marriage of alliance
chap. 4
you're not my mother
"What the hell is he doing here?!" Nami hissed at Luffy and Law, her head turning as she switched the target of her glare every few seconds. "Luffy, didn't you kick his feathery ass back in Dressrosa?"
Except that when her eyes turned to glare at Luffy, he was nowhere to be seen. Nami let out a long, hysteric groan, and Usopp joined in with an anxious whimper.
Law felt a headache coming onto him, very much like Smoker's smoke.
"Well," Law murmured, "Straw Hat-ya didn't exactly finish the deal." And perhaps Law himself had been careless in his assumption that Doflamingo had been ended — mentally and financially, at least, and then later be done in by Kaidou. "It's amazing he's still… able to pull this off."
"It's no time for admiration!" Usopp screeched, his nose quivering as his eyes widened.
"That pink chicken is headed this way, isn't he?" Smoker sighed, teeth worrying at the butts of his cigars as the smoke greatly hindered his vision.
"Yeah," Law said simply, eyes on the rapidly approaching ball of pinkness that had occupied his nightmares for years. He felt surprisingly calm, all things considered. Maybe the craziness had made him numb.
Perhaps everything that had happened… well, perhaps he was tired of hating instead of living.
It didn't mean that he wanted Doflamingo around, but Law knew karma had never liked him. This thought on his mind, he stepped aside once the pink ball of a man descended and the heels clicked against the deck.
"Fufufufu…" The laughter was ominous, very much like a rooster's screech in the morning.
Law focused to the mental image of Doflamingo as a rooster, and it did help him… a little bit, though his shoulders shook with suppressed mirth. Smoker mistook that for something else, and awkwardly patted Law's back. "There, there, Trafalgar."
Doflamingo straightened himself, legs wobbling a bit more than usual, and he glanced around the ship and the crew, gaze eventually falling onto Law, who tried not to sweat under the overwhelming gaze — though a large (though barely visible at this time; it had been weeks since Straw Hat had delivered the decisive punch) bruise that covered half of Doflamingo's face certainly lessened the degree of intimidation Doflamingo produced.
"Law," Doflamingo's voice could have made the ship itself tremble. "First Dressrosa, and now this." Doflamingo made a vague gesture towards Smoker and the others. "You never talk to me about the most important things anymore. It breaks my heart!"
Law raised an eyebrow. "I didn't think you had any left to break," he said coolly, though wondering… "And what are you even on about, Doflamingo?"
"The wedding, of course," Doflamingo snorted as though it was obvious. Which, considering the situation, it kind of was. "You're getting married, and you didn't tell me? It would break a lesser man!" Doflamingo went for the theatrics, exaggeratedly placing a hand over his heart while tilting his head back in pretended shock.
Law sputtered, and Smoker slapped his back in response to stop the choking, though Smoker's eyes were focused on Doflamingo as he switched cigars. Five again, Law noted, and his heart hammered a little too hard as he sniffed the scent.
"You're not my mother," Law protested, saying the first thing that came to his mind. "I can do what I want."
So, now there IS definitely a wedding, Smoker mused as his brows crinkled into a frown while he followed the exchange between Law and Doflamingo, one of whom had literally captured his heart and the other nearly killed him.
Well, that'd be a fun story to tell at the wedding party, he supposed.
Ugh, stop. There will NOT be a party. Or a wedding.
"Well, yeah," Doflamingo said slowly, smoothly, the grin on his face widening worryingly as Doflamingo pried Law off from Smoker. "Your mother's dead, Law."
A moment of silence passed, and Law froze under the weight of Doflamingo's hands on his shoulders.
"ASSHOLE," Usopp was, surprisingly, the first one to screech, though Usopp realized his mistake as he hid behind Nami. "I mean… uncool. Totally uncool. Yeah."
Nami frowned, her hands on Clima Tact, and was about to say something, when—
"So is yours," Law muttered, audibly enough for everyone on the deck to hear him. The Heart Pirates looked vaguely worried by their captain's blurted words, as did Usopp, Chopper and Nami.
"Burnnnnn," Franky stage-whispered to Robin, who sat stiffer on her chair as she gazed at the scene with blank eyes.
Doflamingo froze, very much like Law a few moments before the words rose up from his throat — possibly his last ones if Doflamingo's look had anything to go by.
No regrets, Law thought as he glanced at Bepo and Penguin, nodding grimly at them.
