A/N: I'm crying. This is the crackiest story I have ever written.

marriage of alliance

chap. 2

confrontation

.

.

.

.

Sanji found it very hard to keep his pokerface around Law since the day he and Luffy had sent the letter to Smoker via seagull mail, but if he was having difficulties, then it was outright impossible for Luffy to keep a straight face around the man with the overly complicated name that gave way to too many puns and jokes.

"What's wrong with you idiots?" Nami wondered out loud as she watched both Sanji and Luffy bend down, both clutching their stomachs as they laughed after Law had retreated into the men's quarters for a while.

"Ahahah… sorry, Nami-san…" Sanji managed to gasp between his fits of laughter as Luffy literally rolled on the grass on the deck, guffawing so hard that every soul within the radius of three miles probably heard him. Including Law, but he probably thought they were all nuts by now, so who cared.

Nami shrugged, though she seemed perturbed that it was Sanji laughing with Luffy and not the usual goofs named Usopp and Chopper.

"Oi, Luffy," Sanji managed to say once they were left alone again, "pull yourself together. Save the laughter for when Smoker and Law meet again."

Luffy's eyes were wet with tears, and the captain nodded as he rubbed the water off of them, lips twitching and breath shaking as Luffy tried to contain his laughter for once. "Sanji, I'm hungry, though. Meat?"

Sanji nearly cracked up again. "Yeah, yeah, I'll prepare your meat."

.

.

.

.

Tashigi pressed her forehead against the palm of her hand, eyes closed as she tried to alleviate her ever-growing headache. This was a fool's trip, a lunatic idea that she had in her insanity fed to Smoker — "if it bothers you that much, why not just go find him and demand an explanation?" — and she had regrets deeper than the deepest ocean.

This was stupid, first and foremost, and Tashigi contemplated whether all this was the result of Smoker's sexual frustration their subordinates kept murmuring about in jest.

Watching Smoker down another bottle of whiskey, Tashigi thought that yes, that was most likely the case, and she took her vodka shot in one go to erase that thought.

She didn't need the mental images the thought about a sexually pining Smoker gave her, but alcohol wasn't the answer as she found out. In fact, vodka only made her imagination all the more rich and opened up new possibilities.

And she was just so mad. At Smoker. At Trafalgar Law. Smoker for getting so riled up over the goddamn letter. At Trafalgar Law for sending such a thing in the first place. (Had he sent it? Tashigi, at first, had firmly believe it to be a prank, but the more she thought about it, the more likely it seemed that Trafalgar Law enjoyed trolling the Marines enough to pull this shit.)

It was the fifth day of their voyage, and Tashigi just wished she could take back her words about going to look for Trafalgar.

There was not enough chill pills in the world to make Smoker-san calm down now, her rational side reminded, and it was a good point.

"Smoker-san," she began, her lips pursing when Smoker didn't even raise his head to notify her of his attention. "How many times have you read that letter already? Let it go."

Let it go, she wanted to scream, but she was the one that drove them to this trip, and she wouldn't abandon Smoker on his quest for… Trafalgar booty? Inner peace? Confirmation on whether his obsession was requited or not?

Formerly, Tashigi would have placed her bets on the second one, but now — with alcohol buzzing pleasantly in her head — she wasn't so sure. God, maybe there was somehing in that tension between Smoker and Law back then at Punk Hazard.

The thought made Tashigi want to cry — not because she had feelings for Smoker, but because this was nonsense.

"I can't let it go, Tashigi," Smoker answered with a deep rumble as the man gazed at the vast horizon that opened up before them. "I need to solve this shit before it consumes me."

"Smoker-san," Tashigi groaned, "please don't let this turn into something like your obsession with Straw Hat Luffy." While she wholeheartedly followed him through that particular path, this one… she probably wouldn't be able to follow. Please don't go where I can't follow, Smoker-san, she thought in despair.

"I don't have an obsession with that brat!" Smoker grunted back. "And this is important information for the Navy, trust me on this one, Tashigi."

