It ate away at her. It ate away at her before their shower together, and after (during, she was a little distracted). It ate away at her while she got ready for bed, while he read the latest purported tell all about drone technology and she read the same page of her book over and over and over again, he back to him.
She should tell him.
She couldn't.
It wasn't real.
It would be.
He might be angry or annoyed or unsupportive.
He might not.
The real question wasn't about the job. It was about them, where they were going. She didn't doubt he loved her, and that she loved him, no. But love wasn't a future. Love was deciding if they were going to get married or have children or stay in New York or…
She needed to know. Even if the answer was the wrong one, even if the worst came to pass. She needed to know. She needed to know before she ever got on a plane and went to DC and interviewed for a job.
He needed to know.
"Castle."
She turned over as she whispered so she was looking at him. He was almost drifting off, and for a second she thought about shelving the conversation, leaving everything alone till it was more real, there was a concrete offer on the table.
But no, best that Band-Aid was ripped off now.
"Hmm…?"
"Castle, listen."
He let the book flop onto his chest, big blue blinking at her sleepily.
"Stack did want something, before."
"What?"
"Stack, when he asked to speak to me at the precinct…he wanted something."
His eyes came alight now, from sleepy to excited in the less than a second, almost puppy-ishly eager for her to spill and that alone was enough to bring a glint of a smile to her face.
"What did he want?"
She took a deep breath. Now or never.
"He said he was going to recommend me for a job at the AG's office, Castle. He said he thought I was brilliant and exactly what they needed."
She looked at him waiting to see his reaction, hoping for the best. His features softened, eyes warm with love and support. She let out the breath, she was holding. That alone was enough to tell her it was going to be OK.
"That's great. Not that it takes Sherlock Holmes to figure out that you're brilliant and could do anything you put your mind to. He's only 5 years behind me on that score."
"Castle."
"I'm just saying."
He reached out with one broad hand, brushing it over her hair, tucking one errant lock behind her ear.
"You'll be great. You'll blow them away, Kate."
"And what about us?" She worried at her lip, her deeper fears surfacing now.
"What about us? When you get the job, we'll sort something out. If you're based in DC, that's not so far away. We can make it work- at the end of the day, I can write from anywhere, if it comes to that."
"Are you sure?"
He grinned, cupping her chin, leaning over to kiss her. She deepened the kiss in turn, wanting to taste him, sweet and dark and perfect, all at once.
"We haven't let snipers and bombs and our own messed-up baggage beat us yet. I hardly think you starting a new job will."
He looked at her again, catching her gaze.
"Thank you, for telling me. For not locking this away and keeping me out of the loop. This…this is how I know we'll make it."
And she loved him for it. The rock he put on her finger the night before she left for DC…that didn't hurt either.
Prompt: AU where Beckett tells Castle about the job interview in DC before taking it