Hello my dearies! Tis is I, Lilmama, here with a new story because I've gotten tired of just putting it on paper and my friend wouldn't stop pestering me on posting one on here. (Are you happy now Angel? Lol :P) Okay, now to go ahead and put this out there, I'm not really a bashing person. (At least, not anymore, it's childish.) So I won't just see something from one side because I hate the other. Yes, I'm a wolf girl but I think Vampires (like the Cullens) are actually pretty cool, just an opinion. *shrugs* I'm just trying to better myself as a writer and wanted to post this for your amusement while relieving some of the creativity from my mind. Now keep in mind, that I put this as Jake-Bella for a reason folks. No I will not make anyone look terrible… well… I can't really promise anything now can I? ;P But anyway, I've wanted for a long time to write this since I saw Twilight: Eclipse and hearing a song by one of my favorite singers, Christina Perri, inspired me and the story, Distance, is born! :) Now without further to do, I just hope you enjoy. Any type of reviews and flaming is welcome; it makes a passionate writer better.

::Lilmama walks onto stage and taps microphone:: *microphone screech*

Lilmama: *clears throat* The setting of this story begins in Eclipse, right after Jacob overhears about Bella's engagement to Edward and storms off with Bella following to stop him.

*Lilmama places microphone down and solemnly walks off stage*

::Lights dim and curtain slowly raises::

The Twilight Saga: Distance

CHAPTER 1

WHEN EVRYTHING FELL APART BUT TOGETHER…

I COULDN'T BELIEVE Edward would do that. I couldn't believe how angry Jacob is – couldn't believe how guilty I felt and that it was making me chase after him, leaving Edward. But as I gazed into darkened eyes – wild with anger and hurt – I couldn't force my legs to go back even if I wanted to.

I could feel my chest puff up and down as my lungs tried to drag in the frosty air, each pull seeming only to dry up and prick them in a thousand times over, burning my throat. Fog bellowed from both lips with each breath we exhaled. The air was dangerously cool, even with the sun peeking from behind the sullen clouds. My chest twisted and tightened in a conflicted war of anger, pain, and guilt – guilt that I shouldn't even feel but was threatening to crush me under the weight of Jacob's harsh words as they seemed to slap me in the face.

He was in a frenzy of disbelief and anger. His voice so chalked up of hurt that it cracked as he laughed in bitterness, his towering form shaking in blind rage. He was tired of trying, lost of hope, and sick of being hurt. A hurt that I caused – have always caused.

Breathing deeply, he turned those brown orbs to stab me again. The glint in them enough to sickeningly twist my stomach, terrifying me more than anything has ever had. "You know, I could end it all Bella. I'm as guilty as you are when it comes to this; us." He gestured between me and him.

I frowned in confusion. He's to blame? I shook my head. "No. I'm the one who's hurting people." I breathed deeply and closed my eyes from the sight of him, my voice unable to come out louder than a whisper. "I wish I never met you. I wish that I could just stop hurting you – that I never had hurt you. Maybe then we wouldn't be like this." I slowly opened my eyes to gaze at him, pleading him to understand.

Jacob snorted. "Please Bella" his eyes, dark, shadowed my his furrowed brows, glared into mine. His breathing – that remained normal when running – was accelerating. "You think I'm just going to let you take all the blame and glory? I'm just as guilty as you are here." He scoffed, pausing to turn away momentarily before turning back to me, his face tense. "I could have easily stopped a long time ago Bella. But maybe I didn't want to; the reason why it's this bad right now." He shook his head and looked away, a smile curling on his lips, one that seemed nearly crazed, but gentle. "It's because I know Bella. I know how you feel. And I know you know that I feel the same – yet you deny it every chance you get!" He paused, his eyes boldly searching mine, forcing me to look away. "Could he truly love you like I do?"

My lips pressed tightly together, my anger starting to boil under my skin. Here we go again. How dare he continue to even say that?! Why did he have to turn things like this? But my anger quickly directed at myself. Could I have avoided this? Did I not press it enough? Confusion was starting to swirl with my angered thoughts. What was it that made this so hard, so wrong? I've chosen, from the beginning I've chosen. But yet, only pain and confusion continues, forming uncertainty. I just wanted it all to stop. But who was making it spin? Jacob? Edward? Victoria? Me? Or was it the fear of life and death? Love or friendship, could I not choose both? Choices, choices, choices…I turned to Jacob, pleading him to just stop.

