The glorious, millennium-old country of Rice and Swords lay at the very heart of the world itself, or at least so its tradition liked to claim. In each cardinal direction lay a mountain range, the four points, serving as a natural set of walls, laid down by the gods themselves when they blessed the first emperor, who united what had previously been dozens of small fiefdoms fighting between themselves for the pettiest of reasons. To its north lay the border to Shin, the country of a million shrines, the mighty empire next to which their own looked tiny. To the east, across the sea, lay the empire of Wan, governed by the Flash of Lightning, and their chief rival- more wars had been fought between them than anybody cared to count, and neither had ever conquered the other.
The north was grim and strong, the east was the cool brewing pot of port cities, the west was the home of tradition, and the south was the home of heroes and farmers, and all in all it encompassed seventeen areas, each governed by a daimyo, a lord of absolute power who answered to none but the emperor himself. Each one were bound by honour to pay a tithe every quarter of the year, and raise an army to fight the emperor's enemies whenever needed. Samurai were the most seen, best armed and armoured, but most soldiers were far simpler- spearmen drafted from the many farmlands, young men eager to serve- because those who were not eager were often lashed by the officers.
Hundreds of thousands of men would stand at the ready when all hosts were readied, as they had well over sixty years ago, when Watanabe Kadehata had risen against his liege lord, emperor Hadejima the cruel, and seized the throne for himself. At his side had stood a young man named Yamamoto, and he had served the Watanabe line faithfully since.
And now, in the grand, richly decorated hall where the emperor would hold counsel, Yamamoto Shigekuni Genryuusai, the grand shogun of the empire of rice and swords and right hand to the emperor, sat at the furthest seat of the table. On his left sat Kyoraku Shunsui, on his right Unohana Retsu, and on fifteen more spots sat noblemen and dignitaries from all over the country, lords and ladies who not only knew politics, but actually knew something about power. It was a gathering of all the right people- of allies and enemies, of generals and spies and socialites.
They were all quiet at the moment; none had the right to speak at this table before a meeting had been opened. It would soon change though; before long he would have to begin speaking, and not soon after somebody was sure to interrupt him, and then somebody interrupt that person, and soon the council would resemble more a hen's pen than a dignified meeting of the nation's most powerful. Yamamoto was far too old to waste time and energy on hatred, but the way these people could behave... irked him.
"Lords and ladies." He said. "I will not stand on ceremony, or address each of you by title before this meeting begins. You all know why I have summoned each and every one of you."
"The emperor-" One of them began. Already...
"The emperor has died." Yamamoto said sternly, not letting himself be interrupted. "Late last night, he succumbed to consumption, and drew his last breath. His lungs could no longer keep him going. And here we stand- our lord sovereign, Watanabe Hideki, protector of the four mountains, keeper of the blade and giver of rice, is gone, leaving no heirs behind."
Yamamoto took a deep breath, and leaned back, anticipating the storm of voices to come. Instantly, almost everyone started talking- peppering him with questions, arguing in between themselves, growing louder and louder. He let them keep going for a little while, let it all sink in. Everyone had known, of course- the Watanabe line had always been sickly, and the emperor had been sick for a while- and young enough that he had not married yet. If they were not very careful, this could be disastrous.
The chattering continued, and Yamamoto looked to see who were quiet at all. So far, only four people- his two confidants at his right and left, of course. He could also see daimyo Katsura Kotarou keeping quiet- although he was always a bit of a strange one. And furthest down the table sat one man, looking every bit the refined, high class nobleman in his purple silk kimono and meticulously groomed brown hair- Aizen Sousuke, daimyo of Kagana in the north. Ambitious and cruel, he had risen to his position as the sole heir to the preceding daimyo- nobody had really proven that he really was the old lord's bastard, but all other heirs had mysteriously died, and he had been recognised before the law- and survived several assassination attempts, too.
Deciding that enough was enough, Yamamoto slammed his cane into the floor once, two, three times.
"Silence!" He bellowed, and soon- not soon enough- all had quieted down.
