Bye, Bye, Blackbird

Final Chapter

"The pleasure of remembering had been taken from me, because there was no longer anyone to remember with. It felt like losing your co-rememberer meant losing the memory itself, as if the things we'd done were less real and important than they had been hours before."
― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

Antonio was weak. He could not even get out of bed by himself, anymore. His usual emerald, luster-filled eyes are now dull, tainted by the forgotten memories of the past.

...His smile?

What smile?

He no longer smiled, for there was nothing left to smile for.

Antonio struggled to remember things. He was slowly falling apart, little by little, piece by piece…

And I couldn't do a damn thing about it. He easily slipped through my fingers like droplets of precious, savored water.

"What day is it today, Lovi?"

My lips became a straight, thin line as I tried to hold the cry that threatened to voice itself. I had reduced it into a small, inaudible whimper as I attempted to answer ever-so-casually; "It's the seventeenth of March, bastard. You have a fucking calendar right next to your bed, why don't you look at that instead of asking me?"

"...Eh?" His eyes were filled with confusion as they wandered over to his wall, and those emerald orbs widening when they caught sight of the calendar. It was as if he never knew it was there before, even though I had told him the day before, and the days before yesterday. His mouth gaped open in surprise, "Oh! I forgot about that! Lo siento, Lovinito. You know I get confused a lot, ahaha..." He laughed dryly, smiling only just for a second before it was reduced to yet another blank, emotionless expression.

Antonio was acting so damn carefree, as if he didn't know that his memories and brain were slowly deteriorating as of this moment. That's why I fucking hated him for acting that way. He was dying, and all he could do was pretend that he wasn't! Damn him to hell!

W―Who the fuck does that, anyways?!

"You're a fucking idiot," My voice shook, I noticed. It fucking shook, but...he didn't seem to notice. Good! It's not like I wanted him to notice, anyways! Yeah, that's right! I don't give a flying shit!

…

D―Dammit.

Antonio solemnly rubbed the back of his head, attempting to do a cheeky grin, but even that had lost its shine. It was just a dark, hollow grin with no cheekiness within it whatsoever. "But I'm your idiot, aren't I, Lovi?" He questioned, his voice lacking its usual giddy ring.

And that broke my heart.

I wanted to agree so fucking badly.

I wanted to say, yes, you are my idiot, and I fucking love you so fucking much. Your emerald, green eyes are like the most glorious jewels in the galaxy. Your smile is as radiant as the sun that illuminates the darkness of my whole entire fucking world. I want you to hold me tight in your arms at night when there's a storm, so I can feel your comforting warmth that would sooth me to sleep. Your voice, oh, Dío, your voice...every time you speak to me, it's as if you are singing a wonderful melody that is even sweeter than honey. I want you to press your precious lips to my own, so I can taste your uniqueness; which must be a blend of tomatoes and spice. I fucking love you so much that it hurts, you fucking idiot. That's right―you are my marvelous, sensational idiot that I would give up my entire life for. Ti amo. Ti amo, Antonio. You are someone that I cannot describe my relationship with. All I can really say is; I am yours and you are mine. That is all, and that alone makes me happy and filled with satisfaction.

But I didn't.

Because I couldn't.

He wasn't my idiot. This bastard was going to die soon. Why the hell did I have to be so attached to him? When he leaves me all alone, I'll only suffer more than I have to. If I just...distance myself from him, when he dies, his death won't hurt me as much as it should.

...Right?

Just those horrifyingly cruel thoughts made my heart drop, my stomach twist, and my eyes fill with unshed tears.

I'm such a moron. I can't do that, no matter how much I wished it to be true. Antonio was too important to me to just drop like a piece of flint on a shirt. He was literally all that I lived for, that bastard.

...Sometimes, I wished that my life wasn't so screwed up like this. Maybe if I had tried harder to become a genuinely better person, Dío might have forgiven me and wouldn't have given me this goddamned curse. Maybe he would have seen past my damned exterior and searched inside of me, where my true feelings and heart lay.

Antonio probably wouldn't be dying right now if I wasn't such an idiot.

