Hey guys sorry I haven't updated in a while, but I have been pretty busy with a lot of things lately and have been having terrible writers block! However, I've now got a lot of things figured out but it still is a working progress so please be patient for with me. I will say that I don't have a set updating schedule other then I'll try to post a chapter at least once a week or more if I can, but please don't always count on that. Anyways sorry again for be slow in updating, but never the less please guys review, favorite, follow, and leave a question or comment for me as it really helps me out a lot. So with that being said . . . Enjoy!
Behind The Cold Gaze
Soul's POV
"Hold it! Alright perfect!" The director shouted.
About a dozen flashes went off, until the director finally instructed us to which positions or poses. Currently we were all at some photo shoot Stein and Maria had organized for us for our big debut. The guys and I wore pretty similar outfits, but mine was a white dress shirt with no tie and a black jacket along with black long pants and black shoes. Black Star wore a black dress shirt and white tie with long white pants and black shoes. Kid wore a black jacket that covered him all the way up to the neck and black long pants with white shoes. Once these photos got released to the media, everyone around the country will know us as one band. There were tons of photographers from different magazines and reports here today. Once we finish the photo shoot session we'll move right along into interviews, both individual and together. Right now I along with Black Star and Kid are taking pictures together doing a shot of just us and then the girls. Posing wasn't exactly a problem for me, but I really did hate taking pictures. I held the electric guitar in my hand and then without it just like Black Star and Kid did with their instruments. Once we finished it was the girls turn now.
"Let's show them how it's really done girls!" Liz grinned as we all laughed.
The moment the girls got in position I noticed how there outfits sort of matched each other as well, but in a different style. Liz and Patti wore black dresses, except Liz's dress was a tight fitted black dress with white ankle high heels and Patti's dress was puffy with simple white high heels. Tsubaki and Maka both wore white dresses and both different styles. Tsubaki's dress was tight at the top, but then flowed at the bottom a little and she wore ankle high heels. Maka's dress well . . . She looked like a princess. Her dress was pure white that was puffy and yet beautiful on her. Her sandy blonde hair was down and a little wavy with her bangs pulled back exposing her forehead. She wore simple black high heels, angelic make-up, and I just now noticed her legs were really exposed once again. We watched as the girls did different poses looking and acting sexy for the camera, which wasn't too bad. Then they had Maka sit in a chair as Tsubaki stood right behind her as Liz and Patti on one side stood next to her posing. Maka then crossed her legs and slouched in the chair with her hand under her chin to give a more board yet interesting look. Soon after the pictures of the girls were done, it was now time for the individual shots.
So everyone once again had to get redressed into their new outfits and start again. When it came time for Maka's individual photo, I overheard the some of the women reports talking about her. I don't think they realize that I was standing right there, but it didn't matter as I listened in into their conversation.
"Do you see her eyes? There always so cold." One spoke as the other nodded their head.
"I've never really truly ever seen her smile before either." Another said.
"She's pretty scary if you ask me." Another one admitted.
"Yeah well rumor has it she's been around a lot of men if you know what I mean. She never sticks with one for too long." Someone else implied.
"Has she ever even had a relationship before?" One questioned.
"Who knows . . . She was no body, until she started a band and became famous." Someone answered.
Soon after her photo shoot was over the reports stopped talking as she walked by them without a word and soon after started the conversation again. I personally didn't care what the reports said, but I was interested to learn if Maka actually was able to date someone. Soon after another change of clothes, we all now paired up by directors pick. Black Star and Tsubaki, Kid, Liz, and Patti, and of course the two main lead singers Maka and I. When it came time for Maka and I to go up and pose, I wore a black leather jacket, a black tee shirt with the design of our new logo that was yellow and lighter black pants with black shoes. Maka wore a red and black plaid mini shirt, a white undershirt as she wore a black leather jacket like me that was zipped up. She had stylish black boots on along with some dark make-up and her hair straight down. We posed back to back as we sat down looking at the camera professionally.
As we posed they'd have us hold our electric guitars staring at each other and then to the camera. The more we posed the more tired we got. I was a nice enough guy that I brought her back some water on her break to which she'd thank me for and then we'd resume posing again. This all happened during the time everyone else was doing some interviews. For the finally pose they had Maka and I try to act casual around each other as if we were close friends.
