perspiration. Steve sat in the middle, a pathetic sight. Hair unkempt and ruffled like he hadn't showered yet or even looked in the mirror. His shirt had a couple of small bloodstains on it and he looked genuinely miserable. Thor sat at the other end from Tony, eyes searching the room eagerly, his hair was tangled and his pants had dried blood on them, otherwise he looked no worse for wear. Clint was nowhere to be seen, which was slightly concerning.
"Agent Hill." Steve said, he perked up as soon as he saw her. Maria thought he looked a little like a lost puppy when he did that. Tony grinned at her, then frowned slightly.
"How'd you know we were here?" He asked.
"Fury traced Steve's phone." She said as she leaned against the door.
"You got here awfully fast." Tony commented. She shrugged, avoiding his implied question.
"So are guys going to tell me what happened?" She asked, even though she already knew she wanted to hear the story from them. This should be good, she thought.
"Are you going to let us out?" Tony returned.
"That depends on what you did." Maria retorted, she'd been in here less than a minute and already he was getting on her nerves. She looked at each of them expectantly, waiting for an answer. Her gaze settled on Steve the longest, she knew he'd cave and tell her eventually, he respected her as his superior and that meant more to him than it did to the others.
"We actually don't remember." Steve said quietly, Maria quirked an eyebrow. "Somehow we all got ourselves roofied." He added.
"You did what?" Maria blurted out, forgetting her professional demeanor for a moment, whatever she had been expecting, it certainly wasn't this.
"We woke up and Clint was gone and the hotel was a disaster then we found out Coulson's car was gone and the valet brought us a police car." Steve paused looking at her, pleading her to understand and stop him so he wouldn't have to complete his narration. She sighed deeply.
"How did that even happen." Maria asked.
"It's a bachelor party." Tony said, "shit happens at bachelor parties." Not this sort of shit, she thought to herself.
"Look, could you please bail us out." Tony asked.
"Yes, but you owe me big time." She said as she led them out into the hall where one of the cops uncuffed them.
"Oh, and the car's in the impound." She said as they left. "I guess the cops found it parked in the middle of the road with a note saying you couldn't find a meter." She glared at Stark who winced slightly under her gaze. She glanced over at Steve.
"By the way, did you lose a tooth?" She asked, she'd noticed something was wrong when he'd been talking earlier. He smiled sheepishly and opened his mouth revealing a gaping hole. Maria sighed deeply, and ran her fingers through her hair. She was so not getting paid enough for this.
They were waiting at the impound area while Maria had gone off to retrieve the car. Steve was over at the vending machine getting a soda. Thor and Tony sat on the porch.
"Thor, you okay?" Tony asked, seeing the Gods forlorn look.
"I am worried about Mr. Barton. What if he was injured?" He asked.
"Oh, come on you can't think like that." Tony said. "Thor, Clint's fine."
"Then why has he not called us?"
"I don't know. But we're gonna figure it out."
Steve returned with his pop. Looking distant and slightly more irritated than usual.
"What do you think the chances are that Coulson's car is undamaged." He asked.
"We'll find out soon." Tony replied.
Maria drove up in the Mercedes-benz. The car looked surprisingly intact.
"See, it's gonna be alright." Tony said as he hopped into the passenger seat. Steve went and sat behind Tony, while Thor squeezed behind Maria. Once driving they started looking through the car for any sign of what had happened the night before.
"Anything?" Tony asked.
"Um, a cigar." Steve said as he handed it to Tony to inspect further.
"I found some black shoes." Thor said as he pulled one out from underneath his seat.
"They women's shoes?" Stark asked.
"I don't know." Thor replied. Steve grabbed them and looked them over.
"Who's are those?" Maria asked looking away from the wheel temporarily.
"I don't know. Men's size 6." Steve said.
"That's weird." Tony said.
"What is this?" Thor asked, lifting up a used condom from the floor. Steve let out a disgusted yelp and moved away from where the God was waving the object around. Seeing Steve's reaction Thor threw it into the front seat where it landed on Tony's lap.
"Ew, that's a used condom." Tony said, while Maria attempted to avoid Tony's flailing to avoid the condom, she swerved the car into the other lane. Tony yelled as he threw it out the window while Maria pulled over to the side of the rode.
"What the fuck man. We have to get this shit together." Tony yelled at Thor. Maria was gripping her steering wheel, she had so many angry thoughts she wanted to throw at them. Before she could start yelling at them, they heard a bump come from the trunk.
"What was that?" Steve asked glancing at the others nervously.
"It's in the trunk." Tony stated.
"Clint's in the trunk!" Steve exclaimed as they all jumped out of the car, except Maria, and ran to the tail end. The sight that met them as they opened up the trunk caused them all to scream. Loki leaped out of the trunk, wearing only two Asgardian bracelets, which Maria recognized as the ones used to keep him from using his magic while doing parole on Midgard. Loki leaped out of the trunk and tackled Tony knocking him to the ground and shoving Steve into Thor. All three hit the ground hard. Loki then took off, obviously in somewhat of a daze. Maria stepped out of the vehicle and watched the naked Asgardian run off towards the closest building.
"What the fuck was that?" Tony groaned as he pulled himself up into a seated position.
"My brother, I did not know he was on Midgard again." Thor said as he leaned against the car.
"I heard Odin had sent him here to keep him out of trouble. Didn't know he was in Vegas though." Maria offered while she reached over and helped the Captain to his feet. He smiled his thanks and started dusting himself off.
"Guys, there is something I must tell you." Thor said from his position sitting on the ground leaning against the car. "Last night on the roof, before we went out, I slipped something into our drinks."
"What?" Tony gasped he was also still sitting in the dirt.
"I am sorry. Darcy gave it to me, said it would make the bachelor party unforgettable." Thor tried to explain.
"You drugged us?" Steve said incredulously. Maria raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms over her chest, she did not see that one coming.
"I am sorry, I did not know." Thor tried to apologize. Steve was starting to get unwound, he threw a punch at the car, firmly denting it. Maria jumped, she'd never seen him snap like that before.
"Steve just calm down." Tony said seeing how unnerved Steve was getting.
"Calm down! Thor drugged us! I lost a tooth! I married a whore!" He said, his usually calm demeanor slipping. Maria raised her eyebrows, married a whore, what the hell else are they not telling me, she wondered.
"How dare you, she is a nice lady!" Thor defended Jade.
"Okay, lets just take a deep breath." Tony said as he stood between the enraged super soldier and the God.
"Alright this is a good thing guys, at least it wasn't some stranger who drugged us for God knows what reason." Tony said, trying to calm everyone down.
"Yes." Thor agreed quietly.
"Yeah, Tony, It's totally a good thing. We're so much better off now. Here's something I would like to remind you two of. Clint is probably face down in a ditch right now with a meth head buttfucking his corpse." Steve growled. Maria winced at Steve's language, he'd snapped, the heroic Captain America had reached his patience threshold and had finally snapped. She reached out and set her hand on his arm to try and calm him down.
"That is highly unlikely." Thor said in response to Steve's prior statement.
"It's true." Steve hissed back while Tony tried to move him away from Thor.
"This yelling is not going to help." Tony said. "Let's get our shit together guys. We should go back to the hotel. Maybe Clint's back there, maybe he's asleep. Come on." He said. The group saddled back into the car, this time with Steve riding shotgun and Thor and Tony in the back. While she drove Maria occasionally shot a glance over at Steve who was staring forcefully out the window and leaning his head on the palm of his hand. He looked tired.