Instead of replying, I gave a stiff nod of my head, turned on my heels, and briskly left the room.

"Lovi? Where are you going?" I hear his voice weakly calling after me from inside his room. My head was pounding, my heart was aching. I needed to get out of the house for a while.

Without looking back or even pausing in my steps, I grabbed my car keys. "Out. I'm gonna get some fucking groceries, so take care of yourself for a bit, got it?"

"...Sí."

Satisfied with the response that I was given, I unlocked the front door and walked outside for some fresh air.

I took in gulps of air, calming myself, before I got into my car and drove to the closest grocery store.

Antonio sat in his bed, gloomily staring at the world outside through his small, square window. It was silent in his room, save for some blackbirds chirping from outside. The silence only added to his gloomy mood as his emerald eyes shifted to the table next to his bed, attention now on the music box that―

...Lovino? Lovino gave it to him, right?

Right?

He just couldn't remember.

Why couldn't he remember?!

In a fit of blind rage, Antonio viciously grabbed the music box and raised it above his head, fury and frustration only egging him on to throwing the precious instrument onto the floor. He needed to take his anger out on something, anything. His usually sparkling emerald eyes were full of fire and absolute aggravation.

The pain of losing your memories was much more like losing your sanity. Questions constantly plaguing one's mind, the frustration of not understanding or knowing was like a venomous poison that slowly seeped into your brain.

Antonio, no matter how much he tried to recall past events, could not remember.

What did he have for breakfast today? He certainly didn't know. He had already forgotten it, though he knew he had just had his breakfa―did he really just have his breakfast a few moments ago?

The questions came to his mind one by one, interrupting the flow of his thoughts. It was so confusing, and Antonio absolutely despised it. It was so utterly hopeless of even trying to remember, because he would forget his thoughts again in under a second.

Lips trembling as he desperately fought his own brain for answers, he felt his shaking arm move on its own.

CRASH!

In an instant, the music box was laying on the ground. Only then did Antonio seem to snap out of his crazed state; a small, horrified gasp rushed out of his lips.

However, instead of breaking; it began playing its lively, happy tune. A tarantella.

Silence had diminished into thin air as the tarantella tune snaked its way around the room, reaching Antonio's ears. Its melody enveloped him. His body, his soul, his heart, and...his broken mind.

The flabbergasted Spaniard sat there for a moment, frozen on the spot. His arm fell to his side.

It played and played; singing its song for Antonio's ears.

It sounded so strangely familiar, as if he had heard it somewhere before. Somewhere in the past, when he could still recall his memories and―

Something clicked in his mind, and it all came rushing back.

Almost all at once, Antonio's eyes filled with tears, and they were quickly shed. Through his blurred eyes, he looked over at the calendar once again.

Today wasn't the day to just lounge around in bed. No, not today. Never today.

This wasn't the time to be wallowing in self pity. He hastily wiped away his tears.

Gathering up all of his strength, a rush of adrenaline sparked through his body. Antonio ripped the covers of his blanket off of himself and stood up on his own two feet. Determination once again shimmering in his eyes, though still in his sickly appearance, he slammed the door to his room open with strength that he had thought he'd lost long ago, and marched out.

I unlocked the front door and stepped inside the seemingly desolate house. Placing the grocery bags on top of the counter in the kitchen, I paused my actions as I felt a creeping suspicion bubbling within me.

It was quiet.

Too quiet.

Usually, whenever I came home, that stupid bastard would be yelling and whining my name, bugging me until I walked into his room.

So, why―?

Panic surged through my mind as my heartbeat accelerated; no, he couldn't be…

Dropping my keys onto the floor, I swiftly rushed to his room, only to be greeted by an already opened door.

A small, lively melody met my ears.

Peering inside the room, I noticed that there was no one in sight.

His bed was all fucked up, as if he was in a hurry to go somewhere. My eyes scanned around the room until it found the source of the music: the music box.

It wasn't broken or damaged upon closer inspection. However, it seemed as if that idiot threw it onto the ground, making it open by itself.

...Shit.

I sighed, picking the precious item up, closing it.

To be quite honest, this dumb ass music box is my most treasured possession, sadly.

