Cristina's mind was running a mile a minute, almost as fast as she propelled her body, it was moving at a speed it had never been accustomed to. Her heart was beating out of her chest from the realization of just what that piece of paper meant, that, coupled with the physical strain she was putting her body in by testing how fast she could get to the tiny human that was forced upon her, was making her feel like she was gonna blackout at any minute. She was sure that she had also been holding her breath while she raced to get to her destination, she shoved a nurse out the way, ran into a fellow attending and knocked his charts out of his hands and onto the floor, she even took the stairs two steps at a time when she grew aggravated and banged with all her might for those damn elevator doors to open. What made the situation worse was that she was teetering on the lines of drunkenness and sobriety, she was afraid that her state of mind at the moment would cloud her judgment and result in her making a decision that was influenced by her intoxication.

Finally, She thought, as she descended on the floor that housed all the new life that had been created and born, an area of the hospital that she didn't know her way around, it was completely foreign to her. She halted to a stop when she reached the big glass window that separated her from the neat rows of newborn babies in the hospital nursery. She quickly came right up to the glass, her nose a mere inch away and both her palms placed against the cold, hard glass that prevented her from entering the room. She finally let out a ragged breath before inhaling again and exhaling, trying to compose her body while her mind tried to register and comprehend what had just happened, it felt so surreal, so unbelievable, so pinched herself just to make sure she wasn't dreaming, again. In her episodes of inebriation she would sometimes fall asleep thinking about him, and sometimes her subconscious would not only subject her to dream about the past she left behind in Seattle, but it would jab the knife inside her a little harder, and force her to confront the life she refused to let live.

She scanned the babies frantically, her eyes couldn't hold focus on any longer then a split second, her heart skipping beats again, as her palms began to form a thick moisture that mirrored the layer of sweat that was beginning to emit from the pores of her forehead. With a quiver of her lip and a long exaggerated gasp- she finally laid eyes on her. She didn't know how, she refused to ask herself why, but she knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was her, this was Leah's baby, correction, this was her baby.

No. No, this is not my baby, I refused to carry to term a life that was created by my husband, the man I loved, and me, how could this woman think to leave her child under my care? I broke my marriage, my relationship, I even left my home in Seattle to escape the persecution I felt for my unapologetic views of how I should and could live my life. I don't want this baby, I didn't even want my own, she thought. Damn that drug-addicted whore, what the hell did she do to me? Way to screw me over, she got her wish, she ended her life, and left me with this burden, this is why the old Cristina never got attached, this is why I never used to let my guard down.

The very moment that the nurse handed Cristina the baby, she immediately drew her small tiny hand to grasp Cristina's long pointer-finger. This sent a wave of shock and fear as it pulsed through her body. She wanted to feel nothing, as horrible as it sounded, she wanted to be indifferent, unemotional and insensitive. She was ready to sign her rights away at the first given moment, she wanted nothing to do with some strangers baggage, and she wanted to dispose of it as quickly and with as little feelings involved as possible. She was not a kid person, never had been and never would be, she tried to rationalize. But, she did have the capacity to love a child, after all she did love her God-children very much, and what scared her the most was that she felt a sense of elation when her eyes met with this babies light blue orbs. Leah was blonde and blue-eyed, the baby inherited the color of her eyes, but it was evident that the father must have had asian ancestry, the drastic contrast from the bright blue eyes and the mass of dark spiral curls and the slight slant on the outside corners made this baby look unreal, she was captivating.

As if on instinct she caught herself counting, ten fingers, and ten toes, examining the head for any bumps and paying special attention to the newly forming belly button, it is cute as a button, she marveled without noticing the direction her thoughts were headed. She inadvertly caught a woof of that new baby smell that filled her airways and unclouded her judgments, she inhaled the scent deeply and in an instant she felt terrified all the while the world started to make more sense. The feeling was indescribable, she was even wondering if she was making it up in her head, there was a flutter in her heart as she cuddled into Cristina's embrace and let out a sigh of contentment. An ache started to form in the bottom of her stomach, and she wondered what it would of felt like to have carried this baby in her own womb.

She slowly maneuvered her self without disturbing the comfortable position that they both shared, she reached for the manilla envelope that the attorney had instructed her to read only when she had the baby in her hands. She opened it up to find a hand-written note from Leah.

Dear Cristina,

All my life I have wondered why I was born, why God decided to bring me into this world only to have me suffer and struggle, I always thought I would never amount to anything or do anything productive with my life. At one point I did have faith, and I did believe that there was something bigger and better out there for me, but those hopes and dreams had long diminished as I was forced into a life of selling my body to any man that would pay and losing my soul bit by bit until there was nothing left. The only way I could bare my own existence was to drug myself up enough to the point where I lost the ability to feel pain, or hurt, or anger.

And then I met you, and finally I realized what my purpose was, why I kept ending up at your hospital, and under your care. I was meant to meet you, I was brought here to give you a gift that you kept returning, a gift you were meant to have but kept refusing. I know you probably hate me right now, you might not understand my decision or agree with it but I chose you, I chose you to be the mother of my child because God chose me to give you something you never wanted but always needed.

I know you will be excellent, there's not a shadow of a doubt in my mind that you will raise her with dignity, morals and determination. One day you might even be able to retire the scalpel from your hand and place it into hers. You can give this baby everything that I couldn't, and I hope you decide to take up the challenge and make her a part of your life, I hope you decide to tie your life to hers and show her what it means to love, to care and to live. I signed away all legal rights and obligations from me to you, that means she is no longer mine, she actually never was, she is yours.

And who knows, maybe she will change you even more then you already have, maybe she will inspire you, make you believe in bigger and brighter things. I hope that one day, you wake up and can't imagine a life without her, but most importantly I hope that you find a man who you love so much that you can introduce her to, and maybe if she's lucky, one day the two of you can make her a little baby brother or sister.

I know your capable of doing this, you just needed a push, so here I'am giving you that little extra nudge, don't disappoint me, I will be there in heaven looking down on you, and you'll never be alone because I promise to guide the both of you.

Make my life mean something,

Leah

Cristina wiped the tears that were unashamedly falling down her face, she knew before she had started to read the letter, the feeling in her heart was unmistakable, but now she was sure as the sky was blue that this tiny creature huddled in her arms belonged to her, she just knew that this was her baby, she felt it with every fiber of her being. She lost the will or the want to fight it as she realized while rocking the baby back and forth that Leah wasn't the only one who chose her, this baby chose to be her daughter and now Cristina chose to be her mother.