I'm glad that you guys like the story so far, but you wouldn't even begin to understand the swirl of ideas and plots going through my head. It's so hard to balance and not over do it! Lol.

Enjoy! This chapter took a heck of a load of thought! then I just thought, Lilmama, go with the flow. (In a surfer's voice)

Disclaimer: I own nothing of twilight except the story plot it will take. ;P

Forgive me for my tardiness peepz :P

Seriously, this took longer than I wanted it to to get uploaded.

The Twilight saga: Distance

CHAPTER 2

Death by an avalanche…or vampire?

MY EYES POPPED open for what seemed like the millionth time since Edward placed me inside this tent. I couldn't help but wonder, but hope, but dream that an avalanche would miraculously fall and smother me by right, delivering what I deserved. The emotion in Jacob's eyes haunted my mind every time my eyes closed and the look on Edward's face haunted my mind every time they opened.

The outside of my tent seemed deathly silent, not the slightest push of the wind scraped against my tent or whistled a melancholy tune for the quickly approaching war. Edward would check back in periodically to update me of everyone else but never said anything more of Jacob's doings since his telling me not to worry.

But I was doing the exact opposite.

And honestly, who could blame me? All I could think of was a sea of white soiled in red. Bodies, perfectly sculptured and bulky alike, strewn about as an army of red eyed predators closed in on their prize, their leader gazing at me with wild excitement, her lips coiling into a beautifully crazed smile. Everyone I've known, who fought to protect me – dead.

I buried my head deeper into my sleeping bag than it previously was. My chest tightened as my frame shook with the effort to withhold the frustrated sobs that seemed to refuse to shake off. It was beside the point, I kissed Jacob. I asked for it, and for the split second of that moment, I had seen another path stretch ahead of me. I saw years pass, growing older and each year meaning something special. I saw the happy faces of everyone I loved drift pass, each moment creating a memory to be cherished for as long as I lived. I saw the beach of La Push and the sun shining on sparkling waters as I walked along it, the sand warm beneath my feet with happiness shining from deep within me as deep orbs of brown gazed at me adoringly. We laughed as we watched two dark heads bob along the sand, their tiny copper faces with identical smiles as they laughed and ran into a familiar forest, taking everything with them. It was a path that would have been simple, as easy as breathing. And for an exchange of a breath, I grieved the lost and craved for that path. But my path have already been carved and set in stone. A different path that shined with the moon's light and beauty, but even now that path seemed dull compared to the genuine brightness that beckoned me from the other. It was that that I had seen when my lips met Jacob's. It was the freeing sensation that emptied my mind of anything else. But is that why I don't feel as I did when I was with Edward? Is that nearly reason enough?

God, and Edward…

Regardless of my efforts, a strangled sob leaked through.

I hated myself, and oh how much I wanted to hate Jacob as well. To forget his bright smile, his nearly hot embrace that could easily melt away my problems and make me forget them by making me feel safe, to forget his warm eyes that could melt away my insecurities and that I could drown in. I wanted to forget my air, the easy motion I always had with him no matter the situation.

But I couldn't because I loved him. I had the bubbling urge to laugh at the irony as it punched me continuously between the eyes. The thought was bitter sweet, to end up loving Jacob, but that didn't change anything. This admittance changed nothing. Yes, I was in love with him. It was the reason why I couldn't bear to let him go, but this wasn't enough…right? I couldn't possibly love him as a friend as I tried to make myself believe, but I also didn't love him like he expected, like he deserved. I couldn't, I didn't. I love Edward Cullen, I had to. I just… it was indescribable.

"Ugh! Damn him!" my own voice sounded strangled as the words flowed sourly from my lips. My left hand felt numb from squeezing it so tightly as I pounded it into the ruffled sheets beneath me, the dull thump it made only heightening my anger as I continued, partially wishing that it was Jacob's face. This was Jake's entire fault. That much was clear. At least I told myself that. But I didn't have enough room to swerve my anger onto him because I was too busy drowning myself with it. I was the one who asked him to kiss me. My mind continued to torture me with the constant question, dancing and twirling through my meddled thoughts:

Why?