"You're both too stiff you both need to relax more. All you're doing is posing next to each other, when you should pose with each other. It's like taking pictures for two different people!" The director explained.
I looked to Maka who looked to me as we looked confused. The director then told us, to act once again casual around each other. Like hug or something. Anything to make us look like we work well together as one band. I looked to her and then we both slightly moved closer to each other neither one of us sure what to do.
"Try putting an arm around her and hugging her, like a side hug while looking at the camera coolly." The director instructed.
Once again we both looked at each other and shrugged. I sort of waited for her to give me permission and soon after realizing that she nodded for me to put my arm around. So I slowly and sort of awkwardly placed my arm around her, until I placed my hand around her waist. I pulled her slightly closer to me as we took the pictures and looked at the camera. We tried to act professional, but then I got kind of board and messed with her as I jabbed at her ribs making her jump a little, but then slightly laugh like I did as she stared at me. I thought she would yell and scold me, but to my surprise she didn't. I think she was pretty nervous and tense and that probably helped her relax more around me. We finally finished and it was now time for us to do our interviews before we rejoin the group in one big interview.
I went up first to do my interview. They asked basic questions like how's your life, did you have difficulty adjusting to the new band, what do you think of the name change, do you like working together with the former band "New Resonance", and etc. I asked these questions pretty quickly and coolly. Soon enough it was Maka's turn for the interview. As she sat down with the interviewer, I sat with the rest of our friends getting ready for the next interview with all of us. However, we could all hear her speaking with the interview so we mostly just listened and tuned in.
"So Maka, can you tell us your first opinion when you had learned you would be joining the former band "Lost Souls"?" She questioned as Maka gave a hollow laugh.
"I hated the idea at first of working with them. They were competition in my eyes." She said bluntly and I let out a small laugh as I expected that answer as the others smiled a little too.
"However, as I got to know the band more and bond more with them I learned that they are actually pretty cool people and great musicians." Maka continued.
"So you get along with them?" The interviewer asked.
"Yes, I'd like to say we're good friends now." Maka said as she turned to us and gave a small smile.
"Was it hard letting go of the band "New Resonance" that you and your bandmates had created?" She asked and for a moment Maka hesitated, but soon answered.
"It was a little difficult yes," Maka answered with a hint of sadness.
"Can you go into further detail why? The band obviously meant a lot to you, since you seem a little upset."
"Well . . . Although my friends and I created the band, it was a certain . . . special friend of mine who named us "New Resonance". He was the reason I had started the band actually." Maka said as the interview lifted an eyebrow.
"This special friend of yours, was her perhaps a boyfriend?" She asked as I curiously looked to Maka as she seemed a little taken back by the question, but then she spoke.
"I'm afraid that's too personal to tell," She answered dodging the bullet.
Soon the interview cared on after that, but I started to notice Maka now became quieter and less detailed in answering. When it came time for all of us to be interviewed, she didn't really answer much unless directed to her. She became sort of lifeless after her interview. Once we were done wrapping things up, she immediately went to the dressing room without saying a word to anyone. I noticed the girls looking after her as she left and whispering to each other. I found that rather odd and decided to confront Maka about it in person. I made my way down to her dressing room I suddenly heard glassing shattering behind her door.
"Maka!" I shouted.
Maka's POV
I left immediately after the interview. Damn interviewer . . . So nosy in other people's business. Why did she go and have to ask me about him? Why did I even have to tell her anything about my past? Once I got into my dressing room I close the door and locked it. I started to inhale and exhale deeply as I started to feel light headed all of a sudden. I had felt this feeling before and I knew where this was heading. My head started to throb as I placed my hands on my head and slowly fell to the ground in pain. I started to see memories and images in my head . . . all of him . . . of us . . .
"Stop," I gasped as I shut my eyes, but it only made matters worse.
I could see him in my mind again and hear his voice and laughter. It was echoing all though my head and I just wanted it all to stop. I slowly got back up as my headache increased. I got closer to my bag and pulled out my pills and took two as instructed to stop my headache and further pain as I drank my water.
"Those pills won't help you Maka. You can't forget about me," He spoke as I looked at him through the mirror.