"Well," Doflamingo started, voice rumbling in his throat, and Law watched the Adam's apple bob, "you're not wrong, per se." The hands that had gripped Law's shoulders harder, now relented but didn't let go of Law's coat yet.
Law smiled an insincere smile. "Let go of me, Doflamingo."
Doflamingo returned the smile tenfold as his eyes flickered to Smoker. "I don't think I want to give you up just yet, Law," he said and tugged Law forcefully to him, Law's head bumping against Doflamingo's chest.
Doflamingo and Smoker's eyes met. The Moment was near.
"What the hell," Smoker grumbled, frowning at Doflamingo and biting into the butts of his cigars. "How did you even fucking know—"
"Den den mushi," Doflamingo said, his broad shoulders shrugging. "Implanted one here before this ship left for Zou."
"YOU'VE BEEN SPYING ON US!?" Usopp wheezed, and he sounded like was going to faint. Law pushed his head off Doflamingo's chest to look, and noticed the sunkissed sniper's quivering legs.
"Of course," Doflamingo said as if it was the most natural thing in the world. "You think I would leave anything to chance? Law's a sneaky one, I know that much." The fingers curled around the fabric of Law's coat. "You know how I deal with no-good fiances, Law."
Law thought about Baby 5 and the things he had heard about her unfortunate series of engagements in passing.
"Excuse you," Smoker grumbled, "I think it's me that has complaints about this—"
A loud hiccup from Sanji's general direction attracted Smoker's — and inevitably, Doflamingo's — attention. Tashigi had shoved Sanji's arms off of her, and she was now pointing a finger at Doflamingo, her face flush from the extensive consumption of the pirates' alcohol. Uh oh. Smoker had seen her pissed before, but not drunk and pissed at the same time.
"You!" Tashigi slurred, her finger swaying along with the rest of the Marine Captain. Murmurs of "Tashigi-chan, no" from the Marine ship echoed down to the Sunny, but the Captain was fired up and ready to go. "How dare you! Can't you feel the sexual tension that's radiating off of them like a goddamn… uh… what's the word… like something radioactive!"
Good going, Smoker thought wryly, stumbling over your words, Tashigi.
Doflamingo's eyebrows rose higher on his brow, and a flicker of confused amusement flickered in the eyes beneath the shades that Law noticed were a bit cracked. The sight brought some sense of satisfaction to Law, at least, and he squeezed himself out from Doflamingo's relaxed grip with a quick use of his Room.
"Read the mood, you pink ball of a famished flamingo's shit!" Tashigi glared, her lips pursing into a thin line, drunken anger furrowing her brows as she trembled, and Sanji hesitantly went to support her. Tashigi shook him off irritably, and gods, Smoker was sure many of their subordinates had popped a boner by now as Tashigi's pent-up frustrations boiled over.
"Damn," Doflamingo whistled, "that might have been a first one. And I have heard a lot."
"Yeah," Tashigi muttered, "now fly off and let's measure Trafalgar for the goddamn wedding dress already, since his are the only sizes we don't have."
She suddenly deflated and leaned onto Sanji for support, the fire in her eyes dying as the most of her frustrations evaporated in an instant. Doflamingo clicked his tongue in disappointment, eyes never leaving Tashigi as he contemplated something.
Law knew that look.
"Watch out, Smoker-ya," he murmured, "he plans to recruit her."
"Not before I get you out of this marriage," Doflamingo retorted, but his lips widened indulgently. "She has the right spirit, though. Reminds me of you during your rebel years."
It was right then that Luffy emerged from the kitchen, hands holding large pieces of meat, and Luffy grinned at them all. "What did I miss, you guys?"
It took a surprisingly short while that Luffy noticed Doflamingo's presence. Like only a fraction of a second — Luffy's eyes widened instantly and he pointed a finger at Doflamingo.
"Has no one taught you people that pointing others is rude," Doflamingo mused with mild amusement, though he eyed Luffy with wariness Law hadn't seen on the man's face before. The sight was immensely satisfying.
"Yeah, well, interrupting people's wedding plans and bringing up dead mothers is much r-ruder," Usopp stammered, his hands clutching at Nami's shoulders, and the navigator swatted at him with her Clima Tact hard enough to make Usopp whine.
"Mingo, what are you doing here?!" The fact that Luffy was still angry at Doflamingo even though some time had passed said enough.