"These may be dark times," he said grimly- and he knew how to sound grim- "and I know first hand the ugliness of of a civil war. With the empire of Wan across the narrow sea just waiting for us to show weakness, this is not something we can afford. Until further notice, until an emperor can be found to replace our lost sovereign, I will rule in his stead. More than anything else, we need unity- right now. Not tomorrow, or two weeks from now, or two months or a year- now."
"You cannot seize the throne for yourself!" One of the lordlings spat. "That is illegal! This will not be tolerated-"
"If I wanted the throne, I would seize it." Yamamoto said coldly. "The armies obey me to a man. If I wanted to rule as emperor, you could not stop me. I do this for the good of our country- until a new emperor can be agreed upon."
"Surely you know as well as we do that that will never happen." A noblewoman further down the table said, scoffing. "In effect, you become ruler."
"Have you seen a civil war?" Yamamoto growled. "I have. I fought with our sovereign's grandfather for the throne in one of those. War is truly ugly, but nothing is uglier than countrymen fighting one another because their betters cannot agree who is better fit to rule."
There was a buzz of murmurs and angry mutters, but before it could break out into a storm of chatter again, the smooth, elegant voice of Aizen Sousuke made itself heard.
"Indeed, Yamamoto-sama." He said, smiling slightly. "Three emperors have died in your time, two of them before their time." He paused lightly, letting the insult sink in. "Nobody doubts your dedication to this country, nor the soundness of your mind, the strength of your arm, or the awesome power your authority commands. However, you must realize how this might look to the... less educated and thoughtful of our ruling class."
"Speak plainly if you have anything to say." Yamamoto said gruffly. He knew Aizen to be a competent politician- which was exactly why he could be trusted no further than he could be thrown.
"By greatest luck, I have come upon some... information that would help us from this current predicament." He said, sounding far too gentle and humble.
"Have you?" Yamamoto said, frowning deeply.
"Indeed." Aizen said, reaching into his kimono and producing a thick scroll. "This, my lords, is a family tree- specifically, a tree of the honourable Watanabe line, and all its closest relatives. Through the most amazing circumstance, I have found that by a distant relation through the beloved emperor's sister, I am the closest living relative."
"Let me see that!" Yamamoto exclaimed. Looking quietly triumphant, Aizen handed the scroll down towards Yamamoto.
"Of course, grand shogun." He said smoothly. "I would never expect such grand news to be taken seriously on word alone." He looked around at the rest of the nobles, who looked everything between incredulous, shocked, skeptical, angry, or just confused. "That there may be no doubt of the legitimacy of this document- it was handed to me by none less than the royal archive keeper, whose sacred charge, as we all know, is far above any corruption. He will gladly verify it."
Glaring at him, Yamamoto read through the scroll, tracing names until he found Aizen's. If it was a forgery, it was a damn good one- the seal of the archive-keeper was there, in mint condition.
"Heresy!" He spat, tossing the scroll down the table. "Every possible heir is always recorded- there has never, in all the emperor's ruling time, been any record of this!"
Sounding mildly surprised- how easy that sort of deception must come to a man like him, he thought- Aizen said,
"I have only known rather briefly myself, grand shogun. Naturally, I had no cause to make it public- I expected the emperor, god rest his soul, to live a long and healthy life. The responsibility of a daimyo was plenty for me- but, in the face of war I will accept this responsibility, however reluctantly."
Yamamoto felt his blood boil. That lying little...
"And it just so happens that, on this day when our sire's death is announced, you bring this... proof with you? That so conveniently, you have reason to sweep in and seize the throne?" Yamamoto kept his voice steady, he always did, but he was starting to feel angry.
"I like to prepare for any eventuality. I was summoned from my lands because our liege was severely ill- and being concerned for civil war, just like yourself, I wanted to make sure that should the worst happen, I could back my claim up."
Yamamoto made a fist, and slammed it into the table. Even at an age approaching eighty, he was still strong, and the table trembled under the strike.
"Be gone, Aizen Sousuke!" He thundered. "We will examine this document; I shall have every scholar qualified on the subject look at it- but know this: I do not take kindly to usurpers! I have delivered this country from its doom time and again, and I am not content to let some bastard take charge of it."
"That is unreasonable, shogun!" One of the lords exclaimed. "He has a claim- would you not avoid conflict so easily, when there is a way out?"
