First, thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed! You guys just make my life. :D
This chapter went through a billion and a half re-writes, I swear. But I think I'm mostly happy with how it turned out now, so I really hope you guys like it too. It's so funny - apparently I cannot write fluff without injecting a little angst as well. It seems I'm incapable of it. BUT this chapter is way fluffier than the last one. The last bit of this one - I swear if you put it on a stick, it would look like cotton candy.
I want to say a huge thanks to tflover2.0, who sent me some wonderful ideas for future chapters! I appreciate it so much, hon! :D I used your idea of them watching a movie in this chapter. :D It's not the entire chapter, but it is during the really fluffy part of it! I hope you like it! I will definitely be using more of your ideas later on. :)
Warnings: Language and shameless, shameless cuddling at the end. I am shameless.
NO SLASH still, and there never will be.
I own nothing.
x
"I don't remember fireworks." Bucky's eyebrows are furrowed. "Did I like fireworks?"
They're coming back from their morning run, walking easily side by side, and Steve is worrying.
"Yeah, you did," he replies, trying to figure out how to explain fireworks to Bucky. No matter which way he puts it, they're not going to sound like a good thing. Exploding... gunpowder... loud... pretty?
"So maybe I'll still like them now." Bucky steps closer and nudges Steve with his shoulder. It's the metal one - uncovered completely because Bucky is wearing a wifebeater - and Steve glances admiringly at it before looking up at Bucky, who is all smiles and sunshine. His eyes are palest blue, hair tied back off away from his face, skin glowing with health – Steve has to smile back.
"You might," he concedes, not adding on But I highly doubt it, which is what he's really thinking. Big bright exploding things that sound like gunfire or bombs? Yeah. Not likely.
It's July 4th, and for the past week he's done nothing but worry about how Bucky's going to deal with the fireworks. He knows from living in the same apartment last year that most of his neighbours set off fireworks on Independence Day, and there's of course all the fireworks displays going on in the city and at the monument, which is pretty close by.
Bucky used to love fireworks. He used to drag Steve out to every event that was having fireworks, and especially Independence Day. Steve can still remember the look in Bucky's eyes when he'd watch the fireworks – he'd turned into a kid again, bright-eyed and fascinated - he was always in awe of them, right up into his 20s.
But now? He's not so sure.
Steve had left his phone at home when they went for their run, and it's ringing as he unlocks the door.
"Hello?" He props the phone between his shoulder and ear, taking a couple of water bottles from the fridge at the same time and tossing one to Bucky, who catches it easily with his metal hand and smiles his thanks.
"Hey buddy. It's your day! Man. I feel like I'm talking to the great country of America itself right now. Oh, say can you see –"
"Tony. What is it?" Steve leans against the fridge, takes a long drink of water.
Bucky, sitting on the couch, raises his eyebrows at Steve and smiles. He knows full well how irritating Steve finds Tony sometimes. Steve rolls his eyes in reply.
"Well I'm having a little Fourth of July shindig at my crib tonight, and you should come. And bring your puppy." There's a loud clunk in the background, and Tony sighs. "Oh sure, don't even worry about it. I didn't need that anyway. Jeez."
Steve ducks out of the room quickly. "Tony, I'm actually trying to avoid Fourth of July stuff. I don't know how fireworks are gonna go over with Bucky. I really don't think it's a good idea for us to come to New York on July 4th."
"And you're gonna be better off there? In Washington? Right next to the freaking monument practically?" Tony laughs loud and long, which Steve feels is unnecessary. "Steve. Hey." His voice drops abruptly, suddenly lower, and Steve listens. "I don't like fireworks either, okay? Little secret of mine. They don't bring back great memories. I know right, so surprising. I actively avoid them. But here's the thing – they have them in Central Park, but not really super near me. There's too many tall buildings. Yeah you can hear them, but it's probably better than your place. And hey. If your little bundle of joy is afraid, why don't you come over here and we can all be scared together? Might be easier in a group."
