marriage of alliance

chap. 3

Plans

Trafalgay— er, Trafalgar Law was usually relatively aware of the situations he ended up in. Lately, however, this hadn't been the case, and he blamed this fully on the Straw Hat Pirates and their ability to mess up his plans in mere seconds.

Right now, he was confused, though looking at Straw Hat and Black Leg, he was fairly sure who the culprits to this ridiculous event were.

Damn you.

"So, when's the wedding?" Sanji pressed, looking between them, and Law had never quite felt this big an urge to punch someone with his own hands before. "I mean, for real, Smoker looks so happy he'll faint, and you're just waiting for him to say yes, aren't you?"

Law wished he could say something. Anything. But Smoker's smoke was drifting off to him, and god if Law didn't have it bad. For the smoke. Not so much the smoker.

He could have wept right then if his head didn't feel faint and dizzy.

"See," Sanji said smugly, which Law heard only barely over the sound of his own thumping heart. "He's blushing." And Luffy, on the background, was shrieking with laughter along with the rest of his crew, and Law wasn't entirely sure why he chose this over… well, over hanging out in the sub with his own crew. "Really, Law, I was just kidding earlier, but I guess it's true…!"

Speaking of which, where were Bepo, Hachi and Shachi when he needed them? They were on board Sunny too, so they should have heard the ruckus already.

Smoker just stared, adding two more cigars to his mouth, and smoked aggressively in silence as he tried to come to terms with what this meant to him. To the world. To his job.

Marriage with Trafalgar Law. Sure enough, his mother always wanted him to get married with something other than his job, but damn. Trafalgar Law. Really? Life, this was the person you set him up with? Smoker stared at the deck with unseeing eyes, breathing out puffs of smoke without noticing the steadily rising color on Law's face.

And Smoker's mind took off to a route of its own: who the fuck was the bride, who was the groom, what kind of cake should there be, would there be a honeymoon.

Public or private wedding? Private, because fuck if he'd deal with the curiosity of every fucking pirate crew in the world. Straw Hats probably were going to come anyway, knowing the captain, and Smoker bit on his cigars a bit harder at the thought, the rising smoke covering his face from everyone's view for the moment.

Smoker's face heated up. Fuck.

Why was he contemplating this shit?

"Okay, so," Usopp's voice piped up from the background, high-pitched and gleeful and hoarse from all the ache-inducing laughter, "any ideas for bridesmaids and best men yet?"

Everyone looked at each other, excluding Law and Smoker, as they thought about the question.

"I wanna be a bridesmaid!" Luffy broke the silence enthusiastically, waving his arms in the air like a child trying say 'pick me, pick me!'.

"Uh," was the common response Luffy received from everyone, including Zoro who had been drinking with Tashigi on the background. Tashigi merely held her head between her palms, now proceeding to question the very foundations of justice. What was justice? Had her sense of justice failed at some point, and was this karma's punishment?

"Does Luffy even know what a wedding is," Usopp murmured to Nami, "or a bridesmaid, for that matter."

"I don't think so," Nami muttered back, hand covering his lips as she stifled a snort. Okay, so maybe this scene was worth letting Smoker get on their ship.

Franky was crying, the happiness for Law's inevitable marriage unbearably great, and Robin's arm sprouted from his shoulder to hand him a tissue.

Zoro was sitting next to Tashigi, their usual head-butting over every little thing forgotten as Zoro awkwardly patted her shoulder as she held her head between her hands. "There, there," Zoro seemed to be saying, awkward as he was with Tashigi. "Maybe this hardship will sharpen your skill with the sword." Tashigi groaned, moving her hand slightly to flip Zoro off.

The swordsman grinned mockingly before gulping down his own beer.

"Bridesmaid's the guy that has all those flowers and stuff, yeah?" Luffy blinked, and none of the others had the heart to disclaim Luffy's assumption. "Like, the guy throws around flowers and gets all the meat and stuff?"

"No, I believe it is the bride that gets all the, hm, 'meat', Luffy," Robin said quietly, smiling behind her hand as she tried not to join the others' hysterical fits of laughter.

Luffy merely looked confused, and put-off by not having any meat. "Hey, Trafalgay! Don't hoard all the good stuff! Gimme some too!"

"The kind of meat she was talking about isn't the type you like, Straw Hat-ya," Law said, his voice sounding very far-off even to himself as he swallowed air down his dry throat. On instinct, he glanced aside, down at Smoker's crotch.

Or what did he know? Maybe Straw Hat was really into—

Law pursed his lips and wiped that thought from existence. No. Nope. Not thinking that through, not this time.

"I like all kinds of meat, though!" Luffy protested, sitting down cross-legged and rocking back and forth as he pouted at Law, who was more distracted by Smoker's… smoke — in every meaning of the word, to be honest, and Law felt almost… disconcerted.

"Of course you do, Luffy, of course you do,"Usopp managed to breathe out before Franky could, and Chopper just sat on Usopp's knee and looked confused by all of this. Law? Marriage? Okay, that was cool, but what's this thing about meat that had everyone laughing? What?

"Luffy," Nami snorted, "it's an euphemism."

"What phism?"

"…Never mind. Let's just say that it's not edible, okay?"

"What kind of meat isn't edible? Nami, that's dumb."

Nami sighed exaggeratedly, rolling her eyes as if to say is this guy for real. Then her gaze shifted to Law, whose head was bowed low, but if she had to hazard a guess where his eyes were looking at… Nami glanced at Smoker, and the thick veil of smoke.

"Well, it seems like someone's thirsty," she commented flippantly, smiling smugly when Law started, eyes widening comically wide for Law, and then there was sputtering. Nami smiled. Payback for all the shit that Law's plan had got them through was amazing.