Tashigi looked at the sky. It was clear blue. Seagulls were screeching.

As was she, just not out loud.

.

.

.

.

"Hey, guys… Marines on sight!" Zoro's call broke the reverie everyone had succumbed to in the past couple of weeks of relative silence and boredom, which had been the cause of Luffy's eternal woe and Sanji's annoyance — that Smoker guy usually wasn't this awful at tracking them down, was he?

"Oh, shit," Usopp moaned from the grass he had been lying. "Why now…"

Sanji looked up. "Oi, marimo head, who's in charge there, can you tell?" Hope was painfully tangible as Sanji glanced at Luffy, who was looking at him, and they both grinned and hoped—

"Looks like Smoker," Zoro replied, voice flat as he glanced down to the deck from an open window. "What's that got to do with anything?"

Sanji and Luffy burst into near identical smiles, and high-fived each other. Hell yeah, goodbye boredom! (Also hell yes, finally the prank would come to its conclusion. Smoker and Law. Face-to-face. Sanji finally understood the deal with pranks. They were great.)

Nami just made an impatient gesture. "Who cares? Let's get out of here."

Luffy' smile widened as he managed to straighten himself into a sitting position, pushing Usopp down when he tried to get up. "Nah. Let's wait for Smokey!"

Everyone on the deck just stopped and stared at Luffy, most prominently Usopp, Chopper, and Nami.

"Oi, Luffy… you do remember who Smoker is, right…?" Usopp stared at his captain, disbelief raising his eyebrow up his brow. Nami shifted on her feet impatiently, clearly not having any of Luffy's shit right now.

"Yeah! Smokey is Smokey!" Luffy's smile widened and he laughed. "I wanna catch up with him!"

Sanji had never thought Luffy would be able to pull off a lie, and he simply stared at the back of Luffy's head as though it had turned mossy green right before his eyes. Well… an eye. He almost wanted to say 'good job', since that lie was very believable from Luffy…

…except that it probably wasn't a lie and Luffy really wanted to have a chat about the past two years with Smoker. Sanji sighed. Yeah, that was far more likely.

Oh, whatever. The reason Smoker was coming for them was at least clear, and Sanji snickered to himself as he turned to glance at Nami-san. "You heard him — Captain's orders," he said with all the seriousness he could muster as he thought about the letter.

It had been a great idea to let Luffy write it.

Nami-san screeched. Usopp yelled. Chopper whined. Franky freaking laughed. Robin-chan giggled softly. Brook played Binks' sake.

Zoro… who the fuck knew what he was doing up there. Sanji certainly didn't care as his own lips curled into a grin.

Luffy laughed, and Sanji was pretty sure Smoker could hear that all the way out there. That was fine. Let the smoke bastard know he was warmly welcomed here. Sanji briefly glanced toward the doors that led to the inside of the ship. C'mon, Law, drag your ass out here.

As if on cue, Law stepped out into the deck, glancing around with a minimal frown scrunching his brow. "I heard someone yell about Marines," he murmured, looking around at the irritated faces and two particularly elated ones. "Why are we not doing anything?"

"Ask the captain of this ship," Nami groaned, throwing her arms in the air in exasperation. "He says he wants to catch up with Smoker."

Law gave Luffy a look that said not you again, but his steps halted at the mention of the Marine. "…Smoker-ya?" Sanji relished in the mildly anxious look that crossed Law's eyes that very instant. Not for the first time, the cook mentally patted himself on the back for the great idea of pranking Smoker and Law like this.

"Yeah!" Luffy grinned up at Law, and Sanji ranted don't blow it don't blow it DON'T BLOW IT in his head until he was no longer sure what 'it' was referring to.

For a straight guy, he sure had a lot of cock in his mind lately.

"Doesn't it sound like fun, Trafalgay-"

"Trafalgar," Law corrected, the first time he actually bothered to do so, and glared at Sanji, who was trying his best to not cough up his lungs as the fit of laughter struck him like a bolt of lightning. "And I don't see how catching up with Marines is fun since it usually ends up as us being caught. Literally."