"I'm not trying to forget you; I'm trying to stop the hallucinations of seeing you when you're not here." I spoke sternly as he gave a small laugh that made my heart ache as he walked closer to me from behind.
"I am here Maka . . . Just like I've always been with you." He spoke as he was now right behind me and placed his hand over his heart.
"Right here," He whispered to me sweetly as I looked away from the mirror and felt my heart aching again.
"Why do I keep seeing you? I've tried so hard to move on, but somehow I just can't . . ." I cried as a tear fell from my face as I closed my eyes tightly.
"Then try harder, Maka . . . You can't cling to the past forever . . . Just like you can't cling to a dead man." He said.
"Then why must I always see you in my dreams, or even now when you're obviously dead and therefore not real!?" I questioned as I heard him chuckle a little.
"It's because you're afraid of letting go of the past . . . You're afraid of change. That's your fear Maka, and you need to learn to be brave just like I know you are." He explained as I slowly opened my eyes and spoke still not meeting his gaze and my tears still continued to fall.
"Then help me so that I can move on and not feel any pain anymore. I can't bear not being able to see you, or touch you when I need you the most. I feel no warmth or love anymore, just cold bitterness in my heart and I don't want that anymore!" I exclaimed through my tears.
"The thing about living Maka is . . . that you have to go through pain. This is just a sign of living life. So live life to the fullest for the both of us. You have to be the one to move forward now just like I have." He spoke and the moment I looked up to the mirror he was gone.
My eyes were widen and the tears were now strikes on my cheeks. I held the glass of water in my hand so tightly that it shattered and I was bleeding slightly now.
"Damn it!" I shouted.
"Maka!" I heard Soul's voice from behind the door.
I cursed again to myself and quickly grabbed my towel and applied pressure to my hand. I looked and saw that it wasn't a big and that it was merely a scratch.
"Hey, is everything alright!?" Soul shouted again.
I knew I had to answer the door since I know he heard the glass shattering in my hand. I slowly made my way to the door wiping the tears away and opening the door slightly. He stood there dumbfounded as his gaze went from me to my hand to which I placed behind my back.
"What happened, I heard glass shattering?" He questioned.
"It's nothing, I just knocked the glass over the table and it shattered." I explained, but then he stared at my hand and then back at me.
"What about your hand?" He asked.
"I went to pick up the glass and got a small cut, its fine." I answered, but he didn't seem to buy it, but he just let it go and spoke.
"Well is everything alright?" He asked as I lifted an eyebrow in confusion as he scratched his head in embarrassment.
"What I meant is that after your interview, you seemed kind of down and I was wondering what was wrong just like everyone else." He explained as I stared at him surprised, but I shook my head.
"I'm fine, I just need a break my heads been killing me today." I answered.
"Well alright, I guess we'll see you back at the bus." He replied and I nodded as he started to walk away.
I closed the door and sighed and leaned against it for support as I slowly fell to the floor. The illusions of him disappeared for now . . . but the pain still lingers . . .
Soul's POV
"Eh!?" The girls exclaimed to Maka.
"Calm down, it's only for a little while. Besides Marie is going with me, so I'll be fine. Plus we all know how she can get when she drinks too much, so I'll mostly be there to watch over her." Maka answered, but the girls didn't seem to like the idea so much.
Soon Marie walked into the room excited as Maka said her good-byes and followed Marie out of the bus. They were currently just heading to a bar, but for some reason I noticed the girls didn't exactly like the idea of her going. Plus I've noticed Maka has been keeping her distance lately. She's been pretty quiet since the day we did that photo shoot and interview. She barely said a few words to all of us on our way here to California. What the hell was up with her?
"Do you think she'll be ok?" Tsubaki whispered to Liz.
"I'm sure she'll be just fine girls, so just relax." Kid spoke up surprising them, but then they exchanged looks and I just sighed and became direct.
"What's got you guys so worked up about, that you're worried about Maka?" I said directly.
"Yeah you guys keep eyes on her like a hawk!" Black Star exclaimed.
"Oh that's because-!" Patti explained, but Liz placed a hand on her mouth.
"Nothing of your concern," Liz interrupted, but I gave a small laugh.
"I think it actually is now," I replied.
"Soul!" Kid warned, but I lifted my hand to him.