Steve is quiet for a moment. I can't believe Tony was just serious for about thirty seconds there. The thing is, he could hear the vulnerability creep into Tony's voice when he started talking about fireworks, and he knows he's not kidding around. He knows full well that Tony suffers from PTSD too. In a weird way, his invitation makes sense.
"Who else is going to be there?" He leans back and glances at Bucky, who is looking down at the coffee table, playing with the cap on his water bottle, but Steve knows he's listening.
"Oh you know. The usual suspects. Bruce is already here, Natasha and Clint are driving up in a few hours. Nothing huge is happening. Might watch some movies, have some drinks. Just pals. Whatcha think?" Steve hears him drop a wrench or something else metal, and curse.
He goes back into the living room, sinks down onto the couch next to Bucky, who glances at him over his shoulder. "Let me talk to Bucky, and I'll text you, all right?"
"Sure thing. See you tonight, Spangles." Tony hangs up.
Steve frowns and tosses his cellphone aside. I didn't say we were going yet.
"What did he want?" Bucky pulls the hair tie from his hair and lets it fall loose around his shoulders, watching Steve carefully all the while. His blue eyes are guarded.
"He's having a get-together at Stark Tower and he invited us. I said I'd ask you." Steve shrugs. "We don't have to go though, if you don't want to."
"Is he going to have fireworks?" Bucky's comment sounds off-hand, but Steve catches the hint of uncertainty in his voice.
"No. He's not." Steve gently bumps Bucky's foot with his. "Natasha, Clint, and Bruce will be there too."
At the mention of Natasha, Bucky's eyes go hard. She is one of the few Avengers Bucky hasn't met yet, and he's never seemed to want to, either. Steve knows she makes him nervous because he tried to kill her, and also because she tried to kill him, and nothing that Steve's told him about her has seemed to help much.
"Do you want to go?" Bucky asks, and he meets Steve's gaze unwaveringly.
"That doesn't matter. If you don't –"
"It's not just about me," Bucky interrupts him quietly, and he bumps Steve's foot back with his own now. His eyes are slightly sad.
Steve wants to say Everything is about you, but he doesn't. He thinks it'll either be a really good thing to be around Tony, sharing fears, or it'll be a really bad thing. He must hesitate for a bit too long, because Bucky stands up.
"Let's go, Steve."
So that's how Steve ends up in his room packing overnight bags, Tony's last text of It's gonna be a partayyyyyy hovering behind his eyes. I swear this better turn out well, Tony, or I'm gonna strangle you.
"Buck, you should pack a hoodie or something, I heard it might get cool tonight." Steve shoves a hoodie into his own bag beside his pajamas and shaving kit. "And if it doesn't get cool outside, it still might be freezing in Stark Tower cause of the damn air conditioning."
Bucky, who was in the bathroom packing his own toothbrush and razor, comes in immediately and tosses Steve a blue Captain America hoodie, which a second ago was laying on his bed. Steve catches it easily, feeling the warm rush of affection he always does when Bucky wears something with his shield on it.
X
They get to Tony's place around seven o'clock that evening, and as they're taking their bags out of the car, Tony's voice makes them both jump.
"Hey, party people!" He's leaning out of a window on the third floor of Stark Tower, waving. "Glad you could make it! Come on up. Party's on the top floor, yeahhh!"
Steve sighs heavily. I swear, Tony...
When they get in the elevator, Steve stands with his back against the wall, and Bucky stands in the gap between the back wall and Steve, which is impressive because it's not very big, so he's kind of pressed against Steve's arm – furthest spot away from the door, too.
Steve nudges him gently, catches his eye. "You all right?"
Bucky nods, but he keeps looking at the floor, and when he does glance up, Steve can see the growing fear in his eyes. He smiles reassuringly. "It'll be fine, Buck. Promise."
As soon as they step out of the elevator, Steve spots Natasha. She's sitting on the couch with Clint, and looks up immediately as they walk in. Bucky has clearly seen her as well, and instantly drops a few steps behind Steve, his head down.