"I agree!" Another cried. "If there is a war, will it not be you who are to blame?"
"Silence!" A third cried. "The shogun is right- letting a bastard take the throne spits in the face of all tradition!"
And so, the hen's pen started anew, bickering drowning out any reasonable conversation. And from the other side of the table sat Aizen, smirking. Yamamoto suppressed his anger- Aizen had played his hand cleverly, appearing like the reasonable one.
It might well be time to rouse the armies.
Carefully, Ichigo and Byakuya made their way through the woods, toward the noise. It sounded like an old man, crying for mercy- they couldn't quite make out the words- and they could hear rough, harsh voices too, and a bit of gloating laughter. Somewhere in Ichigo's head it occurred to him that they had gone rather far, and maybe they couldn't find their way back if they kept going- but it was a small part of his train of thought drowned out by his focus. The two of them were walking quietly, in silence, and as they hit the top of a hill, just behind a bush, they saw the scene.
It was a small wooden cart, the kind you could pull by yourself, covered by a small roof. Goods were spread across the forest floor, little trinkets and loaves of bread, and an old man was lying down, using his arms to shield himself from his attackers- one, two, three, four men, two of which were bullying the old man, and the other two were rummaging through the cart. They were armed, two with spears, one with a short blade at his side, and one held an axe of some kind. The old man looked unhurt, for the most part, as the two bandits seemed content pushing him, laughing at his helpless state.
"Right." Byakuya said, putting his hand at his sword, "there is no cause for further delay." He stood up tall, and took a step forward. Quickly, Ichigo grabbed him by the sleeve of his kimono, and pulled him back.
"Are you nuts?" He hissed, keeping low. "There's four of them- and they're armed!"
"You may be a coward, commoner," Byakuya said scornfully, "but the code of honour leaves no room for doubt. The strong must protect the weak, for it is the noble thing to do. If I turn my back on those in need, I have no place calling myself noble."
"Four versus one!" Ichigo sneered back. "That's not noble, that's stupid!"
"Stay here if you like, coward," Byakuya said coldly, slapping Ichigo's hand away, "but I will move forward. A few untrained riff-raff scumbags should present little challenge."
He stood up, and confidently walked downhill. Cursing under his breath, Ichigo hurried after him, keeping low. The forest was fairly dense, and it didn't look like they had been spotted yet.
"Did you find heart, commoner?" Byakuya said, almost bemusedly. "Do not get in my way- are you even armed?"
"Well- no," Ichigo spat, "aside from this small knife, not really. And it's not heart- I'm telling you to have some common sense!"
"I will hear no further words of retreat."
"No- if you'll do this, then at least don't walk downhill swaggering like a cock dressed in a colourful sheet! They'll see you coming-"
"You would have me strike from the shadows? If they see justice coming their way, so be it."
Ichigo muttered another curse. "Keeping down would be, er, a strategic advantage. Being nobby doesn't mean you have to be stupid about it, right?"
"And how would you do that?" Byakuya said, and Ichigo noticed he, at least, didn't sound uninterested.
"Keep your head down, and move carefully. And when you get close, you can shout your challenges or whatever nobs do before they kill somebody, but do it quick- take 'em by surprise. Tactical, yeah?"
"Well, it's a tad late, isn't it?"
The two of them, by now, had gotten almost to the foot of the hill, and the bandits hadn't yet noticed them- well, so much for urging common sense; the universe had just taken care of that for them. Byakuya dashed forward quickly, and stood behind a tall bush.
"I'll indulge you this far, commoner," he said, nodding at him, "I will make my move- and when I have their attention, you may use your dishonorable 'tactics' as you please. And don't get in the way. Understood?"
"Understood," Ichigo mumbled, and took out his small knife. He looked at it like it was some alien tool- he'd used it to gut fish, carve sticks, pick his nails... and now he was supposed to do what with it? Gut people? Damn it...
With a confident swagger, Byakuya stepped out of the bushes, sword drawn and held at the ready. The bandits didn't notice him, busy as they were looting. Seeming annoyed at his dramatic entrance not being given its due, Byakuya declared, loudly and proudly,
"Halt, criminals! You will surrender now, or you will hang by the neck! Drop your weapons on the ground, and lie down on the ground! This is your only warning!"