Even now, as I lay here, I was yearning to be near Jacob's warmth, to see with my own eyes that he was still okay even if I knew beneath it that he was still alright for this moment in time. My heart still ached with each annoying pump it made in my chest, still taunting me. I was sure I was living a nightmare.

What will I do? There was something strange about all of this, my feelings for Jacob and the sudden terrifying sharpness of everything around me, as if I was seeing everything from a different view – yet I was engaged to Edward. I loved Edward, but it scared and pained me that I couldn't feel it any longer, that I couldn't feel the sweetly addicting pull towards him. Everything seemed to have shifted, to have pulled backwards and out of place, but I've never felt more at peace and complete in my heart. No scar was there as proof that I loved him and that I couldn't live without him, no pain emitted from my chest for him every time he disappeared out the tent without even a glace my way. It was as if all of it was wiped clean. But I felt the fading memory of the pain and sadness that should have erupted in my chest. I could remember the pain of what betraying him felt like, the memory of the pain it caused when I was sure that he was out of my life forever.

But now I was so terrified that it did pain me, but for the man that sat on the crossfire, waiting for the chaos that's after my blood, for Jacob.

I roughly wiped away the fallen tears that unknowingly slid down my cheeks and sniffed. Not knowing who or what they fell for. It was a strange sensation, to cry but to feel so content. It frightened me tremendously and I just felt mentally and emotionally drained. But my mind bequeathed no mercy.

As if to say that I indeed wasn't being punished enough, out of nowhere icy fingers gently smoothed out my clenched hand and I found my head lying upon a hard chest as a cold hand gently stroked through my hair. It wasn't as soothing as I wished it could be. "Why do you cry, love?" Edward asked, though calm, his tone hinted anxiousness.

There, that alone was enough, should have been enough, to make me unravel and drop everything to my deepest secrets into his chest, to desperately search for comfort locked in his arms. But I didn't. Instead, I wrapped my arms tightly around him and buried my face in his chest – disregarding the scent. I didn't care what I did, I didn't care what I felt – in fact, nothing mattered. I was just so glad for here and now, that he was with me even when I didn't deserve it, when I didn't know that I wanted it. I didn't deserve anything. I wanted to shudder guiltily at his touch.

"Why?" was the only word I could whisper, the only word that flashed like a siren in my mind.

"Why?" he echoed more deliberately, as if he picked up the word and examined it slowly, more closely. But I knew he wanted me to elaborate, especially with the whole not being able to read my mind issue.

I gazed at the tent walls, only allowing myself to feel the cool surface of his skin – even through his clothes. The feeling that I was misplaced was fresh and unnerving. My skin yearned for warm flesh but I stubbornly ignored it as I pressed my cheek closer to Edward's chest, my cheek seeming to soak up the cool feeling, blurring my vision around the edges wonderfully. The fact both excited and bothered me as my eyes widened. I had a reaction! But…it didn't bring me happiness. It brought on a different feeling I couldn't decipher.

A flash of copper skin and earth shattering eyes flashed through my mind's eye so quickly I had to grit my teeth to retain from jerking.

I pressed my lips into a thin line. Well, I should be happy. One kiss wasn't going to change anything. It wasn't going to stop me from changing into a vampire, it wasn't going to stop me from becoming a Cullen, and it defiantly wasn't going to stop me from loving Edward, from sharing our forever.

I frowned. But the question is did he even want me after what I so blindly did? It was already asking too much just to be held in his arms like this. And all of these thoughts brought me back to square one: hating myself. "Why don't you hate me?" I whispered, griping his shirt in a vice grip as I waited for his response with baited breath.

Edward, who waited patiently for me to speak, only continued to stroke my hair with care I didn't deserve. "Hate you? For what?" His voice almost sounded amused that he would ever do such a thing.

I squeezed my eyes shut and released my breath before breathing deeply, his scent doing nothing to calm me as I had hoped. Did he have to make me say it? He saw it in black and white –and worse, from Jacob's point of view.

At my silence, he continued. "Are you alright?" he probed softly. I wanted to groan. Different words that acquired the same answer, one I'd rather kill myself than giving. Beside the point, he had to already know. I faintly wondered if he was torturing me. I deserved it, but that didn't mean that I liked it.

