They barely spoke until they were outside their hotel door.
"What about the great beast." Thor asked while Tony fumbled in his pocket for the room key.
"Aw, fuck. I keep forgetting about the goddamn tiger." Tony groaned. "How did we even get it in the room anyway? You'd think we would have some scratches or something to show for it."
"What tiger?" Maria asked, but her question was ignored.
"I don't know how the tiger got in there because I don't remember." Steve said, glaring at Thor.
"Shh, Steve keep it down." Tony said as he opened the door. There was music playing, specifically the song In The Air Tonight by Phil Collins, and there were two men in their apartment.
"Mike Tyson?" Tony said momentarily taken by surprise as he walked in on the man and his bodyguard. Maria stood beside Steve, who'd probably never even heard of the man before. Thor also looked confused, being an Asgardian she doubted he was up to date on Midgardian sports.
"Shh, this my favorite part coming up right now." Tyson said, referring to the song. "You guys sing the chorus."
"And I can feel it, coming in the air tonight," Mike Tyson sang, pointing at the group.
"Oh Lord," Stark chimed, the others staring at him judgementally. "What? I don't only listen to AC/DC you know." He said, while Tyson continued singing.
"I am unfamiliar with this ballad." Thor said, shortly before Tyson swung a hard blow to the Asgardian's nose. Thor had taken worse hits, and was only momentarily stunned as he stumbled back and held his nose. Maria had slipped into a combat stance, as had Steve.
"Why the hell did you do that?" Stark asked, startled.
"Mr. Tyson would like to know why his tiger's in your bathroom Mr. Stark." The other man answered.
"Hold on, hold on, that was completely unnecessary. Look we were drugged last night, we have no memory of what happened." Tony explained.
"It's true we got in a lot of trouble last night, and now we can't find our friend." Steve said relaxing slightly upon seeing that Tyson had returned to his music. Maria also relaxed, although she still kept her hands clenched tight into fists.
"Why the fuck would you want to steal his tiger?" The bodyguard asked.
"We tend to do dumb shit when we're fucked up." Tony said with a forced chuckle. "Wait, how did you guys find us?" He asked.
"One of you dropped your jacket, we found it in the tigers cage this morning." The bodyguard answered showing them said jacket.
"That's Clint's." Steve said, pointing at the jacket.
"Yeah, uh, Clint, his wallet and his room key are in there." He said, tossing the jacket to the Captain.
"That's our missing friend." Tony said.
"We don't give a fuck." The bodyguard said.
"Well did you guys see him?" Maria asked, slightly annoyed.
"I was fast asleep." Tyson replied, the music had stopped and he was leaning against the couch. "If I hadn't been asleep things would not have gone as smoothly for you guys."
"I know this is asking a lot, but is there any way we could go to your house and look for any clues about our friend?" Steve asked.
"Absolutely, how else you think we're gonna get the tiger back anyway." The bodyguard smirked as he and Tyson turned to leave.
"Wait, I'm sorry?" Tony asked.
"You brought it here, you bring it back." Maria smirked at the bodyguards reasoning, she of course agreed completely. She still couldn't believe the idiots had gone and stolen Mike Tyson's tiger. Only Stark would do something that stupid, she thought. Thor leaned against the wall rubbing his head, which was still ringing from the punch.
"This does not seem fair." Steve groaned as he pushed sleeping pills into a raw steak lying on the table. Maria was sitting on the back of the couch, Tony leaning against it beside her and Thor sat on the lazy boy.
"It's rock paper scissors, couldn't have been more fair." Tony said.
"Thor should do it." Steve grumbled.
"Thor took a punch from Mike Tyson." Tony said. "That more than excuses him."
"Why are you groaning so much anyway?" Maria asked the capsicle, "it's only a big cat, you've faced aliens and Hydra, how bad could this be." The Captain glanced at her, it looked like he wanted to say something but whatever it was he kept it to himself.
Steve picked up the steak as he headed over to the bathroom, he hated cats.
"Make sure he eats the whole thing." Tony called after him. Steve walked in hesitantly, or at least more hesitantly than he normally would have had his opponent not been a great striped cat.
"Hey kitty, kitty, brought some meat for you." He said as he walked in carefully, trying not to make any sudden movements. Staring into the big cats eyes brought back unwanted memories.
The tiger roared and jumped towards him. Steve dropped the steak and bolted out the door, letting out what Tony would later describe as a squeal. Steve slammed the door behind him and leaned against it, facing the others. Tony looked amused by the ordeal, Thor still seemed preoccupied with his nose, and Steve couldn't be sure, but he thought he saw a hint of concern in Maria's eyes as she looked at him. He took a moment to compose himself.
