••••••••••••
Chapter Twelve
Wishing. Wanting. Yours for the taking.
••••••••••••
The doorbell rings and Kagami wishes (not for the first time that night) that he had enough hands or even a body double to go around. "Just a minute," he shouts from the kitchen. After flipping over the patties once he has determined that one side is sufficiently cooked, he focuses his attention to the pot right next to it where rich brown sauce is simmering. Really, he's putting too much effort in what's supposed to be a simple dinner.
With that settled, Kagami deems it safe to leave the kitchen. Discarding the pot-holder on his way out, he wipes his hands on his apron before opening the door.
"Mmm, that smells good," Takao exclaims, drawing Kagami's eyes to him. "What are you cooking, Tai-chan?"
"I'm done with the rice,"Kagami says, stepping aside to let his guests in. "You guys okay with hamburger steak?"
"That'll be fine," Midorima speaks up, the last one to cross the threshold. "We brought an assortment of deep-fried dumplings."
"And I've got dessert."
"Gyah!" Kagami startles, finding the source of the voice standing right beside him. "Kuroko! Where did you come from?" he asks over Takao's burst of laughter.
"How rude," Kuroko not-pouts. "I was with Midorima-kun and Takao-kun all this time."
"You-!" Instead of finishing his complaint, Kagami grabs Kuroko by the top of his head, ruffling the shorter teen's hair to diffuse his annoyance. "Ah, whatever. Should we get that refrigerated?"
"That would be for the best." Kuroko wears a faint smile, looking up at Kagami through his bangs.
They decide to add buttered vegetables to their menu when Midorima complains of the unbalanced diet and Takao finds a pack of corn and carrots in the fridge. Once the table is set and all the plating is done, they find their seats and proceed with dinner. Kagami is voracious as ever and while Kuroko has grown somewhat used to it, Midorima spends a majority of the meal looking incredulously at the numerous servings the redhead piles onto his plate. Takao keeps the conversation going, jokingly stealing off Midorima's plate when the guy finally gives Kagami a piece of his mind.
"You're not doing yourself a favor by taking things in excess," Midorima states, pursing his lips in distaste.
"There's plenty of food to go around," Kagami replies after swallowing a mouthful. "Here." He offers the plate stacked with burgers to Shutoku's light and Midorima's frown deepens.
"No, thank you," Midorima declines, pushing the bowl back on the table. "And would you stop eating off my plate," he demands of Takao who's got half a fried dumpling sticking out his mouth.
Kuroko hides his chuckles by pretending to drink. He catches Takao's eye and offers a polite smile. "Takao-kun, you mentioned that you had a big announcement to make earlier."
Sucking in his food, Takao chews slowly, aware of how Kagami has gone rigid at the other side of the table. "Well, yeah, though to be fair, it was totally Shin-chan's fault."
"Don't act like you're the victim here," Midorima scoffs. "You wanted it, too. Otherwise you wouldn't have dragged me here just so you could flaunt the fact."
"I am so confused right now," Kagami says, feeling hollow around the chest at the Shutoku pair's exchange.
"Well, of course you are," Takao beams. "It's a surprise for you, too."
Kagami can only hope that he's not blushing too much. This… This wasn't part of the program; not that they had actually planned how the night was going to go but… Kuroko briefly looks over at him before turning his attention back to Takao.
"Just say it," Midorima huffs, trying to appear indifferent but there's a softness in the look that he pins on Takao.
Smiling sweetly, Takao complies without further argument. "Okay, but don't be too shocked, you guys." He eyes Kagami and Kuroko with something similar to mischief. "I…"
Kagami's heart shouldn't be pounding so loud.
" – am going to be Shutoku's Captain next year!"
"That is good news," Kuroko compliments. "Congratulations, Takao-kun."
"Teehee, thanks."
"Well, you know what this means," Kagami starts with a cheeky grin. Inwardly, he heaves out a calming breath.
"That you'll have absolutely no chance of beating us next season?" Midorima suggests, making Takao chuckle and Kagami's grin fall right off his face.
"I believe what Kagami-kun is getting at is that it's time to break out the dessert and celebrate," Kuroko amends, to which his partner gives a loud emphatic 'Thank you!'