In all fairness, his delivery was quite good, confident, authoritative and loud, and the two bandits looting the cart actually dropped their spears. One of them though, the man with an axe, looked up from bullying the old man- and, seeing Byakuya, he started to laugh. The two spear-users turned around, and laughed with him, and the fourth one joined in as they picked their weapons back up.
"I mean it!" Byakuya said, holding up his sword. "You will surrender or die!"
"That's bloody rich," The axe-man- who Ichigo presumed was their leader- said, wiping a tear from his eye. "For a second there, you almost had me going- guards been hounding us for a while now. But you, some wet-behind-the-ears pup? That's a good one."
"I will give no further warning."
"Get 'im." The axe man said, pointing at Byakuya, and the two spearmen advanced, circling around Byakuya. Seeing all four distracted by the young nobleman, Ichigo decided now was as good a time as ever. It wasn't far- he could do this. Rushing from out the bush, he rammed the bandit who had been bullying the old man along with the axe-user, and knocked him over before he could react. Quickly, Ichigo got on top of him, knife in hand-
And then, he froze. Stab a knife right into a man? Just like that? There wasn't time for something like moral objection, but something in Ichigo made him stop. He'd never hurt a man, much less killed one, and doing it like this was out of his scope, out of his imagination. He'd done as much as fight with other boys, hand to hand, back at the castle- but killing was a whole other business.
He hesitated only for a second, but a second was enough, and the axe man slammed the butt of his weapon to the back of Ichigo's head, and everything went dark.
Byakuya, for his part, was holding up well enough. The two spear-users were not experienced, he could tell, and their thrusts were slow, easy to parry. He just had to wait for an opening...
And then, he felt a blade at his throat, and a hand grabbing at his hair from behind.
"You drop that fancy sword, or I'm slitting your throat. Got that, nob?"
In his mind, Byakuya swore.
"I will do no such thing, you fiend!" He hissed, but he felt a sinking feeling, and his confidence was waning quickly.
"Yes, you bloody will!" The voice said, and Byakuya felt three quick jabs to his side. Overwhelmed with pain, he bent over, and quickly the bandits had piled up on him, wrestling the sword from his hand. Cursing, Byakuya struggled against them, but to no avail. Before long, he and Ichigo both had been tied with their hands behind their back, to a young- but strong- tree.
"Oi, boss," one of the spearmen said, "this is a real shiny-looking sword. You want it?"
"That's a nob sword, you idiot," the axe-man said, "and it'll be worth thousands of kan. Even stolen, I could buy a dozen swords for this. No, we're selling this nice little piece...
"Fiend!" Byakuya cried. "That blade has been passed down from one generation to the next in the Kuchiki house- you have no right to it!"
"Then I bet it would sell real nice, kiddo," The bandit leader said, grinning, as he inspected the sword.
"Villains! Dishonorable cowards! Scum!" Byakuya spat angrily. The bandit just grinned wider, amused at his helpless rage.
"Great idea, this," Ichigo murmured, coming to. "Yes, let's go and valiantly save the day, that could never go wrong..."
"Shut up, you commoner idiot!" Byakuya snapped. "If it is so foolish, then why are you right here with me, tied up as well? You lost without even putting up a fight!"
"I told you we shouldn't have-"
"Well, ya did." The bandit leader said. "Look at the two of you, playing hero- and for what, this old trader?" He nodded to one of his men. "Rat, cut his throat."
"Sure, boss." One of the men said, and walked over to the old man. He held up his arms, pleading with him, but it did him no good- in a second's time, Rat had cut him across the throat, and the old man let out a gurgle, as blood flowed over the forest floor.
"Now, that old geezer warn't worth a dime," The leader said, grinning evilly, "but two young, strong lads? One with expensive clothes and a fancy sword? That's a better catch than anything in that shitty cart. I think I'll sell the two of you for a nice price at the next market- if you're lucky, you two can look forward to working rice fields for the rest of your life. Or maybe I'll sell pretty-boy here to some noble who likes young lads, that'd be even better." Byakuya's eyes widened, and the bandit leader started to laugh, long and hard. Ichigo cursed his fate, cursed Byakuya, cursed his own stupidity- this would be a terrible way to end a story.