Jacob studied me, his jaw tense as he turned away at what he seemed to have found in my eyes. "Maybe if I just go down there, and lose myself in the battle, huh? I could easily take myself out of the picture." his head jerked to look down the newly blanketed Iceland of the mountain we now stood on.

To where the newborns would soon be…

I couldn't believe what he was saying, his words slowly sunk into my mind, one by one. But my mind refused to process it. Hearing those words – his meaning – made my eyes widened with fear that pumped through my veins, my fragile heart roughly jerking at the thought a losing Jacob like this, a world without my sun, a murder sentence of the worst fate that would become of my best friend.

Because of me

I knew that at a point I'd have to cut Jacob out of my life. But it didn't realize until now just how deep I'd have to cut to do that, how much pain my heart would transcribe from it. "Don't do that!" my voice shook in anger and fear, my legs taking an involuntary step towards him, my mind starting to spin "No, no, no, no, no no! You Can't! I won't let you!" If he went out there like this he'd surely get himself killed, and I couldn't lose him, not like this. My stomach knotted, refusing to settle at the thought.

Jake paused at my cry. "Oh? And who's going to stop me?" his voice was sharp, cutting me deep. Turning to me with a scowl marrying his face, he panted deeply, silently. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't." he nearly growled, his eyes hard as he gazed at me, unmoving.

I paused

His eyes slowly lowered. "I thought so" his voice whispered somberly, the look in his eyes flickering to show his hurt, his pain.

My mind swam with thoughts and emotions that fought inside me with a vengeance. I felt dizzy, my legs shaking under the weight of my body, suddenly feeling like a dead weight. I desperately tried to search through the tidal wave of emotions that was flooding my body. Jake couldn't die; he couldn't just leave me like this! We were best friends, the helping hand that lead me when I was lost and crazy for Edward's affection. He was important to me. So why couldn't he see that? "B-because, you're my best friend." I panted, my heart frantically hammering against my rib cage. 'Please.' My mind pleaded desperately. He had to see; had to understand. I couldn't choose between him and Edward. It was too painful.

But at my remark, his eyes dulled, only adding damage as his head lowered. I was at a lost, my throat tightening as my heart seemed to clog there. Was he really going to do this? He shook his head. "That's not enough." His voice, now a broken whisper, drifted into the soft breeze. My eyes stung with the pain that was building in my chest. My head pounding with a realization that I actually was losing him; that he would leave and could die today.

Haven't I caused him enough pain?

But even with that thought, I couldn't bear to let him go.

Jacob turned his back to leave, my heart constricting painfully as tears welled, nearly blinding my vision.

"JACOB!" his name ripped from my throat in desperation, my body jerking forward. It hurt. Just the thought of him even… it was too painful to think. My chest heaved harbored breaths, my mind too frazzled to even think anymore. Why did he have to do this?

My heart stopped when he paused, his back still facing me.

I frantically searched for something – anything – not to make him go. My eyes squeezed shut. "Kiss me." The words trembled from my lips before I even registered it. But I couldn't take it back, I didn't want to. Not if it kept him here with me.

Jake's body turned to me, his brows furrowing slightly, his eyes boldly questioning me, my motives.

I looked to him, licking my suddenly dry lips. "I'm asking you…" I breathed deeply. "…to kiss me." I repeated, slowly bringing my eyes to meet his gaze. If Jake was to leave me, if something was to happen, I needed to know this one thing. I had to at least consider this a once and last time, or I knew that I'd never have the chance. "Kiss me and return to me."

I gazed at him with a sense of forbiddance stirring inside me. My mind enthralled with different questions, my being with too many emotions – emotions that shouldn't be there. I could hear the soft singing of a melodic voice, telling me to turn and go back, to leave Jacob. But my legs were frozen. I needed to know:

How did I truly feel for Jacob Black?