They clear the table and set down small bowls and teaspoons in place of the dinnerware. While Kagami piles the dishes into the washer, Kuroko and Midorima retrieve their dessert. Takao comes up to Kagami, bringing over the hamburger steak platter – the leftover contents of which he'd stored in tupperware containers to be refrigerated.
"Oi," Kagami mutters to get Takao's attention alone. "You could've warned me about your agenda."
"What agenda?" Takao blinks. "The captaincy thing? That was the only excuse I could find to get Shin-chan to have dinner with us. What did you want me to tell him? That I want his blessing for getting together with another team's light?"
A choked sound comes from Kagami who averts his eyes, bristling. For his part, he first asked Kuroko if he'd like to have dinner Friday night. Once Kuroko agreed, he followed up by asking (rather sheepishly) if Kuroko would mind that Takao and Midorima would be coming over as well. The tinge of disappointment in those blue, blue eyes made Kagami spew out the lamest excuse of building camaraderie over a well-played game. He's sure that the only reason Kuroko didn't back out was that he looked so pitiably pathetic.
Seeing the blotched face, Takao brings out an assuring smile. "I think it's best if you handle that part, Tai-chan."
"But why do I – I can't, you can't expect me to–" Kagami sputters until Takao reaches up and cups both his cheeks with warm palms.
"You're not doing this alone," Takao reminds him.
Steeling himself with a deep breath, Kagami nods. "Right. Okay. Let's do this."
••••••••••••
The vanilla pudding Kuroko bought for dessert is finished in no time, leaving the four of them content to sit back and relax in Kagami's living room. Rubbing his full stomach, Kagami catches Takao's nod and he knows there's no use putting off what they've gathered their significant others for.
Takao and Kuroko are occupying the sofa while Kagami and Midorima take the single seats adjacent to them. The coffee table in the middle carries their empty bowls. Kagami finishes up his glass of water before clearing his throat to get everyone's attention.
"So, uh, thanks for coming over and such," Kagami begins, looking from Kuroko to Takao, and finally to Midorima who's directly across him. "Well, uh, this dinner thing wasn't entirely my idea. But, well, y'see… The thing is–"
"Tai-chan and I have something very important to say," Takao catches the bumbling introduction. "And because you guys are our respective partners, we thought it'd be best to let you know first. In the name of sportsmanship… or something like that."
The easy-going expressions on Kuroko and Midorima are replaced by a sudden alertness, keen focus lighting their eyes, their lips pursing into a line. A serious atmosphere blankets the room, all it needs is a crack of thunder to complete the foreboding feeling rising from their stomachs. Kagami looks Takao in the eyes and finds his conviction. "Takao and I are dating."
The way that Kagami said it made the statement unquestionable. Takao finds his own resolve, smiling as he lays out the answers to the obvious questions without prompting. "It's a very recent phenomenon and you guys are the first to know. We think that it'll be fun but, well, considering everything that's happened lately–" At this, Takao looks between Kuroko and Midorima with a hint of shame. "–we figured it's in everyone's best interest to get the situation out in the open."
There's an unspoken understanding of the intricate complications that Kagami and Takao's decision has brought upon them. Takao can feel an aura of betrayal from beside him and he is unable to come up with an excuse for his selfishness. Kuroko's impassive features remain mostly unshaken but his pale hands are gripping at his slacks with unnecessary force in an effort to remain composed. Their heart-to-heart talk at the beginning of the week is dyed with bitter suspicions.
Across the table, Midorima's looming presence shrinks until it feels as though he'd wished himself into a black hole. Worry bites at Kagami upon seeing that proud stature submit. The oft jutted chin is tucked low, hiding those piercing eyes behind the reflection of his glasses. He expected the news not to be taken lightly but to actually face surrender is just…
"Do as you like," Midorima's steady voice slices the static air. "Date whoever. If you'll excuse me, I have to make a quick call." He stands up and heads to the veranda before anyone can stop him. The slam of the sliding door against its frame jumpstarts the remaining three out of their stupor.
Takao's worried gaze meets Kagami's. "Tell me I'm being paranoid thinking that Shin-chan is contemplating a shortcut to the ground floor from your veranda."
"Dude!"
"I know!"
"Should I grab him?"
"No, I'll deal with him." Takao curses under his breath, jumping out of his seat and casting an apologetic look at the others that said, You two probably need some privacy as well.