"No, I want to die." I answered instead. It surely wasn't a lie at this point.

"That will never happen, I won't allow it."

This time, I did groan and then whispered, "You should change your mind about that."

"Should I?" He retorted soothingly, as if speaking to a child, or playing a small banter game.

I gritted my teeth. "Where's Jacob?" the words slid from my lips before I could think them. Edward's hand froze its ministrations. I squeezed my eyes shut. Mentally screaming at myself at how much of an idiot I was. But I couldn't deny desperately wanting to know. While I was here, wrapped in Edward's arms, Jacob was out there, possibly awaiting his death. The thought nearly made me want to go get him and drag him back here, though I would probably help nothing – especially in my case.

Stop thinking so thoughtlessly, Bella. Jake wanted this. If you knew him then he's probably shaking with excitement at the chance to tear some kind of vampire apart.

I frowned and mentally sighed at the thought. I could feel my frustration building. This was so wrong, and I was continuing to wonder how Edward couldn't see his how big of a mess I was, how imperfect. I should have felt disgusted with myself right then.

"He went to fight." Edward answered lowly, his tone sobering from warm and caring to clip and emotionless.

I breathed deeply to calm the racing nerves quivering inside me. I knew where Jacob went, but hearing it from Edward made it all the more real. By now, the whole pack knew everything. Seth Clearwater, pacing outside the tent, was an intimate witness to my disgrace. I said nothing, only nodding.

Silence issued for a long moment. "Oh" Edward finally said. The tone of his voice worried me that my avalanche wasn't coming fast enough. I peeked up at him and, sure enough, his eyes were unfocused as he listened to something I'd rather die than have him hear.

I slowly moved away from him and dropped my face to the floor, he let me.

It stunned me when Edward chuckled reluctantly. "And I thought I fought dirty," he said with grudging admiration. "He makes me look like the patron saint of ethics." His hand brushed against the part of my cheek that was exposed. "I'm not mad at you, love. Jacob's more cunning than I gave him credit for. I do wish you hadn't asked him, though."

That makes two of us. I muttered mentally. But once I thought back to it, what else I could have done to stop him? "Edward," I whispered to the rough nylon. "I . . . I . . . I'm —"

"Shh," he hushed me, his fingers chilling against my cheek. "That's not what I meant. It's just that he would have kissed you anyway — even if you hadn't fallen for it — and now I don't have an excuse to break his face. I would have really enjoyed that, too."

"Fallen for it?" I mumbled almost incomprehensibly. I raised my head, a frown digging into my face. "I didn't fall for anything."

Did I? I continued mentally.

Edward leveled his gaze with mine. "Bella, did you really believe he was that noble? That he would go out in a flame of glory just to clear the way for me?"

I raised my head slowly to meet his patient gaze. His expression was soft; his eyes were full of understanding rather than the revulsion I deserved to see. But that still didn't give him the right to suddenly throw Jacob into the ugly light that way.

"Yes, I did believe that," I muttered, and then looked away. But I still didn't feel any anger at Jacob for tricking me. There wasn't enough room in my body to contain anything besides the hatred I felt toward myself. I turned to gaze back at Edward, filling my chest stir as my brows furrowed. "But he isn't doing this just for you. He's doing this because he cares." I lowered my eyes again at Edward's analyzing gaze. "Because I know he cares…" my voice fell to a whisper. "As much as you wouldn't want me to die, he wouldn't either." It was a fact I knew, otherwise, Jake wouldn't be out there now.

Edward laughed softly again. "You're such a bad liar; you'll believe anyone who has the least bit of skill."

My head snapped up as I scowled at his comment. I wasn't lying about anything and I felt a rushing anger and disappointment that Edward would think I would. I turned my back to him. "Why aren't you angry with me?" I whispered harshly. "Why don't you hate me? Or haven't you heard the whole story yet?" there was a sarcastic tone near the end of my remark.

"I think I got a fairly comprehensive look," he said in a light, easy voice that made me want to…-do something. Like something building slightly in my chest – and it wasn't good. I balled my fist instead as Edward continued. "Jacob makes vivid mental pictures. I feel almost as bad for his pack as I do for myself. Poor Seth was getting nauseated. But Sam is making Jacob focus now."