"So, what do we do now?" He asked as he rubbed his hand behind his neck in embarrassment.
"We wait for the cat to sleep." Maria answered shortly.
"By the way, we're all gonna die." Tony stated as they dragged the unconscious tiger out of the room and onto a luggage trolley. Maria took the lead, walking in front of the trolley with Steve just behind her steering the load, while Thor and Tony brought up the rear. They rolled the tiger out of the hotel and over to the car, where they then loaded it into the backseat. Tony claimed the drivers seat while Thor sat immediately next to him, neither Maria nor Steve was eager to sit in the back with the tiger. They glanced at each other awkwardly.
"I can take the back." Steve said, his voice tight revealing just how much he did not want to sit in the back, but he'd offered anyway, gentlemen's etiquette guiding his actions.
"No it's alright." Maria said, "you sit in the front, I'll go on your lap." Steve glanced at her, questioningly. She wasn't exactly eager for the intimate arrangement but Steve's distinct phobia of tigers compelled her to make the call anyway. Besides, out of all the men he was the only one she was somewhat okay with getting up close and personal with, although she'd sooner die than admit that out loud. Tony chuckled.
"And if you ever say anything about this, Stark, I will feed you to that tiger." Maria threatened, deadly serious. Tony sobered up, while Thor squeezed against him to make more room. Steve sat down, Maria slipped onto his lap, trying to situate herself in the least awkward way possible. She didn't entirely succeed on that level, but Steve didn't make a complaint, she suspected he was just glad not to have to bunk with the tiger.
It was getting dark by this point. As they drove along the road, still a mile or so from their destination, they became aware of the sound of deep breathing and then a yawn coming from the backseat. Maria glanced over her shoulder, her eyes widened as she saw the fully conscious tiger in the backseat.
"SHIT!" She screamed. "STARK PULL OVER!" Steve had jumped too, leaning foreword, one hand wrapping around Maria's waist while the other pushed against the seat as he tried to put as much distance between them, and the now roaring feline, as possible.
"Shit." Tony hissed as he swerved over to the side of the road. Thor was battling with one of the tiger's paws, which had reached up and was swiping at the driver. Even before the car had parked Steve had opened the door and propelled both himself and Maria out onto the side of the road. She leaned against him as they got their footing, his hand still protectively on her waist. They watched as Tony and Thor both simultaneously evacuated the car and slammed the doors behind them while the tiger continued to growl and swipe it's claws along the car's interior. Steve was breathing heavily, far more heavily than he should have been. Maria glanced up at him, he didn't look afraid per se, but he was definitely more unsettled than she'd ever seen him. She glanced down at his hand, still wrapped around her waist, normally she would have removed it without a second thought, but she was surprised to find it actually felt comfortable. Plus he really looked like he needed something to hold onto right about then. What the hell is it about that tiger? She wondered.
"What the hell are we going to do now." Tony wondered out loud as he stared at the car, Thor next to him. They were closer to the car than Maria and Steve were. The cat was trying to shove it's paw out the drivers window, which was partially rolled down, but luckily couldn't fit. It growled angrily and started chewing on the head rest of the drivers seat.
"We can put the car in neutral, push it the rest of the way." Maria offered.
"Well I'm not putting my hand in there to steer." Tony said crossing his arms, he kept his eyes locked on the car. Maria sighed, and slipped out of Steve's grasp then headed over to the drivers side of the car. The cat growled ever more fiercely as she approached.
"Tony, try and distract the cat to the other side of the car." Maria commanded, hopefully that would help her safely reach in and shift the car to neutral without the feline ripping her to shreds. Stark nodded and started banging on the windows opposite to Maria. With the cat temporarily distracted Maria plunged her hand in and quickly shifted the car to neutral, as she finished she was pulled out seconds before the tiger lunged towards her. She glanced behind her, Steve was holding onto her upper arm, where he'd grabbed her to pull her back out.
"Thanks." She muttered, catching her breath before pulling her arm out of his grip, she'd somewhat underestimated just how fast that tiger could move. He nodded solemnly in acknowledgment.
"So, who's gonna steer?" Tony asked, his hands on his hips.
"We'll take turns." Steve stated, his commanding tone returning. "Thor can take first shift." The Asgardian nodded.
"It would be my honor, Captain." He said as he walked over to stand beside Maria.
"Tony, take passengers side and push. I'll take the back. Maria, help Tony." Steve delegated as he walked over to the trunk and braced himself against the vehicle, pushing it foreword with ease. The others went to their posts and started pushing, although between Thor and the Captain, Hill and Stark didn't have much to contribute so they ended up taking over steering duty permanently.