With Takao scrambling away, Seirin's light and shadow are left alone together in the living room. Kagami forces his eyes away from the veranda where Takao nearly breaks through the glass in his haste to reach Shutoku's ace. Having nowhere else to look, Kagami faces Kuroko and tries his best to manage such a delicate conversation. "You, uh… You know, I'm kind of glad you're not dramatic like that Midorima."
Kuroko blinks at him.
Kagami clears his throat. "We weren't even done with what we wanted to say."
At the copious use of 'we', Kuroko couldn't stop himself from raising a brow. It's still kind of a hard concept to process – Kagami and Takao being together. Even weirder is their idea of telling him and Midorima first; that right is usually reserved to one's parents, after all… Exactly what does Kagami think of him?
Kuroko's silence is doing nothing to boost Kagami's confidence. He basically just outed himself to the least tolerable guy he knows and the guy he's pretty sure is his soulmate. Which is confusing because he's almost certain that he's in love with Kuroko and yet the promise of something with Takao excites him as well. Now that they've actually announced it, Kagami finds himself pretty damn eager to know what it'd be like – to go on dates, to talk late into the night discussing nothing and everything, to have Takao over and just hangout but now with an added bonus of being allowed to cuddle and maybe make out as they marathon movies on his couch. Kagami wanted all of that with Kuroko… he still does.
"Would you like me to offer you my congratulations?" Kuroko asks, slightly affronted.
It's like a stab to the heart. All his happy imaginings dissipates in a snap – popped like a bubble that holds nothing but stale air. He knows that getting together with Takao has its consequences and the possibility of growing distant with Kuroko is one of them. It's the one that Kagami wants to avoid at all costs.
"Don't be like that," Kagami reproaches, keeping his sullen tone at the minimum.
"Be like what?"
"Acting cold… This isn't like you."
Kuroko purses his lips. The nerve of Kagami to act like he's the victim here when he's the one leaving Kuroko for another. "Am I not allowed to feel heartbroken?" Kagami flinches and Kuroko thinks, Good. "I don't intend to change your mind on getting together with Takao-kun so please do not dissuade me from expressing my true feelings on the matter – I had hopes for us, if that's what you wanted to hear."
In an instant, Kagami's hunched figure straightens up; almost like a puppy that has been pardoned after chewing on its owner's shoe. "Kuroko, I… it's not too late. You and I…"
And just like that Kuroko's world slows down with the lag in between his heartbeats. He knows that tone, knows its implications all too well. This is… it's Aomine all over again.
Kuroko was raised with the ideal of an idyllic relationship, modeled after his own parents' example of exclusive affections for each other. They were perfectly in love and Kuroko wanted nothing more than to emulate it. He terminated his romantic feelings for Aomine after his previous light told him that he can't stick to one. It's not in Aomine's nature and Kuroko knows better than to go against it. He wouldn't have been happy had he agreed to Aomine's proposal for an open relationship and while there was a long period of discontent between them, they managed to patch things up eventually. They've become close friends once more and Kuroko is good with that; the feelings are long gone anyway. He just didn't expect to have to deal with the same thing with Kagami.
This just proves that he really does have a type damn it all. But Kuroko has learned his lesson and this time he's not planning on letting go.
Breathing in, Kuroko licks his lips, managing to smooth out his expression. "Kagami-kun is greedy… but also very considerate. I appreciate that you have come clean about your relationship with Takao-kun. I am envious, certainly, but there is a mature way of dealing with this and I–"
"You're not listening to me, Kuroko," Kagami interrupts in a more leveled tone. "This isn't some stupid plot to date another guy to make you jealous. This is me laying out my feelings – that I like Takao, that I want to make him happy but if it comes at the cost of making you unhappy then I'd–."
"What does it matter if I am unhappy?"
"Because you're – Argh. Because – Takao isn't a substitute for you and he knows it." Kagami's face is competing with the redness of his hair, his chest constricting as words continue to spill out. "Because no one in this forsaken earth can take your place. Because if I had enough guts, I would've asked you out ages ago but I'm just a stupid boy who can't handle his emotions and I need you–" He stumbles, pausing for a heavy inhale. The rest of his statement comes out in a whisper. "I need you to tell me it's okay, Kuroko. That you'll be okay."