"You'll see," Sanji's jaw ached from the force of his smile, and he couldn't help himself — he inched close to Law, leaned over and muttered, "Like, remember to invite us to the wedding too. That's the least you owe us for helping your ass in Dressrosa, you know."

Law gave him the darkest, most confused look he could muster, and that had Sanji cracking up all over again. He had had enough laughter for centuries, for sure, and the best part hadn't even happened yet!

"And, uh, you know," Sanji said, louder, "we have a spare sail you can use as a wedding dress, if it comes down to it, so really, nothing can stop you!" The cook patted Law on the shoulder and gestured towards the horizon while the rest of the Straw Hats watched the exchange with equal amounts of bewilderment and amusement. (Admittedly, Luffy was the only amused one. As well as Robin, who giggled against the edge of her coffee cup.)

"I don't know whether to feel encouraged or disturbed by your enthusiasm, Black Leg-ya," Law said, cautiously stepping aside from Sanji's grasp, "especially when I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Trust me," Sanji murmured, "you will find out soon enough."

Luffy's laughter on the background was like an ominous foreboding — for Law.

.

.

.

.

"Where's the booze?" Tashigi went straight to the point when she boarded the Thousand Sunny, not bothering with the formalities as she glared around the crew, her head pounding.

"In the kitchen, in the fridge, my beautiful maiden-" Sanji swooned, but Tashigi stared him down and Sanji sensed her mood, so he paused, inching back as Tashigi's eyes glared at him with harshness he hadn't seen from the Marine Captain.

"Thank you," Tashigi said simply as she stormed off, Nico Robin's sprouting hands offering her directions throughout the ship.

Smoker stared after her, shaking his head mildly, before casting his heavy-lidded gaze on the rest of them, smoke puffing up from the three cigars that hung from his mouth.

Sanji, however, noted the extra three that Smoker's hand kept fiddling, and he discreetly glanced at Law, whose expression remained stony.

Ah, the famed "unresolved sexual tension", which Sanji was so very familiar with.

Nami and Usopp collectively groaned on the background, but for most part, silence reigned. Even the Marines aboard Smoker's ship seemed to sense this as none of them seemed particularly eager to jump forward to board the Thousand Sunny.

Luffy only barely held in his giggles, and even Sanji had a hard time keeping his face straight.

"So," Law gave Sanji and Luffy a slightly weirded out expression, a clear thought of what the hell is wrong with you apparent in Law's pale eyes, "what brings you to this part of the ocean, Smoker-ya?"

Smoker's lips pressed against the butts of his cigars, eyes narrowing into slits as they glued themselves onto Law's face. "You would know, wouldn't you, Trafalgar," he said lowly, as his free hand tugged the crumpled piece of paper out from his pocket and shoved it at Law's face. "After all, you sent me this! Now," Smoker continued, sounding mildly deranged, "what's the meaning of it?"

Law blinked as he unfolded the paper. The silence around the ship was heavy, thick enough to worry Law, but then Sanji and Luffy started snickering.

Law's mind, by then, was preoccupied by something entirely different.

Hey smokey, I am gay 4 u.

XOXO, Trafalgay Law

Sanji checked the letter, though he knew what it said already, and laughed harder. "Oi, Smoker," he tried to breathe, "Law's kind of a repressed guy, overall — maybe he's proposing to you."

Luffy's shrieks of laughter were promptly ignored as each and every pair of eyes settled on Law and Smoker, whose face seemed to have heated up by several degrees — whether from anger or embarrassment, no one could tell.

Tashigi, who had just returned with booze, could be heard muttering, "At least I won't have to deal with babies."

Robin murmured in addition, "So this is how the Great Pirate Age ends — a Marine and a pirate joining together in holy matrimony." Her eyes gazed at the distant skies. "The ultimate marriage of alliance, indeed."