"Hey, Nat." Steve offers a grin as she approaches, but also sends furious eye-signals, which she probably doesn't need thanks to Bucky's body language.
"Hi, Cap." She hesitates, her eyes flicking to Bucky, who is almost directly behind Steve now. Steve wonders quickly if Bucky is hoping Natasha won't see him.
"Buck." Steve steps back and sideways, smoothing his hand down Bucky's jacket, letting it rest at the small of his back. "This is Natasha Romanoff."
Bucky's eyes are a mix of fear and warning, a hard, cold blue that Steve hasn't seen in a while, and he finds that his hand on Bucky's back is prepared to hold him back almost as much as it is to comfort him.
But Natasha holds out her hand immediately, her posture relaxed and non-threatening. "Hi, Bucky. It's nice to meet Steve's best friend finally. I've heard a lot about you."
Steve thinks maybe her confidence is partially thanks to Clint standing only inches behind her, his eyes trained solidly on Bucky, but either way, it doesn't matter.
Bucky's eyes drop to her hand warily, and he glances at Steve quickly, as if to reassure himself. Steve smiles, and Bucky takes her hand. "Hi." The warning has mostly dissipated from his gaze, and now he just looks shy.
"Everybody introduced? Everybody happy? Anybody want a drink?" Tony steps out of the elevator behind them, closely followed by Bruce, who looks tired and mildly amused. Tony's wearing an AC/DC shirt, and already carrying a glass of some sort of amber liquid. "I say we get this party started."
X
They're standing at the bar talking to Bruce when it happens. It's late, around ten o'clock, and Steve is in the middle of telling Bruce what they've been up to lately when he suddenly senses Bucky go still next to him. He doesn't even actually see anything, he just feels a difference, and stops talking mid-sentence. "Buck?"
Bucky is looking at the counter top, and he is so still, he looks more like a statue than a living, breathing man.
Steve puts a hand on his arm, turns to face him completely. "Bucky, what's wrong?" He's vaguely aware of Bruce moving away behind him.
Bucky's gaze flicks up to his face, but the rest of him doesn't move an inch. "Did you hear that?"
"No. What did you hear?" Steve is very aware that despite both of them talking very quietly, Natasha, Clint, and Tony are all immediately tense, looking their way and trying to look like they're not. And Bruce is pretty much gone.
Bucky holds his eyes, his gaze warning. Listen.
Steve doesn't move, straining his ears. After a few moments, he hears a very faint boom. His first thought, quite honestly, is mortars. But almost immediately his mind translates the sound to fireworks and he relaxes somewhat.
"It's fireworks, Bucky. They're starting up." He glances at his watch quickly. "Yup, it's about the right time."
Bucky's eyebrows shoot up almost comically. "That was fireworks?"
Tony gives up the pretense of not listening. "I can't even hear them, what are you guys hearing? You guys have pretty impressive hearing for being so damn old."
Steve ignores him. "It's all right, Buck." He pats Bucky's back, studies his friend's face carefully. He doesn't seem too freaked out. Yet, anyway.
And he is fine for a while, but pretty quickly the fireworks get louder and more frequent, and Bucky moves closer and closer until he is pressed so tight against Steve's side that Steve can't even move properly.
"Are – are you sure it's just fireworks?" He's glancing at the doors, his metal hand in a fist, and Steve quickly scoops an arm around him, pulls him closer.
"I'm one hundred percent sure. It's okay."
"Hey, want to go up to the roof and see them?" Clint is already standing up, and Natasha follows him. "Maybe it would help to see what's making that noise. Would it, Bucky?" Clint raises his eyebrows.
Bucky looks at Steve for an answer, and Steve frowns. Would it? He tries to think of all the possible outcomes of taking Bucky up on top of Stark Tower to watch things explode in the sky. In all honesty, it might help for him to see they're just harmless... and it might bring back memories. Don't rush him, Steve... odds are more bad things than good will happen.
Images of Bucky freaking out on the rooftop – hundreds of feet off the ground – make him shiver suddenly.
"I don't think that's a good idea," he says quickly, and Clint nods.