"Sounds like you got a plan."
The voice came from just up the hill, casual and assertive, and Ichigo could have jumped with cheer. There was no mistaking it, he knew that one by now- Ikkaku!
It was indeed the bald man, walking into the scene with a lazy gait, casually carrying his naginata across both his shoulders, eyeing the five bandits with a fearless look.
"And who the fuck are you?" The leader said, and the five of them tensed, holding their weapons at the ready.
"Just a passer-by like yourself," Ikkaku said, walking just past Ichigo and Byakuya. He gave them a knowing look. "I don't own anything but these clothes, so I don't think I'd be worth your time. I like your plan, though- two boys like these would pay you a lotta money, and a man's got to have ambition."
"Fiend," Byakuya spat. Ichigo frowned. What was he doing? Wasn't he going to help them?
"I think you better fuck off now, and we won't gut you like a pig," The leader said. "I'm in a good mood- nice catch today, so I'll let you off. Go on- fuck off."
"See, I can't do that," Ikkaku said, and stood facing all five of them. Slowly and demonstratively, he slid off the upper part of his kimono, letting it hang free by its belt, showing off his naked torso. Ichigo hadn't noticed it before; next to Kenpachi Ikkaku looked rather small (as did anyone, really), but he was quite muscular. Lean, but with thick, strong arms, a well toned chest, and scars- lots of scars, running up his arms, his chest, his gut. Still holding his naginata lazily, he looked at the five bandits, with an ugly frown.
"These boys ain't yours to sell. So I'm wonderin' if I'm gonna have a problem here."
"Who the fuck are you?" The leader spat.
"Their daddy," Ikkaku lied casually, "and I gotta get 'em home for bed time, or the wife'll have my hide. So what's it gonna be?"
The leader spat on the ground. "Five of us, one of you. Fuck off."
Ikkaku grinned, and he looked downright demonic. "Look at you, scared shitless- if you thought you could do it, you'd have told your little pissants to kill me already."
"Wanna try it?" He growled back.
"Hey you, the half-sword," Ikkaku said, ignoring him and pointing to the man who had snuck up on Byakuya from behind, "yeah, you."
"Me?" The bandit said, sounding dumbfounded.
"You ever killed anybody?"
"Yeah-"
"I just bet you have. You looked like a real tough guy, cutting that old geezer."
"Uh..." The bandit said, sounding confused, looking at his sword.
"Ever held a man's guts in your hands?" Ikkaku said cheerfully.
"Uh-"
"'Cos I have. It's like holding a bunch of big, slippery noodles. That are covered in blood. Battles are funny like that. One moment it's you, a sword, and a man trying to kill you, and the next you've opened up his belly and you're holding his innards like it's nothing. All these vital things, right there in your hands... and it's 'cause you were faster than him."
"What're you on about?" The leader growled. Ikkaku continued to ignore him.
"War does that to you- a bit of carnage gets so common you don't think twice about it. Like how I could pop your eyeballs with my thumb and hear you scream, and don't think twice about it." He casually pointed his spear at the group. "You lot ain't soldiers, are ya? Some soldiers do turn rogue, 'cause the lords don't give a shit about you once the war's won, but you're just the typical shits who got hold of a weapon and thought that made you badasses. You think you're bad, do ya? Well, I'll tell you what's bad- killin' twenty men in a day, and then goin' on to butcher a whole village with your mates 'cos they've been supplying the enemy with food, that is bad. You ever done that?"
"You listen here-" The leader began angrily, pointing at Ikkaku with his axe.
"No, you listen." Ikkaku said viciously. "It's five of you and one of me, but I ain't some dumb punk like these two. Five's enough that you could surround me, get a lucky hit in when I'm distracted- but I guaran-fucking-tee you I'll kill at least four of you before I'm down. And I'm starting with you, axe boy. You got nice balls- let's see how much you like 'em when I shove my spear through 'em."
"You think we're just gonna let go of our catch?" One of the bandits spat.