There really is no one like this man, Kuroko muses with a tinge of sadness as he meets Kagami's gaze. Without him realizing it, Kagami had become his ideal. To imagine a future without Kagami is unthinkable, which is why Kuroko cannot lie. His voice is firm with his reply. "I won't. I want Kagami-kun, for myself, mine alone." He reaches for Kagami's hand, a pang of longing spikes through him when Kagami holds his hand tight. "I, too, am of the opinion that I will never meet another like you. You have made yourself irreplaceable to me, my true light as it stands, which is why I cannot lie to you." Their fingertips brush as Kuroko pulls away, unable to take any more of the skewed hope this connection offers him. "I am a monogamous man. The thought of sharing you with someone else doesn't sit right with me. I have no objections to you being with Takao-kun, he isn't a bad match for you from what I have seen and negligibly underestimated. My feelings for you, however, will not change."
"Kuroko…"
"And if the time comes where you decide that you cannot be with anyone but me, Kagami-kun, I will be there." Kuroko smiles, his neutral face alive with emotion. "Until then, I wish you the best of luck."
••••••••••••
Midorima's face is cold; he breathes in the chilled air and begins to feel as if even his insides have turned to ice. He's had his suspicions since the summer training camp and it's been confirmed time and again. Maybe that's why he isn't much surprised at Kagami and Takao's reveal. He wants Takao to be happy, so he should be glad that Kagami has stepped up to the role but – that should've been him. He should be the one to love and cherish and show Takao that he is his whole world except… his insecurities have chained him down. Hyperaware of his own shortcomings, he never believed himself to be able to give Takao what he deserves so he should be happy that Takao has found somebody who can. These are happy tears.
In the dim light of the veranda, the first thing that Takao sees is Midorima's phone, held in a white-knuckled grip on the ledge. The rectangular screen is alight, displaying a connecting call to one Akashi Seijuuro. Unfavorable feelings rise up his throat but it all stops when Takao gets a good look at Midorima's face. Green eyes widen at him and his heart lurches.
Midorima makes to turn away but Takao is already rushing over. The veranda doesn't offer much space for movement and Takao manages to pull Midorima close, holding his ace's wrists so Midorima can't hide behind them.
"Shin-chan…"
The phone's screen goes dark but Takao's reflection remains on Midorima's lenses.
"I'm okay… I'm – I'm…"
"Look at me, please." Takao is at a loss; he never expected this reaction from Midorima. His ace is too proud, too untouchable for him to… break… down… Shit. "I'm sorry–"
"No," Midorima says, the conviction strong in his voice but his eyes are still unable to look Takao head on. "Don't you ever be sorry for being happy!"
"But I'm not happy," Takao counters, close to tears himself, and he finally gets Midorima's attention. He gently rubs Midorima's wrists, trying to calm down, to calm the both of them down. "How can I, when I see my Shin-chan like this? I can't start a relationship with Kagami in good conscience knowing that this is how you'd end up."
"Take me out of the equation, then," Midorima manages to say with an even tone. "This is between you and Kagami–"
"But this is more than just us," Takao insists, he was stupid to think that he can come out of this unscathed. He has broken free from his restrictions so it's no use hiding anymore. The idea is to come clean, right? "Kagami knows how I feel about you and I know that he's back in there right now, having this exact same talk with Kuroko. Even before I had these feelings for Kagami, I already…" Ah, shoot. Midorima's eyes have gone dark, gleaming with tears collected at the corners. He really is something else. "I've loved you all this time," Takao blurts out, face heating up, his own hands beginning to shake. "I still do."
In turn, Midorima goes still. "You… You what?"
Breathing deep, Takao repeats, "Having these feelings for Kagami…" He tightens his hold on Midorima one last time before letting go. "They don't negate what I've always felt for you…"
Something close enough to a smile chases the sorrow from Midorima's expression. "I've hoped," he murmurs in the chilled silence. "But I could never bring myself to act." He stares at his hands, the taping on his fingers feel a little stiff now. "I know who I am, what I am, and I…" Midorima's smile turns bittersweet. "I can't give you what you need so believe me when I say that this turn out is actually for the best."
"No, no, no, wait a second – backtrack a bit." Takao holds up a finger as if to conduct their conversation. "You actually like me back?"
Midorima blinks. "Yes."
"And you never told me?" Takao asks, incredulous. "How long have you been hiding this from me?"
"I wasn't exactly aware of the depth of my feelings until certain events took place," Midorima swats away Takao's finger that's pointing accusingly at him.