"Okay. Just asking. Nat and I are gonna go, though."
Steve rubs his jawline, looking away, and they leave the room.
Only seconds later, Bucky touches his arm lightly. "Steve?" His voice is low, purposely pitched so the others can't hear. "Maybe... do you think maybe it would help me to see them? Maybe if I just – I don't know." He shrugs, running a hand through his hair quickly. "Should I? And maybe... maybe I'll remember them."
Steve's stomach swoops at the thought, the thought of Bucky remembering fireworks, the thought that maybe something good could come out of this, the thought of seeing Bucky look up into the sky in awe again. Who am I to say no?
"Do you want to?" Steve asks him seriously.
Bucky's eyebrows go up in the middle, his eyes flicking away to his left hand, glinting blue on the counter top under the lights. "I'm not sure. I think – I think I do? But – will you – will you come with me? Please?"
Pride in Bucky's courage makes warmth gather in his chest, and he smiles. "Of course I will, Buck."
They walk to the elevator together, and as it goes up to the roof, Bucky's fingers catch his sleeve and hold on. Steve is careful not to shake his hand off as they leave the elevator.
The night has gotten cool, just as Steve predicted, and he feels goosebumps spread immediately across his arms as they cross the roof. Should've grabbed my hoodie, this shirt is too light.
Bucky is shivering too, he can feel it just through his grip on his sleeve, but he's pretty sure it's not for the same reason. Not all of it, anyway.
Natasha and Clint are at the far side of the roof, and Steve is just trying to decide if he and Bucky should join them or not when a huge firework - red, blue and white - explodes in the sky over Central Park, and Bucky jerks back instantly, pulling Steve's arm with him. Steve grabs for him desperately, catches his elbow and pulls him back. "It's okay, Buck! It's okay."
In the dim light he can see Bucky's eyes are blown wide with fear, and he's breathing rapidly all of a sudden, pulling at Steve's grip in an effort to get away.
"Buck! Bucky. It's all right. Nothing's gonna hurt you. I promise," Steve croons, pulling him in close, trying to give him something to anchor himself on, and Bucky's right hand grips the front of his shirt immediately.
"I don't – I don't like it," he says in a raw voice, the trace of a whimper behind it, but he goes still against Steve's side, trusting him despite his fear.
"Do you want to leave? Say the word and we'll go back inside. Just tell me, Buck." Steve actually can't see his face that well because Bucky is so close to him, but he feels Bucky's fast breathing on his neck, and in his mind he's already heading back inside.
But then – "No. Not – not yet." Bucky's grip on his shirt doesn't ease up, but he isn't trying to pull away, either.
Before Steve can ask if he's sure, three more fireworks go off, pink, blue and green, arcing far out into the sky over the buildings, and Bucky's hand twists so tightly into the front of his shirt Steve's sure it's going to tear. He presses his hand onto Bucky's back and waits. "It's nothing, Buck. They're just... harmless."
Bucky shudders against him, but he pulls away just a little bit, and Steve can see his face now. He's staring up into the sky with wide eyes, his expression a mix of fear and fascination. He's still trembling, but Steve can sense something changing, something...
"Do you –" Bucky stops, clears his throat. "Do you remember... I remember something. A – maybe – flare?" He looks at Steve, eyes narrowed, trying to remember, and Steve blinks. "Is that what it was called? I remember..." He trails off at Steve's expression. "No?"
"No, Buck – I mean, yes. Yes, it's a flare you're thinking of." Steve takes a deep breath. "They were used during the war... to signal where to attack." That's not exactly what I was hoping he'd remember.
Now that Bucky mentions it, he can see the similarity, and for a brief moment he's back in the forest, watching a single flare arc overhead, and waiting, just waiting for the mortar shells. He shivers, the memory undimmed by the years between.
They stay for a bit longer, watching the fireworks in silence, and when the screamers start to go off, they both decide at the same time that that's enough.