Why?

Because...when I was younger, before any kind of relationship blossomed between that bastard and myself, he gave it to me as a present.

I think he had noticed that my arms and legs couldn't stop shaking; so he had bought me a music box with the tarantella playing on it, to make me dance the shakiness* (1) away.

Fucking asshole. I hated how embarrassing it was, but…

I felt ecstatic when I received it. It made me feel warm inside, to see that somebody had cared enough to give me a gift.

That was many centuries ago, when I was still young and stupid…

Flashback

I glared at my worthless hands.

I fucking hated it. No matter what I did, they wouldn't stop shaking!

What was wrong with me? What was wrong with my body? My legs had the same problem, too!

Dammit...it's not my fault that I keep messing up! It's my body's fault for being stupid!

I'm currently trying to clean up that jerk bastard Spain's house. Stupid slavedriver making me clean up his stupid ass house!

I'm holding the broom correctly, but it won't stop shaking! Ugh, I hate this! I can't fucking work like this!

Groaning in frustration, I threw the broom onto the ground and sat down, glaring at nothing in particular. "I give up, dammit! Spain can clean his own stupid house!"

Just then, the front door opened, only to reveal that stupid bastard that I absolutely hated. He grinned his idiotic grin when he saw me, holding a bag in his hands.

"Romano! Were you slacking off again?" The bastard asks me sternly, but he didn't seem to be angry.

"No! I was just taking a break, you idiot!" I had retorted, crossing my arms over my chest. I sent him a glare for good measure.

He walked over and sat down next to me. That jerk dared to ruffle my hair afterwards, too! And he laughed at me, dammit! "Oh, Romano. You really are too cute!" The bastard sang out all too happily, placing the bag beside him. My curiosity peaked as I stared at it; eager to know the contents of the bag.

"Shut up, you jerk! What's in the bag?" I quickly dismissed his comments and went straight to the point. There was no use in beating around the bush, dammit.

Spain grins, chuckling at how impatient I was, probably. Asshole. "Your present from Boss is what's in the bag!" He exclaimed with a small hum afterwards.

He reaches over to the bag, sounds of crackling and rustling from the plastic bag reached my ears. I peered over his shoulder, almost hanging off his arm to see what he was taking out of it. At last, he holds the item in his hands and places it in front of me so I could see.

...And I was obviously highly disappointed in what he got me. Because what was sitting in front of me at the moment was a stupid, ugly box. It was a light brown color, but it was a wooden box, dammit! Who the hell gives useless, wooden boxes as gifts?!

I guess he saw how disappointed I was, because I felt him pat my head (he was avoiding that damned curl, at least) and heard him chuckle lightly. "Open it, Romanito." He urges me on with that infuriatingly soothing and happy voice of his.

I obeyed, only because I wanted to see what he got me, dammit! It wasn't like I actually listened to him for once!

I gingerly reached out to feel it's texture, making sure that my hands weren't shaking. I usually tried to conceal it from people, and it took quite a lot of effort to make it look like I was completely fine.

The small, wooden box felt smooth; it also smelled new. Don't ask me how things smell new, they just do! Hmph…

Slowly, I felt the small, metal latch on the box and unlatched it, opening the box.

And then it happened.

A lively, upbeat, tarantella tune filled my ears, which strangely made me want to dance.

Inside the box was a small tomato with a turtle munching happily on it, spinning around. What a cheesy bastard! Turtles don't eat tomatoes! ...Well, at least, they normally don't. Tch.

"How do you like your present, Romano? Boss made sure it was customized just for you!" Spain voiced, and I could practically hear the smile in his tone.

It was a nice gift, to be honest. I fucking loved it, even though it was cheesy. The tune was beautiful, so uplifting, that if I didn't care about being embarrassed, I'd be dancing right at this moment. It warmed the void in my insecure heart; broke down a few locks and cages. Why?

Because no one has given me a gift before. No one cared too much about my well being, for it was always Feliciano that got all of the love and attention.