Afraid as I felt, I wanted to know for sure, to at least put my emotional conscience to rest, to end these plaguing questions and to declare my love for Edward with confidence once more without second guessing myself once I was alone, isolated in the four walls of my room.

Instantly, too soon, Jacob was in front of me. His warmth engulfed my body, large hands that were so different from the delectable cold ones I was so accustomed to – gently wrap around mines, sending a tremor through my body. I forced a breath from my lungs to calm down before I backed out and looked up into his eyes as they searched mine. My heart thumped heavily as my mind seemed to fuzz of any thoughts, blood rushing past my ears, almost deafening. That melodic voice spoke with irritated tunes in my ear. Urging, asking, what would this accomplish? It wouldn't change from when he kissed me before and for the second of the doubt, I felt foolish. What would this accomplish?

Slowly, his head lowered towards mine, forcing that melodic voice from my mind, his eyes captivating mine as I hesitantly let a pull guide my lips towards his. Pausing, I couldn't form a single thought as his lips suddenly mashed against mine.

I expected it to be quick; brief. Maybe it was, but I didn't expect my world to suddenly explode with such vigor and drift, a nearly painful abyss of white. For my nerves to catch aflame with a heat that seemed to scorch my skin and spread with a wave of pleasurable pain from the inside out; eating me alive. I couldn't think, couldn't breathe. It felt like the world was spinning around us as I tugged closer to Jake in hope to find my footing. We were falling, I felt dislocated; no one there to save me but Jacob, only him. I faintly wondered who else there was, my mind blanking before it could form anything else. Flashing, spinning, then flashing, spinning, we're falling; engulfed in flames.

It felt like nothing else existed, like nothing ever did. Not the newborns, not the Cullens, not even…Edward.

Snap.

A sharp pain shot through my chest before quickly relieving itself with a wave of cool water blanketing it, then suddenly boiling; only leaving me to feel numb. Where frantic tried to seep in, it was quickly over powered by the sudden rush.

I could hear my heart beating; loud, echoing in my ears.

I felt lost, reshaping, drifting, fading…

Snap.

My chest, that was so cold, thawed and burned, the flames rising higher, higher, licking the inside of my throat as it steadily climbed. In the mist of the flames, something was slowly drifting away; begging for me to reach out to it, but the flames was too welcoming. I've been so cold for so long. I felt alive. I felt the cold grip releasing my being, scrapping for me to latch onto it, to bring it back.

...No…

For just this once, I refused it, letting the flames fully engulf my body as it slowly faded.

My chest felt empty, my fragile heart beating from another place. I was free, flying. It never felt so exhilarating. Then there was a calming sensation slowly wrapping around me, it made me feel like I was glowing. It was warm, comforting, a safe cavern that promised completion.

My mind was blank, my lips wanting to smile as I numbly reached out to it, embracing it.

a sudden flash

Everything melted away as the warmth exploded, filling my entire being, the feeling exhilarating above anything else, taking me to another world. There, my body was at ease in a universe of just me and the sun's warmth dancing on my skin. My heart slammed back into my chest, powerfully throbbing as my mind took a twisted pleasure in it.

Jake was all I could feel, smell, taste, and hear. His lips felt so different but molded perfectly against mine with the warm taste of wild honey that only exploded my taste buds as his tongue delved and slowly but passionately danced against mine, nearly making me lose conscious against the white hotwire throwing a fiesta behind my closed lids. His scent swirled and danced around me, blanketing my mind with the fresh smell of pine and undertone of male musk that was entirely Jacob, intoxicating me on a high I never thought possible. Then I heard a melody so beautiful, shocking, and powerful.

I realized it as his heart. Powerfully beating a song only my heart knew as they played in perfect sync. The sound pounding so strongly that it made my nerves shake and legs quiver.

It was terrifying, unreal, pleasurable, and painful.

I was stuck, my body refusing to obey, to release him for fear of drifting away in this strange world. Though I could barely feel it, I was scared and a sliver of reality kept me from falling, from drowning in him. Something tried to pull me back, but its attempts were weak. A drowsy thought was telling me to latch on to I didn't want to. Instead, I delicately took the last string – an act my mind not fully comprehending – and slowly let go of it, the pain sticking me as I did so but a new wave of something soft, gentle, crept into my chest and I felt as it surrounded it, filling it while pushing out the pain, mending while digging deeper. Never to be removed no matter what.