"I'm serious and I'm not trying to be an ass about it either. We're a band now and if there's something we should know, then you should tell us. I know something is wrong with Maka, I mean let's be all honest we all know something isn't right. The only difference is that you girls know what's wrong and we don't. So the only way to resolve this is if you tell us what it is that's bothering her, so that we can understand a little more why she's acting this way." I explained.
The girls didn't say anything for a while as they only exchanged looks. Soon enough though, it was Liz in the end who sighed and slowly nodded her head. She took a seat and looked to Patti and Tsubaki who said nothing as Liz began to speak.
"What I tell you, you can never repeat to Maka or any for that matter." Liz said.
I looked to the guys who nodded to me as I nod to give our final word as she began to speak.
"Maka is very complicated and hard to understand girl. She practically shuts everyone out of her life because she doesn't want to get hurt, or bother people with her problems. That's why at times she can really be rude and cold hearted. You've heard what people say about her. They call her a cold hearted bitch, but Maka just doesn't care. That's just who she is now . . . She doesn't care about anything, or anyone anymore . . . She stopped caring a long time ago." Liz explained sadly.
"You said Maka acts like this now, but what did she used to act like?" Kid asked curiously and it was Tsubaki who took over.
"Maka wasn't always like this. She was kind, caring, compassionate, and happy before. She used to be so cheerful and positive even when she was hurting inside." Tsubaki explained.
"So what happened?" Black Star questioned as the girls were silent for a moment, until Liz spoke up.
"Like what happens to everyone else . . . life. Maka's mother had left when she was only 6 years old with an abusive drunk father. She was still positive back then, but it really hit her after she graduated from high school and moved in with her childhood friend, Hiro. Hiro and Maka were close together, they spent most of their time together even when she would hang out with us. That's what to expect though when you're childhood friends though." Liz explained smiling a little at the memory.
"Was this Maka's "special friend" she described at the interview?" Kid suddenly asked as Liz sighed and slowly nodded.
"That was Maka's first love and sadly last love . . . He was sweet, kind, and caring. He was a true gentleman. They were perfect together, if you saw them right now you wouldn't be able to see another perfect couple like them because they were the best. They loved each other so much. It was cruel though what had happened to them though." Liz explained more.
"What do you mean, what happened?" I asked curiously as Tsubaki spoke.
"On the day of Maka's 17th birthday, Hiro had died. At that point Maka had become a totally different person. Rather than smiling she frowned, rather than laughing she cried, and rather than loving she hated. She became distant toward everyone including us and started fooling around with a lot of guys. She never was the same and it hurt that she wouldn't tell us how she felt or what she was going on. Instead she shut us out of her life. She was devastated, heartbroken and worse she was alone. I remember maybe after a week of Hiro being gone Maka had completely lost it and broken down. She broke all her mirrors and windows and just cried and screamed in pain. We tried to calm her down, but she just kicked us out and cried all night in her room still grieving over the loss. It took maybe 6 months, until she started to talk to us again and well form a band. The pain never left Maka though and that's a fact. Losing Hiro really affected her life and she never was the same after his death." Tsubaki explained more looking depressed.
"How did Hiro die exactly?" I asked.
Before anyone could speak Stein had walked in and everyone was quiet. He lifted an eyebrow to us, but then shrugged and started to hand us all sheets of paper.
"This will be our new schedule for the next couple of months. The first thing is you all have a concert in Arizona within five days so I hope you'll be ready in that short amount of time. We've got to work fast in order to make you guys number one and because of the big announcement of the two joining bands, we've got a lot of attention on us now and we need to keep it like that. The media and press love the band which means you all will be starting to get quiet busy for a while. Work hard guys." Stein explained before leaving.
We didn't have a chance to continue our conversation because soon after Maka came back with a drunk Marie. I didn't even realize how much time had pass, but the moment Maka got home she just said she was going to bed. She looked exhausted and worn out. Soon we all called it a night and went to bed. The moment I got to my room though, I couldn't help but think what was going on with Maka. I don't know why I exactly care this much for her, but it definitely bothered me. Soon I shrugged it off and started to concentrate more on our upcoming concert. There was a lot to do and songs needed to be written as well as the music to go with it. That meant I'd need tiny tits help on this . . . shit.