"And all this time I was thinking I had no chance!" Takao exclaims. "Fuck. And now I even made you cry!"
"It's no big deal!"
"Yes it is, Shin-chan! Didn't you hear what I said – I fucking love you–"
"You're the one who's not listening! I told you I can't give you what you want!"
"What are you even talking about? Kids? Aren't we a little too young to be thinking about–"
"It's sex, you idiot! I don't – can't – give – ugh. Damn it, Takao."
"… I don't understand."
Scoff. "Of course you don't. But it doesn't matter anyway, because–"
"The only reason you never said anything, the reason you push me back to square one every time I make a move, every single rebuff I had to endure – it's all because you can't get it up."
"I do not have erectile dysfunction, you fool!"
"Then explain it to me!"
"Why should I?"
"Because! I want to understand why you never gave me a chance! Did you think that I would force you into something you don't want? Is that why you're always pushing me away?"
"This isn't about you! I… was content being with you as we were. Teammates, partners, friends. I always thought I regarded you was the same way as everyone else, that I was only irritated with the boys and girls confessing to you because they would distract you from basketball and I can't have that. You're my partner and I refuse to accept another. I may have been destined to become Shutoku's ace from the start but I would've never become its light if I hadn't met my shadow."
"You… Shin-chan…" Takao's heart is racing, Midorima's words sinking deep into his very bones.
"It took me a while to come to terms with the way I feel about you. I have never experienced the urges that so many others rave about, sexual matters do not concern me which is why I felt so conflicted when I saw the way your relationship with Kagami progressed. I have determined my disinterest in skinship long before so the overwhelming desire to have you for myself had thrown off the very understanding that I had of who I am. I stood helpless, watching you be drawn towards another's light. By the time I've concluded that my orientation has not changed, I have surrendered to the notion that you would be better off with someone who could actually fulfill your needs. We – Takao? Takao, why are you–"
"Stupid Shin-chan!" Takao pounds his fists on Midorima's chest, trying to digest as much of the confession as he can but it's too much for him to handle. He's pretty sure his heart is about to burst out of his ribcage and the only way to contain it is to –
"Wha–!" Midorima goes still when Takao's face replaces the fists that have been assaulting his chest. Arms circle his body and hold him in place, holding him tight as Takao presses closer. He doesn't know what to do with himself until he realizes that Takao is shaking. Gingerly, Midorima puts his arms around Takao's shoulders and he feels whole. This… Just this… He could live with just this. "You fool…"
"'M not…" Takao lifts his wet gaze to his ace. "You're the one whose heart is beating so loud…"
"S-Shut up."
Takao continues with a slight smile. "I'm glad… that you finally told me."
"You don't think it's strange?" Midorima murmurs. All the scenarios he'd played out in his head usually ended with Takao laughing at his reveal but right now Takao is facing him in all seriousness.
Shaking his head, Takao hugs Midorima tighter. "It's surprising but… it certainly explains a lot of things," he says, thinking of the kotatsu-incident not too long ago. "Sorry for those times I made you uncomfortable."
"There's nothing to forgive. I've said so before, right?"
"Yeah, but y'know… There's no way I'm ever letting go of you now."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying I love you even more. Let's be together, Shin-chan."
"Don't be preposterous. You're already in a relationship with Kagami."
"I love you both."
"What a reckless claim. That wouldn't be fair at all."
Takao shakes his head. "What's not fair is brushing aside what I feel for Tai-chan just because I finally know what you feel for me. That makes it sound like I was just using him."
"Then why…" Midorima can't read anything other than honest emotion in Takao's expression. "Why would you still want me when you already have him?"
"Why wouldn't I?" Takao asks back. "I know the two of you don't get along–" Midorima snorts at the understatement and Takao continues with a grin. "So we're going to have to work out how this goes. Okay?" When Midorima only stares at him, Takao anxiously starts worrying his bottom lip. "D-Do you want to be with me, Shin-chan?"
Sighing, Midorima brushes aside the bangs fluttering over Takao's eyes, his thumb collecting the unshed tears at their corners. "Of course."
••••••••••••
A/N: Sorry for the very late finale chapter m(_ _)m
I really hope that you guys enjoyed the fic journey with me, only the epilogue left now and hopefully I'll get it done within a reasonable time. Thanks for sticking with this~