"You're late." The bodyguard said when they finally arrived at Tysons house.
"Whatever man, we had to push it the last mile." Tony said tiredly as he and the others stood on the doorstep.
"Come on in, Mikes got something he'd like to show you." The group entered the mansion upon his request, all tired and sweaty from the tiresome day.
"When we got back we took a look at the security cameras." Tyson said as they all settled on his couch. Tony sat beside Tyson on one couch while Maria, Steve and Thor sat on a perpendicular one. They watched the security camera footage of four men on the front lawn, laughing and drinking, stumbling around shouting profanities and altogether making very little sense as they walked in and out of the cameras line of sight. Maria smirked a few times, while the guys just looked embarrassed.
"Oh, it's Clint." Steve said, relieved when they caught a clear shot of the archer perching on a decorative boulder drinking a beer. After they finished watching the footage, Steve mustered up the courage to speak.
"Well this was very helpful. Now we know that Clint was alive at 3:30 with us."
"Thanks again champ, and again we are so sorry for all of this." Tony addressed Tyson.
"Hey, don't worry about it man, like you said we all do dumb shit when we're fucked up." Tyson replied. They all laughed awkwardly in reply.
After Tyson had escorted the tiger out of Coulson's car, the others got back in and prepared to head back to the hotel. Once they were all in the car and driving, Tony in the drivers seat, Steve in the passengers seat and Maria and Thor in the back, Tony caved in.
"Alright, I think it's officially time we call Romanoff." He said.
"Halleluiah, finally Tony says something that makes sense." Steve grumbled under his breath.
"Well at this point we don't have much of a choice. And who knows, maybe she's heard from Legolas." Tony replied.
"That's what I've been saying." Steve muttered.
"We just need to be completely honest, we need to tell her everything." Tony said as they stopped at a red light.
"Well, we don't have to tell her everything." Steve said slowly, he was just as afraid of Natasha as Tony, and there were several aspects of the night that he'd rather not become public knowledge. "We can leave out the stuff about me marrying a hooker, just stay focused on Clint."
"When are you going to tell me the story behind this woman?" Maria asked leaning foreword. Steve grimaced, but didn't answer.
"What are we going to tell Agent Coulson about his car?" Steve asked instead.
"Don't worry, I built the iron man suit in a cave, I can fix this baby." Tony answered.
As he finished his statement a black van sped out of nowhere and rammed into the vehicle. Glass exploded everywhere as they were forced off the road and into a nearby sign. The van backed up and parked, while Loki, accompanied by the two tattooed men from earlier stepped out of the vehicle.
"Loki! My brother!" Thor called out through the shattered windows as he shook glass off of himself.
"Get out of the car, please." Loki said smoothly, he was now dressed in a nice suit his hair tidied and his general aura of superiority completely restored. The two bodyguards reached through the window, grabbed Stark and Steve and dragged them out onto the road.
"You have something of mine." Loki said evenly, a small smile on his face, while Thor and Maria pulled themselves out of the wrecked vehicle, luckily no one was seriously hurt, just a few cuts from the flying glass.
"What?" Tony asked as he straightened his shirt.
"I've been minding my own business, playing nice." Loki says, "and then you all decide to come and start a fight with me. I EARNED THOSE CHIPS!" He shouted
"Look, Loki, we don't remember anything that happened last night. We were drugged, we didn't even know you were in Vegas." Steve said.
One of the tattooed men spoke.
"You guys met at a casino last night. We ended up winning just under 80 grand."
"No shit, nice." Tony said.
"I put my chips in this bag and you stole it." Loki sneered as he lifted up a satchel identical to the one Jane had given Thor.
"Look, this was obviously just a simple misunderstanding. Thor must have picked up the bag when he left thinking it was the one Jane gave him." Steve said.
"If you want to see your friend again, you'll bring me my chips." Loki said threateningly, ignoring Steve's explanation.
"What?" Steve said.
"Our friend?" Tony mumbled putting things together as he glanced over at Steve.
"You have Clint?" Steve asked. The other bodyguard pounded his fist against the van window, and they glanced inside to see someone with a bag over their head squirming in the back seat.
"Clint!" They all shouted rushing to the car before Loki and the guards stood in their way.
"What do you want brother?" Thor asked.
"I want what I earned. I am sick and tired of you taking what is RIGHTFULLY MINE!" Loki said with a growl as he and his men hopped back into the van. As he started to drive off, they stopped again and he opened his window.
"Bring the money to the big rock in the mohabi desert at dawn" Loki said before driving off, leaving the three avengers and Agent Hill standing next to an almost totalled mercedez-benz.