I am so sorry for the delay it publishing this chapter; RL got very heavy all of a sudden.

Chapter 3

Black for hunting through the night

For death and mourning the color's white

Gold for a bride in her wedding gown

And red to call enchantment down.

White silk when our bodies burn,

Blue banners when the lost return.

Flame for the birth of a Nephilim,

And to wash away our sins.

Gray for knowledge best untold,

Bone for those who don't grow old.

Saffron lights the victory march,

Green will mend our broken hearts.

Silver for the demon towers,

And bronze to summon wicked powers.

— Shadowhunter children's rhyme

I couldn't tell my Mom. I wanted to be able to, to tell her and Luke that Jace and I wanted to get married. But I knew that I couldn't, knew that she would take the almost year and a half till I turned eighteen to try to dissuade me, to try to turn my mind against Jace. I tried to understand where her concerns came from, tried to untangle why she still distrusted him even after he'd offered his life to save the whole world, and to save me. Yes, he'd had his mind enslaved by my real brother, Jonathan, Sebastian, the Clave seemed to prefer to use the later name; perhaps it simply seemed more sinister to them? But it hadn't really been Jace who'd done all those terrible things, his body perhaps, but not his mind, not his soul.

Jace still agonized over all the things he had been made to do; his own punishment was far worse than what the Clave might have meted out. But unfortunately there was still the punishment my mother seemed unable to purge from her soul. Even Luke had forgiven him (not that there was truly anything to forgive – as far as I saw it), but not her. Since I wasn't eighteen yet she could have separated us completely, sending me away and I'd have had little recourse. Of course Jace would have followed me, likely against the rules, which really would have earned him a harsh reprisal. They could have expelled him from the academy, or even stripped him of his runes: The Clave's recent decisions concerning others who had committed no crime except the happenstance of their bloodlines had been incredibly severe. You can see why I had to keep it all a secret. So I begged Jace not to tell anyone for as long as we could keep it a secret. He really didn't mind; not that it kept him from making little innuendoes periodically just to tease me, and to check if I still had his Herondale family ring. As frightened as I was to wear it for fear of being discovered, I had to have it with me and had suspended it on a long chain, and kept it tucked against my chest wherever I was. It was an important part of being engaged to a Shadowhunter I had discovered. I would return it to him on the day of our wedding.

Eventually though we had to tell someone. It was Jace who told Alex first, asking if his parabati would stand up with him on the day. We knew that it wasn't fair to ask Alex to keep the secret, so we then told Isabelle and Simon and Magnus. Isabelle was upset with me; mostly because, I believe, I had denied her the opportunity to plan a majestic party, and left her precious little time to get me kitted out as was required for a Shadowhunter wedding. She didn't talk to me for nearly five minutes as we tried to explain ourselves; then she gave up being angry and started planning for my gold wedding dress and how she was going to do my hair.

Obviously we weren't going to be getting married in the Citadel in Alicante. There would be no way of getting my Mom and Luke there, to say nothing of our co-conspirators without having to answer too many questions; and without announcing our intentions to The Clave and the officiates who would be required for the ceremony. Instead, it seemed easier to just hold the ceremony in the church that fronted the New York Institute, and even easier when Magnus declared that he could and would perform the ceremony for us. After that Isabelle just sort of took over, planning my cover story for staying at the institute after my birthday party, and for how she was going to get me a wedding dress without her mother, and my mother finding out. I was quite thankful for all her help, and for the first time in months, my heartache eased a little, with the secret being shared.

At least it eased for a little while.

My birthday party, which should have been a joyous affair, was for me at least, full of tension. I even saw some of it in Jace, I think Alex did too, but he was quite good at hiding his emotions from most everyone but us. He was subdued, likely because of the presence of my Mom and Maryse; neither of whom were his favorite people; both having rejected him at vulnerable times in his life. His eighteenth birthday party, without the other adults present at his request (excepting Magnus and Alex of course) had been a joyous event with good food, and cake and even some smuggled champagne. We'd gone to the ruins of his family property and as an adult he had immediately commissioned to have it rebuilt. That act had brought true happiness; I could see it in his glistening golden eyes and wry smile. He had been planning to rebuild the Herondale Hall since he had embraced his family. And he was creating it for us.

But I'm getting everything all out of order now, aren't I?

Isabelle had books full of pictures of wedding gowns, all of which seemed far too extravagant for my taste. Besides, I reasoned with her, it wasn't as if either of us could just pop over to Idris and stroll into a shop in Alicante to try such things on. Both of us were still far too well known there to disguise such an attempt. No, it seemed much easier to head into SoHo and buy something off the rack and smuggle it back to the Institute. Disappointed as she was, she saw the sense in it and accompanied me for an afternoon. Not being much of a shopper myself, I was happy to settle on the first gold-colored dress I tried on, but Isabelle insisted that I try on several, and as she was the best judge of what most closely resembled a Shadowhunter Wedding Gown, I gave in. I also gave in because I thought that I should give that to Jace; that he deserved to be a part of that ceremony and that rite. We would never have the wedding in the Citadel that he should have had, as a hero, as a powerful Shadowhunter who should have been admired by his people. He, just as I, would always carry the stigma of Valentine Morgenstern and Sebastian, his true son. It would limit everything he did to an even greater degree than it would me. As time passed I could possibly escape it, as my mother's daughter, not having been raised by Valentine; Jace would never be free of the stares; or worse, the downcast eyes. It wouldn't matter if he saved the world once a week for the rest of his life. But despite the attitudes of others he would never give up being a Shadowhunter, and so he had stayed at the Institute, stayed with me, had never given up his runes, and was now rebuilding a home for us so that we could make our own way; away from others should we desire it, but close enough to answer any call.

But look, I've gotten distracted again.

Isabelle found the dress. It was way more than I would have ever chosen for myself, but I have to admit, when I tried it on and the saleslady 'wowed' me, and the mirror did the same that I fell in love with it. The skirt was full length (which I never would have tried but for Isabelle) and thickly pleated, the folds of which carried up to the bodice. The bodice was laced up the back with a thick golden ribbon. Fastened around the neck and embellished around the waist with overlaid leaves of the same golden fabric it made me feel like a princess; like a real fairytale (and not the kind I'd heard about from the Shadowhunters – the children's stories, with the happily ever after endings.) I wasn't the kind of girl to normally get swept up in all that fussiness, but I did. It was more money than I had, but Isabelle produced a credit card that took care of everything and insisted on doing it when I tried to object. I got to buy lunch at least.

Isabelle called Alex before we arrived with the dress bag, just to ensure that we could get it in and up to her room without being seen. Once there it was easily hidden away in her massive closet. It was almost sad to put it away. I was actually excited about wearing it, and hopefully surprising Jace. Not that she needed to, but she swore she wouldn't let Jace near it, and even offered to ward it. I didn't think it would come to that. I didn't know how I was going to be able to sleep well until the whole thing was done, my party, my secret wedding, now it was real.