With a final snap, the weak pull fully faded, allowing me to drop and drown in a warmth that rushed and flooded through my body. My heart painfully jerked – causing me to gasp into Jake's mouth – before it twisted, something deeper flowing out to dance with a bright warmth that I could only describe as … him; Jacob. Together, they swirled, dancing and seeping into each other with a sense of completion; the feeling unreal before soothing back into my chest again, not belonging, yet fully belonging there.

The world spun to a stop, my mind slowly came to, and my breathing uneven as I tried to tug air into lungs I wasn't even sure that was mine any more. But I still felt the warmth revolving deeper than anything dared to peek; I could still smell him, feel, and taste; our hearts still playing their melody. Would I fall if I let go? It was insane how we slowly suspended back to earth. How we were already there. How we never left.

Jake's lips slowly pulled from mine as I opened my eyes to gaze up into his, my breath suddenly lodging into my throat at what filled my sight.

I was sure this wasn't Jacob.

My mind remained frazzled and blank as I gazed at the boy – no, man – that gazed back down at me. His eyes, that use to be so darkened with harsh reality, seemed like they glowed as they gazed at me with an unusual wonder from two liquid pools of rich dark caramel swimming with flecks of gold; seeming exotic, intense. His face seemed more mature, handsome, his features striking and his rich copper toned skin and cropped midnight hair only boasting it. He looked like a Greek God.

Slowly, arms unwrapped from around my waist as he stepped away, leaving his warmth to linger on my skin, my lips still tingling with the taste of wild honey. My body moved forward in objection, panic swiftly passing through my chest.

He broke his gaze, the gaze I was drowning in yet the magic of it still lingering as he searched the rocky mountain top beneath our feet, as if searching through the snow for answers to questions that burned in his depths. "I have to go." He breathed, swallowing thickly, his voice momentarily drawing me in, the effect indescribable as it caressed my ears with a warming and easy comfort only he possessed; deep, husky, and so rich that it brought a faint smile to my lips as I closed my eyes and let it surround me.

But as his words dawned, the spell broke. My eyes popped open as I resurfaced with short lived relief until I realized just what he said. My body was numbed as my eyes zeroed in on his back, panic instantly rising, swirling in my chest and mind.

He glanced at me, the emotions resting there enough to send a wave of heat scorching through my chest. I pressed my lips together as I tried to scramble together my thoughts, my erratic heart strongly pounding in my ears, bringing forth a terrifying feeling ebbing at the edge of my jumbled mind. My tongue was thick in my mouth, disabling me to speak even if I wanted to.

"I'll be back." He whispered before turning and quickly disappearing down the white terrain, his body moving in tensed but calmed strides; hurried, but hesitant, my body finally losing its warmth as he disappeared from eye sight, taking it with him.

My eyes slowly fell to study the thin layer of sparkling ice beneath my feet. Though he didn't promise it, somehow I felt that it was one all in itself. It calmed my mind, but I felt a nagging sense deep inside and the longer I stood there, the more noticeable it became that soon, my heart stung sharply with each beat it took.

I nimbly lifted a hand to my chest; where my heart lied, strongly beating to a point that it hurt. Feeling forlorn, my eyes trailed back to where Jacob disappeared.

A solid beat of my heart sounded loudly in my ears.

I frowned. Was I that worried for Jake?

Yes. The answer was immediate. He was going to fight off a mob of blood thirsty newborns just to keep me safe. My eyes trailed back to the sparkling snow. To think, that anything so beautiful or breathtaking could be deathly dangerous when given the chance.

Blood…newborns…vampires…

Like a dam, that ebbing feeling at the edge of my mind suddenly burst open and flooded my mind, causing my eyes to fly open, wide with frozen horror.

Edward

My body inexplicably numbed as reality fully hurled and smacked me in the face. A world where Victoria was out for my blood, newborns was descending for battle, and I was engaged to Edward.