I closed my eyes and shook my head in agony. My anger plummeting before vanishing as the sharp nylon fibers of the tent floor scraped against my skin.

"You're only human," he whispered, stroking my hair again as I felt a cold arm wrap around my waist and pull my back flush against his chest. I shivered at the contact. Making him instantly release me but continued to stroke.

"That's the most miserable defense I've ever heard." I whispered, wanting him to pull me close despite the cold feeling.

"But you are human, Bella. And, as much as I might wish otherwise, so is he. . . . There are holes in your life that I can't fill. I understand that."

"But that's not true. That's what makes me so horrible. There are no holes." I argued weakly.

Liar my mind taunted.

"You love him," he murmured gently.

A part of me wanted to deny. But another, a bigger part that was constantly growing at an alarming rate, knew the truth. But why did everything have to seem so much more real when he says it? I wanted to scream that it didn't matter, that I loved Edward more, but my mouth was clamped shut. Tears stung my eyes as I tried in vain to show Edward that I did, that I loved him more. That we could prove everyone wrong, even ourselves, but the feeling that I would be lying still haunted my being. I turned and weakly reached for him. His arm flinging out to catch my hand in gentle fingers before it fell, that instant he pulled me to him, seeming to understand without words as he wrapped me in an embrace.

Understanding a lie. My mind butted. But I shoved it away. I released a shaky breath. I wasn't relived, but he understood all the same. That was enough.

"Yes, I know that you feel deeply for me too. But . . . when I left you, Bella, I left you bleeding. Jacob was the one to stitch you back up again. That was bound to leave its mark — on both of you. I'm not sure those kinds of stitches dissolve on their own. I can't blame either of you for something I made necessary. I may gain forgiveness, but that doesn't let me escape the consequences."

"Please, just stop." I whispered. I didn't deny his words. They did ring with a truth, but I rather not hear it.

"What would you like me to say?"

"I want you to call me every bad name you can think of, in every language you know. I want you to tell me that you're disgusted with me and that you're going to leave so that I can beg and grovel on my knees for you to stay." Can't he just make me feel bad in some way instead of blaming it all on Jacob?

Edward sighed. I'm sorry, I can't do that"

"At least stop trying to make me feel better. Let me suffer. I deserve it."

"No," he murmured.

I nodded slowly. "You're right. Keep on being too understanding. That's probably worse." It was.

Edward opened his mouth to reply but froze as his eyes unfocussed and his face struggled to remain calm – for my sake. But instantly, I knew.

"It's getting close," I stated.

"Yes, a few more minutes now. Just enough time to say one more thing. . . ."

I waited. When he finally spoke again, he was whispering. "I can be noble, Bella. I'm not going to make you choose between us. Just be happy, and you can have whatever part of me you want, or none at all, if that's better. Don't let any debt you feel you owe me influence your decision."

I pushed off the floor, shoving myself up onto my knees. "Dammit, stop that!" I shouted at him. Why was he making this harder than it already is?!

His eyes widened in surprise. "No — you don't understand. I'm not just trying to make you feel better, Bella, I really mean it."

I shook my head. "I know you do," I groaned. "What happened to fighting back? Don't start with the noble self-sacrifice now! Fight!" I couldn't fight this alone; I needed him to fight with me.

"How?" he asked, and his eyes were ancient with their sadness. The sight trapped the air in my lungs. Did he not want to fight? Did he see it useless?

I scrambled into his lap and wrapped my arms around him. No, he had to fight. Something in the back of my mind disagreed, it softly whispered to let him go, that the chance was open. But my memories ran fresh in my mind: every moment, every touch, and every kiss. The feelings I knew I had to have held for Edward. And I was going to fight to have that back. Didn't Edward feel the same? "I don't care that it's cold here. I don't care that I stink like a dog right now. Make me forget how awful I am. Make me forget him. Make me forget my own name. Fight back!"

I didn't wait for him to decide — or to have the chance to tell me he wasn't interested in a cruel, faithless monster like me. I pulled myself against him and crushed my mouth to his snow-cold lips. I wanted to cry in despair at the loss of the dizziness reaction I usually felt when out lips met, I ignored the curling of my stomach at touching his lips, the feeling to move away. I kept going.