"Boy, you're going to let go of it, and then you're gonna start running, 'cos if you don't I'll find my mates- and they're worse than I am. Here's my deal for you- the five of you get the fuck out now, or I'm going to strangle you with your own guts. I lived through fifteen years of war, I lived through Katagahara, and I sure as shit don't feel afraid of five country bumpkins who think they're tough 'cause they can kill old men and push around dumb greenhorns."
The bandits looked uncertain, almost fearful, and looked to their leaders. The axe-wielder looked strange too, angry, hesitant, holding up his axe but not quite doing anything with it.
"Like I said, five on one could probably take me," Ikkaku said darkly, "but do you wanna take the chance on being the one lucky shit who gets to live? Any time you're ready." He took a stance, flexed his muscles, and held his spear at the ready.
"God damn it..." The boss spat frustratedly, "Boys, this dumb shit ain't worth our time. We got uh, better things to do anyway. We're leavin'."
With that, he turned around, and looking relieved, so did his companions. Ikkaku kept his stance until they were well out of sight, then hurried over to Ichigo and Byakuya, cutting them loose. Quickly, Byakuya ran over to get his sword, with a desperate vigour, while Ichigo just rubbed his wrists.
"Thanks." He mumbled.
"You ain't gonna be thankful when Kenpachi hears about this." Ikkaku said. "Yumichika told me to go check on ya, 'cause you're a couple of idiots and the woods ain't safe. Figured he was just bein' fussy, but I guess you two really are dumber than two rocks. Let's go."
"Y-yeah," Ichigo murmured, getting to his feet and grabbing his knife.
"You too, noble boy." Ikkaku said, pointing at Byakuya. Together, the three of them headed back."
"...are you mad?" Ichigo asked.
"Mad?" Ikkaku snorted. "Go get yourself killed all you like- but me havin' to risk my life for ya, that ain't something I appreciate."
"But surely you could have killed them all?" Byakuya said, sounding shaken from the ordeal. "You are a veteran, are you not?"
"You know how you make veteran?" Ikkaku said coldly. "By not taking fights you don't have to. By not going up against the odds. I wasn't kidding- five on one, those are shitty odds, and you were lucky those dumbasses were cowards. After all I been through, dying in the middle of nowhere to some dumb punks would have been a fucked up end. All 'cause the two of you are too dumb to-" He stopped himself.
"No, I ain't gonna lecture ya. I'll leave that one to the big man."
Ichigo swallowed, and so did Byakuya. This wasn't going to be fun.
"So you're tellin' me," Kenpachi said, "that these two are not as dumb as they seem, but actually much, much dumber?"
"Sure seems that way." Ikkaku said, standing leaned against a tree.
They were back at the makeshift camp, and Byakuya and Ichigo stood before Kenpachi, who was standing tall in the evening light, with a foul look on his face. Ikkaku had explained every last bit to Kenpachi, with details added by the two miserable young men, and Kenpachi's face had turned more and more forebodingly neutral with every word.
"I tell you to get out, and what do you do? Make an effort to find trouble."
"We had to help!" Byakuya said urgently. "As a man of honour-"
"You fucking idiot!" Kenpachi sneered, and backhanded him. Byakuya fell over, face first onto the ground. "You ain't a 'man of honour', you're a stupid little boy who tries to pretend he is! It takes a real god damn moron to charge into a fight without knowing what he's up against, without backup, outnumbered and alone!"
"I-"
"You ever killed a man, boy?" Kenpachi spat.
"I don't see-"
"Answer." Kenpachi's tone left no room for disagreement.
"...no." Byakuya mumbled. "But I was trained by the finest-"
"You know shit." Kenpachi spat on the ground. "You know how to hold a sword, and cut at a straw dummy. Until you actually done some real combat, you might as well be a god damn toddler. And somehow, you're arrogant enough to think you can take five men."
"I saw only four!" Byakuya protested. "The cowards used trickery- had they fought honourably-"
"And look at how that turned out. You getting taken down without so much as drawing blood!"
"Honour is the core of what it means to be a samurai!" Byakuya snapped. "Without it, I would be a mere thug with a blade!"