I was engaged. Yet, I kissed Jacob.

And worse, I didn't regret nor felt guilt.

I tried to swallow the lump in my suddenly dry throat. My mind searching for the betrayal that should have settled in my stomach, for the pain and worry – but only found the humming of what Jacob's warmth left me.

A vivid image of those caramel pools shimmering with swirling emotions that made up those beautiful golden flecks flashed through my mind's eye – renewing the warmth inside my chest.

I squeezed my eyes shut, shaking it furiously to be rid of his eyes burning in my mind, that look to be forever engraved. No, no, no, no. this wasn't…right? I brought a hand to caress my temples, suddenly felt dizzy again. I couldn't believe I forgot all about Edward. I betrayed him, there was no way to sugar coat it. I should have felt a crushing guilt at this admittance, should have felt the pain of acting so stupidly without thinking.

But, the reaction; what I felt…?

Nothing

Absolutely nothing, my eyes snapped open in confusion, fear.

I didn't feel any regret, resentment, guilt, or even the paining burden of even knowing what I've just done. Why? I betrayed Edward and yet…

I very faintly heard the soft tinkling of a voice. Because you wanted it, that's why.

My fists clenched in building anger. But I couldn't bring myself to be angry at Jake – oh no. if anything fair, I was angry at myself.

Why? Even that wasn't clear any longer, and that bothered me more than anything.

Turning on my heel, I trudged back to the small clearing where my tent was set up.

And to where Edward was waiting for me.

My feet seemed to momentarily tangle and I stumbled. Oh God, Edward was waiting.

As I walked, my mind was plagued with questions.

Why did I kiss Jacob? What made me want to do it? What was that strange sensation when I did? What does this even mean as for my feelings for him? Did I love him more than as a friend?

I shook my head. No, I couldn't. If I did, what would that mean for Edward and me? What changed?

My body felt numb as I walked, not even registering the icy wind that brushed lazily against my face. Coming into a small clearing, I looked up to surely see Edward standing nearly a foot away. I paused at seeing his flawlessly pale face, a solid proof of carefully sculptured perfection, turned away from me. His topaz eyes, always burning, glittering as it swallowed itself in its own beauty – gazed into the forest, the marble white Iceland that made up his strong and angel-like features was blank of any emotion. It glittered beautifully as the sun's light barely grazed it, bouncing off in a show of numeral colors that resembled the rainbow to surround him, making him seem more out of this world than I thought possible. He was still beautiful, as erotic and breathtaking as the full moon on a crisp night. He was perfection, my Angel.

But something was amiss.

At thus, another thought passed through my mind:

Did he see me and Jacob?

As if he actually could read my mind, he slowly turned his head and gaze at me. Those eyes beckoning me, threatening to corrupt me and drown me in honey glazed pools.

Honey…Jacob. He tasted like the sweetest honey.

As if I was burned, I quickly lowered my eyes from his to hide my shame. He knew. But it still didn't stop my lips from forming the words.

"You saw, didn't you?" I chanced a peek at him through my lashes, still not believing that there wasn't a trace of guilt in my being while staring my fiancé in the face – both knowing of what just happened.

I must be really messed up in the head.

His lips crooked up into the faintest smile, multiplying his erotic looks tenfold, yet his eyes void of any emotion. "He…" his velvet voice reached my ears as he gestured towards the woods that he was gazing at previously. The sound mesmerizing yet – as I realized with a heavy heart – didn't give me the same spell dosing feeling as Jake's. Edward's voice snapped me back. "He was thinking pretty loudly." He finished.

I nervously shuffled from one foot to the other; not knowing what to think or say.

Edward stood, rooted where he was, placing a hand in his pocket and letting the tips of his fingers fiddle with the small velvet box that lied inside – my engagement ring. "So…" he said nothing more. His eyes regarded me, saying everything for him.

I nearly broke under the pressure of his gaze. But the question was simple:

Did I choose? Did I choose life over death, to live in a world without him?

I lifted my eyes to gaze at him, imagining: a world without my angel.