"Careful, love," he murmured under my urgent kiss.

"No" I snapped weakly, my eyes squeezed tightly to keep tears from falling.

He gently pushed my face a few inches back. "You don't have to prove anything to me."

"I'm not trying to prove something. You said I could have any part of you I wanted. I want this part. I want every part." Even if it wasn't entirely true, there was some truth in it. I wrapped my arms around his neck and strained to reach his lips. He bent his head to kiss me back, but his cool mouth was hesitant as my impatience grew more by the second. My body wasn't making my intentions as clear as I wanted. My body was stiff, un-relaxed and ready to spring at any moment as that warm voice from the corner of my mind seemed to frown angrily at my actions, wanting me to move away. Inevitably, his hands moved to restrain me.

"Perhaps this isn't the best moment for that," he suggested, too calm for my liking.

"Why not?" I grumbled. There was no point in fighting if he was going to be rational; I dropped my arms in frustration.

"Firstly, because it is cold." He reached out to pull the sleeping bag off the floor; he wrapped it around me like a blanket.

"Wrong," I snapped. "First, because you are bizarrely moral for a vampire."

To my annoyance, he chuckled. "All right, I'll give you that. The cold is second. And thirdly . . . well, you do actually stink, love." He wrinkled his nose.

I blew out a puff of air as I glared at him.

"Fourthly," he murmured, ignoring my glare and dropping his face so that he was whispering in my ear. "We will try, Bella. I'll make good on my promise. But I'd much rather it wasn't in reaction to Jacob Black."

My mouth dropped open, and briefly, my mind blanked in disbelief. "You've got to be kidding." I muttered.

Edward pulled back and sat back on his haunches, his face serious. "No"

I scowled. "Edward, you're kidding." I repeated slowly. I don't know, but I could feel my chest flaring again as anger seemed to seep into my veins. "Jacob? Seriously Edward?!" I blew up. "This has nothing to do with Jake! This has everything to do with us! Me," –I pointed at myself – "and you." I jabbed a finger at his chest, sure that I fractured it some way but I was too angry to care. It was a never ending contest with these two, and I was tired of it. I really don't have a say in my life anymore, do I? I made my choice clear. Yet they still go on.

Are you really clear? It seems like you're as guilty as they are. My mind decided to add its say. I ignored it.

Edward gingerly wrapped his fingers around the same finger I jabbed him with and inspected it. I snatched it away. Turning his eyes up to gaze at me, he had the nerve to continue the freaking list. "And fifthly…"

"This is a long list." I hissed.

"Yes, but did you want to listen to the fight or not?"

I gazed at him in disbelief. "None of this would have stopped Jake." I bit out. But as soon as I said it, as usual, I regretted.

Edward gazed at me, stunned, before his face faded into a stony indifference. "Jake" he repeated, his voice as unfeeling as his face. I turned away, hating myself more than what I began with. I must have been the queen of idiots. Here I am, telling Edward to fight for us and I go and say that!? I shook my head, not believing myself as I buried my shame in my hands.

There was a stressed silence, it ate at my thoughts, but I felt just fine, as if I didn't say anything wrong and everything was alright. I summed it up to imagining feeling void like I was supposed to.

"I'm…I will return later." Edward spoke softly. "It'll give you some time to cool off and think clearly." His voice was weaker than I liked as he spoke.

I didn't object. Maybe that's exactly what I needed. I pulled my knees up to my chest. God I was such a horrible person.

I didn't hear Edward get up, but I felt his presence shift, then the echoing sound of the tent zipper. Before he could more any further, my head whipped around to gaze at his back. He stiffened but I took no heed. "When are you coming back?" I whispered desperately. It seemed just like the time he abandoned me in the woods. Only difference: no heart yanking, the world is going to end – numbing pain; that, I was a slightly thankful for. But it held little justice to the matter at hand

"I'm not leaving." Edward spoke softly after a trivial pause. I gazed at his back for a moment, taking in his words with wonder before my eyes trailed down to his clenched fist.