For once in my lifetime, I was filled with positive emotions. I was filled with awe and true happiness, even a bit flattery. That's when I realized…

Spain...was different from the others. Sure, he probably hated my guts when we first met, but...he didn't even seem to mind my attitude and personality anymore. He took care of me, even when I fucked up just about everything in his house. I was lazy, stubborn, stupid, mean, rude, obnoxious...the list could go on and on.

Yet...he only smiled at me, and only at me. Spain laughed it off as if it was nothing, called me cute, that I looked like a 'tomato'. And then another realization came to me: he didn't seem to treat me as if I was just another piece of land that he gained. Instead, he treated me for me.

That stupid idiot treated me like a real person; a human. He didn't treat me like South Italy, Romano. Instead, he treated me like Lovino Vargas.

Today was probably the best day in my whole entire fucked up life. And I absolutely loved it.

"It's so-so, bastard. Next time, you better get me a high-class gift!" I replied with a huff, though I couldn't resist myself and began tapping my foot to the music a bit.

His laughter was ringing in my ears again, and I could tell his watchful eyes were on me. "Dance, Romano! Dance your sadness and fears away! If you trip and fall, Boss will be here to catch you and help you back up on your feet!"

And so I did.

I closed my eyes for concentration.

I felt my body move on its own. Every time my feet touched the stone ground, my heart soared. Every movement of my arms were like the wings of a swan; graceful, yet dignified. I hadn't felt so alive in ages. All I heard was the wonderful music in my ears, all of my worries and fears were unleashed from my dancing. It felt like I was soaring through the sky, able to touch the clouds and be free of everything of the world.

And then I felt someone's presence beside me. I opened my eyes, pausing momentarily, only to see Spain dancing along with the music as well. He looked down and caught me staring, and he smiles. "Come on, Romanito! Enjoy the music with me!"

In an instant, I felt my body being lifted up onto his shoulders. "Woah!" I exclaimed, eyes widening at how everything suddenly became taller. Now it truly felt like I was flying, that I was free. It felt like I could see the whole entire world on Spain's shoulders.

"Hold on tight!" Spain says, voice full of glee. He holds my legs tightly, and I barely have time to register what he had just said before he charges forwards, making me gasp and hold onto his neck for support.

Before I knew it, I was a ball of laughter and smiles. "Go faster, you jerk!" I shouted through the wind that was blowing in my face.

He complies, running faster. I hear him shout back to me as he laughed: "Romano! We'll be together forever!" The spaniard all-too-happily declares to the world, before taking a deep breath and continuing, "You're the best henchman in the world!"

I didn't say anything; but I felt my heart race at his words. Dammit. What a bastard. "Of course I am, you bastard! You should be happy you have the world's best henchman!"

After that experience, I never felt my arms and legs shake again, and I was left feeling extremely ecstatic, fulfilled, and loved.

At that point in my life, Reino de España became a more important person to me in my life than I had originally thought he'd be.

...And I was surprisingly okay with it. After all, he said we'd be together forever, didn't he?

I put all of my trust in Spa―no. To me, he was now Antonio, and I was Lovino to him. That was all I ever needed to make it through the tough years ahead, and it made me feel warm and content inside.

He had promised me forever, after all.

Present

...Those were the good times. If only I could turn back time, I would do anything to relive that wonderful day. It was probably the most happiest day of my life, since I can remember it so vividly.

But he lied. He said we'd be together forever, but now he's going to leave me. Leave the world. Leave us, and our precious memories together...

I clenched my hands into fists and grit my teeth, trying desperately to hold back the tears. I couldn't cry. Not here, not now. Not when Antonio was missing.

I had to find him, and quick. He could be in trouble. Hurt, injured, unconscious, or maybe he's already―!

No...The possibilities were endless. I didn't even dare try to finish my last thought.

Quickly, I moved throughout the house, frantically searching for any sign of where Antonio could be. I rushed into each room, checked every nook and cranny, and yet, not a sign of Antonio was seen. "Antonio? Antonio, you bastard! Answer me!" I shouted, my voice echoing off of the walls. I was so desperate that I began to check in the most idiotic places. Underneath the beds, underneath the blankets, even under the pillows on the loveseat, for dio's sake!