X
"Okay, I've waited long enough." Tony walks over from the bar, holding up his drink. "I want to watch a damn movie. Are you guys ready to do that? Seriously. That's what I called all of you for, anyway." He winks rather obviously, and points at the TV. "So? Suggestions? Come on, I'm not hosting the party and doing all the work. You guys can do something too."
Steve sighs. He and Bucky are sitting on one of Tony's older couches, worn and soft from age. He much prefers it to new leather, and Bucky is already getting comfy too, pulling his feet up onto the sofa and curling up.
"I can't help you with that," Steve says, and Tony waves a hand at him dismissively.
"Not you, Il Capitano. Someone who actually knows about movies after the stone age."
Steve rolls his eyes at Bucky, who is still looking a bit shaken from the fireworks, and has been slightly distant ever since they went up to the roof. Bucky smiles faintly at him anyway.
There's still the almost constant sound of fireworks outside, and Bucky's mind definitely seems to be on it – whether because he's scared of them or he's remembering the war and that's bothering him – Steve can't tell. He's also still avoiding looking at Natasha, and Steve knows he still doesn't trust her. Can't blame him. All in all there's definitely an air of tension around him, and Steve wonders if it was the best idea to bring him here.
"How about Jurassic Park?" Tony waves the DVD in the air. "I haven't seen it in forever and ten years. Bruce? Come on. Help me out here." He nudges Bruce with his foot, and Bruce shrugs.
"I don't know, Tony, to be honest I haven't watched that many movies either –"
Tony cuts him off, his dark eyes wide. "Okay, stop right there before I start crying. You're killing me. You haven't seen Jurassic Park? We're watching it. Seriously."
"I could go for that," Clint says, lifting his beer in a salute, and Natasha nods too.
"Is everybody down for that though?" Her gaze flicks over towards Bucky, and Steve frowns.
"I don't know, Tony."
He has actually seen Jurassic Park – it's one of the movies that Tony insisted he watch not long after the whole New York incident – and although he enjoyed it very much – it kind of blew my mind, actually - he's not sure if it's all that appropriate for watching with Bucky.
"What's it about?" Bucky asks, looking suddenly interested.
"Dinosaurs!" Tony replies, grinning. "Super cool dinosaurs, Buckster."
"Dinosaurs?" Bucky's eyes have started shining. He looks quickly at Steve. "Really?"
Steve wants to laugh. He has a sudden memory of watching The Lost World with Bucky when they were kids, watching the dinosaurs fighting and the one with the long neck falling over the cliff. We were in awe of that film... Bucky especially. That was a long time ago.
"Buck, do you remember watching The Lost World?" he asks, and Bucky frowns at him.
"I'm not sure – I remember something. I remember liking dinosaurs. Was it... black and white?"
"Yeah." Steve really does laugh now, he wonders what Tony would say if he suggested watching that one.
"Can we watch this one? Please?" Bucky looks so hopeful, the other Avengers can't help but exchange smiles.
"These dinosaurs aren't the same, Buck. These ones look real." Steve is worrying again, trying to work out if there's anything in the movie that could possibly be a trigger.
"The other ones looked real too," Bucky frowns a little. "I think they did, anyway."
"He'll be fine!" Tony points at Steve. "Have a little faith! Let the kid watch it! He wants to, right, Bucky?"
Steve gives him a look of death as Bucky's eyebrows lower, he glances at Steve quickly.
I guess I can't really think of any reason not to watch it... and it has stopped him thinking about the war, or fireworks, or whatever it is that was bugging him.
"Okay, I guess," Steve shrugs, and Bucky shoots him a smile so bright, Steve can't help grinning back.
X
He knows he made the right decision when, twenty minutes later, the first dinosaur shows up and Bucky's mouth drops open, his eyes widening, awe written all across his face. "How did they – do that?" He glances quickly at Steve. "They didn't... actually bring back dinosaurs, did they? They didn't –"
Tony laughs and launches into an explanation about something called CGI and animatronics and all kinds of other things that make absolutely no sense to him, and Steve lets him handle it, still smiling over Bucky's reaction.