There was a silence that had my heart beating loudly in my ears. The air seemed to have stilled, nothing moved, and as realization dawned on me, fear slowly crept into my being.

"Breath, Bella" Edward instructed.

I immediately obeyed and released the air that seemed to have caught in my throat. "They're here" I breathed, hoping against hope that I was wrong, that we had just a few more precious moments.

But my blood ran cold at the piercing howl of Seth's wolf. My eyes turned back to Edward as he turned to gaze at me, his face grim, grudging what was to come but was passive as his eyes burned with the intent to end it all, with confidence that we would.

"It's begun." He answered lowly.

My breath became shallow as I thought of all the people I cared for standing for battle. Alice, Carslie, Esme, Jasper, Emmet, Rosalie, the wolf pack…

And Jacob. My mind finished.

Regardless of everything, my heart squeezed in fear.

"You shouldn't worry yourself about them Bella." Edward spoke soothingly in hopes of comfort.

I turned to look at him, tears brimming my vision. "Edward… I-"

Abruptly, everything seemed to flash all around me. I only caught the fleeting sight of Edward's face, frozen in shock before twisting into wild fury as the tent disappeared from around us – and him with it, the sound of boulders clashing like the shattering sound of thunder and angry hissing piercing in my ears.

Quickly, I shot up, whipping my head around in search of him. But only seeing a white terrain surrounded by trees. My breath came out harsh, my heart pounded heavily in my chest. Where is he? My mind couldn't pull any further thoughts from its muddled depths. The hairs on the back of my neck suddenly stood at attention as my body shut down with repressed dread. Time paused. Then, as if I was living the worst nightmare I never dreamt, my breathing slowed as I gradually turned to see the most gorgeous pale face surrounded by angry snarls of flaming hair and glinting ruby eyes.

My heart stopped.

My knees started to feel weak.

No! I silently panicked.

At the sight of my surely shaking limbs, her cold pink lips curled into a sickly sweet smile, her eyes gleaming, wild with blood lust and dark with the most grisly intents.

I struggled to breathe. No, this couldn't be happening, this shouldn't be happening. Yet Seth and Edward weren't here as I gazed my death in the eyes, at Victoria.

"He's right, you shouldn't worry for them girl, but rather your oncoming death." She spoke in a sweet bubbly voice that made my stomach knot up. Her eyes brightened as if she just gave me the greatest advice. I could only gaze at her as her eyes flicked to my neck and back.

I flinched, my heart trapped in my throat.

Her smile grew into a feral grin. "Chase's over mouse" she singed, her eyes darkening to nearly a demonic black before lunging with a vicious snarl.

You know that feeling you get of your life flashing before your eyes before you died? Yea, apparently, knowing my future before death wasn't very appealing, especially when you're about to be slowly ripped to shreds by a psychotic, blood thirsty vampire. I squeezed my eyes shut, at least smart enough not to watch my death fold out.

Snatching my last moment, my mind took it upon itself and whispered one thing:

Edward

As I should have, but a memory of his flawless beauty didn't come to mind, but in total contrast, a picture of Jake and me sitting in his garage, sipping warm sodas, laughing and carefree – settled in my mind's eye. It was a memory of a time before all of the chaos and responsibility. A time where we were both happy, when everything was as normal as it could be, Jake and Bells. And strangely, a sudden wave of calmness settled over me. I wouldn't know if I died with a smile on my face or not, but I knew with a sudden realization that I would die peacefully.

Call me crazy, I was never normal to begin with, but I only fleetingly hoped that everyone else made it out safely.

As expected, Victoria descended quicker than the human eye could follow, I didn't even have time to brace myself before a blaze of white flashed and my body was thrown violently back into the glacial snow.

And that does it for chapter 2! Again, I'm sorry for taking a few more weeks than planned to update but I had to set the mode going so that it made sense with my plot that's going here. And let me tell you, it's not a walk in the park. But I expect to update much fast now; I've even already started on the third chapter! :D I'd also like to apologize for the close similarities of this and the actual book of Eclipse but it should swerve off from this point on. So no worries! It will be original as I can make it! :3 but please review and tell me what you think. Go? Or no?

Of off this, I will choose if I should continue to post.

Till then,

~lilmama~