Montoya Naruto
By Awlric Hayell (ryushi on TFF)
A/N: the things you think up when eating ramen at midnight.
"WHAT?!" Naruto screamed out, rattling the windows.
Kakashi blinked from where he had landed on the other side of the doorway to the hokage's office. "...ow."
Tsunade cleaned out her ear with a pinky before answering the distraught Chuunin. "Yes, brat, your father was Namikaze Minato. The Yondaime."
"Inconveivable!" Naruto muttered. "Prove it!"
Tsunade sighed. she knew he would be difficult about it. "Here." She flipped him a scroll. "He left that for you for when you became a Chuunin."
Naruto ripped it open and skimmed through it quickly. "Sorry...sealed kyuubi...forgive...My son." He looked back up, eyes filled with unshed tears. "It's true." He paused for a moment as his train of thought ran through this most recent aquisition of information. "Old lady, knock me out."
Tsunade blinked, not even able to hold her anger after the old lady comment. "What?"
Naruto's eyebrow twitched. "Did I stutter, old lady, or are ya just hard of hearing? Knock me the fuck out, bitch."
She did so gladly, and halfway through the hokage monument for good measure.
Naruto's Mindscape
Naruto walked calmly up to the cage holding the Kyuubi. He ignored the massive claws that swung out from the cage, merely passing through as if they didn't exist. "Oi. Bastard Fox." He called out into the darkness.
A baleful red eye swirled into being, glowing with an intense rage at the world and everything in it. the massive, twisted foxhead that followed was no less grotesque and oozed a feeling of malice and malcontent. "What do you want now, you fucking brat?" It growled, focusing all of its considerable killing intent upon the human that dared to contain him. "More chakra to bring back the emo-duck? A new limb to replace one so foolishly lost during your pitiful and useless training sessions? Or maybe you want to talk." It shivered in disgust at the thought. It was a demon. It didn't need a reason to destroy Konoha. Weren't lulz good enough anymore?
Naruto merely brushed off the killing intent and replaced it with one of his own. "My name is Uzumaki Naruto." He reached into his jacket and pulled out a glowing rapier.
Kyuubi recoiled at the sight of it. "A blessed sword? Where did you get that?"
"You killed my father." He snapped his fingers and Kyuubi was suddenly held down by massive silver restraints. "Prepare to die."
(end drabble)
OMAKE!
Pein circled around Jiraiya (literally), waiting for an opening.
Jiraiya sighed. "So, this is it, then? A fight to the death?"
Pein smirked evilly. "No, Jiraiya. A fight to the pain!"
Jiraiya winced. "That was a horrible pun, Pein. I'm going to have to hurt you for it."
"Bring it, old man!"