However, despite his initial amazement at the dinosaurs – and his disappointment at finding out they weren't actually real - Bucky's mind is clearly still more on the sound of the fireworks outside, and by ten-thirty, they seem to be wearing on his nerves more and more.
Steve's beginning to notice that Bucky isn't really concentrating on the movie anymore, his eyes keep flicking towards the window, where occasionally there is a slight glimpse of a bright spark in the sky. After a particularly large, deep boom that almost makes the tower tremble, Bucky abruptly shifts closer to him, eyes wide, and Steve puts a hand on the side of his neck.
"You okay, Buck?" he says, keeping his voice low.
Bucky's eyes are wide. "Are they getting louder?"
"I don't think so. I think that was just a big one. Maybe it was the last one." He rubs Bucky's arm with one hand, and the skin under his fingers is ice cold. "You're cold, Buck. Do you want to get your hoodie?"
Bucky looks at the window instead of answering, watching as a pink glow lights up the sky to the left.
"I'll get it." Steve gets up, and Bucky instantly grabs his arm, lightning-fast. "Where are you going?" His blue eyes are dark, flicking for a second to Natasha, who is sitting silently on the couch next to Clint, not paying attention to them in the slightest – or not appearing to, anyway.
"Just to get your hoodie. It's okay. I'll be right back, Buck." He smiles reassuringly and heads to their bedroom, digging through Bucky's overnight bag until he finds the Captain America hoodie he packed earlier.
When he goes back out into the living room, Bucky's moved to curl against the side of the couch, as though he couldn't stand sitting in the middle of the couch with nothing to lean against. He immediately lifts his head as Steve approaches, and his eyes are pleading. Steve frowns and sinks down onto the right side of the couch, stretches his arm out along the back.
"You okay, Buck?"
Bucky's forehead is crinkled, eyebrows furrowed, eyes big and dark. Steve can tell from here that he's shivering.
Nerves from being left alone? The fireworks? Cold? A combination of all of them?
He holds out his arm. "C'mere."
Bucky does not need to be told twice, and shifts across quickly towards him. Steve pulls him against his side briefly, ruffles his hair with one hand. "It's okay, Buck. Here, I brought your hoodie. Put it on, you're freezing."
Bucky pulls it over his head without a word, wrapping his arms around himself after he has it on, shivering still. "Thanks," he says softly, and he looks away at the windows again. Steve nudges him gently.
"Hey. Talk to me. What's wrong? Are the fireworks bugging you?"
Bucky sighs quietly. "I don't know. Yes. I guess so. There's just... I feel like..." He hesitates, looking warily past Steve toward where the other Avengers are. "I'm trying to remember something, and it just won't... come back. Something about the flares, I think. And I can see something else bright, something blue..."
He rubs the back of his neck in frustration, and Steve frowns sympathetically. "I'm sorry, Buck, I don't know what that might have been." Blue?
Bucky frowns too, and then abruptly turns toward him and leans his forehead on Steve's shoulder. "I wish it would come back." His voice is slightly muffled, and Steve tips his head to hear him. "But at the same time... I kind of don't want to remember. I think it was something bad, 'cause – I'm afraid of it. Just that piece of a memory."
Steve instinctively wraps an arm around him, even though regrettably a memory is not something he can protect Bucky from. "Don't think about it then. Not now. It'll come back by itself later."
"Yeah." Bucky sighs again. "Steve..."
"What is it, Buck?" Steve looks down at the top of his head. Tell me how to help you, Buck.
"I'm so tired." There's just the faintest trace of a tremor in Bucky's voice, and Steve can't tell whether he's talking about now, or always.
"Then go to sleep. I've got you," he offers, and Bucky seems to take his words to heart. He lays down on the couch quite suddenly, curling on his right side, close enough that he can lean his head on Steve's leg, and Steve smiles, surprised but pleased. He reaches down to rub Bucky's arm, and Bucky leans into him a little more.
After a few moments, in which Steve thinks Bucky is falling asleep, he suddenly speaks. "I think maybe... I think the blue thing... it was when they caught me. I think."