It was painful, but not as painful as it should have been. This pain was a dull ache and I never felt more confused and upset. Tears welled in my eyes, I wanted to yell and scream, to point my finger and push it off on someone – but I couldn't. I listened as my heart beat heavily in my chest. Each beat taunting me as it reminded me how important it was to so many people. But I was annoyed with the sound. I raised my head to fully gaze into Edward's studying gaze. I thought his question ridicules. I wanted to tell him that nothing changed – but the words was lodged in my throat, my mouth seeming to be glued shut with the fact that I would be sputtering a lie.

Did nothing actually change? If I was to tell him that, would I be telling the truth any longer?

My eyes glanced down at the engagement ring that sat in his pocket.

Marriage

The thought still made me cringe, but why? I would be marrying the man I love, the man I craved to be with with every fiber of my being, the man I was so willing to give up my soul for, the reason why this day was here…

My stomach stirred bitterly, as if I was telling myself the biggest lie of the millennium when I knew that it was supposed to be the truth. My heart felt heavy as I thought this, making my eyes sting with unseen tears.

I felt so confused.

Looking back into Edward's eyes, I felt it: I felt the difference.

I felt a sudden void in my chest. But that feeling, that pull away from Edward, was still there.

Taking a steady breath, I shook my head. "I…" – my brows furrowed- "I don't know." Looking up at him, I weakly raised my arms, suddenly feeling drained as I beckoned him. I felt so unstable and confused. I just wanted it to stop. I wanted to pull back together in his embrace.

But who's embrace?

Instantly, icy arms gently wrapped around me, locking me in a stone embrace that made my stomach knot up. I bit my lip as tears welled in my eyes. The feeling of his skin made me tense against the warm one I was in earlier. I found myself missing it as I tried to bring up shaky arms to wrap around him – but I couldn't find it in myself to. Instead of the usual security and addictive sense of belonging, I felt dislocated and even a bit repulsive. Just the light brush of his skin was colder to the touch but regardless, I buried my face in his chest, begging for that feeling to come back. But I knew it was lost forever.

I breathed deeply – nearly hyperventilating – only to stop short at the smell that met my nose.

The addicting sweet scent was still there, a unique smell that was Edward and differed from the others. But something else ebbed from underneath, mixing to mingle with his scent.

It was stomach-churning.

Pulling back, Edward released me as I mentally shook myself. "Bella?" my named rolled fluidly off his tongue, his voice, while still melodic to my ears, seemed to have now lost a special ring as he gazed at me in questioning and concern.

But ignoring him, I brought my arms up to wrap around myself. This was far too much for me to take.

Hearing a soft growl, my head snapped up to see Seth's wolf form. I felt disappointed at not seeing Jake – but quickly shook it off.

Edward gazed at Seth with unwavering concentration before nodding. "Come, it's about to start." Edward murmured, reading Seth's mind as he carefully guided me back to the tent.

I allowed my feet to follow, worry settling in my chest at knowing what Jake was about to face. I wanted to ask about his where a bouts, if he was alright. But I bit back the urge, though proven difficult.

As soon as the thoughts formed, Edward sighed, settling me in the tent before stepping out. At this action, I finally felt a sting of guilt at seeing the contours of his face pinch in irritation and helplessness before it melted back to indifference. As if he really did read my mind. "Jacob said not to worry, Bella" he murmured lowly before zipping up the tent.

I sat in surprise at the precise timing of Jake's message before brushing it away and pulling my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around it. I wanted to punch Jake for even telling me that – even if it was indirectly.

I closed my eyes, my stomach slowly curling in on its self as a sense of uncertainty fell over me. I prayed that everyone made it out of this.

Because I had a bad feeling someone wasn't.

Okay! And there you have the first chapter! I was really proud of this piece. Please review and tell me what you think. By the way, I came to a complete stop with my Inuyasha and Kagome story for now. I might just go all the way back to fix and rearrange things to make much more sense.

But any who! :D review please! If you'd like to pitch in for ideas on how I should unravel this storm of creativity in my head, inbox me. I wouldn't mind. ;)

But I'm just trying to better myself and even if you don't review, I'm going to still post anyway.

But I'll see you guys next time, I have to go do some research for the next chapter.

Till then,

~lilmama~