The amount of worry in my mind and heart felt like it was going to consume me whole. Antonio wasn't seen anywhere in the house and didn't even respond to my desperate pleas and calls.

Wait a minute...calls?

Aha! I could just call him! If he went out, he was sure to bring his phone, right? Why the hell didn't I think of this sooner? I scolded and cursed at myself lightly.

Digging my phone out of my pocket, I quickly dialed his speed number on my smartphone (which, coincidentally, was number one) and waited. It began ringing―literally.

I heard a faint ringing in Antonio's bedroom, it was the sound of a man singing, dare I say Antonio himself―Muchacha kiss kiss bang vengamos a bailar, muchacha kiss kiss bang vengamos a cantar...―Of course...it was none other than his ringtone. Fuck. So that idiot didn't even bother bringing his phone with him!

...But I knew I couldn't really blame it on him. It was highly likely that he had forgotten it, seeing the state that he was in now. But, where the hell would he go without even leaving me a single note?

Honestly...I was surprised that he could even get out of bed by himself.

Without knowing what to do, I sighed and fell back onto the loveseat, sighing miserably as I began to weigh the worries on my mind. Antonio was missing, that was a given. But not only was that bastard missing, but he was also sick and forgetful, which only added to my pile of worries. Goddamit.

I was on the verge of tears and giving up on everything in my shitty life. I could feel my hands slowly begin to shake and tremble―oh god no, why is this happening?!―as I stared at them in a mixture of fear, surprise, and anger. This hasn't happened in centuries! Why the fuck was it coming back now of all time…?

I tried to form my hand into a fist.

It worked.

...But it was still trembling―ohgodohgodohgod―fuck,I needed Antonio in times like these!

I didn't know what to do―I could feel the clutches of the shock begin to dominate me as I began to slowly hyperventilate. My breathing began breathy and uneven, and before I knew it, I was gasping for air as my whole body shook. I fell onto the loveseat until I was completely laying on it.

I...I couldn't breathe! Fuckfuckfuck!

I reached out my shaking hand and grasped out for anything, anyone, someone!

My vision was rapidly fading as my other hand was clutched against my chest. This is it. This must be the fucking end of―

"Rico tomate, rico tomate…"

Wait a fucking second...

"Muy rico, mm!"

That voice!

"Tomate! Sebu el rojo, baja el amarillo…"

My eyes snapped open and I felt his voice begin to soothe my nerves. I didn't know how just his voice could give me such an immediate reaction, but I wasn't complaining.

Feeling slightly better, I shifted on the loveseat and sat up weakly with determination. Antonio was near.

"Toma toma tomate! Si!"

I slowly stood up on weak knees and began to walk towards his voice. Antonio…

"Para la pasta esta el tomate…"

My legs seemed to walk on their own, guiding me into the direction where the light was shining brightly. Before I knew it, I was blinded by that light―that light that was Antonio himself, and the sunlight.

My eyes slowly adjusted to the light and the images in front of me locked into place like a puzzle.

The wind was weaving through my hair, caressing it gently. The strong smell of ripe and grown tomatoes filled my nostrils, the smell of nature was almost overwhelming. But there, in the middle of the tomato garden, stood Antonio.

He was singing and humming his song, happily picking tomatoes, clad in his pajamas and messy state. He looked so weak, so much more fragile than the tomatoes and leaves itself, it was frightening. However, he seemed to be having no difficulty gathering tomatoes whatsoever, even in his tattered and worn-down state.

I took a small step forward, towards him. "An―Antonio…" I called out softly, the wind carrying my message to his ears.

He seemed to have heard me, because he slowly turned around. A basket of tomatoes was in his hands. His face suddenly broke out into a huge, genuine smile―something I had craved for and hadn't seen in months. It almost made my heart stop as I felt like I fell in love with him all over again, leaving me breathless.

His emerald eyes were twinkling with glee and seemed to have lit up when he saw me, and I must admit...he still looked fucking handsome even if he didn't shower, was in his pajamas, and his hair was all messed up…

"Lovi!" Antonio exclaimed breathlessly, strolling over to me with that basket of tomatoes in his hands. I was still shocked speechless that he could walk perfectly fine on his own."Welcome home, Lovino!"