There was a look of disgust on Kenpachi's face. "Let me tell you about 'honour', boy. You know what they call 'honourable' samurai on the front?" Before Byakuya had a chance to reply, he continued, "They call 'em idiots, plain and simple. Sure, they put on a show for their lords, but the samurai who want to live learn to fight dirty fast, 'cause if they don't then they're just making themselves weaker for no good reason. And all that shit about protecting? I done seen many soldiers without a title, and many with one, and all of them were thieving, murdering rapists if there was an enemy village nearby. Hell, it didn't have to be an enemy village!"
"You lie!"
Kenpachi bent over, getting in Byakuya's face. "You wake up, boy. 'Honour' is bullshit lords made up so they can say it's righteous when they murder their enemies. And in a fight, you do whatever it takes to win, or you're next. War's an ugly business, and it breeds ugly people. End of!"
Byakuya looked like he might retort, but kept quiet, looking defeated. Whether he believed Kenpachi's words, or whether he just didn't want to be smacked another time, Ichigo didn't know. He felt a sinking feeling as Kenpachi turned to face him.
"And what're you lookin' so damned pleased about?" Kenpachi growled. Ichigo was anything but pleased, and he was sure he looked the part to, but not visualizing his abject terror was apparently enough.
"I'm not!" Ichigo said, holding his hands up desperately. "I just-"
"You got into a fight with two people, and even though you got so damn lucky you got a shot at one, you froze. With that fucking toothpick of a knife! That one, right there," Kenpachi said, pointing at Byakuya, who was still sitting on the forest floor, "is an idiot, but at least he got a sword. At least he knows the basic idea is to stick the pointy end at people to make 'em die. What the hell do you know, you little shit-for-brains?"
"Nothing! I know nothing!"
"You're damn right you know nothing." Kenpachi growled, and with a viciously quick move he backhanded Ichigo too. The impact of the blow was heavy, and Ichigo fell over. He got up in a sitting position, holding a hand over his cheek.
"See, young lord idiot over there's a nob, which means somebody and everybody told him his shit smells better than everybody else's from when he was a toddler. He's an idiot 'cause he don't know any better. But you ain't an inbred idiot taught to be especially idiotic, so I'm gonna have to guess you made a special effort to be stupid. Is that right?"
"Should we have let them just do what they wanted, then? They were robbing that old man-"
"God damn heroes." Kenpachi growled. "And look at the two of you- if Ikkaku hadn't been there, you'd be dead or worse. I hate people who play hero- it's a surefire way to get yourself killed, without thanks or appreciation. And you can't even do that, because you're a peasant who don't know the first thing about the world, about swordfigting, about anything. What happened when you tried playing hero? You got captured easy, and the old man got killed off. If you'd had the sense to back off, he'd still have died, except we wouldn't have had to deal with your mess."
"And if people suffer, we just look the other way?"
"People suffering who're too piss weak to do anything about it deserve all they get." Seeing the look in Ichigo's eye, he added,
"I don't want to hear it. Not another word. You two are equals- equally stupid, equally troublesome, and I'm thinkin' the biggest fool of all is me- for putting up with you."
Ichigo kept quiet, but glared angrily.
"I swear, the two of you..." Kenpachi mumbled angrily, "You need to learn, all right- somebody needs to teach you how to use a sword, for one..."
Muttering angrily to himself, he walked off a bit, and sat himself down under a tree.
"Don't worry, Ichi, Byakkun," Yachiru said cheerily, walking up to them, "Ken-chan likes you."
"That is a strange way of showing appreciation." Byakuya said, rubbing his cheek, getting to his feet.
"I've seen him mad. He was just a bit annoyed now." Yachiru nodded enthusiastically, and happily ran over to Kenpachi.
"She got a point there," Ikkaku said.
"Does she now?" Ichigo said sourly, still feeling the burn from the backhand he'd taken.
"We've seen him angry. As in angry for real," Yumichika said, sighing, "and believe me, you wouldn't like him angry. When he gets angry, a pack of demons would run for their lives."
"And what was this, then?"
"Learning common sense." Ikkaku said dryly.
Ichigo groaned. Common sense was much more painful than he had expected.