"Intervention!" Doflamingo declared, spreading his arms as he shrugged his shoulders. "I will not let Law make another mistake in his miserable life."
Smoker bit on his cigars hard enough to break at least two of them. Fuck you too, you flamboyant piece of bird crap.
"You're here to stop the wedding," Luffy concluded, and from him, it was surprisingly logical conclusion. So surprising that most of his crew gawked at Luffy, as though the world had just collapsed on them.
"Yep."
"Truffelman and Smokey's wedding."
"I didn't know there was another? You need to let me know these things. I'd have brought a gift, fufufu."
Luffy didn't smile. "You're not gonna ruin Traffy's happiness this time, bird man."
Doflamingo raised an eyebrow. "I have known the brat for well over a decade by now; I know where his happiness lies."
If Luffy hadn't made it first, Law probably would have gone and punched the man himself — but Luffy did make it first to Doflamingo in a few purposeful strides… and very much like back in Sabaody two years ago, Luffy's fist collided with Doflamingo's barely healed cheek.
Law relished in the sight of Doflamingo flying off into the distance from the sheer force of the punch, and for once he allowed himself to admire the strength Straw Hat had put into it — this time Law would have no complaints whatsoever, though the fact that Doflamingo thought he was going to get married to Smoker of all people… well, it was just wrong, but Law hadn't had the chance to explain.
He tried not to imagine Baby 5's reaction. Really, really tried not to.
"That was an excellent punch, Straw Hat-ya," he murmured to Luffy, who clung to Law's neck obnoxiously obsessively. Law discreetly tried to disentangle himself from the tight grasp of rubber arms, to no avail.
Smoker cleared his throat. "Trafalgar looks claustrophobic. Maybe you should let go, Straw Hat."
"Defending the bride," Sanji muttered to himself, a smug grin spreading on his face.
"But, like, Traffy," Luffy said, ignoring Smoker completely, "the wedding will happen? Right? You and Smokey will get married, and there'll be lots of meat, and music and flowers and stuff? Makino told me how weddings are supposed to be and stuff—"
Bepo and the rest of the Heart Pirates seemed to be very, very interested in this part of the conversation, Law realized as he gave a quick glance at them and noted the face-splitting grins on each of their faces. Shit.
Law looked at Smoker next, only to see the Vice Admiral staring back.
It was an Intense Moment — the kind shared by those who knew there was no way out of this if they agreed to the madness. And, fuck, Smoker was still smoking those goddamn cigars.
Law released a breath he had been holding the last minute. "…when's the wedding?" he asked, reluctance dripping into his voice even as he tried to not let it show, since he didn't want to ruin Straw Hat's joy. The beam that lit Luffy's face up was as bright as Law had expected, but he was still nearly blinded by the intensity of the Straw Hat captain's happiness.
"Fuck," Smoker muttered to Law. "Fuck."
"You stole the words right off from my mouth," Law whispered back as Luffy cooed and flailed around the deck in contagious excitement, and soon Luffy had pulled Chopper and Usopp up for a dance round.
Law almost dared to smile at their antics. Almost, but not quite; Doflamingo's presence at the ship had disturbed him a little more deeply than he cared to admit.
"Captain!" Oh, Lord, Bepo jumped onto him. "I'm so happy for you, Captain!"
"Bepo, get off. You're heavy, and I don't do lifting."
Smoker slowly distanced himself from the others, ignored the jovial shouts of "GO GO, SMOKEY!" that came from his ship. He lit another cigar, and wished Tashigi would be sober enough to comfort him later.
But poor Tashigi lay in Sanji's arms, having passed out at some point, and it didn't seem like she was going to wake up any time soon.
"Darn," Nami muttered, "didn't she have Smoker's sizes or something?"
Sanji shrugged, his smile as wide as the horizon before them. "Tashigi-chan will be alright, Nami-san," he cooed, "but most importantly, I can't believe this is happening. It's… fucking amazing."
"Which one of you sent the letter to Smoker?"
"Well, Luffy wrote it. I did everything else. Put the kiss marks onto the envelope, too." Sanji's grin turned sheepish, and Nami couldn't help but laugh.
"You two are a fucking menace," she marveled and shook her head, "but you lack planning."
"Join us next time, Nami-san," Sanji suggested off-handedly, glad to see Nami's eyes flicker with mischievous light.
"Perhaps I will."