I gaped at him, my mind losing all words that I had planned to say. "I―What are you doing here, you idiot? You should be resting in bed!" I had said instead. I was seriously worried about his well-being, dammit!

He smiles again―I need to get used to his breathtaking smiles all over again―and reaches one hand out to pat my head gently. His hand feels big and warm on top of my head, and it warmed my heart and soul.

"I can't just stay in bed today, mi tomate. It's you special day today, isn't it?" That damned Spaniard said softly, making me look up at him with wide eyes. "And every year when it's your birthday, I always pick you the best tomatoes. Just because I'm sick, doesn't mean the tradition has stopped, mi Lovinito." He grinned a bit before he moved the hair away from my forehead and kissed it.

...How did he remember? Oh dío, he remembered that it was my birthday...

"You idiot!" I shouted at him, but it came out like a sob. I felt tears well up in my eyes as my shoulders began to shake. "You're...a stupid...dumbass…!" I exclaimed, the emotions stirring inside of me as I began to punch him lightly in the chest repeatedly.

He had never remembered anything else in the past and easily forgot things, but he had remembered my birthday.

The tears began to roll down my cheeks as I sobbed out of happiness.

"I told you that I'd never forget anything about you, or you yourself. I intend to keep that promise." I heard him say, and it made me feel special, so overwhelmingly happy.

"Stupido! Bastardo! I hate you… I hate you!" I sniffed and hiccuped lamely, continuing to punch him.

"Yo también te quiero, mi amor..." He whispered into my ear, successfully making me blush. I saw him set down the basket of tomatoes before he took my chin and gently lifted it up, wiping away my tears.

"...Te amo, bastardo." I whispered back as the wind swept my words away.

He looked into my eyes, and I did the same. How his perfect, emerald eyes reflected into my own fascinated me.

And then he pulled me into a passionate, scorching kiss.

END.

Omake

The following week...

Antonio slowly awoke from the sunlight that was shining through his bedroom window, stirring a bit.

"Hey, bastard. Wake up." I poked his stomach, and Antonio couldn't help but grin as he opened his eyes.

"Buenos días, Lovi."

And then I did something unexpected. I wrapped my arms around the idiot and mumbled, "I love you."

Antonio was surprised at first, but loved the affection nonetheless. He wrapped his arms around me and smiled. "I love you too, Lovino Vargas."

I smiled into his shoulder.

Because even if Antonio had forgotten about my birthday last week, I would wake up him everyday with an 'I love you'.

It didn't matter how many times Antonio forgot about our confessions, because I would remind him each time he did.

Three words: I love you.

We both had promised each other forever, after all.

And I was willing to go through with it until the very end.

Author's Note:

*(1) 'dance the shakiness away' - In Hetalia:Axis Powers Volume one it's revealed that Romano as a child (Or Chibi!Romano) had Cholera and that's why he was so clumsy. Spain's guitar playing helped Romano dance Cholera away.

Notes: Did any of you guys noticed that I used the lines that Spain and Romano used in their Mawaru Chikyuu Rondo duet during the flashback? I couldn't help it, dear gosh. It's way too adorable to not put into the story! Oh, and Spain's ringtone...I hope a lot of you know what song that is. ;)

I didn't want to end the story with Antonio's death, that's just cruel―especially when Lovino's suffered enough already. How this story ends and continues is completely up to your imagination… Anyhow, now that this story is completed, I'll go ahead and resume my other fanfiction, 'Hasta la Vista, Baby'. It's been a pleasure working with everyone on this story!

Also, before anyone asks any questions, I would like to clear something up. The reason why Antonio remembered that it was Lovino's birthday was because of the music box. My friend's grandfather had Alzheimer's, and he had managed to remember things through music. Since the music box had such a precious and familiar sound to it, Antonio managed to remember a few things from the past.

Reviews and constructive criticism are welcomed!

P.S. I got wondeful fanart for this story, by Judy Souem. The link to it is on my profile. Huge shoutout to her for her amazing work! :)

Hasta la vista!

~Kawaii Dream