And what was even more amazing? The big, bad Marine Vice Admiral was coughing, choking on his own smoke, and Nami had never felt more powerful as she did then as she brought these two physically stronger men down to their knees, metaphorically speaking.

Score: Nami 1, Guys Everywhere -234.

"Law," Smoker coughed, and it sounded like a lung or two might be coming up next if someone didn't do Heimlich on him.

"Smoker-ya," Law grunted back, the sound a little too high-pitched to his liking, and he forced himself to lift his gaze.

"Sexual tension," Zoro could he heard saying, and Tashigi grunted in agreement but only after punching Zoro's shoulder for making her choke on whiskey.

"This calls for a song," Brook declared, his 'yohohoho' laughter the loudest background voice currently as Law and Smoker eyed each other through the thin cloud of smoke.

"So, can I be the bridesmaid and get the meat anyway?" Luffy asked, still pouting as he glanced between Smoker and Law.

"Which one of us is the bride," Smoker asked weakly. "Frankly, I don't understand what's going on here anymore, Trafalgar."

"Trafalgay," Luffy corrected, and Sanji nudged at Law's side at this point, murmuring out, "If you need some alone time, the boys' quarters are open twenty-four seven, just for you." Sanji paused. "Well, except when we're sleeping there. Don't be a creep. Be considerate."

Law felt blush creep upon his features again, and he couldn't— his mind refused to work— the gear just wouldn't start up. "Neither do I, anymore," he muttered, and he could only hope Bepo and others wouldn't come out to greet this madness—

The cheers from the Marines he had completely forgotten about startled Law, and he turned his head to see many nameless Marines jumping up and down in excitement on the warship's deck.

"Smokey's getting married! Finally!"

"But to a pirate! What a twist!"

"Who cares! His name is Law. It's the perfect union!"

Nami had used the confusion of the past few minutes to get herself some paper and a pencil, and now she scribbled down the estimated costs of the wedding.

"Sanji-kun, didn't you say something about using the spare sail as a wedding dress if it came down to it?"

Sanji, eager to please her as always, swirled around towards her, nearly elbowing Law's face in the process, but Smoker pulled his to-be-husband safe from the flailing cook. "Yes, I did, Nami-san! And while I may not look like it, I think I'll be able to turn it into a very dashing wedding dress indeed! With some bleaching, it'll be perfect."

"Okay," Nami hummed contentedly, crossing that one off her list. "So that's 600 less."

Law's mouth had gone dry, but he opened it nevertheless, his voice dazed and eyes glazed. "The bride's and bridesmaid's dressed need feathers. A lot of them," he murmured, and Smoker glanced over to Tashigi.

"You taking these down, Tashigi?"

"Of course, Smoker-san," the Marine Captain said, her voice slurring and a hiccup escaping her lips. "And, like, Trafalgar," she added in a clear, loud voice as she stood up, swaying and staggering as Zoro looked up at her in alarm, "I don't care what your intent—" She nearly tripped, but Sanji twirled over to catch her before she fell, but she ignored him and instead just pointed an angry finger at Law. "I don't care what your intentions are, but if you're jus… ht… using Smoker-san for something, I'll kick your ass with my ten-inch heels!"

"You don't have ten-inch heels, Tashigi," Smoker said, oddly touched by her words as his lips curved into a first real smile since boarding this ship.

"Ten-inch heels or a katana up his ass, whatever!" Tashigi groaned and flailed a bit as Sanji tightened his grip on her. "Also," she added in a low murmur, eyes intent on Law's face, "prepare a lot of lube."

Chopper choked. Usopp gagged. Nami and Robin laughed. Brook sung a song no one but Luffy paid attention to. Franky sniffled. Sanji almost let go of Tashigi as he nearly swallowed his own damn cigarette.

Law and Smoker just stared at each other, realizing they were at the crossroads of life where they had to pick one or the other. Yes or no.

"I'd rather not have a katana up my ass," Law said carefully, mildly disconcerted by the tone Tashigi's words had held, and that gave birth to another round of laughter among the Straw Hats.

"This will be one hell of a sausage fest," Sanji muttered to himself as he borrowed Nami's budget sketch and started to sketch the menu for the occasion. And because he was already high from all the laughter, he cracked like an egg again and guffawed until tears stung his eyes and Tashigi elbowed him.

"So, is this super wedding actually happening?" It was Franky that pulled himself together and asked while wiggling his eyebrows suggestively at Law and Smoker. Law was suddenly glad for his dark complexion that hid the most of the blush he knew was on his face; Smoker's face was partially hidden by the smoke, but Law was sure the Marine was just as flustered.

This was… surreal, Law decided. Surreal was the right word for this, indeed, and—

A chilly breeze made Law tug his feathered collar up, mouth opening up to say something — anything — to disclaim the possibility of him ever marrying a Marine, but then his eyes fell on Luffy and those big, round eyes that shone with eternal optimism and life.

It was hard to not feel guilty about rejecting his apparent hope, but damn if Law would allow himself get into this—

"Hey, what's going on?" Bepo's head peaked out from the door that led to the inner parts of the Thousand Sunny, and Law's words died on his lips. Fuck.

"Law's eloping with Vice Admiral over here," Nami hummed, giving Bepo one of her thousand watt -smiles, and the bear blinked… thrice before gaping at Law.

"Captain, is that—"

"Bepo, please, listen—"

"What's that on the sky?"

The last comment, made by Zoro, attracted everyone's attention, and most of them craned their necks up to see what the hell Zoro was talking about.

Law squinted his eyes, trying to pinpoint the oddity Zoro had mentioned, and…

There it was — a spot of pink, approaching from the horizon.

Pink.

"You can't be serious," Law muttered and resisted his very strong urge to drag a palm down his face. "This is not happening."

"It's raining flamingos," Sanji whispered ominously.