Steve stiffens, his hand going still on Bucky's arm. "When they caught you?"
"Yeah." Bucky shivers, and Steve knows it's not from the cold this time.
He finds he's clenching his jaw. He wants to ask a million questions – Which time? At the bottom of the cliff after the train, or the first time? What was the blue thing? The Tesseract? But Bucky doesn't volunteer any more information, and he isn't going to to make him talk about it if he doesn't want to.
Having apparently remembered enough to satisfy him for now, Bucky has gone comfortingly heavy against him, beginning to relax. Steve leans his head back against the couch and yawns into one hand, knowing he'll have to be content with that much information for now, as well.
The fireworks have all but stopped outside, and even though the movie is only halfway through, almost no one is watching anymore. Tony is leaning his head on one hand, blinking slowly at the TV, and Bruce is already asleep, his head tipped back against the headrest and his mouth slightly open. Clint's eyes are closed, although Steve isn't sure if he's asleep, and Natasha's head is resting on his shoulder, although her eyes are still open.
Steve glances down at Bucky, who is clearly almost asleep already, and decides he'd better shift a bit now if he needs to because there's no way he's disturbing Bucky once he's completely out. He moves his leg just the tiniest bit, and Bucky starts to get up.
"Sorry, Steve –" he begins, his voice heavy with sleep, but Steve stops him quickly, rubbing his arm until he lays back down.
"Don't get up. Go to sleep, Buck. You're fine."
To his relief, Bucky doesn't need much coaxing – he melts back down into the couch, his metal hand sleepily tightening into a fist. He's warm now, no longer shivering.
Steve watches the movie for a bit longer, trying to stay awake, because he really wants to see the T-Rex again - but it's almost impossible with Bucky sleeping against him, so heavy and warm – it's like sitting with a warm blanket next to him, or a little furnace.
There's a soft boom from outside suddenly, very far away, and Bucky whimpers in his sleep, pressing closer. Steve quickly strokes a hand down his back, smoothing away the tension that gathered there so quickly.
"S'okay, Buck," he whispers, and Bucky settles immediately back into stillness at the sound of his voice.
"He trusts you so much."
Natasha's voice makes him jump, but thankfully it doesn't disturb Bucky, who sleeps on obliviously, his eyelashes only fluttering slightly. Steve glances quickly over at her, and she's still leaning against Clint, who is obviously asleep now too, his head resting at a rather awkward angle. Natasha's legs are curled under her, and she looks very small on the couch, not at all like a deadly assassin.
"Yeah, I guess." Steve can't help smiling at her words as he looks down at Bucky's sleepy profile. He doesn't look like a deadly assassin right now, either.
"I'm glad, Steve." Her voice is soft. "I didn't know how it was all going to work out for you... and I can see now that I shouldn't have worried." Her mouth twists into a slight smile, and Steve looks away again. "You look so happy now," she adds after a moment.
"What?" That surprises him, and he looks at her quickly, but she has her eyes closed.
"You do." There's amusement in her voice, and Steve frowns.
"I didn't look happy before?"
"No." She opens her eyes again, but she's looking at the TV, not at him. "You were just... existing. I haven't seen you in months, Steve, and I noticed the difference as soon as you walked in the door. He's given you purpose again, he's something that's yours. He's given you something to live for. You're happy. It's nice to see, that's all." She closes her eyes again, and rests her hand on Clint's arm.
Steve looks down at Bucky for a long time. He's completely still, breathing evenly, totally comfortable.
She's right. I am happy now. Having Bucky back is... everything. I was alone before. Out of place, out of time. And I guess now I still am out of place and time, but - I'm not alone anymore.
Bucky makes a little snuffling sound in his sleep, presses a little closer, and Steve smiles fondly.
That's the thing that really matters. I can face whatever is thrown at me if I've got Bucky at my side. That's the truth.
He leans his head back and closes his eyes.
x
Who wants to cuddle with Bucky and Steve on the couch? *raises hand excitedly*
Please leave me a review and let me know what you thought! :D