Just so you know, this is Roy's opinion of his siblings. Not my opinion of them. Also, some of the things I write may not exactly be my own headcannon. Like, I don't think Roy would've had an eye operation... but maybe he did... I don't know, is it hard to write things that aren't your headcannon?

I had an accident when I was two.

It was a normal day in the castle, and I was playin' with Lemmy and Ludwig. Wendy's egg was gonna be showin' up in a few weeks, and Iggy was being cared for by Mom and Pop. Ludwig was already a brainiac; even at age four, but my language skills were pretty limited, even for regular two-year-olds.

Not that I care. I had better things to worry about than talking. Like trying to move without falling flat on my face every two seconds.

Anyway, Ludwig was 'helping' me walk – more like putting me on my feet and getting mad at me when I fell down, but what did he want from me? I couldn't do anything about it. He's supposed to TEACH me, not yell at me for somethin' I couldn't do yet – while Lemmy watched from a rubber circus ball he had started walking on a week before. Even at that age he was a runt, less than half our size. And even at that age he was a weirdo. How he managed to figure out what he was doing was beyond me. I don't even know how he even realized he could walk on a circus ball. Dumb luck, if you ask me.

So I don't wanna walk, cuz I got frustrated and kept landing on my tail, so I said to Ludwig…

…I feel like an idiot for writing this, but whatever…

"Wudwud, no waha wa-h," I grumped, "Wa-ha pay!"

"You must learn to valk eef you vish to play!" he snarked back at me.

"Shaddup!" Except it came out like… Sadah or something. I don't know. You expect me to remember things I said from thirteen years ago? I bet you don't remember things you did thirteen minutes ago. So stop interrupting and let me get this over with. Or be like Moron and I'll make you stop. I've always got duct tape with me, and don't think I won't use it.

Great… now where was I… see what happens when you cut me off? Let's see… trying to walk… Ludwig being an idiot… and after that…

…Oh right. Now I remember. So our mom had walked by around then, and had taken Ludwig away. Who knows why. I bet it was because he was ignoring her and Pop that day. Getting what he deserved… stupid, stuck-up, perfect, little teacher's pet… Or I guess parent's pet in this case, but whatever… She told me to play with Lemmy, but I left him, because he was, and still is, dumber 'n a bucket of rocks. Seriously, you can't tell him something without having to dumb it down and repeat yourself six times. Then he doesn't even remember what you tell him two minutes later. Guess he's worse than you guys, you've got nine minutes on him... wait that's not right… thirteen… minus two… uh… ten minutes? Oh who cares who needs math anyway? But seriously, Lemmy's like a hyperactive Chain Chomp puppy. And since we have Iggy's annoying little mutt runnin' around all over the place I know exactly what I'm talking about. No wonder the two of them get along so well. Betcha Iggy think's Lemmy's his other Chain Chomp or something. Idiots. All of 'em.

…stop distracting me. I want this to be over. I've got training to do, and you're not helping by making me get off topic and talk about my family of nitwits.

Where was I…? Right. So I was tryin' to walk, since Ludwig's a useless teacher, 'n everything's fine, 'till I wander off and end up in an off limits zone. It was a construction area, mainly welders, all lined up and doing tasks. But like a two-year old could read a 'Do Not Enter' sign, or know what the symbol's supposed to mean. No, Ludwig and Iggy don't count. They're prodigies or whatever. Leave me alone.

So there I was, mindin' my own business. I had dropped my shades I'd had because of an eye operation that was supposed to fix 'em (not like I could tell anyway, I don't remember what things looked like back then), bent down, picked 'em up, looked up, then WHAM! Huge sparks, twenty or somethin', flashed into my eyes all at once, making me drop my shades again. I was dazed, and every time I regained my focus, I was blinded once more. This goes on about four or five times, until everything was black; couldn't see anymore. That's when I started bawlin'.

…shaddup. I was two. You try bein' two and gettin' blinded and see where that gets ya.

So somehow I manage to get my shades back onto my face – a lotta good that'll do me since everything was already black – and one of the workers spots me and freaks out. All I hear is hollerin' and yellin', people grabbin' at me, and I still can't see squat. Because apparently that's gonna help my case and calm me down.

Next thing I know I'm in Mom's arms. I have no idea when she showed up or when she figured out I was gone, it was all a blur, considerin' that I couldn't see squat.

So she takes me over to Kamek, the senile old Swooper.

"Another one?" he asks, irritated. Or maybe it was concern. I can't remember. But apparently I wasn't the only one with a problem that day.

…Come to think of it… I think that was the day Ludwig was actin' all weird and didn't answer anyone when they called him. Maybe he wasn't ignorin' everybody. Anyway.

Kamek does some sort of science-y magic-y stuff, not that I can actually see anything at this point, so don't ask me the details.

So he drops the bomb. Temporary blindness, permanent sensitivity. Can't take the shades off. Too much light exposure would blind me permanently.

Mom freaks out, cryin' more than I thought she would. She cried more than me that day. Something about 'how she's an awful parent, how she had two kids damaged in one day', I didn't really get it. Still don't, not really. She was a great mom. Don't know why she was so upset about something that was my own stupid fault, not hers. Even Ludwig's hearing loss was his own fault, he was dumber than me back then, I think. I may be stubborn but I was still cleaner. Can't let all that sweat build up from trainin'. You reek if you do. And that ain't a pleasant thing to wake up to in the morning. I live with Morton. Trust me on this.

Going back to what I was sayin', it took a few weeks for me to get my full sight back, even with Kamek's crazy old man help, but even then my eyes were hurtin', like when you sit on a Pokey. Larry did that once. It was hilarious. I think it was a full year before everything was finally back to normal. Well… not exactly normal, but I could see well enough that I didn't need any more help. Things stopped changing at that point, anyway.

So that's it. That's the whole story. Guess I gotta wrap it up now. Finally. We woulda been done way sooner if you'd all just kept your mouths shut.

I had an accident when I was two.

Because of it, I have extremely sensitive vision.

Because of it, I can never expose my eyes to the world.

Not that I would anyway.

I'll pound ya if you mock me about it.

Also apologies for this whole second update if it happens. The description didn't edit itself.